Lum Sum Purple
by The Altered Destinies
Summary: Inspired by a Hentai pic that I found amusing, a series that explores a really odd concept...what if Lum and Shampoo were somehow to become an item? Two of Takahashi's finest have it out in a game of Tag, and suddenly the fate of the Earth rests on an Amazon champion and a lovely Tigerstriped Bikini-clad Alien princess...
1. Chapter 1

LSPurple01

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim R. Bader

(Inspired by the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi,  
with a special-unauthorized-appearance by the character created by Gregg Sharp-howsit doing, Gregg?)

(Also inspired by some Web Cel Hentai Illustrations,  
and a comment by T.H. Tiger wondering if these two characters could be brought together in a story...heheh!)

Well of Souls, Valhalla

Toltir, the ageless Cat-God of Mischief, found a sight that gave even him a moment of pause, a figure standing over the Pool of Mimir, and not one of the usual divine hosts who often came here to play with the Multiverse timelines.

To call her statuesque was an understatement...she was well over six feet in height and had a superbly feminine build, long legs and extremely busty, with long mist-brown hair that fell about her shoulders down to the small of her back, unquestionably a beauty, if one could overlook the presence of a pair of long, floppy rabbit-like ears that were sporting from the sides of her head. Her outfit-if such was worthy of being called that-looked like a cross between a Jester's outfit and a Playboy Bunny costume with large cut-outs that left generous portions of her ample anatomy on display, completely without shame and implying a highly sensual nature.

"Can I help you?" he asked of this strange looker, wondering if she were from one of the parallel dimensions where the Gods had even stranger pedigrees than was considered normal.

She turned and smiled at him, bright eyes laced with shimmering rainbow-colored irises, no discernable pupils, and glowing faintly from within with the hint of divine madness. At once Toltir placed her and gave a wholly involuntary shudder. KORNELIA! The Uxalian Goddess of Sexual Mischief, his counterpart on the Pocked Dimensional plane that she called home, and definitely one of the strangest Trickster Goddesses ever to walk on two legs, a lady whom even Coyote referred to as "Weird."

"Pardon me for asking," she said in a musically lilting voice, the hint of bells jingling about what passed for her "costume" as she took the shape-shifting Cat God in with a sensual smirk, "This is where people have bets to see who can have the most screwed up timeline, right?"

Toltir wanted to deny it. Uxalian deities were even too weird for his understanding, and this one was said to be enormously unpredictable, a notorious patron of Practical Jokers whose ribald standards of humor went beyond any question of taste right out to the event horizon of preposterous situations. Almost everything an Uxalian deity concerned himself or herself with revolved around standards of perversity and sexually explicit conduct guaranteed to violate the community standards of at least fifteen major pantheons. Even Dionysus thought these guys were too over-the-top to be invited to one of his parties! They had even been known to hijack other deities for their diverting little "romps" and considered almost nothing out of play in a sexual context (except for Pedophilia, which even Uxalians frowned on). The Notorious Madam Lao might as well be a Buddhist Nun for the way she stacked up against these guys. In other words they were nothing but trouble, and the smartest thing anyone could do would be to ignore them and hope that all of their worshippers would one day blissfully expire...

...Preferably within the next five minutes.

"Maybe," Toltiir replied, "Why do you want to know?"

"Oh nothing," Kornelia replied with a lilt that implied something awful was about to befall the mortals of a certain Universe, "I was just wondering...is it too late to give my entry?"

"Yes," Toltiir emphatically replied.

"Good," she said as if ignoring his disclaimer, turning back to the pool with an extended finger and saying, "So...what would happen if I were to do...this...to this particular timeline?"

The way she said that reminded Toltiir of a kid standing next to a sensitive piece of Washu-inspired hardware asking what would happen if they pushed a certain button...namely the button which they had just pushed, of course. He turned and watched the ripples emanate out from the affected timeline, and then, in the words of a certain Human named Sam whom Toltiir often liked to play around with, he murmured the line, "Oh boy..."

Royal Flagship, Oni Fleet, Entering the Sol System...

"There it is," said King Invader, ruler of the Oni, "Earth...once the homeworld to our race, now overrun by humans."

"I see, my King," replied Admiral Tagg as they approached a blue-and-orange orb, the third planetary body of a rather unimpressive looking solar system, "So this is our homeworld, told about in our legends. Not much to look at, is it?"

"Not really," Invader replied, "I've seen better looking prison worlds, but it matches the descriptions in our holy books, so that's good enough for me. It belongs to us, so we'll take it."

"Um...sire?" Admiral Fenn spoke up, "There might be a small problem about that. According to our records, the Earth is also listed as a Colony World of the Jurai..."

"The Jurai?" Invader frowned, "What about them?"

"It's just that...well...relations between our two Empires have been pretty quiet of late, and if we just move on down there and kick off the natives, it could present something of a diplomatic problem. It's true that this world is pretty far out beyond their normal territory, and they've probably even forgotten that it even existed, but if we make a showy display of force in taking the place over..."

"Hmm..." Invader mused, "I see your point. Maybe we ought to go about this through diplomacy. Tell you what, we'll challenge their champion to a duel, my daughter against the best their world has to offer, winner take all. How's that sound?"

"That could cover over the legal questions," Fenn admitted, "If they surrendered after losing, then no one could fault us for relocating their population..."

"But what if we lose, or what if they disagree?" Tagg asked, "Won't we be surrendering a tactical advantage?"

"Not if they get a good look at our fleet," Invader smiled, "I know how these humans think...make 'em believe you got the upper hand and they'll roll over to play nice with us. Now, the question is, where do we set down to issue our challenge?"

"That...could be a problem, Sir," Fenn admitted, "Earth doesn't have a single world government, they have many nations, each competing for supremacy. They do have a deliberative body, but it lacks any real political power..."

"Never mind all that," Invader sniffed, "Just give me a name and a location."

"Hmm..." Tagg frowned, "Well...the richest nation on the planet is ruled from a place called Washington, but it's full of politicians and lawyers..."

"UGH!" Invader shuddered, "Anyplace but that!"

"Well then," Fenn mused, "The most technologically advanced nation on their world is a set of Islands ruled from a place called Tokyo, but I hear they've recently had some bad investments and their economy is beginning to falter..."

"I don't need to talk to any freeloading deadweights," Invader scowled, "Give me another name."

"Well, then I won't even mention their largest country in the northern Hemisphere," Tagg replied, "The place is a total mess and falling apart from the inside. However, to the south is their most populous nation, technologically behind these others but with a strong central authority dedicated to keeping power for itself at any price. I believe they call their nation, 'The Middle Kingdom,' and if approached just right we could overwhelm their defenses before a single shot gets fired, then dictate terms for their surrender. That would give us a solid base of operations from which to confront the other countries..."

"Perfect," Invader smiled, "Make the arrangements, we'll land just after we do a little something to get their attention..."

Village of Joketsuzoku, the Nyanchiczu Province, Bayankallah Mountain Range...

Shampoo was just returning home from practice when she noticed something very unusual going on about her village. Foreign vehicles...cars, she believed they were called...were parked just outside of the walls surrounding Joketsuzoku, both military vehicles and government issue black imports. A number of uniformed soldiers stood at attention with those funny sticks that she once heard described as rifles held at the ready. Shampoo wondered what was amiss and as she came closer to see what was going on she heard some whispered snatches by their people...something about a challenge that needed to be met. She sincerely hoped that it would not mean that the Amazons were having troubles again with the local government of the region...

By the time she reached her house-or rather the hut that she shared with her great-grandmother-her nervous anxiety had increased to a fever pitch and she stood ready to go on the offense should it turn out that someone was threatening her people. But the guards just ignored her as she came up to the doorframe, pausing to regard the men who were wearing the very odd outfits..."Business Suits," she believed they called them. Definitely government people, and very high ranking.

However, when she looked inside the hut she was presented with a surprise that even her young and eventful life had not prepared her to handle, for there was some kind of a Monster sitting down having tea with her great grandmother. The man was enormous, a good ten stone at least and wearing some kind of tiger-  
striped outfit. Aside from his green hair (which seemed perfectly normal to her understanding) he had a pair of horns atop his head, making him look like a demon, for all that he did not seem to be doing anything particularly demonic at the moment.

Facing off from him were those government people, and several Elders besides her great grandmother, the latter whom looked up upon seeing Shampoo approach to say, "Ah, there she is now. King Invader, meet my great granddaughter, Xian-Pu, who will be representing us in this contest."

"Pleased to meet you," the enormous giant nodded to Shampoo before turning back to the Elders, "So, she represents your planet. Is that agreed?"

The government men did not appear too happy about this arrangement, in fact Shampoo could swear that the eldest among them was positively sweating. This was very odd since the Summer heat had yet to be felt at this time and season, but it was clear that these men felt particularly humbled in the presence of demon.

"Understood," that elder man replied, mopping his brow, "So...if she wins...our champion...you promise to leave us alone and go about your ways?"

"We'll abide by a treaty that will last another thousand years, until the time for the next challenge," the giant Demon responded, "But if your champion loses, then the Earth becomes our world and you will have to be moved elsewhere. I trust your military got the message after the last time we had to make a point about it?"

"Lose?" Shampoo bridled at the very suggestion.

The government man seemed-if anything-even more nervous than before, and he turned to Cologne before murmuring softly, "We do hope that you know what you are doing, Elder. The fate of our country...our entire world...resting on the shoulders of this...girl...barely even out of diapers?"

"Xian-Pu is a very strong and capable warrior of the Nyanchiczu, Premiere," Cologne replied, "She may be young by your standards...barely sixteen, as a matter of fact, but I dare say that she is the very best of her generation, though a few here might dispute this," she gave a cross look at her fellow elders, all of whom looked away as it tacitly conceding the point.

That point made Shampoo understandably cautious. Elders never gave ground that easily, not unless they were confronted by something much too great for any ordinary warrior to handle.

"Fine, then it's settled," the Demon looked up at Shampoo, "This girl versus my daughter, the Princess Lum." He nodded his head and a shimmering form appeared in the space beside him.

"Nihao!" called a young girl roughly Shampoo's own apparent age, a girl with long green hair and horns wearing some sort of skimpy tiger-striped outfit...a two-piece with matching boots, who brightly and cheerfully waved in Shampoo's direction.

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo replied, wondering just what she had been "volunteered" into doing by her Elders.

"Xian-Pu," her great-grandmother's voice snapped her back out of a more critical study of this green haired stranger, "You have been chosen by the Elders to represent our village, all of China and-dare I say-the planet Earth itself in a contest that will be held tomorrow between yourself and the Princess Lum of the Oni Empire. Do you stand ready to meet this challenge?"

Shampoo turned and looked at the other girl then smiled, "This one is always ready to do battle, Elders. If you wish me to fight this one, then I will stand as a proud Amazon to meet all challenges, as you allow it."

"Cocky, aren't you?" the green haired beauty smiled back, "This will be a most interesting match, Father."

"Yes," Invader replied, "But it won't be a contest of arms, or even a fight. The terms of your challenge will be far simpler than that, if you truly believe that you can best my daughter," he smiled in a way that might have chilled an ogre.

Shampoo blinked her eyes and said, "Rules?" wondering just what it was that she had gotten herself into, and why this felt like a dramatic turning point in her life, one definitely for the strange as the girl before her kept smiling in a curiously knowing manner...

One Month Later...

"Oh man, I am starving!" said a pigtailed redheaded girl as she trudged along bearing a heavy knapsack over her back, "Can't we stop and find something to eat?"

The panda beside her growled in double affirmative, one with his mouth, the other with his belly.

"Is not to worry, Sirs," their tour guide assured them, "We stop in at simple rustic village and ask for a meal and some hot water. Place is called Nyanchiczu...which mean Warrior Women, though village itself is called Joketsuzoku."

The panda's ears perked up. Now...why did those names sound so familiar...?

"Whatever," the redhead said as they marked through the open gates, past ancient looking walls that no doubt had been constructed around the village to keep out local bandits, "Uh...hey, does this place look deserted to you or...?"

"No, is up ahead!" the guide pointed to the center of town, where-sure enough-  
-a gathering of people could be seen in what appeared-at a distance-to be some sort of festival in progress, "Oh Sirs, you is very lucky! They having once-a-year tribal Contest to pick best warrior! Now you see how good is Amazons of China..."

"Amazons?" the redhead blinked, "Hey...there's some kind of a match going on...looks like a fight on that log between that girl and some...guy?"

"Eh?" the guide paused in mid-step, "Is very strange...Amazons usually fight other Amazons on challenge log...where men come from? No look like men of village..."

The panda only briefly studied the girl on the challenge log, frowning as if trying to place her, but then his nose took over and steered his muzzle towards a certain table heavily laid down with a literal feast, right out in the open and ripe for the taking.

"Looks like some kind of a contest," the pigtailed girl said as they approached the rim of the milling crowd of colorfully dressed women, "Geez, all those guys trying to pick a fight with that one girl? That don't look fair-WHOOPS! Spoke too soon! Man...that guy is gonna hurt in the morning! That girl's got some serious strength! What do you say to that, Pop...POP?"

She turned to see the Panda bearing down on the table of food, and at once she felt a sense of acute irritation, "Can't you think with something besides your stomach for once? And what's the idea about running off and leaving me to starve to death? Don't hog it all to your..."

No sooner had the panda reached out to pluck a succulent fruit in order to gobble it up then a bolt of lightning lanced out and struck the ground directly before him, causing the panda's fur to go wild in all directions.

"POP!" the redhead cried in alarm, at once discarding her heavy backpack.

"Is this your Panda?" an irritable voice demanded, causing Ranma to turn and look up at the incredible sight of a floating...girl? A floating girl with green hair and wearing a tiger-striped bikini? And scowling at her in a most annoyed manner.

"Hah?" the redhead asked in confusion.

"I said, is that your panda trying to eat my Darling's prize?" the green haired girl demanded.

"Darling?" the redhead repeated.

All at once the purple haired girl on the Challenge Log called something out in Chinese, which Ranma could not follow. To her amazement the green haired girl replied in the same tongue, then turned and scowled back in the redhead's direction.

At once the purple haired girl vaulted off the log and landed near to where Ranma was standing, gesturing with one of the spherical Bonbori maces that she carried and angrily said something that sounded accusatory in Ranma's direction.

"Darling asks why you let your panda run around wild where he can eat her Prize food," the green haired girl translated, "Doesn't your animal know any manners?"

"Oh...him?" Ranma began to relax, "Pop doesn't got no manners to speak of, not like me. My name's Saotome Ranma, and I'm just visiting your village. Um...hey, did I interrupt anything important?"

"That all depends," said another voice, and at this Ranma almost jumped out of her skin, for there was a shrunken mummy of a figure leaning on a wooden staff and eyeing the redhead in a MOST peculiar manner, "You are Japanese tourists paying your respects to our humble village?"

"That is right, Honored Elder," bowed the Jusenkyo guide, as if the shrunken figure were a person of great importance, "Honored Customers come to Jusenkyo to find legendary fighting grounds of Amazons, no wait to hear full story..."

"Ah," the ancient, withered old Mummy replied, "I see...that explains the peculiar aura that I've been sensing. Perfume, please fetch some hot water for our guests, let us see what they look like in their true forms."

"True forms?" the green haired girl looked puzzled and repeated the words in Chinese to her purple haired companion.

The purple haired girl got very round eyed and stared back at the redhead, but before she could say anything a brown haired girl in a black-and-red Cheosang came back bearing a hot tea kettle by its wooden handle. At a nod from her Elder she poured its contents over Ranma.

"ACK!" Ranma yelped, "It's HOT! TOO HOT!"

"AIYAA!" the purple haired girl exclaimed upon seeing the girl be transformed into a handsome man before her eyes.

"You said it, Darling," the green haired girl replied with an instantly speculative expression, "Could he be the one?"

"The one what?" Ranma asked as he shook off his system-shock reaction to the boiling hot water.

"Never mind," the old Mummy said a bit too quickly, not quite managing to hide a slight smile that appeared upon her lips, "Young man...Saotome Ranma, I believe you called yourself?"

"That's my name," Ranma replied, "What about it?"

"We are having a very special contest this year to determine who is the greatest warrior in all of China," the old woman replied, "I can sense that you have a powerful fighting aura...would you be interested in competing?"

"A contest?" Ranma straightened up, "Sure...but who do I fight?"

"My Great-granddaughter, Xian-Pu," the old woman replied, "And the strongest man who can best her will win great renown all throughout China. Are you such a man, young One?"

"Ah-!" the Guide seemed as though he were about to say something, but a stern look from the old woman silenced him before he had a chance to voice his objections.

"Sure I'm interested," Ranma said, "But...I don't fight girls...not even cute ones."

"Are you so sure about this?" the green haired girl eyed the arrogant boy with a hint of mischief, "Darling is the greatest warrior in all of China...she even bested me in a game of Tag..."

"On third try," said the brown haired girl, who smiled pleasantly at her uncomprehending purple-haired fellow tribesperson.

"I think we can make this interesting enough for you to manage," Cologne smiled softly, "You don't actually have to hit Xian-Pu in order to win, you just need to stay on the Challenge Log and not be dislodged by her. Agreed?"

"Well...sure...that sounds all right," Ranma said, scratching the back of his head and wondering what could be wrong about such a reasonable arrangement, "If that's all right with you, that is..."

"Hmph," the purple haired girl smiled, clearly not understanding the words but fully grasping the gist of the matter, confidence plain in her stance and bearing.

Cologne could only roll her eyes. You would think by now her great-  
granddaughter would learn not to be so cocky, but no...history seemed certain to repeat itself once more, in which case she could do little more than thank the Gods for what seemed like a Heaven's sent blessing...

Three Months Later, Nerima, Japan

Two young girls dressed in kimonos and carrying umbrellas led the way as a redheaded girl and a soggy panda trudged along behind them carrying heavy loads on both their backs.

"How much farther is it to this place of your friend is it, Honored Father?" asked the purple-haired girl, who had done much to improve her Japanese after a month of studious training.

The panda lifted a sign that said, "Almost there," in hastily written letters, which same began to wash off his sign the moment the rain hit them.

The green haired girl smirked and leaned towards her companion, saying, "I wonder what these Tendo girls will be like, Darling. Do you think one of them could be a powerful enough warrior to be willing to challenge us both to a match?"

"Let's hope so, for the sake of our arrangement," Shampoo responded, not bothering to add that she was rather hoping to get a good match, but did not hold much hope of meeting a warrior who could equal the prowess of their mutual husband.

"Why me?" Ranma asked of no one in particular, her spirits not particularly cheered at meeting yet another of her father's 'Marital Arrangements' in person. Finding out that she had been engaged to another girl before she was even old enough to walk was enough to make Ranma seriously contemplate shaving her head and joining a Buddhist monastery. Who knew how many times her "Pop" had scammed some guy into pledging his daughter's hand in marriage...as if the two wildcats leading the way here were not more of a handful than any sane man would care to handle!

And all because the old woman had snookered him but good! Fighting Shampoo had proven to be surprisingly easy once he was freed form the obligation of having to actually hit her. He had seen an opening and booted her off the log in as gentle a manner as he could have managed once tiring her out by constantly avoiding those heavy maces she preferred to carry. Having defeated the girl, he naturally thought this would mark him as a Man among Men in the eyes of everyone, including his father, but who could have anticipated the crazy laws these people lived by? Having the girl he had just beaten get up and kiss him on the mouth had been a stunning climax to the whole matter...but that was just the beginning of the list of surprises which were in store for the much-beset Ranma.

The second surprise was finding out that he had just been declared a husband, and that Princess Lum would be included in the package. "Wo Ai Ni" had turned out to be a rude translation for, "You've just been suckered but good, Baby!" And that was when he had learned the full story of how his two new brides had chanced to become such an item...

It had all begun several months ago when the Oni had come to Earth seeking to take over the planet. For reasons unknown to anyone but themselves, they had selected China upon whom they made a rather impressive demonstration, first declaring their intentions to take over, then waiting for the inevitable military reaction.

A plane of glass now stood on the edge of Beijing in the place of the Red Army's Seventh Division, (the one which had so recently been used to "Crackdown" on a dissident movement in the Tianamen Square). An entire army had been wiped out as though the hand of a god had stretched down from the heavens to utterly obliterate them. That got the government's attention, and when the Oni had addressed them through representatives once again, this time they were met by a far more polite greeting.

Hearing that the Oni intended to take over the Earth unless the planet fielded a champion who could defeat the Princess Lum in battle, the government had scrambled to find someone who might be willing (IE, stupid) enough to "volunteer" for such a challenge. The greatest warriors and mightiest men known to the government were all considered, but then someone had remembered the backwater village where a tribe of women warriors resided and had suggested recruiting one of their lot to represent all of China. The exact reasoning behind this eluded Ranma entirely, but for matters of argument, the task had fallen to Shampoo, who had become the representative of all China.

The first day of the match it became apparent why none of the other men under consideration had been deemed "suitable" for this contest. Xian Pu had met her opponent in the open village square, expecting to have an easy time of it, only to learn-to her dismay-that her opponent could FLY, which made catching her a somewhat difficult proposition. Two times Shampoo faced the girl down and failed to reach her, but her determination had simply grown with her frustration. Being made to look like a fool before her people had led her to seek the council of her great grandmother, who had advised the girl of a surefire method by which she could equalize the odds of her challenge.

Having only seven days, and seven tries, to get it right, Shampoo was determined not to be thwarted a third time, and so-when her opponent had leaped into the air, as on days before this, Shampoo was ready to carry out her scheme and immediately started spinning in a circle, generating a wind through the use of twin fan-blade-shaped swords, which caused an immediate downdraft since she was using Amagiruken-like speeds. This time it was Lum who was surprised when a wind sucked her down to near ground level, easily within reach of Shampoo, who had abandoned her fan blades and made a leaping tackle, glomping onto her rival and bearing her back down to the earth, where she promptly pinned her arms and gained the leverage that she needed to touch the horns of the Princess.

The Oni had been satisfied that the affair was concluded honorably, and Princess Lum had stood her ground and grudgingly admitted her defeat. But then Shampoo-  
-angered at having been twice before humiliated, surprised the crowd by moving forward and planting a kiss on the cheek of the Princess, which surprised Lum almost as much as it did her father, who misinterpreted the "Kiss of Death" as the "Kiss of Marriage," which effectively said-according to their cultural beliefs-"I take this woman for my wife."

Surprised by this declaration, Lum had decided to reciprocate, returning the kiss, but this time on the mouth. It was as much in need of saving face for her as for accepting the proposal, and Shampoo was no less stunned than any of her fellow Amazons, not having expected a foe to turn into a wife in such a spectacular manner.

Some debate had followed this in which the Elders, and King Invader, had hashed out what amounted to a kind of "Peace Treaty" with the Earth that also satisfied the government in Beijing (which had gained the Honor and Status of having saved the planet from invasion, a fact they intended to trumpet in the International community for many years to follow), and like that Shampoo's marriage to Lum was given official sanction.

There was, however, one small, inconvenient detail that tribal custom required, to say nothing of Oni tradition. In both societies it was perfectly lawful for a woman to marry another woman, but it was also expected that they would "Carry Forth the Seed" of their ancestors, which meant-in other words-that they needed to find a guy who could become their mutual husband. The government had seen this as yet another opportunity to further their own status, so they had promoted a challenge throughout the whole of China, calling for the best male warriors to answer the test of proving who would be worthy to become the husband of an Amazon and an Oni Princess.

And that was where Ranma had blindly stumbled into the picture, arriving on the very day when the challenge was in full swing and Shampoo had been finishing off her seven consecutive opponent. Maybe the girl had been tired and off her game, or maybe she just had not expected Ranma to be any different than those men whom she had just sent flying off to the horizon, either way, he was the "Lucky Beneficiary" of this challenge and had been hailed in China as a "Conquering Hero" (the government being quick to paper over the inconvenient fact that he was a Japanese boy and not a native of their country).

And now they were back in Japan, all because his father, Genma, had tried to weasel out of the whole affair, insisting that Ranma already was promised by a "prior commitment." That was the point where Ranma had truly believed his life had been accursed...not that he minded the attention the two girls paid to him all the time (actually, the constant sex was pretty draining, but he was starting to get used to having a couple of wives who were so energetic and...athletic). There was only one thing about the whole matter that really and truly annoyed him...other than the fact that nobody had ever bothered to ask his opinion in the entire matter...

That fact being that the Princess Lum-normally a very sweet tempered and considerate girl-had this tendency to fly off the handle for little things, and when she got mad she tended to generate several thousand volts of pure lightning. Shampoo had discovered this herself the hard way, and then passed the warning along to Ranma...not that it did much good in either case. It was just that he and Shampoo were getting really good at ducking from the lightning...

All at once they arrived at the gates to a walled compound that had a sign reading, "Tendo Dojo, challengers may present themselves at the side gate."

"Well," Lum mused, "This looks like the place."

"Hai," Shampoo nodded, turning to look at Ranma before saying, "Husband...perhaps we should enter first and explain things. Shampoo no think it a good idea if people inside see panda until after we ask for hot water."

"Uh...sure," Ranma replied, "No problem."

His two randy wives smiled at one another, then Lum reached out and pushed the gates to one side, Shampoo pushing the other. Together they approached the house while Ranma and her panda-father waited on the streets until they were invited forward. They were greeted at the door by a tall dark haired man with an odd mustache and a young girl with short-cropped brown hair beside him, each of them looking understandably perplexed at the sight of three girls and a somewhat soggy panda.

"Um...excuse me," the man said, "Have we met?"

The panda just held up a sign, which read, "It's me, old friend...I'm Saotome Genma."

"Genma!" the man broke out into a broad smile then pushed his way past Lum and Shampoo, coming up to embrace the panda, "It's good to see you again, old friend, but...what's with the costume? You almost smell like a wet panda...maybe you should ask Kasumi to show you to a bath...and this must be Ranma...good to meet you, Son, it's seemed like ages."

"Uh...wait a minute," Ranma tried to caution, "There's something I've gotta tell you first-urk!"

All at once the tall man hugged Ranma to his bosom and wept, "Oh, how I have longed for this day! Now at last one of my little girls can get married...uh...huh?"

He started to move his hands over Ranma's body, trying to confirm the shocking discovery he had just made. As he was coming to the slow and stunning realization of his critical error, the short haired girl at the door was saying, "So...you two traveled all the way here with Ranma from China?"

"Hai," Shampoo smiled, "Come all way from homeland with Airen. Is this Tendo home of great Warrior?"

"One strong enough to challenge even our husband?" Lum seconded.

"Warrior," the brown haired girl had a moment to blink, then she said, "Oh, you must mean Akane. Yo, Sis! Got some live ones here for you!"

"Huh?" said a black haired girl who was wearing a martial arts gi, much as had Ranma at the village, "Who are you guys?"

At that moment Soun Tendo chose to collapse onto the ground, fainting dead away as his dreams of uniting the families vanished before his very eyes like a puff of smoke (or a curse of Jusenkyo).

"Daddy!" both of the Tendo girls cried out together, rushing past the other two girls to come to the side of their fallen father.

"Oh my," said a third Tendo sister, who appeared at the doorway, "Did something happen to father?"

"You!" the dark haired growled as she looked up at the redhead, "What did you do to my Dad?"

"Nothing," the redhead replied, "He fondled me, you got a problem with that?"

"Akane, calm down," the short-haired girl remarked, "Daddy just fainted...see? He doesn't even have a mark on him. Hmmm..." she straightened up and studied the redhead, then stuck out a finger to touch Ranma in the breast.

A crackle of electricity struck the ground a short distance away and a very stern-voiced Lum growled softly, "Don't touch our husband...not unless you want to taste my lightning."

"W-W-What was that?" Akane asked, her hair standing on end.

"Husband?" Nabiki repeated, looking at the redhead.

"They mean me," Ranma sighed, "I'm Saotome Ranma...sorry about this..."

To Be Continued?

Comments/Criticisms/Cutting Remarks about Tax Cheats: shadowmane

So...Ranma is married to both Lum and Shampoo here...but who else might get included in the mix? Depends on if anyone is brave (IE: Crazy) enough to challenge the pair of Takahashi Twin Terrors who stand ready to "Test" the worth of any who think they are brave enough for an Amazon marriage. And do I smell a scent of Lemon in the works here? If this should be continued (always possible) you can bet that Lum and Shampoo will be on the town doing Ranma until he's pooped, then switching off with his female half for a loving threesome...and anyone else want to take odds about Akane or Ukyo getting a little of that action?

Sorry if this mild diversion from my regular writing might not be your cup of tea. I wrote it on impulse, and I thought it might amuse those who have compared Lum and Shampoo in the past, both being cut from the same cloth by their mutual creator. I recently saw some Hentai pictures that paired these two and wondered if I could make a story about this. I hope you did find this little romp to your liking, I think it has potential. In the meantime, stay tuned for my other impending fanfics! Be there!

X -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: . All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	2. Chapter 2

LsumPurple2

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Inspired by the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi,  
who created both Sexy Goddesses for our enjoyment-heh!)

(Also inspired by some Web Cel Hentai Illustrations,  
and a comment by T.H. Tiger wondering if these two characters could be brought together in a story...heheh!)

The Second Chapter!

Soun slowly regained awareness of his surroundings after experiencing a curious dream in which reality went totally askew with potential "Sons In Law" sporting noticeable "frontal equipment" that was not supposed to be there on the average Japanese male...and where strange girls with green or purple hair flowed around in tiger-striped bikinis zapping people with lightning bolts that jumped from the tips of their fingers. Of course such things were impossible in real life, even in a place such as Nerima, so...

"How are you doing?" a pleasant voice inquired as Soun's eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Quite well, Kasumi...all things else being considered..." Soun began to reply.

"Honored sir, my name is not Kasumi," the voice politely informed him.

"It's not?" Soun's eyes flew all the way open and he stared up into the face of...

A beautiful girl wearing a Kimono...her hair a startling contrast to the traditional Japanese attire, being a bright purple coloration, almost blue at certain angles.

"Who...?" Soun gasped.

"Xian-Pu of the Joketsuzoku," she replied, "My mother is a village healer, so I thought it best to tend you while you recover your wits. You passed out from over excitement upon meeting my husband, a quite understandable reaction as he tends to have that effect on everybody, one way or another."

"Don't you mean OUR husband, Darling?" yet another feminine voice replied with a curiously foreign lilt to her accepted Japanese.

"Of course," the Amazon smiled as Soun opened his eyes all the way and saw another kimono-clad girl, this one sporting green hair and a curious pair of horns atop her head...and did her kimono have an odd tiger-striped pattern to it?

"Father, are you all right?" asked Kasumi, who was kneeling to his other side.

"K-Kasumi?" Soun shifted his focus to the familiar face of his beautiful daughter, "What...who are these people...?"

"They're with me, Mister Tendo," a male voice this time, and with a start Soun shifted his gaze to a rather handsome boy, roughly Akane's age, or possibly Nabiki's...sitting to one side wearing a Chinese outfit very similar to the one worn earlier by the redhead, "My name is Saotome Ranma, and..."

Soun sat up so abruptly that he almost gave himself a nosebleed, "R-Ranma? You...are Saotome Ranma?"

"Uh, yeah..." the boy replied, "And I'm sorry if I..."

All at once he found himself drawn into the arms of the other man, hugged to tightly that several ribs threatened to crack in protest.

"AT LAST!" he cried exultantly, "You're real, it was only a strange nightmare! Now at last our houses can be united..."

"Um...Tendo-kun," said the familiar voice of Genma, off to the side, "The boy won't marry anyone if you don't give him a change to catch his breath."

"Oh...quite right!" Soun let go of Ranma, "I'm sorry...it's just that I had this really strange dream..."

"That-(Cough)-was what I was trying to get to, Sir," Ranma wheezed as his color started to return to normal.

"It's really quite simple," yet another familiar voice said, drawing Soun's attention to a burly man whose bald head was covered by a bandana, "The boy got himself into a situation, Tendo-kun, and as a result he has a commitment to these two women..."

"What do you mean I got myself into a situation?" Ranma bristled, "I seem to remember it was your bottomless pit that got us both into hot water. I just did what I thought I needed to do to make things right, and how was I to know I'd wind up getting married to two women?"

"Married?" Akane reacted.

"Two women?" Nabiki seconded.

"Oh my," Kasumi chorused.

"M-M-Married?" Soun stammered, rolling up his eyes in preparation for another fainting spell, but Soun moved to catch and revive him, slapping the other man's face to get his attention.

"Snap out of it, Tendo," Soun urged, "There's no need to panic just yet. The agreement between our houses can still be salvaged. It's not too late for us to redeem the family honor..."

"It's not?" Soun miraculously recovered, "But how..."

"By special arrangement of the Chinese Government," Lum explained, "Darling and I are free to share our husband between us, and by Amazon laws there can be up to four of us sharing a group marriage."

"Four of you?" Akane blinked, "What kind of woman would go along with such a stupid relationship?"

"It is not stupid, Foreign girl," Shampoo bridled, glancing to the side before sighing, "Is the way that this one's Elders have decided to satisfy an agreement made with the Governments of China and the Oni where Lum is a Princess."

"A Princess?" Nabiki asked with a curious smirk, "You don't say?"

"But four women in one marriage?" Kasumi murmured, "Isn't that...unusual...?"

"Heh, you're telling me?" Ranma asked, "Unusual don't even cut it..."

"So you just went along with this, huh?" Akane asked skeptically.

"Hey, it wasn't like that!" Ranma protested, "I didn't choose to have this happen, I got drafted!"

"That isn't the way it sounds to me," Nabiki remarked with a sardonic expression, "A healthy Japanese male like you, two gorgeous girls with the Technicolor hairdos, I'm sure you had to be dragged kicking and screaming into the honeymoon suite."

"How did you know that?" Lum asked with a much-surprised expression.

"Airen was...a bit shy at first," Shampoo admitted with a slightly sheepish expression, "But he warmed up with a bit of encouragement from us..."

"Spare us the details," Akane grimaced, "I get enough of that just hanging around with Grandfather Happosai."

"Grandfather who?" Ranma asked.

"Happosai?" the word caused an amazing transformation to Genma's entire demeanor, "He's back among the living?"

"Yes, Saotome," Soun said sadly, "Our worse nightmare has returned during your absence...but...now that your son is here to take up the mantle of the Anything Goes Ryu..."

"If only I hadn't been delayed all those months in China," Genma fretted, "Come Boy, it's time we were leaving..."

"Leaving?" Ranma reacted, "Why, we just got here?"

"Listen, Ranma," Genma said sternly, "Take my word on it, you don't want to be around to meet the Master in person...and you ESPECIALLY don't want to be around when he gets a good look at your brides, and I, for one, don't want to be in the immediate area when they meet up with him..."

"I can handle Grandfather Happosai," Akane assured him, "He won't try anything when I'm around to stop him..."

"Stop him?" Lum asked with a skeptical expression.

"You are a great warrior who looks out for her family?" Shampoo gave Akane a rather hopeful look that momentarily confused the youngest Tendo daughter.

"Trust me girls," Nabiki replied, "My little sister is strong, by which I mean REALLY strong, as in you won't believe it even when you see it with your own eyes."

"Indeed?" Shampoo smiled, "Then perhaps we did not waste our time coming here after all. Perhaps you would care to test yourself against this one in battle?"

"Anytime," Akane declared, "Let's go out to the dojo and I'll show you just how good I really am."

"Wait a minute!" Ranma protested, "I know this is what we came here to do, guys, but...shouldn't we at least give her fair warning what'll happen if she fights you, Shamchan?"

"Why?" Lum asked in a reasonable tone of voice, "No one bothered to warn me when I fought with Darling."

"But our husband is right," Shampoo sighed, "This outlander deserves to know the full story about what will happen if she accepts my challenge. It all began many, many months ago when this one was asked to represent all of China in a contest arranged by Lum-chan's people, the Oni..."

"Oni?" Akane blinked, "You've got to be kidding!"

"Does this one look and sound as if she is jesting?" Shampoo asked with a tired kind of smile on her lovely features, "As was saying, the Oni arranged a contest in which Shampoo was had to face Lum-chan in a game of Tag that seemed deceptively simple, and that was where our troubles originated..."

(Four Months ago, Joketsuzoku)

Shampoo eyed her opponent with smug condescension, regarding the other girl as thought she were prey to be pounced upon and beaten into submission. How dare this green-haired Outlander imagine herself a match for the pride of the Joketsuzoku? Shampoo would see to it that she was punished for her arrogant presumption, and while this was supposed to be a simple contest, the purple haired warrior intended to approach the matter like she would any other challenge match. Let the Oni fall and plea for mercy, Shampoo was the best of her generation and had absolutely no intentions of losing.

Princess Lum, on the other hand, regarded Shampoo with confidence and poise as though unimpressed with her lavender-tressed antagonist. She had seen many opponents upon many a world come and go, and each one repeatedly made the mistake of underestimating Lum and the Oni race, and this one looked to be no great exception. The planet was already as good as in Oni possession already and these Humans did not know it, which was only as it should be to Lum's way of thinking. She only hoped that her new sparring partner would prove more of a challenge than the last one, at least to provide her with some amusement as she did want to have some fun along the way. At least her opponent did look to be in excellent physical condition, and was rather a bit on the cute side...for a human.

"You both know what is at stake here," Cologne said gravely as she looked from her great-granddaughter to the Oni princess and back again, feeling deep misgivings that she kept to herself for appearance sake, "The rules of the contest are simple. Xian-Pu, you must touch the horns of Princess Lum in order to achieve victory. How you achieve this is largely up to your own discretion, but know that your opponent is at equal liberty to resist you. There will be seven tries for seven days, and each attempt will last but an single hour. If, by the end of the week, Shampoo has not touched the horns of the Princess Lum, then Earth will belong to the Oni to do with as they will, but if Shampoo achieves victory, then the Earth will belong to humanity for another thousand earth years. Are there any questions?"

Shampoo just stared blandly at her great grandmother. THOSE were the rules? This had to be a joke! Not that Shampoo was expecting much of a challenge, but to do a trifling thing such as to touch those odd little protuberances at the top of the green-haired girl's head was so ridiculously easy as to be insulting to a warrior of her level. She smiled confidently, certain that this match was already as good as over.

Lum saw that smile and wore one of her own. Accustomed as she was to being taken for granted it seemed that this Xian-Pu (or Mountain Girl in their crude pigeon language) was about to commit the same tactical error that a hundred others before her had committed. She flexed her arms and did a little hop-step from one foot to the next, revving herself up for the fun that was about to happen.

Off to the sidelines the warriors of the Joketsuzoku started cheering their home-grown champion, even girls who normally would have wished ill of Shampoo or glared resentfully in her direction, wanting to see her fall flat on her face and thoroughly humiliated, as was a traditional attitude held by most would-be challengers hot and ready to claim her title.

This time there were no such resentments, and previous clan grievances were temporarily forgotten and suspended. Now all knew full well what was at stake is Shampoo were not victorious, and so village pride was added to simple survival instinct, prompting them to give an enthusiastic salute to one of their own who was about to ward off the ultimate Outsider challenge. Whoever these Oni were, they were obviously powerful enough to even cow the Elders of the High Council, and a warrior such as Kho-Lon spoke respectfully to the Oni King when she addressed him, which was sufficiently daunting that the rest of the Nyanchiczu (even those warriors representing other clans and villages of Amazon-  
controlled territory) were ready to access this contest as important for their continued survival.

Further off to the side were the representatives of the Beijing government, who was themselves just as eager and enthusiastic to see a village girl from the rustic countryside kick a bit of alien tail since their own jobs (and survival) were hanging in the balance. The Chinese government was still reeling from the shockwaves of having lost an entire military division in one blast of alien firepower, a warning that they could well use the rest of their several-million-  
strong People's Army, the one pillar of their society whom they could usually count upon to keep dissent held in abeyance.

Lastly were the Oni themselves, particularly King Invader and his lovely wife (who did seem rather like a more mature version of the Princess), plus a few ministers and body-guards on hand to judge the contest. One glance at their small delegation (small but for the size of the King himself) and one could read their overwhelming confidence, the sense that victory was already theirs and they were just humoring these Terrans with a game before coming down like the plague to wipe humanity off the face of the planet.

Given all of that, Shampoo wondered why they were playing games at all but felt sufficiently confident of victory not to give the matter too much serious attention. Instead she watched her bouncing opponent and tried to read what she could of her physical abilities. There was a spring in the other girl's step that seemed a bit odd to Shampoo's estimation, as if each bounce was not quite timed correctly, as though she were unusually light on her feet and had a slight hesitation in the time it took for her to shift from one foot to the other. Then, too, her breasts moved a bit oddly, jiggling with her momentum but also seeming to defy gravity as Lum moved from one foot to the other...

"Are you ready?" Cologne's voice snapped Shampoo back to the present, the raising of the elder's staff sufficient warning for the purple haired girl to get her mind back on track and to ignore the almost hypnotic effect of studying her opponent's body in motion, "Get set...GO!"

"Hiyaa!" Shampoo cried, springing forward for an immediate attack that was intended to subdue the green-haired Lum in record time, the better to have her down on the ground for a prompt horn-grabbing...

But instead she missed her target altogether, for Lum simply bounded into the air and avoiding the lunge of the other girl altogether.

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo declared as she turned her head to the left and the right...then slowly shifted the horizon of her vision to see Lum hovering in mid-air, not falling to the ground but actually staying up there over four meters from the ground and smirking in a triumphal manner.

Cologne heard herself emit a faint groan as she murmured the words, "I knew it," even as her fellow Elders exclaimed words of dismay such as, "She can fly? Why didn't anyone tell us she could do that?"

Shampoo heard the anxious murmurs of her fellow countrymen as the levitating abilities of her opponent became the focus of immediate attention. There did not appear to be any trick involved, the green haired girl actually was hovering above the ground with what appeared to be her own internal power source. She could not make out trace of a wire or a device on the other girl's person as Lum's costume did not appear to be that substantial. Instead she saw Lum smile at her in a condescending manner, an expression which Shampoo herself had often worn around defeated opponents, which as much as said. "Nice try, but not nice enough."

Actually what Lum said was, "What's the matter, Outlander? Can't your species defy gravity, or have you failed to master a simple art such as levitation?"

Shampoo's mouth closed with an audible snap and she immediately began to bridle. How dare this foreigner take a tone such as that with her! Well then...two could play the game of underestimation, and so she bunched her legs under herself and summoned her own internal power, launching herself into the sky with a powerful leap in the Princess's direction.

Lum lost her smirk at once and gave a started exclamation of her own, forced to hastily dodge this unexpected attack as Shampoo shot up a solid eight meters into the air, just narrowing missing Lum by the barest of arm-sweeps. Of course this upward trajectory was not as controlled as Lum's levitation and gravity almost immediately reasserted its control over the lavender-tressed projectile, causing Shampoo go emit a mild squawk of her own since she saw that her downward plunge was carrying her onto a nearby puddle of water.

Splash she went, her feet sinking into the mud a good several inches and kicking up muddy water in all direction. Shampoo felt an immediate grimace upon her lovely features as she considered the effect this would create, especially since the spray of her landing was carried in the direction of the government delegation.

Fortunately one of those warriors assigned to protect the Beijing men was none other than As-Prin, a seasoned veteran of many a tribal campaign who knew how to put her staff to good use, whirling it rapidly and creating a shield that protected the government people from getting their nice, expansive clothing all muddy.

Shampoo heaved a sigh of relief over avoiding a mini-diplomatic crisis, knowing her great grandmother would have lectured her if she had brought shame and embarrassment to their village. Instead she turned her attention back towards Lum, who was now hovering in a moving, rather than a stationary pattern, and eyeing Shampoo back with a look of wary appraisal, clearly not having been prepared for such a narrow encounter.

Lum was indeed surprised upon discovering that her foe could leap so high on her own power, but rather than be upset by this she started to smile in anticipation, sensing at once that this contest might not be entirely so one-  
sided. Instead she swooped low and gave a sultry leer to the other girl, making a show of positioning her body horizontal to the ground then pretending to rest her elbows on empty air while leaning her chin over her fingers.

"Nice leap," she said, "But you're not very graceful on your landings, are you?"

To Lum's delight she saw the other girl bridle, and then Shampoo declared, "You see how good Shampoo land on your face, Outlander!" and with that she got her feet back on dry soil then took another running leap at Lum that once again brought her tantalizingly close to her opponent.

This time, however, Lum was prepared for the attack and easily avoided Shampoo by scant centimeters, delighting in letting the other girl come this close to her without actually touching. Once more Shampoo had to compensate for her landing, but this time her feet found dry soil and there was no mishap. Instead Lum swooped low and deliberately positioned herself beyond the reach of the other girl then purred a sultry, "That one was better, but you're still not quite that good at staying up once you get airborne."

Shampoo fumed at being taunted in such a manner and glared up at her tormentor with an angry, "You come down here and fight this one honorably now on ground level!"

"Sorry," Lum said pleasantly, "This isn't a fight, and you have to play by the only rules that matter, and the rule here is that you have to catch me, which you can't since you can't fly...can you?"

The latter part was voiced as a question because Lum was seriously intrigued about this Earth girl. Shampoo was surprisingly strong and obviously had an equally strong fighting spirit, which made things start to get interesting. Perhaps this would not be such a boring encounter after all...

The taunt had the desired effect all right, Shampoo literally seeing red, but rather than impotently fume her mind worked rapidly and calculated angles, then like a shot she ran off to the side, aiming herself for a nearby tree and vaulting onto a low-hanging branch and using that to rebound into a higher branch and from there to swing out into open space, landing briefly on a rooftop before leaping out again with a high-placed kick aimed in the green-haired girl's direction.

This time Lum had a harder time dodging the attack, but by ducking low under the Amazon's arc she was able to avoid being captured, leaving Shampoo to soar out over empty space with a lot more altitude between her and the ground than the last time, a discovery that dawned belatedly upon Shampoo when she started to see where her momentum would carry her this time. Her expression said it all as she gazed helplessly at her impending fate, wondering just which Gods she had failed to please in her most recent prayer to her ancestors.

And it was, she noted sourly, a rather poor choice to locate a pig-style...

Cologne winced upon calculating just where her great-granddaughter was about to land and was grateful that a row of buildings obstructed the view of the majority of witnesses. Not so for their fellow villagers, who all knew and could see where their champion was about to land and would no doubt be talking about it for generations. She sighed and signaled to Perfume that she had better go to the aid of her adoptive cousin before Shampoo literally hit the fan and went ballistic (mixed metaphors being the prerogative of someone who had traveled the world and seen as much as she had).

Lum watched in fascination as the girl who had ALMOST caught her went plummeting into a corralled area containing some of four-footed life-forms, with the predictable result that she got splattered in mud, at which point even Lum winced to herself before putting on an amused expression.

Shampoo sputtered and spat mud, her dignity now quite firmly in the toilet. She would definitely be washing her mouth out with one of her great-grandmother's potions after this was done, but for now she was good and truly enraged, and she knew exactly who to hold responsible for her present state of discomfort.

"Oh my...did you mean to do that?" Lum asked as she hovered a few feet over her humiliated opponent.

The red-eyed glare of the mud-spattered Amazon was answer enough to the question, and it well assured Lum that her antagonist was sufficiently motivated to attempt another attack, and rather promptly. But as the thought of being splattered with mud was hardly appearing to a princess.

"Well, I think that's enough fun for one day," Lum smiled and posed prettily in the air, making sure that her antagonist got a very full view of her before levitating off into the sky, "I'll give you time to clean up then meet you here the same time tomorrow, until then, Taa-Taa!"

Shampoo watched with impotent rage as her prey vanished into the clouds, and then she grit her teeth and growled, "Somebody is getting the kiss of death for this, that much is certain..."

"Cousin, are you all right?" she heard Perfume the Enforcer asked cautiously, prompting Shampoo to turn a glare towards her sometime sparring partner and childhood companion.

"Oh...this is one is just fine," Shampoo sputtered as she loomed up out of the mud, "But green-hair is dead Outlander when this one get hands on horns tomorrow."

Perfume studied the other warrior's furious expression and decided not to comment about which one of them appeared to be the mud-spattered loser and which one the victor of this sorry encounter. Though diplomacy was hardly an Amazon feature, Perfume had learned tact from hanging around with the Elders and knew better than to voice her opinions out in the open. Instead she glanced over her shoulder and said, "We had better get you cleaned up before the others see you, Cousin...they are coming now and it would not do to have our champion look like you...ah..."

"Like this one sleep with pigs?" Shampoo finished for her, already storming off angrily, "You are right, Cousin, but this one will remember this day, and soon...soon Green-hair will know what it means to cross an Amazon...

Perfume silently agreed with her adoptive cousin, but wondered just how this could be accomplished. Unless Shampoo grew wings or learned a new technique and soon this was looking to be a very long and humiliating week for both her and the rest of their people...

The next day found Shampoo bright, early and ready for serious trouble. Cologne took one look at her great-granddaughter and sighed, "Shampoo...the object of this match is to capture Princess Lum, not kill her. If you carry matters too far you will ignite a clan feud between us and her people."

Shampoo only frowned at her elder, then resolutely held a firm grip of her weapons, intending to employ them very soon with the goal of pummeling her green-haired tormentor of the day before thoroughly senseless. Aloud what she said was "This one knows this, Great-Grandmother, but this one will avenge her disgrace, but not go all the way to kill. Pummel senseless is better."

Cologne sighed again and decided to leave it well enough at that. After all, Shampoo was young and inexperienced in many things, and losing was certainly not one of the things to which she was accustomed. All things considered the Princess Lum would be getting off lightly if Shampoo did indeed manage to catch her. She only hoped that King Invader would see it that way should matters go as far as Shampoo obviously intended.

By the time Lum put in her appearance the crowd of onlookers had grown to include several bus loads of city people flown out to the countryside by the government, plus more villagers from neighboring provinces all come to see the match between Oni and Amazon. Drawn by novelty and the sense of threat to all the people on the planet, the now-legendary challenge match was quite the spectacle for all to see...and it hardly hurt that the two main protagonists were drop-dead-gorgeous women either as Cologne judged by the expressions of the strange men now crowded into their village.

"So," Lum said pleasantly as she eyed the bonbori maces in the hands of her opponent, "Did you bring those to play with or do you honestly mean to use them against me?"

Shampoo adopted a fighting stance and said, "Why not come here and see for yourself, Green-hair?"

Lum simply smiled and lifted a finger, "I told you this wasn't a fight, but if you want to play it rough..."

Cologne sensed that something was wrong even before she felt the static tension in the air increase dramatically, and then she saw Lum point her finger and felt the hairs along her own forearms stand on end...one instant before a flash of light and sound caused everyone to jump as though a cannon shot had just rung out in their midst.

When the flash-blindness cleared from her vision she saw her great-granddaughter was still holding the handles of her maces, but that the balls themselves had been exploded from the inside out, leaving bits of twisted metal that dangled from those handles, and Shampoo herself was looking more than slightly frazzled with her long purple hair curling upward from the lingering static. The dismay painted on the Amazon's features was almost comic to behold, and the fact that she was standing at all was a testament to her strong constitution.

"This one can play rough too," Lum smiled, then took off into the air, hovering a few meters away as she said, "Had enough...or do you still want to play, purple-locks?"

Shampoo coughed out a puff of smoke and swayed on her feet for a moment, but then she somehow drew in on herself and recovered, glaring hotly at the Oni with a look of determination written plain upon her features. With hardly a word she tossed her ruined maces to one side and reached into her sleeves, pulling out a pair of wooden Jo-sticks, then grit her teeth and growled, "This one is not done yet...you use tricks to hurt Shampoo, but this one will not be deterred."

To everyone's surprise Lum's smile only deepened and she floated a couple of meters higher while taunting Shampoo with a coy, "Then let's see what you have left."

Shampoo readied herself for yet another leap, determination clear in her expression even as she flexed her arms and rotated her head to take the twitch out of her muscles. When she judged the matter right she started forward with a leap, one that carried her level with the Princess Lum, at which point she unleashed her attack with the Jo-sticks, lashing out furiously...

...And missing her target altogether as Lum merely floated out of reach of her assault.

"Nice try," Lum said cutely, enjoying the frustration in the expression of her foe as gravity started to impose its will upon the Amazon once again.

But then Shampoo let go of the Jo-sticks and pulled something else out of her sleeve, and with a swift toss hurled a weighted chain around the waist of the startled Oni.

"HA!" Shampoo crowed as the chain slowed her fall, her added weight dragging Lum down as the Oni was unprepared for the shift, "How you like that, Outlander?"

Lum clearly did not being pulled back down to near ground level, but then she smiled as she saw Shampoo's feet touch down on the ground, biding her time until the purple haired girl was braced and ready to apply more pressure, and at that moment she once more built up a static charge, allowing it to be conveyed down the metal links of the chain and down into her opponent's body.

Shampoo literally jumped like an eel as a thousand volts of current used her body to convey itself into the ground through the soles of her feet. Lum did not use an excessive level of force to get her point across, and she cut off the juice well in time to avoid driving her foe into unconsciousness. Instead Shampoo's muscles spasmed and let go of the chain so that she could stumble around another moment with her body jerking, causing her to walk in a circle like a comical version of a bipedal monkey. It took a full two minutes before Shampoo got herself back under control, at which point Lum waited patiently, clearly admiring the way her opponent shrugged off her electrocution.

"Had enough yet?" Lum asked when the timing seemed just about right.

Shampoo's only reply was a savage growl, followed by the drawing of a sword from concealment. Snarling like an angry predator, she tried to charge the arrogant girl smirking at her so insolently, but once again Lum took to the air before Shampoo could reach her, rapidly gaining altitude so that she could put herself firmly outside of the reach of another of Shampoo's supply of weapons...

Or so she thought.

Shampoo was angry but still a competent strategist, and when she saw Lum vault into the sky she was quick to take advantage of the other girl's overconfidence. This time she selected and hurled a set of bolos that snagged Lum around her ankles, then with rope in hand yanked down on the legs of the Oni, catching Lum by surprise once again as the Oni princess had not been prepared for the capture.

"Hah!" Shampoo cried, "You are not getting away from this one yet again!"

Lum actually had a moment of dismay as she sensed exactly how strong this earth woman was, which surprised her greatly. But then again, being a strong girl herself, she was only momentarily taken aback by Shampoo's unexpected gesture, and the purple haired girl had made a tactical mistake taking the time to gloat rather than seizing the moment of Lum's surprise to claim the victory she could well have taken. That moment of hesitation was all Lum took to rally her own internal strength, and then she started to levitate upwards once again, only this time dragging Shampoo along with her, and the other girl was dismayed to find her feet leaving the ground, and by clinging on her line she found herself lifted into the air with Lum clearly in the driver's seat, drawing them both higher and higher over the dwindling village.

Lum was not interested in doing her opponent real harm, though, so she halted while the both of them were no more than a few hundred meters in the air, and then she broke the line about her ankles with a quick flash of one hand, then smiled as she saw the dismay written plainly on the other girl's features as Shampoo began to plunge earthward, only to discover a lake underneath her ready to break her fall with a tremendous splash that Lum found most satisfying.

She swooped down low and waited for her opponent to surface, and once Shampoo broke air and spat water she knew that she had done the right thing sparing the life of her purple haired antagonist. Lum smiled as she admired the other girl's resilience, taking a liking to her tenacity as she folded her legs and hovered in a sitting position.

"Ready to give up yet?" Lum asked.

Shampoo coughed then glared upward, contemplating the distance between herself and her foe and realizing at once that she had no chance of clearing that distance while padding to stay above the water.

"You're really quite good," Lum said, "I'm impressed. Few players have lasted this long in a game, but you keep on trying, even though you haven't a chance of catching me at this rate."

"That what you say," Shampoo sputtered, "But you just wait until next time..."

"Fair enough," Lum grinned, "But two days are up now, and you've only five more to go before I'm the winner, and then your planet will belong to us, along with everyone and everything who lives here. Maybe I'll be able to convince my father to spare a your lives and keep human beings around to train to be worthy subjects to the Oni. You'd make a very nice pet I think...you might even be worth training..."

Shampoo really started to get upset when she heard that, but Lum considered her taunting to be concluded about this point and flew away once again, feeling a great deal of excitement about the following day, hoping to see what this surprising and enterprising purple-hair might try next in order to defeat her. She did not seriously think anything this Shampoo tried would be too effective, but Lum was certain it would be MOST entertaining, and certainly a lot more fun than she could remember having in ages...

Cologne was only mildly dismayed when she saw her great-granddaughter slogging her way back to the village, looking as mad as the proverbial wet hen and obviously in no mood to hear a lecture about underestimating an opponent.

Instead Shampoo surprised her elder by a declaration, the first words she spoke after her second defeat by the Oni, "Great-grandmother...Elder...teach this one how to fight and defeat a foe who can fly. There must be some technique or special form that can be applied to one who fights unfairly from an aerial position."

Cologne did not have to scan her great-daughter's aura to know her determination was sincere, so she nodded slowly and replied, "I believe that there is a way, but it will be difficult for you to learn in the time that is left for the contest..."

"This one does not care, Elder!" Shampoo snapped, "This one cannot rest until she has beaten her foe into the ground and ground her under her heel, so she will do anything you ask if it will mean victory in our next encounter."

Cologne judged her heir very carefully before saying, "Your determination does you proud, Child, but you must first learn to temper your anger, to hold down your desire for retribution, to develop a soul of ice if you want to learn this technique. If you can master your rage then the technique can be yours, but for this matter I believe that we will need to be creative, to adapt the Hiryu Shoten Ha so that it works to your advantage. Are you ready to train with me now? I will understand if you wish to rest first after your ordeal with the lightning..."

"Now is good," Shampoo assured her mentor, "This one is very angry...if mastering anger is the key to the Dragon's Ascending Breath, then now is the time to master it while this one's rage is boiling for vengeance."

"Well said indeed," Cologne nodded, proud that Shampoo was actually thinking for a change rather than letting her passions do her thinking for her. It might be a temporary fluke or a result of being shocked into an awareness of her own inadequacy, but either way it was a nice change in temperament and could well be a good beginning for breaking through the ego wall that had for so long been an impediment to Shampoo's further training...

King Invader was impatient for the third day to begin, his anticipation of an easy victory over the Earthers undiminished by the previous day's surprising turn of events. The Earth champion had certainly been a surprisingly resourceful female for the human species. If only she did not so closely resemble one of the hated Jurai he might actually start to like her, even if she did not have a prayer of defeating his daughter. The Earth was as good as in Oni control already and at minimal cost to his own vast resources. A very satisfying arrangement, and one even the Jurai themselves would be hard pressed to contest.

If only he could be as certain of his own daughter's dedication to victory, and why in the name of all the Gods was she taking so much time to get herself ready for this morning's conquest?

"What is taking her so long?" he silently fumed as he turned his eyes away from the lovely sight of the Earth's horizon (as viewed from a several thousand kilometers high orbit), "She only has to win five more times and we'll claim the Earth as our new homeworld. How long can it take her to get herself ready?"

"No dear," his wife dutifully assured him, "She's young and still very much interested in the casual affairs of youth. Don't try and hurry her now that she's found a playmate who seems to have captured her interest. And besides, it's so nice to see Lum smiling again after that last disastrous date she had with Rei. Remember?"

"How could I forget?" Invader rolled his eyes and huffed to himself. Lum had been very much insistent that she never wanted to see her former fianc e again, and when asked why she was a bit too voluble in outlining a laundry list of reasons why a match between them would never work out. Too bad that Rei was so uncultured in civilized affairs, he was an outstanding officer and had good family connections. If only his parents had worked a bit harder to cultivate his grooming habits...Invader sighed, wondering if he was ever going to find a proper match for his daughter.

Meanwhile Lum was cheerfully humming a tune to herself while checking her reflection in a wall-sized chamber mirror. A luxurious bath in scented oils and perfume had helped to set her in a proper mood for her upcoming encounter with her newest flame. She silently vowed that she would do her level best to distract this Shampoo away from her silly hopes of obtaining victory and give her something much more interesting to contemplate. Lum checked her luxuriously combed green tresses and examined her lightly applied dash of make-up, hoping it was not too overdone as the effect that she wanted to create was one of sultriness and not a more low-born effect worthy of a common slattern. She was a princess after all, and she wanted her own natural qualities to shine forth to the best effect, the better to gauge what sort of a reaction she might inspire in her intended target...once she had played around a bit and worn this Shampoo down from chasing Lum about until she was good and thoroughly exhausted.

She found her eagerness for the match growing more intense when she finally left her dressing chamber and presented herself to her overly anxious parents. She wore a confident smile for the sake of her father, the better to assure him that she was fully intending to win, but her mother could perceive that the chase was what really had Lum primped and excited. After all it was not every day you found an alien who was full of as many surprises as this purple-haired Earther, and Lum could not help but wonder what new cute tricks the Amazon warrior might attempt this them around. At the very least Lum was assured that this day would be anything but boring...

Shampoo was fuming at being kept waiting the extra hour or so before the Oni delegation made their fateful appearance. At the sight of Lum, however, Shampoo made a visible effort to calm herself down in order to create the "Soul of Ice" effect that her elder had instructed on the previous evening. Shampoo turned her crimson eyes upon her infuriating prey and noticed that there was something different about her this morning, something not easily definable that made Shampoo uncomfortably aware that her opponent was a very attractive young girl, even given her alien background. Shampoo briefly set eyes on the two horns that she was determined to claim this day (possibly even to make them into a trophy that she would carry about her belt) then resolutely assumed a fighting crouch, her chosen weapons of the day in hand with her expression set and determined.

Lum had noticed the slight flicker of interest pass through Shampoo's eyes before she assumed a far more serious and business like expression, but that was enough to satisfy the Oni that her morning's preparations were having the desired effect. Warriors were trained not to betray their emotions in battle, but Shampoo had given the game away with that one passing moment of inattention. Hardly surprising for a primitive, but beneath that mask of calm Lum sensed a passionate heart waiting to unleash a tide of heady emotions worthy of an Oni, and so she smiled with an aloof calm of her own and regarded the weapons currently help by her opponent.

"Didn't you learn from the last time?" she asked snidely, wondering privately how serious this Shampoo would be about attempting to chop Lum apart with a pair of hand-held broad axes, "I'm not a tree you know."

"This one knows," Shampoo said calmly, "Take from her if you dare."

Lum's smile slipped slightly. There was something in that challenging declaration that just a tiny bit unnerved her, the sense that Shampoo was up to something. Lum's previous estimation had been that her opponent was not a very deep planner, but perhaps that had been a premature assessment. At any rate it would pay to be wary since her foe knew this time what Lum was capable of when fully aroused in a battle. She waited calmly for the old Juraian woman raise her staff and say, "Begin!" and then Lum took off into the air and started building up a charge between her hands, deciding to wait and see what Shampoo would try before unleashing a bolt of her lightning.

Shampoo did not smile even though she felt a surge of satisfaction passing through her. The Oni had acted exactly as her great-grandmother had predicted, building up a charge that caused the air around her to heat up like a battle aura. Perfume's axes had done the trick in provoking Lum into premature rash action, but Shampoo had no intention of becoming a living lightning rod this day, having taken the precaution to insulate the soles of her shoes (an idea offered to her by her father) and so was not nearly as vulnerable this time around when Lum unleashed her attack, prompted by a charge forward as Shampoo leaped into the air and brought her axes forward to deflect the lightning.

Lum was surprised to find her powers being deflected in such a way even as she belatedly became aware of physical danger, for Shampoo's leap was bringing her within reach of those sharp-looking axes. In haste the princess put altitude between her and her foe, unwittingly positioning herself directly above Shampoo, which was EXACTLY what the purple haired girl wanted.

Shampoo now hovered in the air directly between the point of contact where the bolt had struck the ground and where Lum now hovered above her, the twin nodes of electrical charge causing the air between them to grow light with ozone-  
charged plasma. Shampoo wasted no time converting her momentum into a spin, twisting her body with impossible agility and extending the axes outward to form a blade-like invection, a reverse-helicopter effect that-coupled with the Soul of Ice technique-caused the air about her to condense even as she descended back to Earth with more force than gravity itself provided.

All at once Lum felt a sucking current open up underneath her, catching her totally by surprise as Shampoo's actions created a momentary vacuum effect that the Oni was unprepared to counter. With a yelp Lum found herself plummeting back towards the ground in an uncontrolled tumble, falling six meters before her momentum was broken unexpectedly by a pair of slender arms as Shampoo tossed the axes aside and caught her intended prey with a smug look of triumph. She wasted no time wrestling the Oni to the ground, knowing that her electrical powers could have no effect while grounded, and in this helpless state Lum was unable to prevent her horns from being gripped by her opponent.

King Invader reared to his feet with a look of dismay, an effect mirrored by the rest of his delegation. The Chinese delegation and Amazons, by contrast, were not so dismayed but rather incredulously cheered at the sight of their Champion's victory. Shampoo heard a hearty cheer go up in her name and felt elated, having struggled long and hard the previous evening to master this variation of the Hiryu Shoten Ha (one that reversed the normal effect of getting your opponent to chase you into a spiral pattern to instead create the spiral through the application of one's own body). It made the humiliation of the previous two days that much easier to bear, knowing it would largely be forgotten in the ensuing celebration.

Lum, on the other hand, was in shock at being so easily captured. She could hardly believe that the other girl could pull off a technique like that, so unexpected and yet at the same time so highly impressive. She had truly underestimated this Shampoo and had tasted defeat for the first time ever. Oddly enough she did not feel so much resentful over this fact as she was amazed that her conqueror should turn out to be another woman.

Cologne heaved a sigh of satisfied relief upon seeing Shampoo successfully pull off a difficult variation of one of the most closely guarded of Amazon battle techniques. To some it might appear almost magical but in reality it had a very sound scientific basis, and she had to grudgingly give silent acknowledgement that it was her son-in-law, Hairbrush, who had come up with the original suggestion. Trust an engineer to see the practical side to fighting and to equate everything in terms of electron flow and other topics that most Amazons less worldly than Cologne would have found mere sorcerous incantation.

But then her relief turned to dismay as she saw Shampoo released the Oni, allowing Lum to stand up on her own power only as long as it took for the Amazon to reveal her true intentions. Cologne saw the motion before anyone else and was on the verge of crying out a warning, but it was too late as Shampoo laid hands on the Oni woman's shoulders and held her firmly, then leaned forward and planted a kiss upon the cheek of the foreign woman who had caused her to lose so much face in her own village.

Lum, on the other hand, reacted the more surprisingly to finding the other girl so eager to plant a kiss upon her cheek. A thrill that was quite indescribable ran all the way down the green-haired princess's lithe body, and without pausing to think about it she reached out and wrapped her own arms around Shampoo, startling the purple-haired warrior, who had not been prepared for such a response, especially as Lum chose to kiss her fully on the mouth instead of the cheek this time. Shampoo's eyes got very round at this, and then she became aware of the electrostatic current generated by that kiss as Princess Lum's ardor gave that kiss some voltage.

To say that Shampoo's hair stood on end would have been a literally understatement, even as Lum's hair seemed to float up above the ground as the two embraced quite passionately (well...passionately on Lum's side, but in Shampoo's case it was more like Electro-shocked muscle spasm that held her in place as Lum's kiss deepened and added a bit of "tongue" to her efforts).

"Aiyaa..." Cologne heard Perfume murmur at her side, the brown-haired Enforcer looking only slightly less stunned than her adoptive cousin.

"My thoughts exactly," Cologne murmured faintly.

"Dear?" the Queen of the Oni asked of her astonished husband.

With some effort Invader shut his mouth and just stared unblinking, then in a hardened tone he asked, "What in the name of the Gods does Lum think she's doing?"

"Your pardons, my King," one of his advisors timidly spoke up, "I have heard about a custom of these Amazons...a rather quaint one at that. It seems that if they suffer defeat at the hands of an outlander, then they are obligated to give them something called...ah...the Kiss of Death, which is a promise to avenge a wrong done to them..."

"The kiss of...Death?" Invader asked archly.

"However, Sire," the advisor hastily noted, "If the kiss is applied to the mouth, then it is converted into the Kiss of Life, which is an Amazon pledge to marry."

"To...marry?" Invader shot a look towards Cologne, "Is this true?"

The Amazon matriarch nodded slowly, "Yes, King Invader...that is our way. When a warrior...pledges herself before others to marry another warrior...then, by our laws, they are pledged together by the bonds of sworn Oath sisters."

Invader took another moment to react to that, but then he surprised everyone by saying, "Truly? How...very interesting..." and then he smiled the sort of smile that might have frightened a real ogre, "So...by your laws they are sworn to marry. Perfect!"

"Dear?" his wife asked, more than a bit concerned about the sanity of her lordly husband.

"Oh...nothing," the giant Oni grinned ominously, giving the Matriarch a look that promised mischief in the offing, "Shall we discuss the matter in private to...work out the details of their impending union?"

Cologne was beginning to understand just why she had been feeling an ominous sense of dread all morning, and now she was beginning to see the cause of her premonition.

"But..." the Chinese Premier said somewhat confusedly, "They're both women. How can women be allowed to marry?"

"You see a problem with this?" Invader asked the Chinese leader.

"Ah...well..." the Premier said, "It is not considered...lawful for two people of the same sex to...well...cohabitant in such a manner..."

"By Earth Law, you mean," Invader said smoothly, "But I don't see any problem, and such a thing is perfectly legal for an Oni...and I take it the same is true with your people, Elder Cologne?"

"Oh yes," Cologne resignedly affirmed, "Union between warriors of the same gender is...very much allowed by our laws, so long as both partners agree to provide their families with children."

"Children you say?" Invader's smile deepened, "Even better."

"Ah...well..." the Premier said faintly, "I suppose the law could be...amended...after all, what are laws if not meant to be changed to serve the needs of a modern society, yes?"

"I knew you'd see it my way," Invader said wryly, his expression showing eagerness, even determination to see things through, which effectively stifled any protest that either side might otherwise have offered over the matter.

Cologne just rubbed her temples, feeling the onset of a very bad headache, "Perfume?"

"Yes, Great-Grandmother?" the Enforcer asked.

"Fetch your axes and inform your cousin that she is now legally married to the Princess Lum," Cologne replied, "That is...when she regains consciousness and stops twitching."

"Yes, Great-Grandmother," Perfume answered, feeling an odd surge of sympathy, pity and envy for her cousin, almost wishing that she could take the burden from Shampoo's shoulders as that Lum did seem to be quite the kisser, even electric in the way she put the purple-haired Shampoo into a virtual coma...

"And that's it?" Akane blanched, "That's how you two got married?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo rolled her eyes in remembrance, "That some kiss all right. Not quite what this one have in mind at time..."

"But it worked out for the better," Lum informed them, "And father was so pleased to see me settle down and marry."

"Especially since it gave him some negotiation leverage in those talks your daddy must have had with your elders, right?" Nabiki asked shrewdly, "Come on, confess...what was the real angle here? Just was he so happy to see you get married to an Earth girl?"

"Father was merely pleased to see that I had made an excellent selection in a wife such as my Darling," Lum informed them, "Of course he also worked out generous details that turned our union into a political alliance between the Earth and the Oni...and since Darling has Juraian blood in her veins, it meant that we now share clan-ties with our former rivals, forcing the Jurai to acknowledge certain trade treaty concessions that were most pleasing to my father."

"Shrewd customer your old man," Ranma admitted, "'Course I didn't know about any of this until months after it happened, and all because of that agreement that you'd get a strong husband in the mix, which is where I got so lucky..." he added the last bit with a mixture of awe, dismay and confusion.

"But what about our agreement to unite our two houses?" Soun turned towards Genma and seized the other man by the shoulders, shaking him like a tree, "What about the future of our schools? How are we to fulfill the promise we made almost twenty years ago, Saotome?"

"C-C-C-calm down, Tendo!" Genma said between the clattering of his teeth, "All isn't lost yet! The Matriarch gave us a separate arrangement!"

Soun stopped shaking him and blinked, "She did?"

"By Amazon law the Boy can have up to four wives in one group marriage," Genma assured him, "And the matter has been recognized by the governments of both Japan and China, so if he chooses one of your daughters to make the third domestic partner..."

"Is not so simple," Shampoo chimed confidently.

"The agreement was that we would choose the third bride WITH our Darling husband," Lum added sweetly, "And we will only permit that to happen if we are convinced that she is a strong and worthy wife for Ranma-chan."

"Oh my," Kasumi spoke up, "You mean...if Akane measures up to your standards..."

"Then you get to marry her as well as Ranma?" Nabiki concluded for her.

"Hey!" Akane protested, "Don't I get a say in any of this? Sure, I'll fight anyone anytime that you like, but I won't do it to marry some guy, especially a pervert with a harem!"

"Hey!" Ranma protested, "Don't make it sound like it's my idea or nothing!"

"But wait," Kasumi spoke up, "I'm...a bit confused here. Are you saying that you wanted to be married to Shampoo-san, Lum-san? And...was the same true of Shampoo-san?"

"No," Shampoo replied somewhat sheepishly, "Originally it was not this one's intention. Lum-chan...misunderstood this one's intentions, but when she kissed this one back...that was where everything changed...for the better and the worst."

"Mostly the better I say, Darling," Lum smiled fondly, "But you were rather shy at the beginning, and I can understand now how difficult it was for you to make the adjustment..."

"Now this does sounds interesting," Nabiki mused, "How exactly did you two go from rivals to lovers in one easy swoop?"

"No so easy," Shampoo sighed with a faintly bemused expression, "In fact this one was no prepared for when Cousin Perfume make announcement that she married to Outsider female..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Green and Purple Wedding Invitations: shadowmane

How DID Shampoo react to her sudden marriage, and why did she eventually warm up to having Lum for a domestic partner? And what exactly does Ranma think about this agreement that permits him to be wed to up to four powerful woman fighters? For that and other stressful revelations, stay tuned for, "The Taming of Shampoo," or, "How to Marry an Alien in Five Easy Lessons!" Be there!

X -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: ~ All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	3. Chapter 3

LSPurple03

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Inspired by the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi,  
who created both Sexy Goddesses for our enjoyment-heh!)

(Also inspired by some Web Cel Hentai Illustrations,  
and a comment by T.H. Tiger wondering if these two Takahashi babes could be paired in a story...Mwuhahahah!)

Chapter Three.

Dangerous Courtship

To say that Shampoo was stunned at the sudden turn of events would have been like saying that Amazon warriors were just a bit on the violent side, but added to her confounded state was a mega-voltage kiss that quite literally made her heart stand on end. That the Princess Lum was a pretty good kisser could not be doubted, but the amperage behind that kiss was enough to light a small city, so much so that the thin insulation of Shampoo's rubberized soles afforded only minimal protection.

Overwhelmed and over charged by the kiss, Shampoo momentarily lost consciousness and went slack in the other girl's arms, a fact that Lum was quick to notice as her purple-haired companion went from stiff to softening to limp in a matter of seconds. Lum broke her kiss and in some concern asked, "Darling? Are you all right, Darling?"

Shampoo's only response was an incoherent groan of relief at having her electrocution called short of serious damage. She was in no state to formulate a more coherent response as she hung in the other girl's arms like limp ramen noodles, hearing a buzzing in her ears that refused to go away even as the smell of ozone and the twitching of her muscles alone gave testament that she was still breathing. Her mind floated in a cloud of hazy sensations that were dream-like and surreal and at first she did not hear the voice of someone calling to her...someone familiar, someone she trusted like a kinswoman, someone who sounded rather a lot like Perfume, her adoptive cousin...

"Are you all right, Shampoo?" the words became intelligible after what seemed to her to be only a few minutes of attempting to make the sounds fit some sort of coherent order.

"Darling?" another voice-less familiar yet still somehow recognized-  
inquired, "Are you going to be all right?"

Shampoo's eyes snapped open with a twitch, and then-to her dismay-she found the green haired alien girl with the cute horns atop her head gazing down at her with an anxious expression. The sight of her alone was enough to snap Shampoo out of her daze and make her cognizant of the fact that she was indoors now, inside her great-grandmother's cottage, and that there were several people gazing down at her with equal parts concern and apprehension.

"Don't try to talk just yet, Child," an even more familiar voice urged, and with a start Shampoo found herself looking up into the face of her mother, the village healer, "Electrical shock is not something that you can shrug off that easily, just ask your father."

"M-Mother?" Shampoo asked hesitantly, her eyes moving around the room to take in Perfume, Cologne, several government people and one very large presence crowded in the back of the hut along with her father, "What...did something happen to this one?"

"You passed out after you received the Kiss of Life, Cousin," Perfume replied, "Great-Grandmother thought it best to lay you down inside. You were out for almost an hour..."

"Yes," Cologne remarked, "And praise the Gods you were not more seriously affected than that. I believe your Airen needs to learn not to unleash such a charge upon you when she is being amorous..."

The word hit a nerve that caused a jolt to shoot down Shampoo's spine as her eyes got round and she said, "AIREN?"

"Yes," the green haired girl said happily, "We are married. Came as much of a surprise to me as to you, but I could not be more delighted..."

Shampoo continued to look like a small animal attempting to cross a government road late at night in the face of a military convoy, but in that gap when she was too stunned for rational speech the leader of the government delegation spoke up, "And we could not be more delighted with the outcome of this whole matter. You are to be congratulated, Xian-Pu of the Joketsuzoku. You saved our country, to say nothing of the rest of the world, and the Middle Kingdom is indebted to you, the more so since you have agreed to a political alliance with Miss Lum here, and her father, King Invader, has graciously favored us with important planetary concessions..."

Shampoo was not listening to the man's babbling string of words, her thoughts congealing on the one intelligible word that had galvanized her attention, prompting her to repeat the word, "Married...?"

To her surprise Lum's hand grasped her own and she smiled down fondly at the purple haired girl laying before her, saying in a happy voice, "Wo ai ni...those are the right words, are they not? Wode Airen..."

"You've got the accent right," Shampoo's mother, Kho-hom, replied, "And I welcome you into our family...daughter."

"Daughter?" Shampoo's voice arched an octave to a virtual squeak as she looked towards her mother with a distinctive sense of stunned betrayal.

"Well, what did you think was going to happen when you gave her that kiss?" Perfume asked reasonably, her expression an odd mix of exasperation and envy.

"Indeed," Cologne replied, "Such a thing was not warranted or even required under the circumstances of the challenge you both faced, but as the kiss was given and received, Amazon law is quite clear on the matter. You are married, Shampoo, and the Princess Lum is now your Airen."

"Hai?" Shampoo blinked, then nervously swallowed when she saw the stern look of reprimand in her Elder's eyes, which stifled her impulse to offer immediate protest, "Aiyaa..."

"All right then," Comb spoke up again, addressing herself to the others, "You've all seen that Shampoo is well, now I think it's time that you all left her alone to get some rest. After all, my daughter has had a very busy day and with the stress of battle and the pledge of marriage she has quite exhausted herself. Please forgive my rudeness as a hostess but I must has you all to leave this one's home for now. We will speak again when formal marriage vows are exchanged and Shampoo is fully rested."

"Sounds fair enough," King Invader replied, "Come along, Lum, and back to our ship. You can visit your wife later when she is fully up to celebrating the honeymoon nuptials, but right now we have some celebrating of our own to do, so it's time we got back to your mother before the feast gets cold."

"Very well, Father," Lum replied, standing up with some reluctance, though she smiled and waved at Shampoo before merrily skipping over to the side of her gigantic parent, at which point a beam of light bathed both of them in a halo and caused their outlines to distort briefly, after which they vanished altogether.

"We must be on our way then," the leader of the government people turned and bowed towards Cologne, then Comb, "Thank you for everything and for being a gracious hostess. Once again you are a hero of the People's Republic and will be honored for your heroism and patriotism in helping to resolve this crisis."

"Drive safely and convey my respects to the Politburo," Comb replied, then waited until the suited males had left the Matriarch's house before heaving a sigh and saying, "Thank the Gods that's over..."

"You mean for now," Hairbrush-Shampoo's father-remarked in his usual quiet, understated way, "Things could have gone worse over all, and I think we got off lucky. Still..."

"Exactly, Son-in-law," Cologne said gravely, turning to regard Shampoo with a cross expression, "I am not saying that I fail to understand your motives, but what you did, Shampoo, was reckless and irresponsible and quite thoroughly uncalled for. Giving the Kiss of Death to an Outlander girl is one thing, but to mark for death the daughter of a powerful figure like King Invader? We call could have paid the price for your thoughtless actions."

"Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo wilted, "What did this one do that was so wrong? Why is she being punished by marrying this Outlander?"

"Great-Grandmother means that it is better for you to marry the Princess than for us to be vaporized by energy beams from the Oni ships," Perfume replied, "The Matriarch is right, Shampoo...what you did was very unwise and uncalled for."

"Uncalled for?" Shampoo sat upright, "That Outlander shamed this one before the entire village and all the other guests who witnessed this one's undoing. What was this one to do when she lose face like that, pretend it never happen?"

"You had won your match," Cologne replied, "Giving her the Kiss was not necessary or called for. It was a petulant act to soothe your sore ego, Great-  
Granddaughter, and most unworthy of our family line. You should count yourself fortunate that the Princess appears to like you well enough not to take matters the wrong way, and to even accept you as an Airen."

"But this one does not want to get married to an Outlander female!" Shampoo protested.

"Well then," Comb remarked, "Perhaps you'd like to explain that to her and King Invader? Tell them that you meant to hunt down and kill Princess Lum for causing you humiliation. So what if the Oni retaliate and destroy our whole village, possibly killing every one of us and then going on to invade the rest of the entire planet."

"What your mother means is that it is better to be wed than dead, Shampoo," Hairbrush assured his daughter in gentler terms than the sarcastic wit of his wife, her mother, "Believe me, marriage is a good thing if you work hard enough at it, and at least in this union you've been afforded a few saving options."

"Saving options?" Shampoo looked at her father in confusion.

"You still have the right to choose a man who can be your mutual husband, Shampoo," Cologne replied, "After all, the law was designed to insure that warriors who wed one another still produce children to carry on their bloodlines..."

"A man?" Shampoo gasped, "Yes...this one wants a husband, one she can take care of, who gives her strong children to care for..."

"Unfortunately for that," Comb remarked, "Such a man would have to be strong and capable enough to be a match for both you and your new Airen, and Lum most definitely comes with the package."

Shampoo quailed then timidly said, "Is it too late to change to Kiss of Really Good Friends?"

"What are you complaining about?" Perfume asked, "This one sees no problem with you marrying such a really cute girl. Only problem that this one sees is that your Airen is more of a handful than Mousse ever was, and the way she can hurl that lightning..."

"You are not helping, Cousin," Shampoo said sourly, "Great-Grandmother..."

"No buts, Child," Cologne said firmly, "I have already discussed the terms with King Invader and the marriage will go ahead as promised. You made your bed, now you must lay upon it, and with the Princess at your side...well...those details are up to you to manage."

"Great-Grandmother?" Shampoo blanched, unable to believe what she was hearing from her Elder.

"Grandmother is right, Shampoo," Comb assured her daughter, "You did bring this on yourself by carrying matters as far as you did. And as any experienced warrior could have warned you, acting without thinking is a good way to get deep into trouble."

"Coming from you that is the voice of experience, Granddaughter," Cologne remarked with none-too-subtle humor, "But suffice it that we now have a situation that must be faced resolutely and cannot be avoided. The marriage between you and the Princess Lum has been recognized as legal by the Council, and that is all that there is left to be said on the subject."

Shampoo just stared round-eyed at her elder, then in a trembling voice she declared, "This one is soooooo doomed..."

"Best grin and bear with it, Cousin," Perfume smirked, "When great-grandmother take tone like that, we no can argue her down."

"Tell me about it," Hairbrush remarked with a sigh, sparing a wry look towards his wife, who only gave him a cross look that promised that there would be talk about this later...

"So, you understand your responsibilities, do you Daughter?" King Invader said sternly, "By marrying this Earth woman you will insure our claim to this world as a part of the Oni empire. The inhabitants can continue to believe that they are free and in charge, yet travel rights through this solar system will belong to us, and even the Jurai will not dispute our claim, especially in light of these genetic scans of your intended."

"I know all this, Father," Lum smiled cutely, "My Darling has Juraian blood, and that Elder of hers is hiding her true age with an illusion field. She must think she is being clever doing that, but I doubt my Darling is aware of her own heritage as she hardly seems the type to perpetrate such a deception."

"We're so glad to hear that you're approving of this, Dear," Queen Invader assured their child, "The Jurai may not even know about their own links to this world, but what you are doing neutralizes their claim and insures that our claim on the Earth is the one that is most valid."

"I understand all of this, Mother and Father," Lum smiled as she stretched herself out, enjoying the freedom that Zero-G afforded to her body, "But I'm not marrying Darling just because of her clan-ties. I have special interests with her, and I will promise to insure that only a strong man becomes our mutual husband."

"Just see to it you don't marry some weak pervert who might embarrass the Oni," King Invader insisted, "Anything beyond that...we'll leave it up to you. Just give us some strong grandsons and daughters to carry on the Oni name."

"I promise, Father," Lum nodded, "Can I go back to Earth now to visit with my Darling?"

"You have our blessings, Child," Mrs. Invader assured their daughter, and then smiled as Lum happily flew away to borrow a shuttle that would transport her back to the Earth. Once she was gone and they were alone, however, she turned to her husband and said, "Are you really happy that our daughter is marrying a Terran, Dearest?"

"Are you kidding?" Invader said gruffly, "I'd be happy if she married an intelligent cactus from Omicron Seven if it means she'll finally do her duty as a princess. Hell, I'd even marry her off to some pervert boy from no where to get her smiling like that about it! I just want to make sure we can count on her to finally settle down and stop running around the cosmos getting into one damned mess right after another!"

"I know what you mean, Dear," Mrs. Invader said sagely, "Lum has been rather carefree in her ways...her cousin, Ten, takes after her that way."

"Don't remind me," Invader scowled, "What my brother, rest his soul, was doing bringing a hellraiser like that into the family I'll never understand. Too bad he wasn't a solid, practical, easy-going, peaceable sort like me or he might have been King in my place..."

His wife patted his arm knowingly and silently hoped her daughter would enjoy her stay on Earth, especially with such a cute fianc e to keep her happy and out of trouble. She could still remember what it was like when she was that age (how far back, naturally enough, she did not dwell), what with her own long and event-filled courtship of her husband. Invader might be a quiet sort right now, but in his days of youth he was quite the charming rascal, so much so that she was more than a little surprised that their family was not considerably larger. Or...larger than him, anyway, though as a dutiful wife she naturally did not openly say this...

Shampoo sat on the rise and stared out over the mountain passes, taking in the sunset with strangely haunted eyes, still not quite able to adjust to the fact that she was now a married woman. That her Airen was both a woman and an Outlander was only mildly surprising when compared with the fact that the green haired girl could fly and hurl lightning bolts about, and she had a father the size of a small mountain who clearly was the dominant partner in his own marriage with a woman who looked like a (slightly) older version of her daughter.

Shampoo could not quite adjust to the suddenness of it all, the sense that she had totally lost control over the whole matter and wound up swept into an affair for which she had very little preparation. That the Elders had declared her marriage legal meant that Shampoo had no choice but to return the Kiss of Life and accept Lum with the formal pledge of marriage, yet still her mind rebelled at the idea that she could have gone this soon from wanting to kill the Oni to having to accept her as a potential bedmate.

Shampoo felt a blush touch her cheeks as she thought about the significance of this declaration. She had a pretty good idea of what was expected of her on the honeymoon, the consummation of her pledge to unite her house with that of the Oni. It was a daunting prospect given that she knew almost nothing about the Oni and the civilization which they represented, and there was little helpful information that either her great-grandmother or her parents could provide her on that subject, other than to point skyward and say that her new Airen came from some planet on a distant star, and unfathomable thing in Shampoo's limited frame of experience.

Once, as a child, she had asked her great-grandmother if there were people living on other worlds, and all she got in response was an enigmatic statement that, "Yes, there are people living out there, you may take my word on that." Any further details than that were like prying sweets out of the ancient matriarch's grasp, and after a while Shampoo had learned not to question her elder about such things, regarding them as insignificant when compared to learning the newest technique, whether it was stone breaking or plucking chestnuts from a roasting fire. Now those questions did not seem quite so academic, and Shampoo was sorely missing that classical education that her great-grandmother dismissed (but which her mother, oddly enough, think would one day be of great importance...).

She sighed, curling up one knee and resting her chin upon it, watching the colors of the sky run the full spectrum as the sun prepared to go to bed for the evening. Shampoo knew that rest would not be quite that easily obtained for herself, and with the mood she was in she would probably spend many restless nights fidgeting and tossing about to woman to whom she was now (unfortunately) wedded. Amazon law did not permit much wiggle room regarding that, and once a formal declaration was made the wedding would have all the weight of an official union. By kissing Lum she had made such a declaration, even if she had withheld the words, "Wo ai ni," which truly would have made it official.

She had always known in her heart that she might one day give those words of pledge to the one who defeated her in battle, yet most of Shampoo's thoughts on that subject had tended to have her giving them to a MAN instead of another woman. It was legal for Amazon warriors to marry, of course, and some women enjoyed happy, fruitful unions together, but Shampoo had more in mind a union like the one which her parents seemed to enjoy, with a strong and caring man to balance out her overly emotional mother and give her life some focus. Shampoo did not so much object to the idea of marrying a woman as she found herself reluctant to give up on that cherished fantasy, and while the option had been given for her and Lum to find a man to give them both children she was somewhat dubious about her prospects of finding such a one who could be strong enough to defeat both her and Lum in battle.

She gave a contemptuous snort when a brief flicker of a memory passed through her mind, of Mu-Tsu and his lifelong declaration of professed yearning for Shampoo. Mousse was weak, stupid and petty, a half-blind fool who had all the sense of a nearsighted warthog and all the sensitivity of a stone. He might protest from now until the stones eroded that he would devote his life to making Shampoo a happy woman, but the only thing which he had done to give her a measure of happiness was to wander out of their village a year ago promising to study hard and come back as a strong enough fighter to defeat her. Shampoo silently wished him a long and happy study, just as she hoped that he would meet someone better suited for him than herself, and that he might eventually forget about her altogether. She once might have cared for him as a friend, but it was rather hard to ignore a long history of Mousse glomping onto pigs, trees, stones, cows and other people and mistaking them for Shampoo, all because he refused to do so while wearing his glasses.

Thoughts of Mousse inevitably brought to mind two others whom Shampoo recalled with a bit more fondness or regret. The first, of course, was her childhood friend, Lotion, who was off studying healing in another village. There was a time when they were very close, so close that some people had started to snicker and make veiled innuendo behind their backsides, but the irony of the matter was that it was not Shampoo who had wound up capturing Lotion's heart, rather it was her adopted cousin, Lotion, who had gravitated to the gentle healer in a passionate tryst that went on for many months before eventually being discovered by their great-grandmother.

Shampoo heaved another sigh. Perfume was the one who was ideally suited to be bound in such a union as this. Perfume liked other women...a LOT. Shampoo had always been mildly amused at the ease with which Perfume fell into and out of love with various other girls their own age, always ending matters on a friendly note (though in one or two cases Shampoo did recall hearing a lot of shouting). Perfume, with her special condition, the one that made her ill-suited for a normal warrior's training, was sensitive and conscientious about her partnering, and there had been a time or two when Shampoo had wondered what it would be like to fall prey to the comely charms of her amorous cousin. Perfume was a fine example of how one could be a strong fighter and a gentle lover all in the same package, and if only she were a man, Shampoo would not hesitate to challenge her to solve her **other** nagging problem.

Of course the memory of that "electrifying" kiss Lum had given her dismissed right out of her mind all thoughts of getting Perfume to challenge Lum and take her place in this union. With her hypersensitive nervous system Perfume would never survive long in the Oni's company (though Shampoo could imagine her cousin expiring with a smile upon her face). No avenue there for getting the marriage transferred, and so Shampoo had to resign herself to becoming the lover of a green-haired girl whom she barely even tolerated...

A mental image of Lum bouncing around in that ridiculously skimpy outfit of hers rose up in Shampoo's mind and was just as furiously stamped back down...with some effort. Lum was smug, overconfident, had that superior, snooty air about her which Shampoo found so infuriating. So what if the Princess was beautiful enough to be an Amazon herself? She had come here as an enemy threatening to invade their planet. A thing like that could not just lightly be dismissed and swept under the carpet! How then was she supposed to get along with her, let alone give her pledge to treat Lum as her "Woda Airen?" It was simply too ridiculous to consider...

And that brought another thought to mind, one Shampoo had tried very hard not to think about over the past year-or-so, since the last annual contest. Ambergris, whom many disparagingly called "Whale Puke," and yet who Shampoo had counted as a very close friend, even closer than Lotion and Perfume during her earlier years of training. They had known each other the way village people tended to know about one another, but two years ago they had become as **close** as sworn companions. Amber had a nasty reputation among some warriors as a girl who only got close to you in order to learn about your fighting techniques, the better to devise strategies for overcoming your strengths and defeating you in challenge matches, and yet they had gone through a lot more than merely training together. Ambergris was possibly the smartest person Shampoo had ever encountered, perhaps almost as clever as great-grandmother herself, and always quick with a jest or a sly observation that made Shampoo's mouth tug up in the corners. Amber had been a good companion, and there were times even now when Shampoo found herself missing her old betrayer...

And that brought back the memory of a year ago, when their friendship had formally died during the previous year's contest. Shampoo had discovered that Ambergris had indeed been studying her techniques with the aim of defeating her, and the realization that (at least in part) their friendship had been based on this intention was enough to enrage her beyond the normal rivalry of challenge matches. She had given Ambergris a scar to remind her of that betrayal, and-  
shortly thereafter-Ambergris had left their village vowing to return one day and claim her own style of vengeance.

It was after the match, however, that Perfume and Lotion had chided Shampoo and forced her to see her own actions in a **very** different light. Now Shampoo felt...bad about giving Ambergris that scar. It was much too excessive a response for a perceived violation of trust, and Ambergris had never made any secret to her about her intentions of defeating Shampoo in battle using what she had learned in practice.

In fact, Shampoo grimly admitted, that was entirely her problem, she now realized. She did tend to impulsively act on things without fully thinking through the consequences of her actions. Case in point, giving Lum the "Kiss of Death." What had she been thinking by doing that? Would she have really sought to hunt the Oni down to make her horns into trophies? Doing that might have doomed their entire village, and yet, at the time, her actions had seemed entirely consistent with the Amazon code...

Just as had been Lum's turning the Kiss around and claiming her for her Airen...

Shampoo winced and softly murmured aloud, "This one is sooooooo doomed..."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Darling."

Shampoo's eyes went wide with shock and realization, and then-not daring to move her head-she turned her eyes to look and see the tip of a tiger-striped boot hovering only a meter away from her position. By moving her eyes upward she tracked the length of a shapely leg to an even more well-turned pair of hips and buttox, and from there roved up the rest of the way to see a smiling Lum dangling there in mid-air with a predatory smile that would have looked appropriate on a falcon eyeing a small mouse.

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked mildly.

"You look like you could use some company, Darling," Lum smiled as she drifted down lower and settled on the space of the cliff beside Shampoo, close enough to rub shoulders together, "Mind if we talk? I'm sure you must have a lot of questions which you'd like to ask me."

"Ahhh..." Shampoo knew that this would count for the understatement of the millennium, but at the moment the very nearness of the other girl made it virtually impossible for her to concentrate enough to form a single question.

"You want to know why I accepted your marriage proposal?" Lum began with a gentle look, "Because I like you, obviously, but if you want the honest truth, there is more to it than that."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo softly repeated.

"Understand," Lum began, "I come from a long and proud line of warriors, and Oni civilization stretches back almost as far as your Amazon society, so as Princess I have a lot of obligations to my people, though mostly I just try to keep out of the way of my father."

"Your King?" Shampoo could not help shuddering as she remembered her first impressions on meeting that ten-foot tall monster.

Lum blew a breath through her nostrils, "Father means well, but he thinks he can order me around. Do you know that he's several times now tried to marry me off to foreign princes, just like he's done for each of my older sisters?"

Shampoo blinked and said, "Aiyaa?"

"Exactly my point," Lum curled up one leg and leaned against it in much the same way as Shampoo was currently doing, "I'm not their only child, you know, I'm just the youngest one that mother and father have had in the last few centuries. One by one each of my older sisters was married off to some Prince of this or that family, even non-Oni outsiders, and the last one married some Drakun guy old enough to be an ancestor. I've got a cousin or two out there whom I've never even met, and all for the sake of forming political alliances that father can use to expand Oni influence. Why do you know that he's even tried to marry me off to one of my own cousins, and then there was that jerk of a Juraian nobleman...what a fop he was! Pink haired and so full of himself..." she shook her head in dismay, "As it poetry is the thing I want instead of romance. I tell you, Darling, sometimes it's just no fun being a Princess."

Shampoo blinked at that and tried to comprehend what the other girl was saying. Something about her parents trying to get her to marry some prominent fellow of a different house? Aloud what she said was, "Did they defeat you in battle?"

"Hardly," Lum replied, "I've sent all of them packing, some not altogether intact, if you know what I mean. Father just doesn't understand what I need in a mate, and Rei, the last one he tried betrothing me to..." she made a face, "He was so disgusting!"

Shampoo found herself oddly sympathizing with the other girl and hesitantly said, "This one knows...what it is like to be...pursued by one she does not consider worthy of being her husband..."

All at once, like Mercury, Lum shifted moods and nudged her bare arm against Shampoo's shoulder, "But you, Darling...you are a different matter. Lum thinks she could get very used to being with you, and I know enough about you to want this union of our two houses."

"Ah...excuse this one?" Shampoo asked with her eyebrows once again in their raised position.

Lum leaned even closer until their faces were almost touching, "I find you very attractive, and you look so sweet when you get nervous, Darling. You don't have to be afraid of me, I won't bite...much."

Considering the prominent fangs that the other girl was sporting, this was NOT a very reassuring promise, "Ah...this one..."

"You smell so nice," Lum made a point of lightly sniffing around Shampoo's collar as if tasting her aroma.

"Ah...iya?" Shampoo murmured faintly, now petrified with astonishment and a curious mix of other emotions not easily categorized as she waited to see what the other girl was intending.

"Oh yes...do you perfume your hair?" Shampoo felt warm fingers caress her nape-  
hairs and work their way up and down the length of her long, purple tresses, all the while Lum was murmuring, "So soft and silky...you must tell me what you wash it with."

Shampoo was aware that her heart was now beating like a war-drum in her chest, and in her heightened state of quasi-alarm and fascination she became aware of the aroma of something lemony-lime scented and found her body reacting with surprising levels of excitement, either for fight, flight or...some other occupation.

"I can't wait until we have our honeymoon," Lum cooed, "I'll bet you taste even better down between your legs...or at least, better than either Ran or Bentan..."

"Eh...who?" Shampoo asked faintly.

"Ah...well...never mind about those two," Lum hastily replied, pulling away slightly from the other girl (and thus causing Shampoo an increasingly bewildering sense of relief and/or frustration), "Mind if I show you something, Darling? I think it will go a long ways to explaining things, just so you can understand me better."

To Shampoo's considerable surprise Lum levitated away from her, only to pause and extend a hand in the Amazon's direction. Lum smiled reassuringly and said, "Take my hand, you won't fall, I won't let you. I only want to show you something that I guarantee you'll find completely out of this world."

"Ah..." with great reluctance Shampoo stretched out her hand and grasped Lum's extended fingers, discovering with surprise how strong those digits were when they closed around her hand...and then all at once Shampoo found herself being drawn off from the safety of her perch and into the open space dangling by one arm over the rocky fall from the cliff face.

"Hang on, Darling!" Lum said cheerfully as she drew Shampoo into the air, causing the ground and the sparse tree tops of the upper mountain levels to fall away with alarming speed, and in a burst of panic Shampoo reached out with her other hand and grasped the Princess by the arm, staring down at a long fall that she very much doubted was survivable. She hardly even noticed that the air was thinning and growing colder with the increasing elevation.

"Just a little farther!" Lum called down, compelling with her voice that Shampoo look up and see where we were headed.

The Amazon gasped, for there hovering in the sky was one of those curious saucer-shaped flying craft that the Oni used, and it was to an opening at the bottom of this craft that Lum was taking the both of them, and a moment later they entered the craft and found themselves inside a very large circular chamber.

"All right," Lum said as she set Shampoo down on a metal surface, "You can let go now, Darling, we've arrived."

Shampoo was reluctant to pry her hands away from the grip of the other girl, but with some effort she did so, trying valiantly not to shake like a leaf as she studied the interior of the sky ship, marveling at its high-tech construction, which was well beyond the experience of a simple mountain-dwelling peasant.

"Now then," Lum smiled up and said, "Ship, take us to sub-orbital elevation and achieve geo-synchronous orbit."

"As you wish," a disembodied voice replied, further startling Shampoo, who looked around in suspicion, wondering if there was someone else present within the chamber.

She had no sense of motion, only a faint humming and an odd kind of faint pressure that increased around her skin for the next several minutes, all the while Lum walked in a broad circle and extended her arms as though proudly displaying off the sparse, unfinished cabin.

"Welcome to my personal shuttle," Lum revealed, "In this ship I can go anywhere within your solar system, or even jump to Trans-light speed and visit another star-system. It's not as long-range as my father's imperial flagship, of course, but it does the job and gets me to where I need to go in a hurry."

Shampoo tried to grasp the essential part of that statement, "This...is a ship? You come and go from Earth to...other planets?"

Lum chuckled softly and nodded to one side, "Take a look over there out that portal."

Shampoo turned in the direction indicated, seeing a very large array of screens that stretched all around the chamber in a three-sixty circumference, set above eye-level. There out those particular portals that she could see was a view of the horizon that was very different from what might be viewed at ground level. Indeed, it took Shampoo a few moments to grasp that what she was seeing was the Earth from an extremely high altitude, the sun easily viewed beyond the blue depths of what now looked like a giant marble...and that it really was a separate body altogether, much larger than the Earth and surrounded by more stars than she could ever remember before having witnessed.

Lum came to stand beside her and explained, "We are now above the atmosphere of the Earth in an orbital region between Earth and your Moon where the gravity equalizes and objects can remain in stable orbit, about forty-two thousand Earth kilometers removed from the surface of your planet."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo blinked, "Forty-two thousand? World is not so big!"

"That's right," Lum said in obvious enjoyment of the other girl's reaction, "Your world is a very small planet, hardly much more than thirteen thousand kilometers from one pole to the other. We are now roughly three times the diameter of the Earth above your world's surface, and about one tenth of the way to the orbit of your moon. Does this surprise you?"

Shampoo just stared at the indescribably breathtaking sight of the Earth set against a sea of stars, marveling that such a round blue-and-brown marble, flecked with clouds and dimly visible forests, could be the home to the people called humans, who were now so tiny that they seemed beyond microscopic. And surrounded by a sea of stars as vast as the eye could see, with the sun shining as the brightest source of light in the heavens, it was all so...intimidating...and yet so oddly appealing a view that she found it hard to look away, even for a heartbeat.

Again Lum leaned closer to her and began explaining, "Earth is said to be the mother world to the Oni race. According to our legends, many thousands of years ago our ancestors left the Earth in search of other worlds to conquer. We rediscovered the mother world about a thousand years ago but discovered that it had been claimed by a rival empire known as the Jurai, who claimed it as one of their colony worlds, even though we know that we were here first."

"That is...why you came to our...Earth?" Shampoo asked faintly, slowly grasping the gift of this revelation.

"A thousand years ago we were compelled to have a competition with the Jurai for domination," Lum revealed, "Since war would have been too costly we settled the matter with a game of Tag, allowing a member of the Earth to represent his world against one of my ancestors. The Earthling won, so we agreed not to visit the Earth for another thousand years, which were up a short time ago. At first Father considered simply invading the place, but since the Jurai seem to still have some slight interest in this star-system-even though it is far removed from their borders, to say nothing of normal space lanes-we agreed to once again give an Earth champion the right of being their defender. That champion is you, Darling, and you did magnificently in defeating me, and I am so glad that you decided to claim me as your prize."

"Ah...prize?" Shampoo wondered if this was what her father sometimes called a "Booby Prize" (and with boobies like Lum's showing beneath that thin halter of hers, it certainly did seem to fit that description).

Lum turned and addressed the air once again, saying, "Computer...decrease the gravity around the center floor plating to one percent of normal."

"As you wish," that disembodied voice replied once again, and without warning Shampoo felt herself grow lighter, her feet leaving the floor as if bounced off of a very light trampoline.

"Aiyaaa...?" Shampoo yelped as she started to tumble in virtual free-fall, only to find Lum's slim arms snaked around her body to steady her bearings.

"This is what it feels like to grow up in outer space," Lum revealed, "I've spent so much of my life aboard starships that this seems perfectly normal to me, though I'll bet you've never felt anything quite like it."

Shampoo marveled at the feeling all right, but she was even more aware of the way Lum was holding her, the press of bared skin against the soft silk fabric of the Amazon's outfit. Her eyes were on the Oni Princess even as she felt her heart racing once again, and the sense of utter helplessness only added to the strangeness of the setting, for Shampoo was very much aware that the Oni had her at a **distinct** disadvantage.

"I want you to know, Darling," Lum murmured softly, "Though I find your village quaint and rustic, and the Earth itself is overrun with primitive human natives, I don't find you to be in any way inferior to me. Far from it...I find you interesting and pleasantly exciting."

Shampoo just stared in wonder as she felt the breath of the other girl against her face. After a moment in which they peered into the eyes of one another, the Amazon managed to gasp, "Wh-What become of Shampoo...and her people?"

"Your people will go on and live out their lives in peace because of your heroism," Lum replied, "But you are destined for me, and I can't think of any better place to celebrate our union, Darling, than to do it in zero G above your beautiful world with only the stars as our witness."

"Aiyaa...?" Shampoo exclaimed, eyes now wide as saucers...

"So...what happened?" asked Nabiki as the pair paused in their story, "Did you guys make out in space or what?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo said again as she glanced away and colored slightly, "Is too embarrassing to say. No want Airen think this one too easy..."

"It was the perfect set-up, you have to admit it," Lum grinned at her co-wife, "The lighting, the position, the way your body floated in my arms, your breasts following the laws of inertia..."

"Yes, it was a very romantic setting," Shampoo agreed, "Airen should try doing it with no gravity to impede...of course is very different with mans doing woman than with woman doing other woman so far off ground."

"Ah...I think I'll take your word on it, guys," Ranma said faintly, "That trip we flew out here was enough to convince me that space ain't really my best option."

"Oho, fear of flying, Saotome?" Nabiki asked slyly.

"Hey, you got no idea what it's like taking a trip in one of those saucers," Ranma informed them, "They loop into some kind of weird tunnel that takes you to other planets and star systems and stuff, and it ain't half bad long as you remember to pack your stomach and take it with you."

"Oh my," Kasumi said, "Have you been to other worlds, Ranma-kun? That does sound nice."

"I've been a few places with Lum and Shampoo," Ranma revealed, "Over the months we've been together we've had visitors and aliens and guys trying to kidnap one or both of my wives, and I've had to go up against some pretty tough guys along the way. It ain't all been one big picnic."

"But eventually Darling Ranma's father convinced us that we might find a strong girl here in Japan who could challenge us for the right of becoming Third Wife in our marriage," Lum noted, "Which is why we are here paying our respects to your house and dojo."

"Strong girl?" Nabiki mused, "Sounds like it's right up your alley, Akane-chan."

"Hey, don't volunteer me!" Akane protested, "I'm not even sure if I believe half of this stuff and you think I want any kind of a part in it...?"

"HOWZAA!" a voice cried out from somewhere in the background, "WHAT A HAUL, WHAT A HAUL!"

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "It sounds like grandfather Happosai is back from his daily rounds."

"Gee, and what great timing, too," Nabiki noted dryly.

"Happo-THE MASTER?" Genma went into full panic mode, reaching across the table to grip Soun Tendo by the collar, "You mean he's HERE-IN THIS HOUSE?"

"Calm yourself, Saotome," Soun urged while attempting to pry enough space in his collar to permit breathing, "The Master has forgiven us and has taken Akane on as his student..."

"Oh yeah," Akane growled without enthusiasm, "Like it was my idea and all that..."

"Forgiven us?" Genma blurted, "FORGIVEN YOU, MAYBE, BUT WHAT ABOUT-?"

"Well now," said a diminutive figure that came to perch on top of Genma's turban, "Is that you, Genma old boy? Long time no see! Been wondering when you'd show up looking for a handout."

"M-M-M-Master?" Genma gulped, his eyes roving upward, "You're all right? Oh that's...that's great news..."

"WHOAH!" Happosai abruptly swerved to take in the sight of Lum and Shampoo, "Hubba-hubba! Who's the new talent?"

"Gramps," Nabiki said with a wave of her hand, "Meet Saotome Lum and Shampoo, the blushing brides of our new houseguest, Saotome Ranma."

"Who's the old freak?" Ranma asked as he took in the sight of the dwarf standing atop the terrified head of his father.

"Mind your mouth, Boy," Happosai snapped before throwing his arms wide and crying, "COME TO DADDY!"

He began to leap forward, only to be met half-way by the crackle of lightning that lanced from Lum's fingertip to catch him full in the chest and propel the little man backwards out into the garden. Everyone else felt their hair stand on end from the lingering static discharge, all save for Shampoo and Ranma, who had wisely jumped back just in time to avoid being caught in the shockwave.

"Oh...my...goodness..." Soun said as both his hair and mustache stood on end.

"Now that he had coming," Genma remarked, being spared the worst of it since he had no hair to speak of.

Akane looked as though her hair was attempting to defy gravity, which was also true for Nabiki, while Kasumi's ponytail was pointing towards the ceiling. Only Lum's hair remained falling naturally where it was as she calmly blew upon her finger then said, "Please forgive my rudeness. You were saying?"

Akane turned her head and stared out into the garden, round-eyed, while Kasumi said, "Oh my...does this sort of thing happen with you all the time?"

"Oh yeah," Ranma affirmed, sitting back down where he had been at the table.

"You get used to it after while," Shampoo affirmed, taking her usual spot between Lum and their husband.

"I am sorry that I did that," Lum noted, "It was not my intention to cause problems. Lum prefers to settle matters like a civilized person, but when a strange pervert attempts to grope me..."

"Hey, don't sweat it," said Nabiki with a bland expression, "The old guy's harder to kick off than that, and you aren't the first person who's wanted to shoot him with something."

"So, what's the story, Pop?" Ranma asked, "Is that old guy really your master?"

"He's the martial artist who instructed us, Boy," Genma replied with more calm than he had displayed a mere moment ago, "The most evil and perverted martial arts master around, and founder of the Anything Goes school."

"For twenty years we trained under him," Soun said gravely, "Hard and demanding years, right from the time we were little boys up until we were grown men with wives and children. Then, ten years ago, Saotome and I had felt that we'd taken enough of his abuse and sought to do something about it. We got the master drunk with Sake then tied him up in a cave that we sealed shut with lots of high explosives..."

"Yeah," Akane said as she turned back to look at the others, "But he didn't really die, and a couple of months back he showed up here saying he'd been freed from that cave by a bolt of lightning. The next thing we know he's turning our whole life upside down, and then he goes and decides to make me his apprentice."

"It was Daddy's idea," Nabiki said sourly, "Buying off the old guy by giving him my cute little sister as a plaything, to mold and train to be a better martial artist."

"Oh?" Genma asked Soun with interest, "Did it work?"

"For a time, yes," Soun replied, "Akane, you made your father very proud by serving to distract-ah! I mean...by keeping the Master occupied with teaching you his ways. I know it was hard for you training under him like that..."

"What?" Akane said blandly, her eyes expression a wrath that turned her smile into something extraordinarily nasty, "You mean running around with underwear tied to my head stealing lingerie from my classmates, having to rune scared that somebody was going to find me out and start calling me a Hentai? And all those other nice things that Grandfather Happosai likes to put me through while calling it training?"

"You did all that with the old Perv?" Ranma blinked in amazement.

"Shut up, you," Akane snapped, "You're a fine one to be calling me a pervert, picking two women to be your wives, as if one of them wouldn't be enough for you..."

"You tell him, Akane-chan," the "old Pervert" in question said as Happosai made a miraculous recovery and reappearance. Looking directly at Lum he said, "Not that I can blame the boy, they're quite the pair of Honeys. That lightning trick was dirty and underhanded...I like that in a woman. What say we try it again this time and we'll see how you stack up against a real Master."

"I wasn't talking to you, Master Happosai," Akane growled, then all at once she gripped the table in one hand and casually flipped it over, landing it directly on top of the old man with a resounding "CRUNCH" as though she were swatting a roach with a piece of newspaper.

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo softly murmured in amazement.

"What strength," Lum said admiringly, looking at Akane in a new and different light, "He never even saw it coming."

"Yeah, well, if you're impressed by such things," Akane flexed her arms, "Then maybe you wouldn't mind some light sparring in the dojo? All this talk is starting to bore me..."

"How the heck did you do that?" Ranma marveled.

"It's simple, really," replied Nabiki, who-like Kasumi-had managed to rescue her teacup and tray in time from the overturned table, "Magic. A few weeks back Akane ate some of the old guy's Super Soba noodles."

"Super Soba noodles?" Ranma repeated.

Genma gasped and said, "You don't mean...the legendary noodle formula created by Buddha himself?"

"Yes, Saotome," Soun replied gravely, "The Master found and revived the ancient formula with the intent of making himself even stronger than usual, but by a mischance it was Akane who wound up eating the noodles and gaining their fabulous strength-enhancing potency. She was always a strong girl before, but thanks to the noodles she has the strength of a hundred men..."

"A hundred very large and powerful men," Kasumi corrected.

"More like a hundred gorillas if you ask me," Nabiki added smartly.

"Oh shut up, Nabiki," Akane growled, "You know as well as anybody that those noodles had side-effects that I'm still trying to live with."

"Side-effects?" asked Shampoo.

"Ah..." Akane looked away once again, "I don't like to talk about it..."

"I'll sell you the information for a thousand yen," Nabiki offered.

"Nabiki!" Akane snapped.

"A thousand?" Ranma reached into a sleeve and fished something out that caught Genma's immediate attention. Flipping through the stack of bills he fished out one and passed it over to Nabiki, "Will this be enough?"

The middle Tendo sister took one look at the bill in question and went round-  
eyed, snatching it from his hand and holding it up to the light to make sure that she was not miscounting the number of zeros. After several tries she managed to get out, "T-T-Ten thousand yen? But...?"

"Ten thousand?" Soun turned a shocked expression towards Genma, "Saotome?"

"Don't look at me," Genma replied, "They boy's been handling the finances ever since we left China." He left unsaid the thought that he had found it extremely difficult to steal any of that money for himself seeing as Ranma always found a clever place to hide it, such as with his women, where Genma wisely refused to trespass.

"Just a courtesy for us staying here for the night," Ranma said, "Don't want you guys to think we're a bunch of freeloaders, and-no offense-but you look like you could use the money to pay for that busted coffee table. Of course we could always crash at the embassy courtesy of the Japanese government since the Oni don't yet have an embassy set up, and Lum here is their Princess..."

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "You have money, Ranma-kun? How very nice. Isn't that nice, Nabiki? Nabiki?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo remarked, "This one think you sister fainted."

"Sitting up like that?" Lum asked, holding up two fingers and creating an arcing spark between them, "Do you want me to revive her?"

Fortunately the flash of light caused Nabiki to start out of her daze, and then she looked at Ranma with renewed respect and said, "Whoah...maybe I should have charged you for more money."

"I can afford it," Ranma said, "So, what's this about side affects for this super strength thing?"

"Nabiki," Akane growled in warning.

"Sorry Sis," Nabiki said, "This is business. You see...the Soba noodles don't just magnify a person's strength, they cause a few...internal changes to Akane's biochemistry. Nothing major or grotesque, she just has a better physique than usual is all...oh, and she has to shave often..."

"Sis," Akane growled, seeing red and looking ready to lurch across the table.

"Oh yes," Nabiki added, "Add to that the increased aggression, alternating with moments of acute inactivity and other aspects of what is typically associated with masculine behavior. Good thing she hasn't grown anything else masculine that I'm aware of..."

"Nabiki!" Akane snapped, half lurching upward from her sitting position.

"Hey, take it easy!" Ranma urged, "We don't hafta get all violent and everything, we're just talking here, right? We can save the rest for when we get out to the dojo."

"Ranma is right, Akane-chan," Kasumi urged, turning back to Shampoo and Lum as she said, "So what happened to you while you were in outer space? Did you and Lum-chan consummate your union?"

"No," Shampoo replied with a sigh, "This one not think either of us were ready. In fact, were not ready in many, many ways no even expect. Did start to think then that maybe be married to a woman of the Oni no so bad when we start kissing..."

"Yes," Lum smiled lopsidedly, "But before we could get to the good parts, things...began to happen..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Coitus Interruptus Extraterrestrialus: shadowmane

What happened to spoil the fun for Lum and Shampoo, and how long did it take for them to get seriously down to business? And at what point did Ranma happen along to get included in their threesome? For that and other fun stuff, tune in next time for: "Those Obnoxious Oxymorons," or, "In Space No One Can Hear you Climax!" Be there!

X -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: ~ All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	4. Chapter 4

LSPurple04

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Four.

Shampoo's heart was racing and her eyes were as wide as saucers, being held in the arms of the Princess Lum while drifting in near-Zero gravity, their hair floating about their bodies while their faces hovered only inches away from one another.

The green-haired Oni clearly had the Amazon at a distinct disadvantage, being accustomed to this environment while Shampoo had never been in outer space before, and with a panoply of stars surrounding them and giving them the only light (aside from the sun, of course) under which to study one another's features. In that light Shampoo could see the beautiful, exotic features of her Airen and marveled at the effect those stars created, lending the green-haired alien girl a kind of surreal unearthliness that only enhanced her normal attractive qualities. The green eyes that matched her hair shone with a strange inner light as they studied Shampoo with equal, undisguised interest. They were liquid with emotion, alive with the delight of her intended conquest. Too gaze into them was to find oneself lost within their infinite depths, and they held a power within them to rival any other supernatural gift in her arsenal, and Shampoo was helpless to resist the attraction and the promise that they offered.

For helpless she was, trapped within a spaceship in geosynchronous orbit above the planet Earth, and caught up in the arms of a girl who could easily levitate under her own power and thus was quite at home in a gravity-free environment. Shampoo could hardly navigate in these environs, let alone resist the embrace of her new Airen as Lum held her **quite** close at hand, so close that they smell the scent of their respective bodies, Shampoo sensing the warm fragrance of Lemon-Lime and cinnamon from the lithesome body of the tiger-striped bikini-clad body of the alien princess, a scent that awoke in the Amazon an awareness of Lum that went beyond any previous consideration.

For an instant Shampoo contemplated the woman with whom she was now effectively mated and took in the totality of sensual impressions that were made known to her as she felt the softness of her skin, the strength of her arms, the warmth of their bodies pressed so closely together, all of which combined to present a mental image of a woman whose overall shape was as voluptuous as her own. Shampoo was almost paralyzed with fascination as Lum moved her face closer to position her lips up against Shampoo's, and then she felt the softness of their embrace, so very different from the kiss that they had exchanged earlier, after the contest.

The sensations that the kiss produced were both electric and indescribable, and for the brief time that it went on Shampoo felt the universe spin all around her, but as she was trying to work out just why she should be so affected, something unexpected happened, right about the time that she felt Lum's hands begin to move around to caress one large bosom...

It happened with a suddenness that took them both by surprise, a distant hum that caused the whole ship to shudder all around them. Sirens went off and startled the two girls, Lum breaking contact with her Airen to glance around in alarm, which in turn alerted Shampoo that something rather unpleasant had either just happened or was about to.

"What is it?" Shampoo gasped, finding her cheeks flushed and her breath slightly ragged.

"Proximity alert," Lum let Shampoo go and floated at once towards a control console, "Someone is shooting at us, but who would dare to attack the Oni?"

Let go of Lum's embrace, Shampoo found herself tumbling in free-fall while the green-haired princess worked the controls of the ship and stared at some technical displays that appeared in the air all about her. Shampoo saw one of the port windows flash brightly and stared at that until her tumbling momentum carried her around at an angle that made such viewing awkward. Eventually she drifted close enough to the ceiling and was able to kick out with her legs to stop her tumble and propel her towards where Lum was floating, and once close enough to grasp a console, Shampoo was able to hang on for dear life while she steadied herself against a queasiness that erupted in her belly.

"I don't believe it!" Lum exclaimed, "They're not even shooting at us? They're shooting at each other?"

"Who?" Shampoo asked as she tried to steady herself and regain her coordination.

Lum did something that made two space ships appear in the air above the console, one of these two looking like a transparent dome set atop a wooden cradle, the other one ruby colored and looking like a crystal ornament with many spikes spinning like a child's top while exchanging fire with the other vessel.

"Juraian," Lum exclaimed, "But I don't recognize the other ship...looks vaguely like something out of the historical archives, but it appears that these two are locked in mortal combat."

"Then why do they attack us?" Shampoo asked, putting a hand over her mouth as she started to feel her stomach churn in protest.

"I don't think it was intentional," Lum remarked somewhat reluctantly, "More likely a shot went wide of its mark, but it came damned close to our position. We had better take evasive action before another shot gets more unlucky and hits us..."

No sooner were the words out of her mouth when the ship shook once again, only this time more violently than before, and then that strangely disembodied voice called out, "Warning, this vessel is under attack. Damage to primary stabilizer unit. This ship cannot maintain orbital status and will begin reentry in another six hecatares..."

"Is this bad?" Shampoo reasoned.

"Extremely," Lum paled, "Hang onto something, we're going to have to make an original landing. You had better get to an escape pod just in case, Darling...Darling? Are you well?"

In response to this, Shampoo lost the last of her self-control and vomited violently upon the Oni princess...

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "You did that to Lum-san, Shampoo-san?"

"Not by intention," Shampoo squirmed slightly where she was sitting, "This one did not intend to disgrace and embarrassed her Airen, but...then again, there was no time to prepare for what next was about to happen..."

"Hang onto something!" Lum cried out to Shampoo as she fought to controls to her plummeting spaceship, "I've managed to get us into a narrow glide back through the atmosphere, but I'm not sure if I can arrange a soft landing in the heart of China...too many damned mountains in the way, I'll be lucky if I can get within ten klughs of your village!"

"Is that far from Joketsuzoku?" Shampoo asked, still queasy after emptying the contents of her stomach on her Airen.

"Abound a hundred and fifty earth miles, or less than three hundred kilometers for your metric system," Lum replied, "Either way, it becomes five or six days travel on level ground if we have to walk back to your village,

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo exclaimed as she tried to grab ahold of something (other than Lum) to steady herself against what she instinctively knew would be a VERY rough landing...

"Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed, "That couldn't have been very pleasant..."

"This one not know," Shampoo shrugged, "She lose consciousness before worst part happen."

"Fortunately the inertial dampers compensated and spared us the worst of the impact," Lum explained, "Unfortunately we still came down around seventy kilometers outside of Amazon territory, in the land of a people whom I think they called themselves the Musk?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo averred, "Is ancient rivals of the Amazons, live in province to the north of this one's homeland. Only thing we share in common is roots in Jusenkyo."

"Oh yeah," Ranma sniffed, "Those guys, and that leader of theirs, Garlic something..."

"You mean Herb?" Lum smiled at her discontented husband, remembering the epic clash that had occurred when those two met.

"Yeah, whatever," Ranma leaned back and studied the ceiling as though to effect total disinterest.

"Be as may, Airen," Shampoo also smiled indulgently at her and Lum's co-husband, "Was first encounter for Lum and this One with you principal rival..."

"Hah!" Ranma snorted in curt dismissal.

"Of course, how we met the Prince of the Musk dynasty was somewhat unusual in itself," Lum continued, "Seeing as they discovered us shortly after our forced landing..."

"Yes?"

"My lord," the soldier reported, "Our scouts are returned from investigating the strange light that they spotted in the sky...and...um...we think that you should see this."

Herb looked up from studying his paperwork, the endless piles of scrolls that lay atop his desk in his private study, and he growled rather ominously, "This had better be important..."

For the sake of the guard's composure it turned out that it most certainly was. Herb stared in amazement at the building-sized craft half-buried in the swampland adjoining the Musk border with the Tartar-controlled area of the horseclans just south of his palace. Sitting astride his horse and staring at the incredible object before him, Herb could only exclaim in dismay, "Where could this have come from? It cannot be of Chinese manufacture."

"We don't know, Prince," said Mint, one of his two most loyal retainers, "Lime can't pull it out of the muck and we can't find a door anywhere outside the thing to let us go inside...assuming it even does have an inside, that is."

"Idiot," Herb murmured softly, "This clearly is what the outlanders refer to as an Unidentified Flying Object, shaped like a saucer with those peculiar tiger stripes up on top. See the bottom that's half buried in the mud? There is an aperture there. Have Lime and five men clear a space around that, then we will see if it can be entered."

"But Sir," one of his soldiers said, "Supposing the people inside are...dangerous?"

"You mean more dangerous than me?" Herb asked with an ominous rumble.

"Right, Sir," the soldier snapped to attention, "Very good, Sir. Sergeant! Pick five of your strongest men and put them on that detail at one...!"

Sometime later, after a wood-lined trench had been dug around the base of the saucer, and the object itself was propped up into position to insure it did not tip over onto those underneath it, Herb took the lead with Mint and Lime to examine the aperture with careful deliberation. (Naturally his two minions were less careful than himself, but Herb reasoned that if there were any hidden traps to be found, his minions would find them for him and spare him considerable trouble).

"Fascinating," Herb remarked, "Clearly the product of superior technology, and definitely not of terrestrial manufacture. I doubt that even the Americans are capable of producing a craft of this sophistication..."

"Feels smooth and shiny," Mink said as he examined the ring around the base, "Still don't see anything like a door handle that you can open."

Herb was about to chide the Wolf-clan descended Mint about thinking like a denizen of some backwater province when they all three heard a distinctive clicking noise, and then eyes darted to Lime, whose hand had touched something unseen around the opening, causing the iris t the base of the spacecraft to hiss open on pneumatic hinges.

"Hey," the Tiger-clan descended youth asked in surprise, "Was that supposed to happen?"

Rather than reprimand his trusted (if dim-witted) bodyguard, Herb closed his mouth and then said, "Obviously. Very well then. Let us see what wonders are inside this downed space vessel...

In a way Herb was both disappointed and elated upon discovering that the inhabitants of the craft were not so much alien looking as very odd and exotic, but at the same time he was dismayed at the discovery of the SEX of the two unconscious beings they found huddled together in an awkward embrace. Naturally Mint and Lime were just as disconcerted but still far less restrained in showing it than the Prince himself, examining the two young WOMEN with undisguised curiosity and confusion.

"Look, Mint...what are these?" Lime asked as he poked one of the two girls in the chest with a finger.

"Don't know," Mint replied, bending down to sniff the one with the purple hair, "Sure smell nice, though...except for all that icky stuff covering up the other."

"You idiots," Herb covered his face with a hand and tried not to look at what his childhood friends were doing, "Pick them up-carefully! And carry them outside. The one in the tiger-striped...ah...have her cleaned up at once, then transport them both to the palace!"

"Yes, Herb," Mint replied, as always forgetting to use titles since he had never quite lost the habit of speaking with Herb the way they had when they were children.

"Oooh...soft!" Lime remarked as he gently lifted the tiger-striped girl into his hands, "I like this one! Hey, do you think he's from my clan?"

"That is not a 'he,' dolt," Herb rumbled dangerously, "But...never mind...we will discuss this later..." Silently the Prince of the Musk averred to himself that he would probably need picture books from the back rooms of his personal library before he could even begin to explain the matter of sexual differences to Lime. In truth the sight of the nearly naked green-haired girl had come close to giving Herb a nosebleed, but with effort he controlled his reactions, reasoning that he did not have to look upon the two women just yet while his minions could do the rougher work for him.

And here he had thought that he would have to travel to Jusenkyo in order to learn close up what women were like. His late father had left the Prince woefully unprepared in this one significant category of knowledge, but it was a deficit that Herb intended to correct at his earlier opportunity, seeing a perfect way of excusing spending time with two females that did not call for him to commit a gross breach of Musk law, and thus satisfy a curiosity that had been building up within him ever since he was very little...

"That jerk!" Ranma scowled, balling his fists and looking angry enough to use them.

"What the heck did that guy do with you when he had you in his palace?" Akane asked, imagining all sorts of vile and perverted things that boys seemed naturally inclined to do with women."

"Nothing much, actually," Lum replied, "He just had us dressed up in nice silken outfits while he entertained us in his private chambers."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured aloud, "That was one very strange thing to wake up to after crashed landing..."

Shampoo's lavender colored eyelashes flickered open, her ruby colored irises taking a moment to become refocused before deciding that she was inside some strange manner of hut where the walls were lined with ornamented silk tapestries, books, scrolls, weapons and pictures, and there was a distinct scent of musky perfume in the air that hinted of cinnamon, jasmine and other fragrance. It was warm and dry inside this place, and the roof seemed unnaturally high for any structure of Shampoo's personal acquaintance. Of a certainty it was not of Oni manufacture, and that alone gave her cause to be grateful, though the second coherent thought that crossed her mind was that she was most probably dead and had arrived in the house of one of her spiritual ancestors.

The next thing that she was aware of was the smell of warm water close nearby, and as she tried to concentrate and focus on that rather significant thing her eyes moved over to one side and came to rest upon the sleeping form of Lum, who was reclined on a divan beside her. Even as she looked she saw Lum begin to stir and heard her faint murmur of protest about wanting to sleep a little longer, and then her own eyes fluttered open and became focused upon Shampoo, their green depths drinking in the sight of her as a languid smile played about her features and she softly mewed, "Darling?"

Relief and exasperation flooded through Shampoo for an instant, reminding her once more of just how closely her fate was now bound to the Oni girl, which meant that waking up beside her had to signify that they had indeed died in the crash and were only now finding themselves in the afterlife atop White Mountain, where they would be greeted by their illustrious ancestors and the ancient Gods her people worshipped. In a way that both comforted and dismayed Shampoo, who could think of a thousand unfinished tasks in her young life that had yet to be fulfilled, and to think of her life ending this way seemed monumentally stupid, though she supposed that it could always be worse given the company that she was keeping these days...

A slight splash of water made Shampoo turn her head in mild confusion. Only then did she realize that she and Lum were both dressed in fancy silken robes of extremely fine manufacture, so formal looking that Lum had a moment to wonder if the Gods themselves had woven such fine textiles...but then she turned to see a third figure swimming in the nearby pool and at once had all her hopes of a comfortable afterlife come crashing down about her bare ankles.

"Good, you are both awakened," said the figure wading in that pool, a large steamy body of contained mineral water that bubbled up from a fountain in the center of an artificially created circle, "I am pleased to see that you did not suffer any undue injuries by your landing. For a time there I was concerned that one or both of you might have sustained a concussion."

Correction, Shampoo mentally thought to herself. This most definitely was not heaven...it was one of the 99 hells of Chinese legend, for she vaguely recognized the naked man in the pool by his mix of white and black hair in a cinnamon-like pattern. Though it had been ten years since she had set eyes upon this youth she knew that would have recognized Prince Herb of the Musk Clan even if she had amnesia.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the Prince said as he stood at waist-level in the water, staring at the two exotic women laying on matching divans with the sort of lordly arrogance that Shampoo so well remembered from her singular encounter, "I am Prince Herb of the Musk Dynasty, ruler of the clans who comprise my humble Kingdom. I am also your host, so have no fear, I will see to it that no harm comes to either of you...ladies."

That slight hesitation was all that Shampoo needed to form a swift hypothesis regarding the nature of their "guest status" within this Kingdom. Not being one known much for her subtlety, she spoke at once to say, "Shampoo knows you...you are son of Prince Talcum, a cousin to Prince Julep, who married a woman of the Amazon peoples..."

"So...you are an Amazon, are you?" Herb asked in tones that were unreadable, "And is the same true of your lovely companion?"

"No," Lum replied, "I am Lum of the Oni, Shampoo's lawful Airen."

"Airen?" Herb asked the question with undisguised astonishment, looking from the green haired Oni to the dubious wince of the purple haired Amazon and saying, "You mean...you have a pledge between you of oath sisters?"

"Something like that," Shampoo hastily replied before Lum could put her foot in both of their mouths, "The Oni are a very dangerous people, very powerful, they come from the sky," Shampoo pointed at the ceiling then added with sincerity, "You no want to cross them or make them angry."

"Indeed?" Herb asked skeptically, smiling in a way that disconcerted Shampoo, especially when he asked, "You do look familiar to me. I have met you somewhere before. I never forget a face, and yours is...quite memorable. What was that name again? Xian-Pu? Of which tribe of Amazons?"

"Joketsuzoku," Lum responded before Shampoo could tell her not to, "It is a small village several days travel from here..."

"Yes," Herb responded evenly, "I know of the place. My late cousin, Julep, chose a woman from your people to be his bride, more fool he. He paid for that error with his life while I was still a small boy. I do believe I recognize you now, Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku. That woman was your cousin, Lao Kane, correct?"

"Ex-cousin," Shampoo said hastily, "Great-grandmother exile her from tribe for killing husband. Is very forbidden to Amazon peoples."

"As well it should be," Herb remarked with a subtle hint of danger in his voice, "I believe your Elders choose to do that in order to head up a blood feud between your people and the Musk, not from any genuine contrition on your parts...but for now we will set that issue aside, shall we? As I recall the matter, your Matriarch paid a visit to my father's palace while the woman, Lanocane, was still residing within our borders, and you came along with her as her designated heir. You could not have been more than six at the time, I believe, but I do remember a girl with purple hair who resembled you perfectly, given the obvious way in which you have...blossomed out."

Shampoo was feeling increasingly nervous the more she listened to the Prince refer to the past association between themselves and their respective tribal ties, very gently informing her that he now held the upper hand and that cooperation with him was very much in their interest. Any other man she would not have known such fear, but the stories told about the Dragon Clans, and the Musk Prince himself, left her feeling exposed and vulnerable in a way that made Lum's attempted seduction seem as casual as flirting. She doubted very much that they were entirely alone, and doubtless he could call in other clansmen to serve his needs if he were but to snap his fingers.

Lum, on the other hand, was not quite so intimidated by the Prince or his surroundings, having experienced far loftier fare from her many would-be suitors. As fascinated as she was to learn that her Darling had traveled beyond Amazon borders in her youth, this conversation was drifting away from Lum herself, and that always bored her...and boredom was extremely dangerous for an Oni princess. Instead she sat up on the divan and composed herself with a casual dignity that was inherent for a Princess, and then she said without any respectful deference, "It's nice to meet you, Prince, but may we ask what Darling and I are doing as guests of your quaint palace?"

"Quaint?" Herb frowned, displeased at the woman's tone and its implications, "This palace is more than seventeen hundred years old and has been in Musk possession since the Han dynasty..."

"Don't care," Lum smiled, "And you didn't answer my question."

Herb marked the insolent tone of the green-haired girl but masterfully controlled his temper before replying, "You were found unconscious on Musk land no more than several kilometers from here. I had you cleaned up and brought here so that we might talk and that I may discern the nature of your presence on my land..."

"Oh, that's easy," Lum replied, "We crash landed."

"Crash landed?" Herb repeated with raised cinnamon eyebrow.

"That's right," Lum nodded, "Our being here is an accident, but if it's all the same to you, Prince, we ought to be getting back to Darling's home now before her people become too worried. Oh, and I'll have to contact a towing service to have my saucer lifted back to the repair shop, so if you have any sort of communications device handy..."

"I don't think you quite grasp the significance of your situation," Herb informed the Oni.

"Maybe you're the one who isn't grasping the significance here, Prince," Lum said confidently, pausing to glance down before saying, "By the way, who made these excellent garments? Did you dress us yourself?"

It was with a supreme effort at controlling his temper that Herb managed to be civil as he said, "No. They are a gift from my father's wardrobe. They used to belong to a couple of my mother's ladies in waiting. I had female servants dress you...men do not usually consort with women among the Musk. But here in my palace...I make the odd exception."

"How lucky for us," Shampoo murmured faintly, wondering just how she could get the message across to Lum that women were not supposed to speak like that to a Musk prince, and doing so was tantamount to courting real disaster. Her great-  
grandmother, the Elder, had made it a point to drum that fact into her young and impressionable mind at the age of six, when she had last traveled here as a guest of the Musk in an Amazon delegation.

"You had better make an exception for us, Prince Herb," Lum confidently smiled, like an open challenge, "My father is King of the Oni, and he wouldn't like it very much if you took Darling and me as hostages for ransom."

"Hostages?" Herb scoffed, "You are my guests and will be treated with every...did you just say that you are a Princess?"

"That's right," Lum smiled as she reached out and took Shampoo by the arm with a possessive delight that left her purple-haired companion speechless, "And Darling here is the next best thing to being a Princess among her people."

Herb looked from one exotically haired girl to the other then said, "Yet neither one of you has a husband?"

"That is true," Shampoo wilted slightly, "It is...the Amazon way for women to marry if they share kiss of marriage..."

"Of course," Lum added, "We also have to promise to provide our families with children and heirs, so somewhere down the line I suppose we will have to take on a husband..."

"Better and better," Herb smiled, "And by your laws the one you must marry should be a strong man capable of defeating you both in battle, correct?

"Ah...yes," Shampoo reluctantly responded, not liking the direction in which this conversation was headed.

"Then if a man were to defeat you he would, by right, become the heir to both of your families, houses and respective territorial claims," Herb's smile revealed fangs that were easily twice as intimidating as Lum's were on a good day, "By which token such a man would be well on his way to forging an impressive alliance, possibly even an empire?"

Herb's mind was racing at the prospects, all but salivating at the possibilities this left open for him to claim. And here he had invited these two into his midst just so he could finally have the experience of socializing with women after a lifetime of being denied such a privilege. By talking with them he might be able to learn more about what a woman was like, how she might respond to pleasant conversation, even flattery, things Herb had only read about in books but never had the opportunity to put into practice. Why, he had even dared to hope that he might lure them both into the enticing bathwater in which he was careful to keep himself submerged above the waist (no sense letting these women discover just how much being in their presence was affecting him this far, which would mean sacrificing a great psychological advantage). The thought of gazing upon them both naked was enough to send him into orbit, possibly even to look upon their naked breasts and not feel shy for once or lock up like a drooling idiot (by which toke Mint and Lime came to mind in very short order).

He had long toyed with the idea of doing what his ancestors had done and traveling to Jusenkyo to dump some unfortunate animal into Nyanniichuan, and thus create for himself a consort with which he could play without risking social censure. How unfortunate that his father's Harem was beyond his reach, and that the wives of other Musk dynasty members were similarly beyond his touch, and that he did already have a fianc e arranged to marry him, one he had never seen before and whose mystery was tempered by a dread that she might not be suitable in some manner. He only knew that she came from a good family and had strong clan backing, but for all else he knew she might well prove to be incredibly ugly.

"Forgive me," Herb managed to say after mastering his draconic instincts by an effort of will tempered by the hot flames of ambition, "I had no idea that I was dealing with royalty here. Well met indeed. I am your humble servant for the duration of your stay here."

That definitely did not suit Shampoo in the least as she strongly suspected that their stay would be prolonged at the Prince's insistence. Rather than openly challenge him on this point, though, she managed to ask, "May this one please to ask...is this the wish of you, Prince, or does it meet with the approval of your father?"

"Sadly my father is no longer around to make it into an issue," Herb responded with genuine regret (tinged with other emotions) in his voice, "He passed away recently after a prolonged bout of illness. The same illness, in point of fact, that one of your Amazon healers cured him of five years ago, if I remember rightly. Kho-Hom, I believe that was her name..."

"This one's mother," Shampoo said in surprise.

"Ah," the Prince smiled more deeply, "I thought as much. You resemble her too much for it to be a coincidence. Even among Amazons, hair such as yours cannot be all that common."

"Ah...this one is sorry her mother could not help your father again in his time of need," Shampoo said with as much diplomacy as she had ever learned at the knee of her matronly elder.

"It is of no consequence now what might have been," the Prince replied, "However, being now the crown prince of the Musk, I am obligated to follow in the footsteps of my father and ancestors, to ascend the throne and carry out our ancient ambition...to one day become the true rulers of China. Since I am in need of a bride, and the both of you are in need of a husband, I was thinking, perhaps, that we might come to an equitable arrangement between us...if that meets with your approval."

"And if it does not?" Lum asked with an arched green eyebrow.

"Then, regrettably, you will force my hand in other ways," Herb cheerfully responded, raising one hand and causing his fist to glow with energy, confidently displaying his power as he added, "It would pain me to have to hurt the both of you by doing battle, but I think you will discover that I possess more than sufficient skill to become your rightful husband by defeating you both in combat."

Lum nodded, "You raise a very good point, Prince. However, there is one thing you have neglected to consider."

"And that is?" Herb asked.

"Three," Lum replied, raising her own hand and beginning to levitate off of the divan, "Two...One...!"

Shampoo only had a moment of stunned awareness of what was about to happen before she instinctively started ducking for cover...

"Oboy," Akane winced, "You don't mean to say she fried him?"

"A hundred thousand volts and about five hundred amperes aimed at the water he was bathing in as just a taste of what I have in store for men who think they can take me that easy," Lum sniffed, "Not that he wasn't bad looking, but I've seen his type before plenty of times. The only look at a woman like a stepping stone to walk over on their climb up the ladder of political alliance. If I'd wanted to marry someone like that I could have had my pick of a dozen arrogant rich boys with Kingdoms a lot more impressive than some backwater swamp populated by half-animals."

"You see," Shampoo explained, "The Musk Dynasty are an ancient peoples who long ago discovered the transforming powers of Jusenkyo and put it to own use. Is much like husband curse where he turn to woman when wet, but in case of Musk they take animals and throw into Nyanniichuan to turn into women who then they freeze in cursed form with magical ladle. That how various animal clans created by Musk, and Prince Herb is descended from line of Imperial dragons..."

"Wait a minute," Nabiki protested, "Imperial dragons? Are you trying to tell us that there's a spring of the drowned imperial dragon at this...Jusenkyo place?"

"Is certain that there is," Shampoo replied, "But Herb's ancestors no throw in spring of drowned dragon, rather throw dragon in spring of drowned girl to make dragon into human woman for mating. Of course they claim they no longer do this anymore, but still is source of much human among Amazons that some Musk is cousin to monkeys."

"So what happened?" Soun asked, "Did you escape from that palace after taking care of their prince?"

"Oh, the Prince was very much alive and well when last we saw him," Lum replied, "In point of fact, that little zap I gave him did much less damage than even I'd intended. He shrugged it off soon enough to come after us while I was carrying Darling to safety..."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo rolled her eyes, "But that where real problem get started..."

"You can't escape me!" Herb snarled as he sought to close the distance between himself and his fleeing prey, "Sooner or later you will tire, and then I will have you both!"

"My, he is a persistent one," Lum observed in faint dismay, "But how can he be chasing us like that? I thought Earth people didn't know how to fly, let alone harness Chi-bolts. I wonder if he's just naturally gifted or compensating for something, do you think?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo exclaimed as she clung to Lum for dear life, seeing thick vegetation and many craggy hillocks passing far below them as Lum carried them both away from the Musk territory, "He is gaining, can you no speed things up?"

"I am trying, Darling," Lum replied, "But who knew he was as fast as this? And he's not carrying a passenger, not that I'm complaining about you being a burden." The latter part was cooed in Shampoo's ear with tenderness and affection.

"Just do not drop this one," Shampoo said nervously, not liking the altitude of such a possible fall one bit.

"Not to worry, Darling," Lum replied, snuggling closer to the other girl in her arms as if delighting in the contact, "I am never letting you go that easily, and it's just a little way further until we reach your village, after which I'm sure we can have your elders arrange a peace match while I put in a call to father..."

All at once Shampoo sensed the tension in the air increase and cried, "Duck!"

Lum attempted to comply but was a bit too slow to veer out of the way of the latest Chi-bolt hurled at them by the wrathful Musk prince, and this one did her a grazing blow that momentarily stunned her nervous system and came close to blistering the skin on one shoulder. Lum was jolted into releasing her precious cargo, causing Shampoo to begin a dreaded tumble for which there could only be a very rude ending, a point Shampoo was quick to note with a hasty cry of dismay and protest.

"DARLING!" Lum cried out as she tumbled momentarily in free-fall, only to feel her wrath boil to the surface once again as she flipped around in mid-air and pointed with both of her fingers, summoning her lighting and discharging it at the approaching Musk Prince.

Herb was quick to erect a Chi-shield, but with a million volts this time at play his defenses only diminished the impact of the lightning bolt yet did not disperse it. Stunned momentarily into lose his concentration he, too, started tumbling out of the air, freeing Lum to turn her attention back to the only one of the three of them who did not have a mastery over the power of levitation.

"Darling!" Lum cried, accelerating her fall as she desperately sought to catch up with the plummeting Shampoo, who was just as desperately flailing her arms in all directions, seeking something to grab to forestall a fatal plummet.

At what seemed like the next to the last second Lum caught Shampoo by the arm and halted her momentum, slowing their fall to a more controllable drift as they hovered over a mist-covered valley with less than five hundred feet to go, for which fact Shampoo could still hear her heart racing in her bosom.

"I've got you, Darling," Lum assured her, "You're safe now."

"Safe?" Shampoo asked dubiously, having a crawling sensation along both her belly and her spine as she took in the sight of the place just below them, swallowing thickly at the sense of crawling familiarity that threatened to unnerve her resolution.

"Well, we'll be safer when we get you back on the ground," Lum conceded, "Honestly, Darling, one of these days I'm going to have to teach you how to levitate, not that I don't enjoy saving you, of course, but it would be a little less stressful on both of our..."

That was as far as she got before Herb attacked her, this time landing with a foot along the side of the Oni's head and knocking Lum for a loop as she once again lost her grip on Shampoo and sent the Amazon tumbling into free-fall.

"Insolent wench!" Herb snarled as Lum went hurtling into the misty valley, "You need to learn some manners when dealing with your future husband. Consider that a lesson on what happens to a woman who thinks herself my better."

All at once Shampoo felt something solid impact against her sides, threatening her rib cage. She instinctively went limp and absorbed the punishment as the object she struck began to bent with her weight and absorb most of her momentum.

"Eh?" Herb turned to see what had become of his other intended conquest, "Well, well...the luck is with you, Woman, although that must have hurt something fierce, but now you are mine to claim as those shoots no doubt have knocked much of the fight out of..."

That was all Shampoo heard before rolling past the tops of the bamboo as they bent to yield her onto a safer ground purchase. As she came to am abrupt halt amid the sparse grasses of the rocky outcrop the very shoots that had proven her salvation sprang back with a vengeance and caught the astonished Herb by surprise, swatting him out of the air and sending him tumbling into the mists, just as had Lum before him.

"Ooohhh..." Shampoo complained very softly, "This one pay more attention to great-grandmother when she lecture on bamboo shaft. Crouching Tiger maneuver very hard on lungs...maybe also listen to Perfume when she say stay away from tall grasses..."

"So, now you listen to great-grandmother, eh?" a familiar voice asked her.

Shampoo blinked her eyes open and tried to look past the red haze to the familiar sight of her cousin peering down over her with a very concerned expression, to which Shampoo could only gasp, "Perfume-cousin?"

"This one saw you falling, wanted to come and help," Perfume replied, "Great-  
grandmother have very bad premonition about Jusenkyo, tell Perfume to go here and wait...just in case."

"So now she tell this one," Shampoo groaned, "Why not tell this one earlier when it might make difference?"

"Guess it doesn't work like that, Cousin," Perfume reached out with a hand and helped Shampoo back to her feet, "By the way, what happened back there to your Airen?"

"Prince Herb of the Musk happen," Shampoo replied, "He was chasing us all the way from where Airen's saucer crash..." there was barely a second to blink before Shampoo whipped her head around and cried, "AIREN?"

"This way," Perfume indicated the path, "Perfume think she see where your Airen fall, maybe get to her before Musk Prince, who also fall into Jusenkyo."

"Jusenkyo?" Shampoo faintly quailed, hearing the confirmation of her worst suspicions as she hastily scrambled after Perfume, afraid of what she would find when they descended into the valley...

"So, what did you find?" Kasumi asked, very much enjoying the story as it sounded quite colorful and exciting.

"This one find Airen looking very lost and confused as she just climb out of Jusenkyo spring," Shampoo replied, "And much in need of some good hot water."

"So...what kind of spring did she fall in?" Nabiki asked, "I mean...you said each one had a different curse to it, right?"

"Oh yes," Lum rolled her eyes, "That I can vouch for most certainly..."

"Don't tell me you guys are falling for this?" Akane scoffed, "Magic springs that change people into animals and different sexes, yeah right..."

"I know what you mean, Sis," Nabiki smiled slyly, "Like believing in magic soba noodles that give you superhuman strength, right?"

"Dry up, Nabiki," Akane frowned, still smarting from the claim that she had gained some disturbingly masculine traits since gaining her newfound might, and idly scratching her crotch as she thought about this.

"So, what is your curse like, Lum-san?" Kasumi politely asked.

Shampoo sighed, "Airen...would you please to remove yourself to next room?"

"Oh bugger," Ranma sniffed, getting up from the table, "You guys want me, I'll be checking out your dojo, it it's all the same to you, Mr. Tendo."

"Uh...sure, Son," Soun replied, giving Genma a dubious side-glance.

"Just watch and see, Tendo," Genma said as he nervously edged further away from the Oni.

Shampoo got up and removed a glass from the table, pouring ice tea from a pitcher, then pouring same over the head of her green-haired co-wife. The transformation was nearly instantaneous as Lum filled out and stretched her body across the back patio entrance, revealed in her massive glory with greenish fur and tiger stripes and three-inch fangs more impressive than her normal kawaii set.

This affected even Akane, her hair almost literally standing on end as she gazed in round-eyed appreciation of the very large feline now occupying a substantial portion of the floorspace. This cat, in turn, turned and looked back her way then licked her chops with a washcloth-sized tongue, which further eroded the youngest Tendo sister's former look of false bravado.

"I don't believe it," Nabiki swallowed, "She's a...?"

Shampoo sighed, "This is what become of Airen when she fall in Spring of Drowned Battlecat. Is very tragic story take place only few year ago when beast name Cringer appear in valley with much-much man, now Te-La husband."

"Spring of the drowned Battlecat?" Soun murmured faintly.

"What can I tell you, Tendo?" Genma replied, "There's no accounting for curses."

"Beg to differ, Honorable Father," Shampoo smiled as she fetched the hot kettle that had been resting to one side and poured it over the green-furred tiger, converting her back to her natural shape, "But is some justice where comes to Springs of Jusenkyo. What happen to Musk Prince proof of that to this one's thinking."

"Oh yes," Lum chimed in brightly as she shrugged her shoulders, fluffed out her hair and then set her kimono (which had somehow mysteriously disappeared when she was in tiger form but had reappeared now that she was human), "As awkward as this curse may be for me, what became of Prince Herb was nothing less than poetic justice..."

"Airen?" Shampoo swallowed, looking at the green furred tiger shaking its fur as it climbed out from the bank of the spring into which Lum had fallen.

"Ah..." Perfume consciously took a step back, then nervously glanced over her shoulder and around at the other springs of Jusenkyo, "On second thought, Cousin, maybe is best you and your Airen spend more quality time together. This one think it very, very bad idea hang around this place waiting to be cursed ourselves. These Springs...they look hungry, smell like they want Amazon attention."

Shampoo attempted to ignore the fears expressed by the normally stalwart Enforcer, but looking at what had become of the Oni princess was enough to convince her that standing around in the middle of Jusenkyo was just begging for the fates to come and push them into yet another of these life-altering pools of seemingly innocent water.

"Airen?" she asked again, fighting the instinctive reflex to draw for a weapon in the presence of so dangerous-looking a creature.

The tiger looked back at her with understandable bewilderment in its feline features, but as it was just attempting to sort out the changes in outward anatomy a voice sputtered out, "All right, whoever did this is dead! Do you hear me? Dead!"

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked, turning to see the other figure forcing her way up out of yet another of the cursed springs.

"Who is that?" Perfume's interest level peaked immediately, momentarily canceling out her twin fears of both the springs and the tiger.

Shampoo blinked as a tall and slender figure pulled herself to her full erect height, long blond hair with black streaks giving a salt-and-pepper effect, skin now toned a dusky hue, her garments essentially unaltered but everything else taking a decided shift for the inexplicably bizarre, especially in regards to those pointed ears projecting out from the sides of the former Musk "Prince's" head. Her voice had altered the most of all, going from a rich falsetto to a high alto in one easy transformation.

"You!" Herb sputtered as he-she?-turned to glare in Shampoo's direction, "What have you done to me? Look at me! I've become a WOMAN!"

"Ah...more than that, this one thinks," Perfume softly averred, looking the transformed Prince up and down with undisguised...interest.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo averred once again, more dismayed than attracted to the changes thus rendered. Those large eyes and slanted features certainly appeared less human than her overly slender build, and yet the Prince's chest seemed to be poking out at her more substantially, implying that there was something under those robes far softer and rounded than a couple of masculine pectorals.

A slightly out-of-breath Jusenkyo Guide made his obligatory appearance just then, taking one look at the two transformed figures and going, "Hiyaaa! Is most, most tragic story! Honorable customer no even wait to hear it before go jump into Jusenkyo! Tourist fall into Spring of Drowned Battlecat and Spring of Drowned Drow, is legendary story of refugee from cursed island make way to cursed spring and..."

"Spare me the theatrics, Guide," Herb spat imperiously, only to pause before saying, "Drowned what?"

"Is word for Dark Elf, honorable Customer," the Guide explained, "Is found in guide portfolio, Jusenkyo for Dummies..."

"Dark Elf?" Herb blinked again, then noticed something as she glanced down at her own chest, cautiously reached up with her hands and employed her now-slender fingers to undo the buttons to her robe, carefully peeling the silk away to reveal a pair of dusky globes that hung out for immediate examination.

Perfume's tongue almost fell out of her mouth, the Guide went bug-eyed, Shampoo just gawked in disbelief, and Lum? The green-furred tiger licked her lips as though sensing something sweet and juicy. Only Herb's expression remained unchanging, having frozen into a mask of horrified disbelief that lasted all of a minute before she started screaming...

"Talk about an overreaction," Lum sniffed, "As if it were such a terrible thing to grow a pair of breasts that succulent."

Shampoo gave an amused, tolerant smile at the other girl and said, "Is good that you notice, Airen, but where concerns Prince Herb, is best to look, no touching."

"You mean that creep fell into a spring that turned him into an elf?" Nabiki asked, privately musing that she could think of a lot better things to do with a prince than just dunk him into a spring that turned him into some kind of sexy female elf.

"Not just any kind of elf," Lum grinned mischievously, "A female dark elf, the kind that feels more at home in dark caves than in the light of day, and being a woman among the Musk is considered very bad karma..."

"So Prince Herb took to wearing a mask when outside on off-chance that might transform without warning," Shampoo noted, "If people find out about curse, then Herb no can be prince...is very big problem."

"Bet that catapulted the two of you to the top of his short list," Akane sniffed in dubious appraisal, "So did he come after you again like a certain Kuno I could mention?"

"Oh yes, he come again," Shampoo rolled her eyes, "At time when Elders declare that match be held to decide who is best candidate to become husband to Shampoo and Lum, that when Herb show up to claim he best choice for Airen."

"Of course the real match started when Ranma show up to challenge Darling," Lum cheerfully noted, "And our husband blew away the competition. You should see him now working out in your dojo, isn't he manly?"

"Manly?" Akane asked with a look of disquiet that turned to curiosity, "Just how good is he anyhow?"

Lum rose from the floor and floated up to Shampoo's side as the purple haired girl was already heading out the back porch, the two of them smiling as if sharing a silent jest together before the Amazon chimed out, "Why no come with us and see? Airen very manly man, and you learn why if you follow."

"Manly huh?" Nabiki smiled as she rose to her feet, "Sure, why not? I'll bite..."

"Nabiki!" Akane protested.

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "Perhaps he isn't so young after all. I mean...he must be very mature if he has two satisfied women for his wives, yes?"

Soun glanced at Genma, who nodded back with a smug conspiratorial glance, "Just watch and see my boy at work, Tendo-kun, he really knows how to reel in the ladies."

"Indeed?" Soun wondered, noticing how eagerly his two older daughters followed after the Amazon and Oni heading towards the dojo.

"You're all nuts," Akane fumed, getting to her feet with much show of deep disinterest, "But I might as well see if the guy is all he's cracked up to be. I still think he's a pervert for living with two girls, but I suppose he might be a halfway competent martial artist.

Shampoo and Lum held silence between them, but they each stole amused looks in the youngest Tendo sister's direction, reckoning that she might make a touch convert but potentially one worth a closer examination. As for the other Tendo girls...they were clearly not warriors, but each looked to be...interesting...in their own respective manner.

But Shampoo could not help thinking back to her own lengthy courtship of the Oni princess, which was-if anything-every bit as much of a trial as their combined efforts at winning over their husband, and not just because Shampoo had been doing the running and Lum the chasing. There was also Perfume who got heavily into the mixture, and many of Lum's "friends" from other worlds, who each one pose a very different challenge to the relationship of Shampoo and her Airen, the sort of trials you did not so much overcome as simply endure, though the rewards at the end had proved to be more than worth the effort...

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Ceti Extraterrestrial Hotline Dating Service: shadowmane

Ranma begins to strut his stuff before the Tendos while Lum and Shampoo further recount the perils of their courtship in, "The Lady and the Battle Tiger," or, "Four Aliens, an Amazon and an Oni Babe!" Be there!

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If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: ~ All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	5. Chapter 5

LSPurple05

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Five.

"So," remarked Nabiki as she watched the warrior named Shampoo begin to work out, the Amazon stretching her long legs and limbering up the rest of her body after having stripped down from her kimono to something very like a silken lingerie-like pajama top and panties, "You're the tribal champion where you hail from, right? So what kind of odds should I give you anyway since you're going up against our local champion, Akane?"

"This one does not know," Shampoo replied while bracing her legs in a total split that brought her crotch to the floor while she bent her torso around in a display of amazing flexibility, touching her nose to one knee, and then to another, "She never thinks of odds when she battles."

"You think your sister is good enough to take my Darling?" Lum asked as she studied the other girl limbering up at the opposite side of the dojo, sparing wry looks as she glanced appreciatively at her wife's even more limber body before saying, "Frankly I don't see how your sister could compare favorably to either Shampoo or our husband."

"Looks aren't everything," Nabiki said as she studied the odd looking pair and privately admitted that they did look pretty good on at least a purely physical level, "And remember what I said about Akane being stronger than she looks..."

"This one will remember this," Shampoo noted as she straightened up and cracked her knuckles, "But this one is very strong for age too, and you ought not underestimate her if you want to face her in battle and remain healthy."

"Yeah, sure," Akane sniffed, turning to frown as she saw the Princess Lum undoing the sash around her waist, "What are you...?"

"Earth clothing is too confining," the green haired Oni remarked as she removed her kimono and allowed it to fall down about her ankles, revealing the tiger-  
striped yellow bikini that she had been wearing underneath, complete with matching knee-length boots of a similar pattern, the sum effect of which was to display an amazing amount of bared flesh to the discriminating eye.

"Ah, that's much better," Lum smiled, and promptly rose up from the floor as though on invisible wires, her entire body defying the pull of gravity as she jiggled in all the appropriate places, "Now I can watch Darling fight in total comfort as she triumphs against yet another opponent."

"Excuse me?" Akane asked rather archly, eyeing the green-haired alien girl in a most dubious manner.

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked in typical understatement, "Does she do this sort of thing very often?"

"Oh yeah," Ranma sniffed, "Keeping her on the ground's the only real problem."

In spite of herself Akane felt a bit shocked and envious at seeing just how well-endowed the alien girl was, and without meaning to she unconsciously felt her own chest, which bulged much less impressively beneath her gi-top, making her grumble under her breath something about being "top-heavy."

"What's with the tiger-stripes?" Nabiki asked, "Does this have something to do with that Tiger curse you're under?"

"Hardly," Lum scoffed showing no modesty at all in her brazen posture, "I'll have you know that what I'm wearing would be considered the high point of fashion on my world. Besides, I much prefer the freedom of having only a minimum amount of clothing. You Japanese are very odd with your rules of modesty...but I suppose that's part of what makes our husband so cute, and even Darling."

She flashed a flirtatious smile at her two beloveds, and both colored appropriately, though Akane took it the wrong way, interpreting the comment as some manner of cultural put-down. Considering the source, and the rather shameless way these foreigners were behaving, it only reinforced her belief that this Ranma guy was some kind of sick, twisted pervert out to recruit his own exotic harem, and the whole idea that her own father could engage one of her sisters to such a hentai only increased her righteous urge to pound the daylights out of all three of them, which-with her magically enhanced Super Soba strength-was a sure thing, ought to be a lead pipe cinch.

Assuming, of course, that this would be a fight on the level with no dirty tricks or cheating involved, unlike her match of a few weeks back against Kodachi!

"Oh yeah?" Akane growled aloud, "Well, at least I'm not a shameless hussy who probably bought those on some planet I've never even heard of..."

"Bought them?" Lum blinked, clearing not catching the reference.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo cringed, knowing enough to understand what the Japanese girl was implying, and dreading the results that surely would follow the Princess Lum catching onto the reference.

"Take it easy, both of you, please?" Ranma urged from where he was leaning against one wall eyeing these whole proceedings with a dubious expression, "Nobody has to get hurt doing this..."

"Whatever," said Akane as she finished up limbering her own muscles, "Anytime you're ready, we can start this, but just so you know in advance I'm not fighting over any stupid engagement nonsense, I just want a good fight, and this is just for sparring purposes, you got it?"

"So you say, black-hair," Shampoo said as she moved to the center of the dojo and stood opposite to her opponent, saluting Akane, who bowed back in the Japanese fashion, then each stood at the ready as Soun Tendo took the center position as a referee and raised his hand then brought it down in a chop and cried, "Hajime!"

He barely darted back out of the way when Shampoo launched her attack, striking so fast that Akane barely had time to bat an eye before a foot rose up to obscure her vision, and then impact occurred and Akane rocked back on her heels, absorbing the impact, bracing her legs before straightening out once again, barely even affected.

Shampoo hopped back and favored her foot before staring at Akane in dismay and saying, "Aiyaa..."

"That wasn't very nice," Akane sniffed as she felt along the side of her nose, where a faint trickle of blood was noted, and then Akane shot forward and threw a punch that Shampoo easily avoided, the Amazon dropped down to the floor and lashing out with both feet to trip the dark haired Japanese girl and send Akane sprawling.

"You see what I mean?" Lum smiled, "Not very fast and her reflexes aren't much to speak of..." but then she lost her smile as Akane casually got back to her feet and turned to face Shampoo with a very annoyed expression.

"Think you're funny doing that?" Akane sniffed, "Well, try this one for size!"

With that she brought her hands together-HARD-and created a deafening clap that caused a shockwave that caught Shampoo by surprise and all but blew her over.

"Gaah!" Ranma rubbed his ears with both fingers, "Give a warning if you're gonna do that next time, will ya?"

"What...what did she do?" Lum looked equally astonished.

"That was nothing," Akane said as she rocketed forward and executed a number of rapid punches and kicks that utterly failed to connect with her target and only resulted in leaving herself open to a counter-offensive, which Shampoo landed with a solid blow to Akane's solar plexus, striking with force enough to pick the other girl up and send her halfway back across the length of the dojo.

Akane staggered and clutched at her chest, but aside from being slightly winded she seemed more than ready to go as she glared at her opponent. Shampoo, on the other hand, was clutching her fist in her other hand and staring in dismay at the one whom she had struck so forcefully. Dismay was clearly written on her features as she contemplated a renewal of such exchanges, nor did she have long to wait before the dark haired girl retaliated, striking again with more power than speed, which alone is what saved the young Amazon from a painful encounter with the extended foot of her leaping opponent.

Ranma winced as he saw the youngest Tendo sister launch herself at his purple haired wife, even though he knew Shampoo would have little trouble dodging this offensive. What caused him to react thus was the intuitive knowledge that the Tendo girl's Dragon Stamp kick had a little too much power to it, and that the girl's lack of emotional control would cause her to propel herself a little too far and with not enough restraint to prevent her from landing with sufficient force to crack through the floorboards. Just as he predicted, it soon came to pass that Akane missed her target and went crashing down to create a large hole just a little bit beyond where Shampoo had been standing.

"Ara..." Lum exclaimed in dismay, looking ready to jump in despite not wanting to compromise the dignity of her wife.

"We warned you guys," Nabiki sighed, "Akane's got a lot of raw power, even if she's got a ways to go in the self-control department."

"Oh my," Kasumi covered her mouth with a hand, "I certainly hope that Akane won't hurt your Shampoo-san. The cost of repairs for the damage that she routinely does to the dojo is rather frightful..."

"If only the Master had been able to instill in her a sense of self-restraint in the weeks that have followed his taking her on as his apprentice," Soun grieved.

"Since when did the Master even know what those words mean, let alone teach them?" Genma asked of his fellow former student.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo remarked as she studied the awkward position of Akane, who was still half-buried amid the floorboards of the dojo, "Are you all right?"

"Oh, I'm just fine," Akane said as she freed herself more by brute force than by art, then lifted herself out of the hole and onto more solid footing, "I'm not some fragile China doll, I'm a Martial Artist. Now, are you gonna spar with me or dance around the dojo?"

Shampoo assumed a fighting crouch and said, "If that is what you wish, Outlander, then I will deal with you as befits your standing as a warrior."

"Bring it on, Purple-hair," Akane growled as she prepared herself to go on the offensive, then rushed in on Shampoo with fists flying in powerful haymakers, only to find her opponent curled her body around those punches and got her body inside the dark haired girl's guard, enabling Shampoo to flip Akane over and slam her onto her back using her own forward momentum, at which point Shampoo retained control over one wrist and threatened to twist her opponent's arm out of its socket.

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, impressed at the ease with which her sister had been taken down as much as she was appalled at the escalating violence.

"She's good," Nabiki agreed, "But not good enough for Akane."

"Huh?" Ranma eyed the short-haired girl, "What do you mean?"

"You'll see," Nabiki nodded.

"You may be strong," Shampoo grunted as she fought to hold the struggling girl at bay, "But you still have nervous system, and bones twist just as easy."

"Oh yeah?" Akane grunted, "Then try this, you...foreign floozy!"

So saying the dark haired girl pressed one hand and feet against the floor and kicked off with her toes to flip both herself and Shampoo off the floor, and in a surprising turn-about she came up landing on top of her purple haired adversary. Shampoo looked stunned (in more than one sense of the word) and even Ranma was impressed enough to say, "Whoah," and sound as though he actually meant it.

"Not so fancy now, are you?" Akane said as she held Shampoo immobile between two fingers wrapped around the other girl's wrist, "Prepare to say Uncle and you won't be wearing your arm in a cast."

Shampoo grit her teeth and growled, "You...plenty strong...but you no win that easy..."

"Get real," Akane sniffed, "I've got you pinned down, and I'm way lots stronger than you, so unless you're double-jointed..."

"As matter of fact," Shampoo smiled despite the obvious discomfort she was in, and then she drove a finger into the floorboards with her free hand, and all at once the boards exploded underneath her, sending both girls rocketing to the ceiling with Akane taken unawares and winding up plowing head-first through the roofing.

Shampoo wasted no time in executing a twisting roll as she absorbed the impact against her back and kicked away from the ceiling to land upon her feet with one arm rotating in its socket to an almost impossible degree, and then she shook that arm several times until it flexed normally and she was able to resume a proper martial arts crouch.

Akane also freed herself from the ceiling and dropped lightly to the floor, then glared at her antagonist, looking herself no worse for wear though her expression was more puzzled than genuinely angry.

"How did you do that?" Akane wondered.

"Amazon secret," Shampoo smiled, "In your language would be called 'Exploding Point' Technique."

"Darling is quite amazing," Lum crowed happily, "She can find the weakest point in any solid object and cause it to explode from internal pressure."

"Yeah," Ranma agreed, "Good thing it don't work too well on people or it could get pretty nasty."

"Exploding point, huh?" Akane seemed to consider the point, then glanced at the new hole made in the floor off to the side of where they currently were standing, "Pretty impressive. You got any other tricks in that arsenal of yours?"

"Why not come and see what else I could do, Outlander?" Shampoo smiled in the manner of a challenge, "Maybe even find way to take you down a notch, even if you stronger than ape-girl."

"Oh yeah?" Akane smacked fist-to-palm and grinned back as though accepting the challenge, "Then maybe you'd better show me right now before this 'ape-girl' rearranges that pretty face of yours, China girl."

"Hey," Ranma spoke up, "Don't get carried away here. This is supposed to be a friendly sparring match. You've already done enough damage to the dojo, don't make it personal already..."

"Ranma, keep out of this, Boy," his father spoke up, surprising Ranma, who cocked an eyebrow in the older man's direction.

"What do you mean, Pop?" Ranma asked, "You don't actually want them to hurt each other?"

"That's not the point, Son," Genma said solemnly, "A martial artist must respect the right of two other warriors to settle accounts on their own terms," he arched his voice and lowered it a bit as he added, "Besides, take it from me, the last thing you want to do is get between two women having an argument. Been there and done that..."

"Amen to that, Saotome," Soun averred, as though the two older men were sharing some memories between them that were not entirely pleasant in nature.

Ranma just continued to arch his eyebrows as he glanced at his father and mentor, then turned back to see the battle renew as Shampoo and Akane came at each other and once more exchanged a series of punches and kicks, only this time Shampoo actually struck harder and more precisely, dodging around the dark haired girl's much more forceful efforts as though the latter were moving in slow motion, Shampoo landing a dozen well-aimed punches and kicks that had the effect of slowing down Akane and leaving her open to yet more offensive strikes of a similar nature. Gradually it seemed as though the Chinese girl was wearing away her Japanese opponent like a chiseler working on a statue, but then she made a mistake and left herself a bit too open while landing a kick and Akane sprang to life by blocking the other girl's leg and stepping in past her guard to land a solid punch to the gut that sent Shampoo flying backwards.

"Darling!" Lum cried, lifting up from the floor and flying across the room to where Shampoo impacted with the wall and went right on through it without hardly stopping.

"Hah!" Akane grinned, "Nailed you good that time...but don't worry. I pulled my punch so I wouldn't hurt your little friend. She may be fast and agile, but I only needed to land one blow and this fight is effectively over."

Ranma let out a breath he had not even been aware that he was holding, then he sighed, "You know, you really shouldn't have done that."

"Huh?" Akane looked at the boy in puzzlement, "What do you mean by that?"

"Trust me," Ranma sighed, "You don't wanna know the answer..."

Outside Lum caught up with Shampoo, who was flat out on her back and looking badly winded. The purple haired girl was hugging her ribs as though they might have been cracked and her expression was pained as she fought to get her lungs to once again function.

"Darling?" Lum settled down beside her, "Are you all right? Did she hurt you?" she tentatively reached out with a finger, only to see the wince that betrayed how badly affected her wife was over the blow that she had taken. In spite of everything, though, Shampoo was able to force open her eyes and look up at the green haired girl, then with an imperceptible nod of her head conveyed her meaning, effectively conceding the battle.

"You mean...she defeated you?" Lum felt relief war with outrage as she rose back to her feet and balled her own fists, "Then...that means she could be the one? But...she hurt you, Darling...and I cannot forgive that!"

"It...is...all right..." Shampoo managed weakly to say in say in Mandarin, wanting to assure Lum that she was not hurt as badly as it seemed and had already determined that her ribs were unbroken. She silently blamed herself for her own carelessness in underestimating the other girl and wondered what harsh words her great-grandmother would use upon her for such a careless blunder that could-had Akane meant to do her serious injury-have proven to be quite lethal.

But Lum was not in a mood to be pacified as she said, "You wait here, Darling, while I go and avenge you."

And with that the green haired Oni girl took off and reversed her previous flight path, heading back towards the dojo like a self-propelled missile.

"Aiyaa..." was all that Shampoo could manage in her condition as she felt the muscles in her chest begin to loosen and breath gradually return to her lungs. But more concerned was she for the welfare of Akane, whose immanent peril was as certain as it would be painful.

Akane was just congratulating herself on her victory when she felt the hairs on the back of her arms and neck begin to stand on end, and a feeling of tension in the air made her turn in time to see the alien girl named Lum floating back her way with fists already balled and eyes alight with blue-grey menace.

"Uh oh," she heard Ranma wince, "I just knew this was gonna happen..."

"Saotome?" Soun stared in dismay as-unexpectedly-his best friend and former fellow disciple of the Anything Goes school suddenly dove for the hole created in the floor and vanished out of sight even as the Oni started to crackle with lightning.

"Trust me, Tendo!" Genma called out from the flooring, "You don't want to be anywhere near her when that Lum girl starts to cut loose!"

"Good survival reflexes," Nabiki remarked while trying to hide an increasing tone of nervousness that crept into her own voice, "Only thing is...the floor is better insulation than sitting on ground level."

"Oh my," Kasumi averred, "I certainly do hope that Akane isn't going to be hurt..."

Akane was wondering much the same thing even as she stood her ground and waited for the other girl to attack her. Lum was full of wrath and the fire in her eyes matched the electric show that was dancing all around her body. For a moment the two prospective opponents only chose to glare at one another, but then Lum pointed with a finger and her tone was menacing and accusatory.

"You hurt my darling...and now you face my wrath, Earther!"

"Bring it on, Horn-head," Akane taunted back with more confidence than she actually felt since this girl's threat was obviously no bluff, "I'm not afraid of you or anyone else..."

"Then that's your first and last mistake!" Lum declared, and with no further adieu unleashed the charge that she had been building up over the course of the previous few seconds.

Akane thought she was braced for anything, but as fast as she tried to move to dodge the attack she was in no way fast enough to match the speed of electricity as it lanced out and struck her, sending her flying backwards as though from a physical blow, and for the next few moments all that she could do was writhe upon the floor as her body spasmed and jerked from the random impulses.

"I tried to warn you," Ranma sighed, "But why don't anybody ever listen...?"

Lum hovered in the air closer to where Akane lay and said, "You only survived that because you're not touching the ground, but my Lightning can touch you even while you're airborne. Our husband found that out the hard way..."

"Yeah?" Akane grit her teeth as she finally ceased twitching, "And...what did he do...while you kept...talking...?"

"That you're never going to find out," Lum pointed her finger once again, "Don't worry, this will only hurt for a moment..."

Akane just glared up at her while her hand sought out a fallen beam, and with an unexpected display of raw power she grabbed it and swung it like a baseball bat, catching Lum by surprise and swatting the alien girl like an insect.

"That's funny," Akane said as she got back to her feet, "That's exactly what I was gonna say..."

Lum went caroming off the nearest wall and bounced back into the middle of the room, flopping down upon the floor in a tangle of green hair and limbs, seeming momentarily stunned while Akane rose to her feet and shook off the last effects of her near-electrocution.

"Didn't think I'd remember enough science to forget about wood being a non-  
conductor, huh?" Akane sniffed, "Now you just stay still and we'll call it even, but if you push me..."

"That's enough!" Ranma declared as he stepped onto the main floor and positioned himself squarely between the semi-conscious Lum and the wrathful Akane, "You made your point, Tendo-san. You beat both girls, now back off and let's call it a draw before this thing goes any further..."

"It is too late for that, Airen."

Ranma turned to see Shampoo limping back into the dojo, clearly favoring her abdomen but not moving in the kind of way that would imply that anything was broken, for which the pig-tailed boy heaved a sigh of relief even as he stiffened, sensing the impact of his main wife's statement.

"You don't mean you're gonna hold her to that?" Ranma asked, "I thought we agreed this was just sparring..."

"It went beyond sparring some time ago," Shampoo said as she forced herself to stand upright, then squarely and resolutely faced off with Akane, "You accept challenge from Amazon and defeat her fairly, you now must accept price that is paid by outsider girl who dare what you do."

"Huh?" Akane frowned, "You don't mean you're gonna turn this into a blood match or...?"

"Oh, trust me," Ranma rolled his eyes, "You should be so lucky."

"Silly Ranma," Shampoo teased before pausing to look towards Lum, "You okay, Airen?"

"Oh...just fine," Lum responded before wincing, "Long as Dad never hears about how I lost this match..."

"Stay there and I come for you," Shampoo instructed her wife, then turned again and approached Akane, "After this one satisfies honor."

"Honor?" Akane replied as she prepared herself for a renewal of hostilities, "I beat you fairly and-wha-MMMPPPHHH?!" she exclaimed as Shampoo did not so much attack her as reach out to cup the other girl's face between her hands, then bring their mouths together for a kiss that left the other girl stunned and astonished.

"Oh my," Nabiki and Kasumi said in chorus.

"Akane?" Soun was shocked to see another woman kissing his youngest daughter, and in such a brazen manner.

"Whoah," Ranma remarked with only a mild arching of his eyebrows.

Shampoo moved her lips away then formally spoke to the motionless girl before her, "Wo ai ni, wode Airen. From this day forward you are Amazon and my sister."

"Hah?" Akane gasped, still not mentally together over what had just happened.

"I just knew it would turn out like this," Genma moaned from the safety of his foxhole, "I just knew it..."

"S-Saotome...explain yourself!" Soun angrily demanded.

"It's the law of the Amazons, Mr. Tendo," Ranma sighed, "I found out the hard way, just like in that story we told you. Whenever an Outlander girl defeats one of the Nyanchiczu, the defeated warrior's got one of two choices: either vow to hunt the other girl down and kill her or...well, that only happens if she kisses you on the cheek, but since she kissed you on the mouth, it means...um...well...you're kinda married..."

"M-M-M-Married?" Akane's eyes got as round as saucers.

"Not necessarily," Shampoo seemed both amused and sultry as she glanced at her husband then back at her erstwhile opponent, "Marriage is automatic between boy and girl, hai, but with girl you have choice to accept her as sister and welcome her into family as fellow warrior. Only become marriage if warrior decide she likes Outlander girl and thinks she make good addition to tribe, to say nothing of...other reason to get married."

"It is the reason we both came with our husband to Japan," Lum revealed as she sat upright with some effort, nursing a bruised spot where the log had struck her, "To find out if the arranged marriage of our father-in-law's choosing would be a valid one. After all, there was always the chance that you might have turned out to be a weakling."

"But...wait a minute!" Akane's mind successfully jump-started, "You can't be serious! I don't want to marry you...or him, for that matter! I only agreed to test myself against you..."

"And you did test yourself," Shampoo smiled, "Of all the warriors whom I have faced you are the first one who has bested me...save for one other," she smiled as she glanced at Ranma, "...And in her case, it was under...special circumstances."

"Yeah, like anybody even bothered to explain it to me before I got roped in on this," Ranma sighed, giving Akane an almost pitying expression, "You should have declined before things got too out of hand. Instead you just had to push things and risk taking it outside of a friendly sparring match, but if you'd only just listened I would have warned you what a mistake that was..."

"Shut up," Akane glared, "Who asked you for an opinion?"

"As a matter of fact, his opinion matters a whole lot to the both of us," Lum said as she got back to her feet under her own power, "And it will matter a whole lot to you before the day is out, believe me."

"And what the heck does that mean?" Akane demanded.

"That right now you are only legally obligated to become our sworn sister in battle of arms," Shampoo softly leered, "But if you want to avoid it going farther than this, then you must defeat our Airen to win your way free of any obligation to marry."

"What?" Akane blurted out, "You can't be serious!"

"Hey, believe me, she is," Ranma grunted, "But don't act like it's my idea or nothing. I ain't exactly thrilled about getting married to some violent Tomboy who can't even control herself. I got enough to do just keeping up with the two wives I've already got, and if it hadn't been for Pop and his stupid promises..."

"It's tradition, Boy," Genma remarked as he climbed out of his hole to take a resolute stand on the matter, "A sacred obligation of honor that I swore with Tendo-kun before any of you was old enough to be in diapers. Right, Tendo-kun?"

"Uh...er...well...yes, we did swear at that..." Soun said with obvious reluctance.

"Dad!" Akane whirled on him, "Tell me you're only joking about this!"

"Oh my," Kasumi mildly observed.

"Is this another one of your 'brilliant' schemes to keep the dojo in the family, Daddy?" Nabiki eyed her father suspiciously, "To give it away as dowry to the guy one of us marries?"

"It does not matter the reason," Shampoo said firmly, "Great-grandmother will insist our marriage is valid...unless you can defeat our husband and earn the right to not have to be married."

Akane blinked, "I have to beat him or...what?"

Lum just smiled, "Or else you get to be our Third Wife in a sacred Amazon marriage circle. Amazon law allows up to four girls to become brides of Ranma, and Darling and I are prepared to make room for one or two more who measure up to Amazon warrior standards.

"Now wait a minute there," Ranma protested, "I'm not gonna fight with her. Akane here obviously doesn't want any part of this, and if I don't fight her it ain't official, right?"

"Maybe so, Darling," Lum smiled, "But do you think Grandmother Cologne will be satisfied with knowing that there is a strong fighter in Japan and you didn't try to test her?"

Ranma winced noticeably but nonetheless stood his ground and said, "Do we really have to tell her about this?"

"Silly Ranma," Shampoo chided, "You think you can keep secret from Amazon Elder? You no that good a liar."

"Good point," Ranma slumped his shoulders, "But that don't change the fact that I ain't gonna fight another girl. I mean, fought with you and look how that turned out..."

"And what is that supposed to mean, Darling?" Lum asked, her accented Japanese turning arch with suspicion.

"Eeep," Ranma winced, giving every appearance of having too late regretted his unfortunate wording.

"Wait a minute," Akane said, "All I've got to do is beat you and I don't have to marry you?"

"That is the Amazon way," Shampoo revealed, "If you can defeat our Airen, then you are under no obligation to call him your husband."

"Well then," Akane smiled, "That sounds easy enough."

"You think so?" Lum smiled, "But no one has ever defeated our husband, not even Darling."

"Is true," Shampoo nodded, "Airen best warrior ever fought, and strong as you may be, Ranma is even stronger as a fighter."

"Now wait a minute," Ranma said, "I don't fight girls, remember? I-!" he got no further than that before Shampoo produced a bucket of water that she had somehow concealed upon her person and dumped it over his head, transforming him into his female incarnation.

"No true, Airen," Shampoo smiled, "You fight both this one and Airen Lum before when you girl, so why no fight with this Akane?"

"Hey!" Ranma-chan sputtered, "That's no fair! Besides, I only look like a girl when I'm like this, but I'm a guy, remember?'

"Not anymore, Husband," Lum cooed, "Now you can fight a Japanese girl as an equal, so there's no excuse to put off the matter."

"But I..." Ranma-chan raised her hands then dropped them down again in frustration.

"Excuse me," Nabiki spoke up, "But if you're so worried about marrying Akane, why not just throw the match and let her be the victor? That out to get you off the hook..."

"Nabiki," her father scolded, "Whose side are you on here?"

"Relax, Daddy," his middle daughter smiled, "You may want this but Akane deserves a chance to remain independent, so let her take her shot, and if she loses..."

"If I lose?" Akane snorted, "Get real! You think I'm going to let this sex-  
changing freak get the better of me?"

"Freak?" Ranma-chan bristled, "At least I'm no Tomboy with more muscles than sense."

"Oh, a Tomboy am I?" Akane asked archly, "And what do you call yourself?"

"I..." Ranma-chan waved her hands in frustration, "That's not the point!"

"Maybe no point," Shampoo said, "But you making excuses, Airen, and no, you cannot 'throw fight' and let opponent win. Great-grandmother no accept that. Must be real fight or is no...legitimate, is word, yes?"

"Besides, Darling," Lum playfully teased, "You want to let some other girl defeat you without even throwing a punch your way?"

"Defeat me?" Ranma-chan sniffed, "Get real, Lum-chan! That's never gonna happen."

"Oh yeah," Akane assumed a fighting crouch, "Just try me."

"You asked for it," Ranma-chan sighed, "But don't say I didn't warn you."

Lum and Shampoo stood back and watched with confident expressions, which prompted Nabiki to arch an eyebrow and wonder how good this sex-shifting boy they both seemed to care so much about really was in a straight fight. Considering how they both had fared against Akane, it was doubtful that they had any idea as to her true limits and potential, but their confidence in this guy/girl they called their "husband" was truly impressive to witness. It left Nabiki wondering just how competent this Ranma character was, and whether or not his/her casual confidence in her own abilities were truly justified or not. Either way, it definitely piqued her interest.

For a moment the two opponents stood facing each other, Akane glaring hard and looking ready for trouble while the redheaded girl before her just stood her ground and seemed untroubled. Her casual stance both annoyed and puzzled the darker haired girl, but Akane decided not to let herself be lulled by his seeming indifference. Obviously her opponent was not taking her all that serious, yet was she not the strongest fighter in all of Nerima, if not all of Japan proper? She'd take this cocky transsexual freak on and show her who was boss, no problem. After all, no boy could get the better of her, especially not one with a funky curse that made him part girl, to say nothing of his screwy taste in girlfriends or...whatever.

Since Ranma was not taking the initiative and attacking her she decided to test the redhead out by throwing an easy set of punches and kicks, so she came at her opponent at half strength, stepping into her guard and throwing her fist forward...

...And Ranma-chan easily bent out of the way, flexing her body like a bamboo reed in a stiff breeze, only to right herself up again with a cocky smile on her oddly exotic features.

Akane tried again with her other fist, but Ranma once again avoided her, dodging and weaving and vaulting backwards in a somersault to avoid Akane's thrusts, even going to far as to land on top of the dark haired girl's extended foot, using her leg as a spring board to lightly spring over Akane's head and land nimbly on her own two feet, like a gymnast doing a dismount. Before Akane could turn around Ranma reaching out and jabbed a finger at her neck, and all at once the dark haired girl felt her knees going out from underneath her. She sagged to the floor, her body utterly refusing to respond to any of her instructions.

"At a way to go, my Boy!" Genma crowed in triumph, "That's the way to impress your fianc e!"

"Huh?" Ranma-chan blinked, then belatedly said, "Oops! Didn't mean to do that...it was reflex. Here."

Again he tapped a finger to Akane's neck, and all at once feelings flooded back through her numbness and into her body, giving her the chance to stand up and turn around with an angry, "What the heck did you do to me?"

"Ah...just a Shiatsu technique I picked up from the old lady," Ranma shrugged, "Ain't nothing to get upset about. I just undid it so you can-YIKES! Hey, I was only-!"

"You think that was fun?" Akane snarled as she lashed out at the other girl, albeit with the same lack of success as before, "Stand still and let me cream you!"

"Now why the heck would I want to do that?" Ranma-chan asked, then ducked as Akane tried to nail her with a straight trajectory punch, only to reverse her momentum as the redhead pressed her hands against the floor and lashed out with her feet, catching the other girl full in the stomach and knocking Akane flying.

Despite herself the youngest Tendo daughter felt her back slam up against the far wall of the dojo, only to bounce off rather than plow through it as Akane extended her arms and caught her weight against the wooden frame. She landed on her feet and staggered forward for a few steps before regaining her bearings, only now she seemed a bit winded over that last blow and was staring at Ranma-  
chan in puzzlement as though not quite able to believe in what had just happened.

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "She certainly is fast..."

"You said it, Oneechan," Nabiki agreed, "And the way she moves its like Akane's in slow motion with nothing to hit but air. This might not be such a one-sided battle after all..."

"Hah," Lum grinned, "You haven't seen anything yet."

"Airen take it too, too easy with silly gorilla girl," Shampoo agreed, "If fighting serious this be already many times over."

"Look," Ranma-chan said in what she hoped would be her most soothing tones, "If you're gonna fight me, at least make a better show of it, 'cause so far I ain't even broke a sweat yet."

"Why you...!" Akane glared at her antagonist, and then she rushed upon Ranma again, throwing everything she had into her efforts as she aimed to take her down a peg or two, just as Ranma was satisfied to let Akane chase him while avoiding those punches that came closer than the others to connecting yet still fell way short of doing Ranma-chan any real damage.

The dojo wall, on the other hand, was not so lucky.

"You know, you really do need to work on that temper of yours" Ranma-chan remarked as she stood to one side of the very large hole that had just been created by Akane's fist, "You might hurt somebody if you keep up with this, and there's no way I'm gonna let you hit me."

"Will you shut up?" Akane said as she extracted her hand from the hole and turned to confront her opponent, "If all you can do is dodge around then you might as well give up and spare yourself the hassle."

Ranma-chan bristled at this, "I never give up in a fight, just like I never lose. Why don't we just call it a draw since you obviously don't have a chance against me and leave it at that."

"I don't have a chance?" Akane asked archly, "You haven't even tried to hit me once since this whole thing started!"

"Not true" Shampoo spoke up with a ready smile "Ranma has touched you twice, once with a kick, the second time with a finger."

"If our husband meant to win he could have taken you down many times over by now," Lum added in a sweet tone of cheerful anticipation, "But he's always been the shy one, or maybe he just thinks that Darling and I are more than enough woman to keep him happy."

"Ah...yeah, whatever," Ranma-chan winced, eyeing her wives with a somewhat dubious expression."

"Well fine," Akane snorted, "You can have him, after I beat him."

"I you think you can, go ahead and try," Ranma-chan sniffed, "But so far I ain't seen nothing but your strength to impress me, and it ain't all about strength, you know."

"I know that!" Akane said testily, resuming a fighting crouch as she growled, "But I've got more than strength to back me up, so...let's see what you've got!"

"All right," Ranma-chan sighed, and once again stood in a posture of readiness, "But don't say I didn't warn you."

This time Akane was not pulling any punches as she lashed out at the redhead, but as before her blows seemed unable to connect...however, the force of the air pressure kicked up by her movements did have the effect of buffeting Ranma-chan backwards and staving off her attempts to mount a counter-strike since getting past Akane's guard meant overcoming the wind being generated by her motions.

For those merely observing on the sidelines the effect was quite unnerving as the wind whipped up hair and clothing and caused even Lum and Shampoo to widen their eyes and brace themselves against the force Akane was deliberately creating. Even Ranma-chan seemed impressed by this technique, but she was only stymied for a few moments before sensing the opening she needed and plunging in with an attack that literally sucked her into Akane's guard, and then she unleashed a devastating attack that caught the dark haired girl completely napping.

"KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!" Ranma-chan declared, her hands becoming a blur as she buffeted Akane in a hundred different places in the space of a few seconds.

At once her opponent went toppling backwards, and this time when Akane fell she did not get up again, looking far too stunned to move and barely even conscious.

"Oh damn!" Ranma-chan declared as she belatedly realized what had happened, "I won."

"Akane!" Soun declare, at once reverting to the role of overly protective father.

"Akane-chan!" both of her sisters chorused together, proving that even Nabiki was far from aloof when it came to the welfare of her sibling.

"Don't worry, Tendo," Genma assured them, "The boy didn't hurt your little girl. He's far too well trained for that, and besides, that's one very strong girl you have there. Almost Amazon level, even if her technique could stand some technical improvement."

"Hiyaa!" Shampoo heartily declared as she threw her arms around the redhead and hugged her tightly, "This one knew you could do it, Airen! You is the best, Shampoo never doubt this!"

"Sure took the wind out of her sails," Lum cheerfully remarked as she floated over the semi-conscious Akane, "Not so big and powerful now, are we? Bet you never even saw it coming, but Darling and Ranma are my unbeatable true beloveds!"

And with that declaration the affectionate green-haired alien threw her own arms around her two "beloveds," even as Ranma and Shampoo turned to her with matching looks of dismay and both attempted a belated protest.

"No-wait-!" the two of them cried together, only to receiving the shocking result of the Oni Princess's affections.

"Oh my..." Kasumi said as she and the others held their noses at the distinctively acrid scent of Ozone, tinged with the aroma of fried bacon.

"Does she do that to them all of the time?" Nabiki asked, appalled.

"Only when she gets a bit too excited and forgets herself," Genma replied, "But the boy is tough, and he has tough brides, right, Son?"

"S-Sure...sure thing, Pop..." Ranma-chan spat out smoke with sparks dancing all around her body, her pigtail curling upward like a literal pig's tail, and the purple haired girl clutching tightly to him was-for some curious reason-now sporting an afro.

"Eh?" Lum asked, "Is something wrong, Darling?"

"All depends," Shampoo responded, "Is this one still living?"

"Ugh...wha...what hit me...?" Akane moaned as the room finally stopped spinning.

"Congratulations, Imotochan, you lost," Nabiki duly announced.

"Oh my...does this mean Akane now has to get married?" Kasumi wondered.

"Looks that way to me," Genma turned o Soun and smiled, "And now, at long last, our two schools can finally be united."

"That's right," Soun grinned back, his fears for his daughter's welfare forgotten in the realization of his longtime ambition, "Those were the terms she stated, weren't they? And so, by Amazon law, that means that my little girl..." all at once he started sobbing, "...Is finally getting married!"

"Dad!" Akane declared with some shock as she slowly got back to her feet, "I never agreed to anything like that! And it was a fluke! Somehow you did something to me...what the heck did you do?"

"Oh...well..." Ranma-chan flexed her muscles as Shampoo let her go to unclench her own tightly gripping fists, "Just a little something the Amazons taught me called the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken fist..."

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire?" Kasumi translated, "Oh my...what an unusual name. How is this performed?"

"Is simple, really," Shampoo replied, "First take bag of chestnuts, toss on fire, then pluck them out again without burning hands."

"Are you serious?" Nabiki asked.

"That's impossible!" Akane protested, "Nobody could be that fast!"

"Ranma is," Lum smiled, "And Darling is just as fast because she taught it to him. With such speed Ranma can strike a foe a hundred times in an eyeblink, and against that kind of speed a stone could be chipped away into a pebble, or a mountain could be reduced to gravel, even asteroids and planetoids could be pounded into space dust..."

Akane glanced at Ranma-chan and said, "I thought you said you didn't hit girls."

"Actually, I didn't have to hit you very hard to get the effect I needed," Ranma answered, "I just had to tap you in the right places, over and over again repeatedly, and that built up enough force to paralyze your muscles for a half a minute. Didn't want to do it but...well...you kind of pushed me into it."

"I get it," Nabiki said, "It's like beating on a drum, the vibrations did the rest. Neat trick that. What else you got up that shifting sleeve of yours?"

"Ah...well..." Ranma shrugged, clearly reluctant to share too many details about his training

Fortunately Shampoo was alert enough to come to his rescue, "When great-  
grandmother see what Airen could do she decide to make Ranma honorary Amazon, and since he marry this one, he is daughter of Matriarch and heir to house of Elder."

"In other words, our husband is a man among men-or a woman among women-on this or any other planet," Lum happily declared, "And now you are a part of our family, just like Darling and me, and I know the tribal elders of Darling's people will be happy to see you."

"Forget it!" Akane declared, "Marrying somebody because they beat you in a fight is dumb! There's no way that I'm going to let myself be..."

"Akane!" Soun spoke harshly at his daughter, "It has already been decided that you will marry Saotome Ranma. Do not disgrace your father by refusing an obligation of honor to unite our houses."

"But...!" Akane started to protest.

"But there's nothing more to be said about the matter, Girl," Genma replied, "Your father has spoken, and on behalf of the Saotome family, I welcome you as a daughter."

"But that's-!" Akane sputtered.

"Aw, don't let 'em get to you, Akane-kun," Ranma sniffed, "I've been down this route with Pop ever since he told me about the stupid marriage pact, but no matter what he says about it, I ain't forcing you to marry me. If you want out, fine, then we'll go and forget this whole thing ever happened."

"Airen," Shampoo chided with a scowl, "Great-grandmother..."

"Ain't here right now, right?" Ranma insisted, "She didn't witness it, so it ain't official. Besides, why would I wanna marry some macho chick who's more of a guy than I am at the moment?"

"What?" Akane was livid, "What did you just call me?"

"I'm afraid that I'm with Darling on this one, husband," Lum informed the redheaded girl, "She may not look like much right now, but this Outlander girl defeated Darling and me, which means that she's bound by the same rules that affected us when we married Darling."

"Ain't the same and you know it, Lum-chan," Ranma replied, "Besides, way I hear it, Shampoo wasn't all that thrilled in the beginning about getting married, and even before I showed up you guys were having your fill of problems."

"Is true, yes," Shampoo nodded, "This one have...questions starting out...but in time she see Amazon way is best, and now she very happy to have met both Airen."

"Of course you're happy, Darling," Lum said as she slipped an arm around the purple haired girl's waist, "You have good taste and excellent breeding."

"So what was the story there?" Nabiki asked as she and Kasumi approached the conjugal quartet, "You were telling us a little something about your courtship, but just how long did it take you to get used to being married?"

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo rolled her eyes, "Long time, and many issues need solving, especially when friends of Lum show up in our village."

"Not all of them were my friends," Lum's lovely expression darkened, "Like that Crow-girl, Kurama, and Rei...he never could get a clue about why I married Darling and not him."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded, "Much like stupid Mousse, only much, much more annoying."

"Kurama and Rei?" Kasumi asked politely.

"Long story," Shampoo sighed, glancing at Akane, who glared back in defiance, "It all begin some month ago, just after this one and her Airen escape from Musk Prince and Lum get curse of battle tiger..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Crestfallen Beginnings: shadowmane

The Tale of Lum and Shampoo unfolds with the appearance of Rei and Mousse, two male suitors in search of a clue (not to mention an engagement), and other Obnoxious visitors yet to appear whose stories will be told in, "Fine will get you Ten," or, "Heck Have No Blind Fury Like a Clueless Man Ill Scorned!" Be there!

X

If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: ~ All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	6. Chapter 6

LSPurple06

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Six.

"Come along, Ataru-chan," Shinobu urged, "Quit gawking at girls and hurry up! We're going to be late for class if you can't get your eyes off the traffic for another five minutes!"

"Hey, don't rush me!" Ataru insisted, "Girl-watching is an art. Besides, it's not like I'm doing anyone any harm by simply looking, right?"

Shinobu's hand tightened ominously upon the handle of her book bag as she glared at her sometime boyfriend (and all around class pervert), "I don't know why I bother to put up with you. You're rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, lazy..."

"You forgot to add cute," Ataru smiled back at her with an appropriately boyish expression, only to get a taste of bookbag for his troubles.

"I DID NOT FORGET CUTE!" Shinobu rumbled ominously, "But CUTE is not the word that comes to mind when it comes to your lecherous, rude behavior, to say nothing of the way you chase after other girls without even once considering MY feelings!"

"That hurts, Shinobu-chan," Ataru said with obvious hurt in his expression (and not just caused by the rather painful impact of the bookbag), "I do so too care about your feelings...but why don't you try thinking about my feelings for once? After all, I am a Man, and a man has needs, and can any man refuse the call of his own nature?"

"So, are you saying that it's in your nature to be such a pervert?" Shinobu demanded.

"I wouldn't call it perversion to like women and to appreciate feminine beauty, would you?" Ataru reasoned, "So if I see a pretty girl and I have a reaction, am I to be blamed for this? How would you feel, Shinobu-chan, if the sight of a pretty girl like you never got me excited?"

Shinobu felt a wave of conflicting emotions, both annoyance and confusion, as she thought over his comment, even as she felt her cheeks begin to blush and she furiously glanced down in a vain attempt to conceal her mixture of irritation and arousal.

"So when I look at, say, Sakura, Ryoko, Ryunosuke or even you it is not because I am slighting anyone," Ataru waved his arms grandly and beamed proudly, "I love you all in different ways, but I like you best because you're the one who best understands me."

Despite herself Shinobu found herself glancing up and asking shyly, "You mean that? You...really like me best?"

Ataru laid a hand to her shoulder and said, "Shinobu-chan, we've known each other for years, ever since we were children, and we've been together through so much, so...of course I like you best. You're the cutest girl in our class, and with all the other hot babes around Tomobiki that's saying a lot, eh?"

Shinobu colored again, glancing down to hide how flattered she was, and how his words reminded her that they had been through a lot together, and the reason she liked Ataru was because she understood him so very well...

"...And so that's why I've got to be me," Ataru continued, "I've got to grab all the gusto I can while the blush of youth is upon me, because there's more than time enough later to worry about settling down in relationships and all that other adult nonsense..."

...Which was partially the problem, and the prime reason why Shinobu felt compelled to deck him for that ludicrous statement.

BWAM!

"Baka!" she snarled as she towered over his prone form, "Grabbing women's fannies and chests is the reason you were on suspension for a week, and why Sakura-Sensei had a restraining order slapped on you. Keep this up and you won't have any youth to speak of, especially if Mendou carries out his threat to take your fool head! Think about that the next time you try to put the moves on his sister!"

Ataru just lay there hearing the chirruping of birds around his head, but by the time he recovered his bearings, Shinobu had long since stomped off in the general direction of Tomobiki.

"Shinobu-san?" Ataru asked as he felt his jaw to make certain it was still attached. When he was certain that she was really gone he sighed and got back to his feet, then smiled and said, "She really likes me. Maybe one of these days she'll understand why I need my freedom."

He smiled as he hefted his bookbag over one shoulder, heading off to Tomobiki while thinking of all the pretty ladies he had yet to sample and musing to himself that life was good, even if of late it was starting to feel a little...predictable, if not quite boring. There was a certain sameness to his days that he had become aware of very much of late, as though something vital were missing, some element of the exotic and unusual that he intuitively sensed should somehow be present. As yet he had not been able to identify just what it could be that was missing...unless it was the absence of success in his efforts to get farther than a fondle with any of his current amorata.

Having girls to chase and admire from a distance was fun, but-aside from Shinobu-none of the women he desired would have anything to do with him. Even his own mother disdained showinng him the kind of serious affection that he really coveted deep down. There was no one who seriously desired him for himself, apart from Shinobu, and they rarely went anywhere beyond a few miles radius of Tokyo. In short his life was becoming a bit too predictable, and even having foils like Shutaru Mendou hardly made up for the lack of novelty and excitement.

He mentally shrugged and decided to stop thinking about the whole subject. After all, adventures sounded like a lot of fun when they happened to someone else, but to actually live through them took a degree of masochism that Ataru happily lacked. Whatever he was missing in his life, he could probably do without it. Life was good enough so long as he had cuties to ogle, and Shinobu was good company, even if she seriously had to work a bit on controlling that temper...

Little did he realize but a pair of eyes were taking him in from the concealment of a nearby bush, and then a wheezy voice chortled with glee, "Heehee...that boy does have some potential." Wonder if it's too late to take on a new apprentice, one who was bound to be more appreciative of the arts Happosai had to teach. Unlike his current ingrate of an apprentice, who had given him the literal boot on account of his merely wanting to spend some time showing the new ladies his appreciation...

Ataru wondered why he felt a shudder go down his spine at that moment, but quickly dismissed the thought as needless superstition. If wanted something like that, he would have consulted with Sakura's Uncle Cherry, and besides, he wanted to catch up with Shinobu to see if she was still sore about their latest "misunderstanding."

Little did he realize but his unvoiced quest for adventure and excitement was about to be realized, and well beyond his most terrified imagination...

Akane stood there panting, wrath plain upon her features as she contemplated the new hole that she had just put into the dojo ceiling, her eyes still focused on where a dwindling form had been one moment before she had kicked him into low earth orbit.

"That...that...PERVERT!" she exclaimed as though it were her ultimate put-down, "The nerve of him, and in front of guests no less..."

Ranma stared at where the object of Akane's wrath had been one moment before then said, "Man, what is it with that old freak anyway? If Lum's lightning didn't warn him off, and being squashed with a table hardly phases him..."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, having been the unexpected target of said now-absent pervert.

"He tries to do that again with Darling, he will answer to me!" Lum declared hotly, showing off her cute-girl fangs, which everyone else noticed were as sharp as her pointed ears and those equally cute little horns that were atop her head, all reminders (as though her greenish hair was not a definite giveaway) of her alien pedigree, to say nothing of her claims to be a Princess of the Oni.

"Don't know how to tell you this, guys," Nabiki volunteered, "But that old guy puts the moves on just about anything female, especially if you're cute and bodacious. Kasumi and me have pretty much learned how to fend him off, but it's poor Akane who got saddled with the burden of putting up with him 24/7."

"Is this true, Tendo-kun?" Genma asked of his old sparring partner.

"Um...well, yes...in a manner of speaking..." Soun nervously confessed while rubbing the back of his head.

"Dad," Akane turned her annoyance towards her father, "Why don't you tell your old friend how you stuck me with the old Hentai because you were too gutless to tell him to take a hike, and I still can't believe that you'd sacrifice your own daughter like that! Have you got any idea what people say about me behind my back in school? And all because of your stupid ideas about my training!"

"Training?" Ranma asked, "What kind of training could you get with a dried up old fossil like that anyway? How to cop a feel around women?"

Akane's cheeks flushed a furious shade of pink as she glared at him and said, "It's none of your business! And for your information I am not a Hentai, even if I train under one..."

"This one does not understand," Shampoo spoke up, "Why train under Elder if you no respect him?"

"It wasn't by choice, believe me," Akane calmed a bit down with some effort, "About a month ago, when he showed up around our place, Dad went into his groveling mode and prostrated himself in front of the guy...something about burying him in a cave that was sealed off with dynamite and prayer strips that's supposed to have trapped him there for about ten years..."

"Ah..." Genma exchanged nervous looks with Soun, and the two of them began profusely sweating.

"Ten years?" Ranma blinked, "How could he survive like that? If he was trapped in a cave without food, air and water..."

"There are ways of doing so, Husband," Lum helpfully suggested, "Some life forms can put themselves into a state of hibernation, or they wrap themselves up in a cocoon to preserve their life essence until such time when you can free them..."

"Yeah, but Gramps isn't an alien," Nabiki pointed out, "He's human...at least, we think he is..."

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "Can you imagine what he must have felt like being trapped in a cave without food, light, air or water for all those years? Small wonder Grandfather seems so starved for affection..."

"Oh no, he was always like that...er," Genma stopped himself as he caught the looks that he was receiving from both his son and his two brides, to say nothing of the suspicious glare that he was getting from Akane.

"Well," the latter said, "Master Happosai said he was willing to overlook what you two had done to him...IF you agreed to resume your training under his guidance. Instead you begged off on that and told him to take me on as his new apprentice. At first he wouldn't agree to the deal, but then you practically offered me up as a sex slave if he'd agree to train me instead of you, Daddy," she put extra emphasis on the word to stress her level of annoyance on that issue.

"And is that why you have such a bit issue with what you call 'perversion?'" Lum inquired, "Because you have been forced to pay so much time with that...that Darling molester?"

"Actually," Nabiki spoke up once again, "Akane's always had a problem with the male half of the species, especially since Kuno Tatewaki started chasing after her and stirring up all that trouble among our classmates. Then Akane ate the Super Soba noodles prepared by Gramps and got the really buff strength she now uses and that only made things worse, not better. Now, in spite of being able to kick ass on the male half of Nerima, she finds herself with twice as many admirers as she had to start out with."

"This one no understand," Shampoo admitted.

Kasumi smiled pleasantly and gently said, "Don't you have admirers back in China, Xian-Pu? People who look up to you and want to spend time with you and get to know you better?"

"You know?" Nabiki smirked sardonically, "Fans and would-be suitors? Guys who drool in lust over you and wanted to nail you as their honey-pie?"

Shampoo only blinked in confusion for a few seconds before saying, "Aiyaa..."

"Oh yeah, she knows what that's like," Ranma sniffed.

"All three of us do," Lum admitted before her lovely features clouded over with intense emotion, "And some would-be pests who can't get a clue to save their lives are still pursuing us to this day."

"Is this back when you three were just starting out getting to know one another?" Kasumi asked.

"Actually, it started before I even showed up in the Nyanchiczu village," Ranma nodded, "Lum and Shampoo-chan could explain it a lot better than me."

"It all began like this," Lum explained, "Back when Darling and I were returned from our travels to the Musk dynasty, and after our encounter with Prince Herb that wound up in the both of us receiving our Jusenkyo curses..."

"It is your own fault, you know," Perfume remarked, "You set yourself up for this every time you say something to upset your Airen."

"Ow!" Shampoo winced, glancing over her shoulder, "Great Grandmother...!"

"None of your backtalk, child," Cologne said sternly as she continued to apply the healing salve to the inflamed portions of Shampoo's naked body, "You need to learn to restrain that tongue of yours if you want to avoid looking like a lobster before you turn twenty."

"But all I said was that I did not feel like riding on the back of my Airen's tiger-form when crossing that river," Shampoo complained before giving her elder a funny glance, "What is a lobster?"

"I am looking at one, child," Cologne said clinically, "Good thing for you your Airen did not intend you serious injury or you would be faced with far worse than a few first-degree burns, which by rights ought to be treated by your mother if she were not away midwifing in another village."

"It was not what you said that offended the Princess, Cousin," Perfume insisted, "It was the way you said it, as though you were afraid of her while she was in Battle Cat form."

"This one did not fear her Airen," Shampoo insisted, wincing slightly as more salve was applied to her bared bottom, "This one does not fear anyone or anything..."

"Is so?" Perfume asked skeptically, "Then why did this one hear you say you rather jump in lake than ride tiger upstream? Sound almost to this one like you afraid she get hungry while you crossing."

Shampoo winced this time from something more than her discomfort, but mostly as she dreaded the way her elder would respond to this information, and-sure enough-she could feel Cologne's hands stiffen slightly while in the process of soothing the ache of her great-grandddaughter's tired shoulders.

"Shampoo," Cologne said with deceptive calm, "I am disappointed in you. You know our ways, you know what the law demands of us when it comes to an honor marriage."

"This one knows," Shampoo inwardly cringed, "Is the law of all Amazons that we respect our Airen and only treat them with respect and affection."

"'What this one knows of her Airen one loves,'" Perfume quoted as verbatim, "'What this one does not know about her Airen she will learn to love.' Is the law that Perfume hope to one day respect when she has her own Airen."

"Precisely so," Cologne nodded with great solemnity, "Always respect your Airen, unless-of course-he or she is doing something so enormously foolish that, as a dutiful wife, you must take steps to correct his or her actions. That is what I have taught you both to know and understand, and it ought to be second nature for you to respect your bride and to do nothing that will upset her."

"Especially when she is Princess of all Oni," Perfume added, "And they have big sky ships that can rain fire down on village, which would be both annoying and inconvenient."

"So, do you see now why you must at least try to get along with the Princess Lum?" Cologne continued, "As Tribal Champion you have certain obligations to uphold, and as the senior marriage partner your status in the tribe makes you a figure of great importance, the moreso since your bride has equally important connections of her own. Moreover, the people of Beijing are watching us with unusual scrutiny since our actions will have a direct impact on their good standing with the Oni. So...given all of that, would it be too much to ask that you not upset your Airen by implying that you are afraid that she is going to one day eat you?"

Shampoo winced again, but this time more from the mental image that this conjured up for her...of just how large and powerful were the jaws of her Airen's cursed form. If only she did not keep remembering that Outsider poem that her father liked to recite on odd occasions, something about a tiger burning bright in the forest, or was it that other limerick about the lady riding on the back of selfsame tiger that had her feeling like a timid dear about to be turned into a prime course meal?

Even as she thought this a familiar voice spoke up, "There is no reason why you must do this, Grandmother. Let me tend to Darling as a proper wife should."

Shampoo stiffened, moving her eyes without turning her head in order to see the green-tressed alien beauty standing at the doorway to her elder's house and smiling back her way as though having quite forgotten that she was the one who had gotten Shampoo like this in the first place.

"But of course," Cologne said as she moved away from Shampoo's nude body, further alarming her purple-haired heiress, "It was never my intention to usurp your place as Airen. Here is the healing salve that needs applying to Shampoo's body. Feel free to be liberal when rubbing it in as my granddaughter can always brew more of it as needs be."

"I would be only too delighted, Grandmother," Lum said with enthusiasm as she levitated across the room and came to kneel next to the motionless Shampoo, smiling with great anticipation as she accepted the jar of salve from Cologne and seemed more than ready to use it in generous portions.

Perfume only stared crossly at her cousin as she saw Shampoo fight for self-  
control in an effort to remain motionless as the Princess Lum went to work applying her salve-slick hands to the reddened portions of Shampoo's all-too-  
vulnerable body, but after a few tense moments the purple haired girl began to relax, and then sighed with surprising relief as the Oni's fingers proved remarkably sensitive, and with unexpected skill Lum started to soothe the enflamed nerves that remained yet untreated over portions of her skin that Cologne had yet to tend to.

The brown haired Enforcer only glanced away after a few moments, appearing both envious and uncomfortable as Shampoo's sighs gradually turned to groans of appreciation. Cologne registered this with an amused-but-tolerant expression, then she began to hop away towards the door saying, "We will leave you two to settle things between yourselves, but Perfume will remain nearby should you have need of her assistance."

Perfume gave a startled look towards her elder and said, "Great grandmother?"

"Recent events have convinced me that the relationship between Shampoo and her Airen is of such importance that they will have need of your companionship for the immediate future," Cologne explained in matter-of-fact tones that in no way hinted of mischief, "Though Shampoo is unquestionably the Champion of our people, and her skills surpass that of nearly anyone else but your own among your generation of our warriors, and there is no denying that the Princess Lum is herself quite formidable, recent events concerning the Musk Prince make it plain that they are yet vulnerable to outside interference."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo murmured softly, only half listening since the bulk of her concentration was centered in the way that Lum was applying the salve to her lower back and spine, with every indication that the Oni had every intention of going much, much lower...

Cologne turned deadly serious as she glanced away, "As I said before, your marriage to the Princess Lum is of such importance that it must be preserved against all potential obstacles, and as Prince Herb himself more than amply demonstrated, you are still at risk so long as you are two women without an actual husband between you. Amazon law permits warriors to marry at their discretion, but the rule remains open that a man-should he be strong enough to defeat either one of you in battle-might yet become your husband, and when word of that reaaches certain ears there is no doubt in my mind that there will be those who seek to take advantage of this lamentable situation. I take it you know to whom I am referring?"

That got through the foggy haze of bliss that surrounded Shampoo's mind, and she opened her eyes wide in total realization, "Aiyaaa...!"

Perfume was equally sober as she asked, "You believe that he will try and force himself upon their union, Great-Grandmother?"

"I am certain of it, Child," Cologne replied, "Though he has been in voluntary self-exile for the past two years, word has doubtlessly reached him by now that Shampoo has taken another warrior as her bride, and he will at once leap to the conclusion that he can make himself Shampoo's husband by defeating her Airen. You know how cunning and resourceful he is, even given that in most other respects he is a clueless, half-blind moron. He will seek to use any advantage at his disposal to obtain his own desires. Therefore I am trusting you to protect Princess Lum and Shampoo from his diabolical efforts, as well as anyone else who might seek to impose themselves through unfair methods."

Perfume made a fist and crossed her chest in the manner of a salute, "You may count on this one, Elder. This one will not fail in her mission."

"You need not bother to act as bodyguard for us," Lum herself spoke up with a confident smile, "If anyone seeks to defeat either Darling or myself, then he had better be prepared to taste my Lightning."

With that the green haired girl balled a fist and caused it to glow with electrical fire...however, she had forgotten to take her other hand away from Shampoo, and as a consequence the purple haired girl started to writhe and spark as the healing salve acted like a conductive agent to transfer the power through her body and into floor through the blanket on which she was laying.

"Darling?" Lum glanced down, belatedly realizing her error, "Oops."

Shampoo still did not know what a lobster was, but laying there twitching on the floor as she was, she was beginning to feel great sympathy for the species...

"And who was it that you guys were so afraid of?" Nabiki asked.

"We are getting to that part," Lum replied, "But first we had a couple of visitors from my world."

"Relatives," Ranma grunted, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, no matter how much you'd like to try..." he added the last part with a sour glance towards his father.

"You mean...more of you Oni arrived in the Amazon village?" Akane asked, impressed despite herself at the colorful details of this story.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo rolled her eyes, "That is what you outsiders call...too, too much of an understatement..."

"What is it?" asked Perfume as she and the others gathered around in the home of Shampoo's parents to view a recently delivered postal package that was roughly the size of one of Shampoo's bonbori.

"It does not say," Shampoo replied as she studied the card that had been attached to the package, "It say that it was delivered to Beijing with a forwarding address for the Nyanchiczu village of Joketsuzoku, but there is no return address. It is very strange, but it names my Airen, for whom it must have been intended."

"Oh really?" Lum brightened, leaning over Shampoo's shoulder to peer at the box-  
shaped object, "Someone sent a present to me? How nice."

"Careful," Shampoo's father, Hairbrush, cautioned, "It might not be a friendly package. There are all sorts of people in this world and some are not partial to aliens, I would imagine."

"Your caution is duly noted, Son-in-law," Cologne marked, "But I imagine those fools in Beijing are not so lacking in caution that they would have permitted a package to be transported all the way here if they imagined that it contained something as bothersome as explosives."

"Are you certain about that, Grandmother?" Comb asked, favoring her elder with a look that was normally reserved in the reverse direction.

Cologne paused to consider that then said, "You may have a point there, Child. They may not have known what to look for when they subjected it to the standard sort of tests to which they would logically employ upon a parcel of unknown nature. But still, the packaging has a courier's marking, which implies to me that it was of known origins, that the party that submitted it to the Beijing Postal system was considered reliable and trustworthy enough not to be diverted elsewhere."

"Either that or the security boys in the Postal department just got lazy," Hairbrush noted, "But whatever it is, I doubt it's anything as conventional as mere explosives."

"You are right, honored sir," Perfume remarked, "This one does not smell anything funny, and Great-grandmother has trained this one very well to detect outsider explosives. In fact, this one does not smell anything at all besides the packaging and the odd trace scents that would tell this one where the package has been of late."

"Why all the fuss about a simple package?" Lum asked impatiently as she clasped her hands together, "If it's a present for me, then I want to see what it is."

"It may be dangerous, Airen," Shampoo insisted, "Just because Perfume-cousin and Great-grandmother do not think it dangerous does not mean it is completely safe to handle."

"Just so," her mother nodded sagely, "You never know what sort of messy germs it might have picked up in its travels."

Lum beamed happily as she turned to Shampoo, "You're worried about me, Darling? That's so sweet!"

"Ah..." Shampoo said uncomfortably, belatedly realizing what her words might sound like under the present circumstances.

"Oh, go ahead and open it, Daughter," her father urged, "Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle the potential problems it might create."

"Well then," Cologne said, "What say we open it and find out what the fuss is all about?"

"What say we do that outside of my house, Grandmother," Comb suggested rather pointedly, "Just in case."

"Your caution is commendable, Granddaughter," Cologne smiled as she poked at the package with her staff and caused it to immediately fall open, the wrapping and ribbon coming apart as though cut by an invisible pair of scissors, the sides of the box unfolding outward to expose the package contents, which turned out to be a very large...

"Egg?" Shampoo blinked as she stared at the white, featureless ovular shape.

"Oh my," Lum turned an appreciative glance towards Cologne, "That was so neat the way you did that, Grandmother."

"I agree," said Comb as she eyed her elder flatly, "You always were a show-off."

"But what about the egg?" Hairbrush asked with an appreciative expression, "Can you imagine the size of whatever it was that could lay that?"

"It is not such a problem," Perfume flexed her arms and produced her double-  
bladed axes, "How do you want it, sunny side up or scrambled?"

"Hold," Cologne frowned, "There is something...peculiar about that egg. I am sensing enormous power contained within. It was dormant until now, but..."

All at once the egg started to shake and vibrate, startling Shampoo and the others, who were not prepared for such a thing to happen.

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo softly murmured.

"It's alive?" Comb marveled.

"Apparently, Dear," Hairbrush affirmed as the egg-shaped started to spin about with increasing momentum, then all at once it shot up from the floor and started to spin in the air as though suspended on invisible currents.

"Oh!" Lum declared in belated realization, "Now I know what it is..."

"A bomb?" Perfume nervously wondered.

"No," Lum replied, "It's..."

That's when the egg broke apart and revealed its true contents, a small boy, hardly more than an infant, bursting forth from his protective cocoon to hover in mid-air while his eyes went around in circles.

"Ohh...I'm so dizzy...I think I'm going to be sick..." he said in a surprisingly mature tone of voice.

"Jariten!" Lum cried happily, "Oh, Ten, it's been ages! How ever did you find me?"

"Ten?" Shampoo blinked, staring at amazement at the green-haired kid with the single horn projecting up from the top of his head, a tiger-stripped diaper being his single article of wardrobe.

"Must come before eleven," Perfume noted with a similarly blank expression.

"Lum!" the infant declared happily, floating towards her while waving his tiny arms and legs as though swimming, "I knew I'd find you if I mailed myself to you by express!"

"You mailed yourself, young man?" Comb marveled.

"Must have been pretty steep rates," her husband commented wryly.

Perfume and Shampoo exchanged puzzled looks as Lum reached out to receive the infant, who had drifted unerringly in her direction, then Lum happily lifted from the floor and spun around with the child in her arms, her long green tresses dancing about like a cloud beneath her.

"Well now," Cologne remarked with an amused expression, "This is an interesting development. It is obvious enough that you two know each other and are of the same race, but I was given to understand that you were childless, Daughter-in-  
law, and had never known the touch of a man..."

"Oh, Ten isn't my son, Elder," Lum declared as she drifted back down to the floor, still hugging the child closely to her, "He's my cousin, the son of a very close aunt of mine who is no longer with us."

"Oh, I am very sorry to hear that," Cologne said soberly.

Lum chuckled softly to that and said, "Oh no...she's not dead, she just went on a very long expedition to the frontier and left Jariten behind under the protection of my parents. But...Ten, why are you here on Earth? I thought you would still be back at the palace on our home world."

"Aw, it's too boring back there," the infant scoffed, "I wanted some excitement and adventure, so I came looking for you, Lum. I heard from Uncle that you got married and I wanted to see who the lucky guy was and determine if he's worthy."

"Lucky?" Shampoo arched a purple eyebrow.

"Funny," Perfume remarked as she glanced at her own cousin, "You do not look like a man, and you surely do not smell like one either..."

"Ten," Lum chided softly, "Why did you wrap yourself up in a protective survival capsule and mail yourself all the way here? Why not just come by directly in your ship?"

The infant glanced down and his cheeks colored, "Um...well...I kind of...tried to do that, only I got...well...lost..."

"And did not ask for directions?" Comb gave her husband a wry look, "Typical male, you're the same on every planet."

"For your information, Dear, I am never lost," Hairbrush declared matter-of-  
factly, "I always know exactly where I am...it's the rest of the world that can get a bit confusing."

"And never admitting when you're wrong is another typical male handicap," Comb persisted with a superior smirk that seemed to suggest that she liked teasing with her mate.

"Maybe that's true," Hairbrush countered with an affable shrug, "But we do have other uses..."

"So, where is he, Lum?" the green-haired infant persisted, "Where is your new husband?"

"Ten," Lum turned him around until he was facing Shampoo directly, "This is my Darling wife, Xian-Pu, and these are her family, which I now belong to as a member."

"Wife?" Jariten arched his own shaggy eyebrows, taking Shampoo in with a long glance, "You married a Juraian?"

"Juraian?" Shampoo repeated with an eyeblink, having heard that word before, though from where was difficult to place at the moment.

"Silly," Lum chided, "Darling is from Earth, not Jurai. Oh, I know that there's a passing resemblance, and she does have Juraian blood on her mother's side, that much is obvious..."

"Your side of the family?" Hairbrush gave Comb a puzzled look.

"Grandmother," Comb said as she turned to glare at her own elder, "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?"

"Ah...well...he is a child," Cologne pointed out, "And who knows where children get these strange notions..."

"Let me see if I have this straight," Jariten frowned in concentration, "You mean planet Jurai already staked out a claim on this world before we Oni could take it?"

"Not exactly," Lum assured the youth, "We think they colonized a portion of the planet as a long-range outpost, but then they forgot all about their colony since it was too remote out here on the frontier to trouble with even long-rage beacons. We Oni have just as viable a claim to the Earth, only we have an agreement with the Earthers that every thousand years or so we send a champion to fight with their champion in a winner-take-all match. I was the champion for this millennium, and I lost to my Darling, but when she touched my horns she also gave me the Kiss of Marriage, which I accepted..."

"Oh?" the infant asked, glancing at Shampoo again, "She proposed to you and you just accepted?"

"Of course," Lum turned an adoring look towards Shampoo, "I love my Darling, and she's certainly everything that I could ask for in a wife."

"You mean she's preferable to Rei or Lord Stinky Face?" the small green-haired boy observed, "Yeah, I suppose I can see your point on this..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo remarked in growing confusion.

"Wait," Perfume said, "You mean...there were other suitors who wanted to claim you before you met my Cousin?"

"Aw, you don't wanna know about them," the baby said with an affable smile, "Especially that pink haired fop who thought he was a gift to the Oni."

"Pink hair?" Comb arched both eyebrows then glanced at Cologne and said, "We are definitely going to have a talk about this, Grandmother..."

Cologne kept up an inscrutable guise, but all it took was a glance to see that she was inwardly sweating.

Hairbrush gave the young boy in their midst a curious study before saying, "So, you came out here all by yourself, little man? And what became of your spaceship?"

"Ah...well..." it was the green-haired boy's turn to look somewhat embarrassed.

"You crashed it, didn't you, Ten?" Lum said with a softened expression.

"That's why I had to bail out, Lum," Jariten assured her, "Until I can get it fixed...well...those nice men at the embassy promised to take care of it for me."

"I'll just bet," Hairbrush frowned briefly, then smiled again, "Well...then I suppose that means you will be staying with us until you get your feet back under you. That is...if this meets with the approval of both of yourselves, Dearest and Grandmother."

Cologne looked with grave solemnity towards the young boy in Shampoo's hands then said, "I do not foresee any obstacles that would prevent his staying, but...young man, you must respect the Amazon culture while you reside with us, and do nothing that would bring shame or dishonor upon our family or the house of the Oni."

"Oh sure, I can agree to that," the youth assured her, "I'm only here because I want to be close to cousin Lum, but if you're my family now, I don't see how there can be any problems."

Perfume blinked her eyes at this then turned to her Elder, "Great-grandmother, it is not my place to question your wisdom, but...is this wise? I mean...the child is an Oni, and-other than being kin to us through Shampoo's Airen-we know nothing about him, such as how a mere baby can talk to us likee an Elder..."

"Hey, who are you calling a baby?" Jariten asked with clear irritation.

"She raises a good point, Grandmother," Comb pointed out, "For a mere boy he does have quite a remarkable vocabulary."

"And it's also hard to imagine someone that small operating his own personal space ship," Hairbrush further suggested before shrugging and saying, "Of course, he could just be pretty advanced for his age..."

"I will vouch for Ten," Lum assured them, "He will be a good little boy while he stays with us and won't get in the way at all, isn't that right, Darling?"

"Ah..." Shampoo hesitated before saying, "Aiyaa..."

Perfume just scowled, "I still say this is a mistake, but I will not contradict my elders."

"Your opinion is recognized and accepted as such, Child," Cologne replied, "But until further notice, you are to respect my decision and will treat young Jariten with all proper respect to which he is entitled, until such time as your objections have been validated."

"Yeah, you hear that?" Jariten said to Perfume, "Try and get along with me. I may be a little kid, but I have feelings."

Perfume still looked somewhat ruffled, but she glanced away and said, "Feelings...do not talk to this one about feelings."

"Hey, don't be like that," Jariten dislodged himself from Lum's arms and started levitating towards the brown haired Enforcer, "Come on, let's kiss and make up. I'll even bet you're my type when you're not being such a sourpuss. Come here, lady!"

The little boy tried to embrace Perfume, but the brown-haired Enforcer instinctively shied away from him with a look of abject dread in her expression. Unconsciously she was thinking of Lum and her electric shocks, but the gesture was misinterpreted by Jariten, who took her avoidance not as fear but rather rejection.

"Fine!" the floating youth declared as he glared her way, then with a sudden intake of breath he breathed out fire like a flame-thrower while declaring, "SEE IF I CARE!"

Perfume was not prepared for the sudden intense wave of heat that wafted over her body and just stood there while the flames singed the edges of her clothing, but when the fire burst died down she was all reddened from top to bottom, as though her hypersensitive nervous system had reacted badly to almost being scorched. She stood where she was while her clothes smoldered for a bit, then said the word, "...ouch..." and she promptly fainted.

"Perfume-cousin?" Shampoo asked in surprise and alarm.

"Jariten!" Lum spoke harshly, "How dare you do that to a kinswoman, and after promising to behave yourself. Have you no manners?"

"ooops," the little boy said with a sheepish expression, putting a finger to his lips, "Didn't mean to do that...sorry...sometimes I just get a little upset, you know?"

"The boy breathes fire," Hairbrush remarked, then sighed, "Dearest?"

Comb was already crossing the room to tend to the fallen Enforcer, speaking with calm detachment as she said, "Don't stand around gawking, Shampoo. Help get me Perfume to a bed so that we can tend to her with more of that healing salve. She's going into system shock even as we speak and there's not a moment to waste in gawking."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo reacted, promptly moving to assist her mother and favorite cousin...

"I don't get it," Akane frowned, "Why did the fire hurt her that bad if she wasn't seriously burned?"

"Perfume-cousin...she has this...problem ," Shampoo said reluctantly, "She is very, very sensitive to pain, and in spite of intense training under great-  
grandmother, she can still be hurt by little scratch and..."

"Don't say anything more than that, Shampoo," Ranma said, "It ain't honorable to tell others about the weaknesses of another warrior, even an enemy, especially not a friend. It's against the code of Budo."

"Um...well...yes, of course it is," Soun glanced towards his own best friend, "Right, Saotome?"

"Huh?" Genma blinked, "Oh...right, of course..."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo said belatedly, "This one did not mean to reveal that. Is hard not to say, though, when describing Shampoo-cousin Perfume."

"Tragic, really," Lum agreed, "Next to you, Darling, Perfume is the strongest fighter that I have ever seen, but to think that she cannot endure pain to any degree...it makes it understandable while she trains even harder than you. As long as she has her axes she is nearly invincible...except against my lightning..."

"Yes, of course," Shampoo nodded, "But Perfume have it very hard growing up in village since everyone know she really weak girl who can be beaten by a touch. That is why Perfume-cousin is so sensitive about touching..."

"Not that she has any problem about doing the touching herself," Lum further noted, "Especially when she meets a girl who fits her profile..."

"Oh yeah," Ranma sniffed, "Warm blooded with a pulse. Never met a girl who was so grabby in a shower..."

"You only say that because Perfume likes you only when you're female, husband," Lum gave the pigtailed boy a smile of open invitation, "You don't have to pretend around us that you mind it when she fondles you."

"Hey, it ain't like I go around asking strange girls to fondle me out of nowhere," Ranma scowled, "It's bad enough when you guys do it..."

"Oh ho?" Shampoo eyed him with a leer, "You no like it when wives show husband how much they like him?"

"Ah..." Ranma winced uncomfortably, clearly affected by the sensuous looks he was receiving from his ladies.

Akane scowled but Nabiki was curious so she said, "What about this character, Jariten was it? Where is he about these days?"

"Who knows?" Ranma glanced away over his shoulder, "Ain't like it's any skin off my nose what the little runt is doing these days."

"Husband," Lum's smirk became a scowl of disapproval, "I know you and Ten don't get along all that well..."

"The little brat tried to burn my mass more times than I can count!" Ranma snapped, "Why the heck would I have a problem about that?"

"You sound just like Perfume-cousin, Airen," Shampoo said in amusement, "She no like Ten either on account of how they meet, but she learn differently, and it only because he already related to family that she no go around calling him Airen."

"Ten and Perfume?" Lum blinked, "Now there would be a real odd couple..."

"A couple of what I'm not saying," Genma muttered under his breath.

"How is that, Saotome?" Soun asked.

"Oh, nothing," Genma replied, affecting his most unlikely of all expressions, the one he used while pretending to look innocent.

"But what about these other two men who used to be your suitors, Lum-san?" Kasumi asked.

"We were just getting to that part," the green haired Oni girl explained, "Jariten was only the first of my family to show up among the Nyanchiczu, but before I tell you about Rei, perhaps I should let Darling tell you about her troubles with a certain Duck boy."

Shampoo just rolled her eyes and said, "Aiyaa..."

"That stupid jerk," Ranma grumbled, "Blind as a bat and only half as intelligent."

"Husband," Lum chided, "You know that Mu-Tsu isn't as bad as all of that. He may have problems with his sight, and he might have gotten it into his foolish head that my Darling belongs to him, but I think, in his heart, he really is a nice boy who just has a few issues."

"You can say that even after he kidnapped you?" Ranma scowled more deeply.

"Kidnapped you?" Akane blinked, "When did this happen?"

"Shortly after Mousse return to village and learn about this one's marriage," Shampoo answered, "But that getting ahead of story. First to explain how boy of village of Nyanchiczu grow up to have such a blind obsession with this one, and the trouble it caused to her and her true Airen..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Daycare Centers for Oni: shadowmane

Okay, so it's the next chapter when Rei and Mousse put in their appearance, but in case you are wondering, no, Jariten won't be staying too long (annoying side-  
kicks bother me and all that), I just felt like I had to include him for certain comic scenes that I am planning in the future. In regards to that, and (barring an excess of college computerized reports that I've been typing up for money lately), I fully intend to address these and other issues in: "Fianc Wars," or, "Have Beefbowl, Have a Cow, Man!" Be there!

X -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

If you wish to check out my other works, Please check out my Fanfiction webpage at: or it's Mirror page at ~ All related chapters of this series can be found there along with my other works. 


	7. Chapter 7

LSPurple07

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Based Upon the Works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Seven

Rivals

Qing Hi Province, China-Several Months Back:

The Fugitive moved cautiously through the overgrowth that fringed the verdant woodlands, all senses keen and sharpened to an inhuman degree as she sought for any trace of pursuit following fast upon her heels, knowing beyond certainty that it would be forthcoming and doing her level best to stay one step ahead of any and all trackers.

Several times she would pause to sniff the breeze, dreading that she would detect a certain familiar perfume-like aroma that would tip her off to the whereabouts of the one she knew to be behind her. There was a moment when she felt certain that her heart would burst loose from her chest as she felt it hammering in dread of the coming confrontation, but she was determined to press on and seek release from the feelings of entrapment that held her bound within her homeland. After all, she was a young woman with prospects and the thought of being tied down to a simple country village all of her life was not the sort of thing she savored...not after having learned first hand what staying there would mean for her impending future.

Still and all no sign appeared to give her pursuers away, and almost she dared to hope that she had managed to elude them. It was a facile hope at best, but one that she grasped as a drowning woman might a life preserver. She had almost made it to the borders of her tribal lands when something shattered that hope entirely...a familiar wound that caused her to halt in mid step and take immediate evasive action.

No sooner had she done so than a pair of whizzing sounds sliced the air and shattered the tree behind which she had just been taking shelter. Shampoo hit the deck and made herself too small a target for the deadly bladed axes, then straightened up once again as she heard them arc back towards the hands of their Mistress.

"What you do that for?" the purple haired Champion of the Joketsuzoku demanded, more annoyed than angry at being treated to a display of the deadly prowess of her cousin, the Enforcer.

"What do you mean by that?" Perfume asked as she put her axes away, "Shampoo...why did you run away just now? You knew great-grandmother would only send me out to fetch you back."

"I am not going back!" Shampoo angrily declared, "Not after what just happened, and you can tell great-grandmother that this one is through being used like a tool to buy our people an increased social position! She will have to find another way to barter with these aliens and stop using me as a foil for appeasing the men in Beijing..."

"You know better than anyone that I cannot do that," Perfume insisted, "And why are you being so stubborn anyway? We won the fight, and those fools are in no condition to further threaten you or your Airen."

"How can you of all people ask me such a thing?" Shampoo sounded hurt this time, "Ever since this whole thing began I've been the one that's had to suffer from the lunacy of my engagement to that lightning throwing green-haired..."

"How can you talk like that about your Airen?" Perfume's nostrils flared, "She has been kind to us and has done much to make up for the wrong caused by her idiot cousin...and surely you cannot blame her for the actions of that other half-blind moron?"

"And why in the name of our ancestors not?" Shampoo stubbornly insisted, "She caused all of this by engaging herself to me without my consent, so how am I to be the responsible one for her placing the both of us in this mess that is leaving us both vulnerable to the challenge of these pesky rivals?"

"She has only acted to honor you, and this is how you repay her?" Perfume said with real heat, "Cousin, you are a fool! If this one were engaged to someone as loving and concerned with your safety as the Princess Lum, then Perfume would be a very happy warrior!"

"Fine!" Shampoo snapped, "Then you marry her!"

"I would but for the fact that our laws do not permit it," Perfume replied, "And she loves you, dummy, not this one, which sucks a lot, but that is how the fates have arranged it."

"How can you know that she loves me?" Shampoo beat her chest, "She chases me everywhere and zaps me constantly with her lightning!"

"I know because I can smell the physical changes that come over her whenever you are around," Perfume replied, "Her pulse increases, her body perspires certain telltale hormones, her skin becomes flush and her eyes dilate with happiness and enjoyment. Do not ask this one why she favors you over me, however, since I am the one with the better build..."

"What are you saying?" Shampoo blinked in surprise at that last comment.

"Only that she could have proper Amazon bride instead of one who has fat hips and is flat chested!" Perfume answered.

Shampoo bristled at the insult and snapped back, "Well...that beats being a top-  
heavy cow who is much too skinny to attract herself an Airen!"

Perfume's nostrils flared and her eyes dilated but she managed to keep calm long enough to snarl, "Maybe Ambergris will come back one day and teach you how to act like a real woman. I think you two were very close at one time...closer than this one and Lotion, and maybe she left here because she was jealous..."

All at once Shampoo had her bonbouri in either hand and was looking ready to use them against her adoptive cousin, snarling like a cat, "You take that back or this one pounds you like rice-flour!"

Perfume snapped her wrists and had her axes back in hand as she glared and said, "Any time you are ready! You may be Tribal Champion, but great-grandmother train us both, and you know this one is slightly better!"

"We see if that boast can be backed by deeds," Shampoo declared as she tensed in readiness to attack her lifelong friend and training partner.

"DARLING!"

All at once the bonbouri and axes disappeared as though by magic, both cousins straightening out and adopting innocent expressions as the green-haired Lum descended towards them from above. The buxom alien girl gave both Amazons a curious scrutiny before turning to Shampoo and asking, "Why were you and your cousin fighting just now?"

"Fighting?" Shampoo asked innocently, "We are not fighting, are we, Cousin?"

"Of course not," Perfume replied, "Shampoo and this one train all of the time, Princess, and we like to keep our reflexes honed by sometimes sparring together, right Cousin?"

Lum did not appear all that convinced, but being a cheerful sort by nature she brightened up and said, "Well...now that we've survived the attack of the four would-be suitors, maybe we should be going back to the village before nightfall. After all, that Prince Kirin may still be about, and you know his kind does not take losing gracefully in good humor."

"Ah...yes...of course," Shampoo fairly wilted as she gazed into the eyes of the green haired Oni, finding it impossible to make much of an argument in light of what she read there (and a certain knowledge that Lum would sooner shock her than let her slip away into the twilight).

"In which case," Lum said as she took the purple haired girl by one arm and cuddled up beside her, "Why don't we save time by letting me carry you? You know how much I enjoy having you in my arms, Darling, and this way we can both be certain that Mousse and Rei won't be lurking in ambush.

"Ah..." Shampoo swallowed, trying to think of a good way in which to decline the offer, only to yelp in surprise as Lum scooped her into her arms and took off into the air without any further preamble.

Perfume hid the smirk that she was wearing on the inside, but after watching the oddly mismatched pair sail off beyond the tops of the tallest trees she heaved a sigh of regret and said, "Why can this one never find herself an Airen who is willing to do that for her?"

With that grumpy remark openly stated, Perfume turned back into the woods and began the long trek back towards the village of the Joketsuzoku...

Nerima, Japan-the relative Present:

"I don't get it," Akane frowned, "What were you and this...Perfume getting so worked up about? I thought you'd agreed that you were going to accept having Lum there be your...ah...fianc e?"

"Is no so simple," Shampoo sighed as Lum regarded her in silent appreciation, "At time this one no have resolution to accept Lum-chan as her Airen. Instead tried to run away so as no have to face other challenges, even fight against cousin if need be to escape reach of elders."

"I know that you were having some difficulties adjusting to our marriage, Darling," Lum remarked, "But at the time...I had no idea that it was so difficult for you."

"Ain't really your fault, Lum-chan," Ranma snorted, "It was those other jerks who made things rough for Sham-chan."

"Yes," Shampoo admitted, adding, "This one love her cousin Perfume very much, but say things no mean to her that day, and all because of other parties who no know how to take word 'No' for answer..."

Several Days Before Last Scene in Qing Hi,  
Taking Place in Amazon Village:

"Won't Darling be so happy when we get home from shopping?" Lum cheerfully remarked to her own beloved cousin, Jariten, as the two of them sailed high over the rooftops of the Nyanchiczu stronghold, "With these ingredients I'll cook up a meal fit for a Princess of Planet Earth, and won't she be impressed to know that she has such a talented wife, Ten darling?"

"If you say so, Lum," the infant Oni replied while doing his best to keep pace with his levitating cousin, "But if you're wife is so content to be married to you, then why does she act as if she is afraid that you're going to spank her?"

"Spank darling?" Lum blinked in surprise, then smiled, "What an interesting notion..."

"Huh?" the tiny alien boy glanced at his cousin in amazement and confusion.

Lum could only chuckle at this and remark, "Wait until you are hold enough to have a wife of your own, Ten, then maybe you'll understand why..."

"PRINCESS LUM OF THE ONI!" an angry male voice cried out from seeming no where.

"Huh?" Lum blinked before turning around in time to see a figure flashing up from rooftop to rooftop before hurtling towards her, which caused the green haired beauty to abruptly "AWP!" and change directions at the very last second.

The hurtling figure indeed came close to a collision, but as Lum darted to one side her attacker went straight on past her and kept on going, leaving Lum to blink as she felt her basket carrying the goods that she had just bartered for and purchased vanish from her hands as if by magic.

To her further amazement and consternation, she saw the figure alight upon yet another rooftop some distance away and below her. In angry outrage she cried, "Give that back, whoever you are! Those vegetables and herbs belong to me, they are a present for my darling!"

The tall figure dressed in white at first gave no indication of having heard her, but then-very slowly-it turned around, regarding Lum with the evilest face that she had ever set eyes upon, glaring up at her with eyes that seemed to peer back from the very depths of hell, promising the fires of retribution as they turned their wrath upon her.

Lum cried out in fear and panic, "EEEP-Devils!" and at once unleashed a barrage of her lightning, only to see the figure react at once by pulling something out from one sleeve and using it to catch and deflect the bolt away from its position.

"Give it up, Outlander girl!" the figure declared in a strangely muffled voice, "I am way too clever for you and I know how to counter your greatest of weapons!"

"Whoah," Jariten exclaimed, "Sure is an ugly dude, and how did he just turn aside your lightning, Lum? Think he might be another alien from off this tiny planet?"

"I don't know and I don't care," Lum snarled as she made a motion as if rolling up a non-existent sleeve, then reared back with one hand and declared, "But nobody messes with my Lightning after stealing a meal from my Darling!"

This time her fist crackled with amazing levels of energy, power gathered up on the spot with only a few seconds deliberation, and all at once she unleashed a powerful bolt that sizzled the air and caused her assailant to flinch with an instinctive dismay, remarking aloud, "Oh momma...!"

The next instant he was hit with enough power to cause part of the building he was standing upon to explode beneath his feet, spilling the masked man to the ground and causing the false face that he was wearing to shatter, revealing a human face that had been hidden behind it.

"Hey!" Jariten exclaimed as he saw the figure plummet towards the ground, "That's not a monster...he looks human!"

"Oho?" Lum exclaimed as she noticed the profile of the fellow whom she had just struck down, then caught sight of a twisted metal object that was projecting from the roof and said, "What is that?"

Jariten was already investigating the pole, "Hey...it's some kind of lightning rod...connected to the ground by a chain. That must be how he deflected your lighting, Cousin!"

"So it wasn't a natural ability?" Lum remarked as she drifted over the dark haired figure in the singed white robes, "Not bad looking, but he tried to trick us...but why? And why did he attack me?"

"Maybe he's an idiot," Jariten suggested, his diminutive frame hovering just above the smoking body of their fallen assailant, "I've noticed that some of these Amazons have really peculiar customs..."

"Now Ten," Lum chided, "You really should know better than to judge people based on nothing but a first impression. Perhaps it was just a mistake or a misunderstanding..." she brightened abruptly and said, "I know...we'll take him to Darling. She'll know what to do and who he might belong to..."

"In retrospect that was a bit of an error on my part," Lum said with a slightly crestfallen expression, "But how was I to know what would come of inviting him into our house, Darling?"

"You should have asked the nearest of our people who happened along if they could identify him for one," Shampoo gently scolded, "For once you cousin had it right, him village idiot, and very, very annoying."

"You said it, Sham-chan," Ranma snorted, "I wasn't there yet when it happened, but from what I hear tell that's where the troubles really got started..."

Shampoo came home after having another long talk with her mother and father on the subject of her marriage to the alien princess and was intending to have another long talk with Lum in order to clarify a few things...in the interest of maintaining peace with the Oni (to say nothing of trying to put a stop to her Airen's tendency to shock her on a whim). Of course her thoughts were totally side-tracked the moment she entered the Matriarch's house (which she had been living in since she was a very small girl) only to find Lum waiting for her with someone laid out on a bed-roll being tended to by Cologne, her great-  
grandmother.

One look at who it was who lay between the blankets was enough to convince Shampoo that exiting the way she came and coming back much later would be a very good idea. Unfortunately this did not mesh at all with Lum's first impulse, which was to fly into her arms and give her wife a proper Amazon greeting.

"Nihao Darling!" Lum cheerfully declared as Shampoo "AWP"-ed upon being glomped in a significant manner, and then she had to endure having the alien girl snuggle up close within her arms as Lum cheerfully gave a terse account of her meeting with the stranger currently on the bed, including how he had gotten that way, after which she added, "...And the really odd thing is that your honored great-grandmother says that you were childhood friends with this rather nice looking fellow. So why did he attack me?"

"Ah...?" Shampoo blinked then glanced towards her elder and said, "Great-  
Grandmother?"

"Apparently the fool got wind of your marriage to the Princess Lum and sought to take advantage of what he perceived as a golden opportunity," Cologne tersely replied, "You know what our laws say about warriors who choose to bond in marriage, that a man may join such a union, but only if he is strong enough to overcome both brides. A formal challenge would satisfy the law on this count, so all that was needed-to his way of thinking-was to test your wife's resources and then find a way to best her, and hence his attempted ambush."

"But that is silly, honored Elder," Lum replied while maintaining her hold upon Shampoo, "I would never permit anyone but Darling to have her way with me...although I do admit he is rather pleasing to look at. But are you saying he wishes to join Darling and me and become our husband?"

"That is the general idea, yes," Cologne began to explain when she paused and glanced towards the door to her house, and moments later Perfume arrived, breathing hard and looking ready to spit acid.

"This one heard that the annoying one has returned to our-oh! There he is! Great-Grandmother...permit this one to administer his punishment for defying your edict."

So saying Perfume produced her double-bladed throwing axes and seemed all too eager to employ them upon the hapless boy still laying as still as a baby upon the bedroll, and by her expression it was plain she meant him very ill intentions.

"Stay your hand, Child...for now," Cologne instructed, "Let the fool regain consciousness first, then we will interrogate him to determine just why he thought now would be a good time to return from his self-imposed exile."

"If you wish it so, Elder," Perfume remarked with a hint of disappointment in her tone and expression, but nonetheless she maintained a firm grip on the handles to her axes.

"What is wrong, Darling?" Lum asked as she turned from the purple haired girl to regard her brown haired cousin, then back again, "Why is your cousin so upset about this fellow, and why does it look as if she means to hurt him?"

"Mu-Tsu..." Shampoo began to say, only to pause as she sought the right words that would explain things for her Airen, "He is a very stubborn, very annoying man who used to be friends with this one in her childhood days...but two years ago he left Joketsuzoku vowing to make a name for himself, and this one...has not seen him since."

"Used to be friends, you say," Perfume's nostrils flared, "But he got it into his head that Cousin Shampoo should belong to him, and every other day he would make himself into a royal pest trying to give challenges and defeat her. He is not one to take 'no' for an answer, and always he thinks to force the issue in spite of him always losing. Finally great-grandmother gave him an ultimatum to either improve his techniques or have no other dealings with Shampoo-cousin."

"Oh, you mean he's some kind of a stalker?" Jariten asked as he came drifting into the room taking in the situation with a glance, "Well, in that case, why not lock him up somewhere so they can study his brain to learn why it's so defective?"

"Unfortunately we do not have a psychiatric ward, Little One," Cologne replied, "Which is truly a great pity since I know more than a few Amazons who might look good in a straight jacket..."

"What is a...?" Shampoo started to ask when she caught a quick headshake by Perfume that dissuaded her from completing the question.

"Darling," Lum asked, "If this man is after you to marry him, then why don't we tell him that we do not need a husband at this point but would be perfectly happy to wait until later, when I've gotten to know him, before considering his proposal?"

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo blinked, turning towards the green haired beauty who was still embracing her and trying to fathom whether or not she was serious in making that statement, but before she had the chance they were suddenly interrupted as the comatose boy sprang up from the bedroll and embraced the person nearest to him, which happened to be Lum and not Shampoo, his hands finding her in a rather awkward spot that caused the Oni princess's eyes to bulge in shock, dismay and horror.

"Shampoo!" Mu-Tsu declared, "At last I have found you...um...say, did you recently have a breast reduction?"

"Uh oh," Perfume and Jariten murmured in tandem while Shampoo's own eyes widened with alarm and horror.

"YOU-!" Lum cried, and all at once she erupted with a burst of electrical fire that caught both Shampoo and Mu-Tsu in its grip and sent the long-haired boy tumbling back into dreamland...even as Shampoo was not so lucky, still being caught up in the embrace of her alien "Airen..."

"Ouch," winced Nabiki, noticing the sheepish expression on the face of the Lum of the present and saying rather nastily, "You really ought to watch where you do that."

"I know," Lum slumped her shoulders, "I guess it was pretty thoughtless of me to forget that I was holding onto Darling, but that...baka caught me by surprise, so I just reacted instinctively and shocked him as I would any other sort of masher."

"Gee, and he was only doing to you what you were doing to Xian-Pu here," Akane scoffed, "But what about this guy...Mousse did you call him?"

"Close enough," Ranma responded, "And trust me, the guy's nothing but trouble, besides being pathetic. A halfway decent fighter, sure, but blind as a bat without his glasses."

"Oh my," Kasumi spoke up, "You mean to say he has a visual problem?"

"That one way of putting it," Shampoo nodded, "Mu-Tsu...he have condition that this one's mother call astigma...him see better at distance, no see so good when close up."

"Which is why the poor fool studied the art of Hidden Weapons, with its emphasis on long-range attacks," Genma noted, "Of course he is competent at close-range fighting with his Swan Fist technique, but the boy put him in his place when the two of them got down to a proper challenge match..."

"Swan Fist?" Soun asked, "You mean...there really is such a legendary technique?"

"What does it consist of?" Nabiki asked, "Swimming around in a pond like a duck?"

"More like ballet maneuvers," Akane snorted.

"Ever see a goose or swan up close?" Ranma asked them, "Might not look like much, but if they attack you their wings can break bones, and their beaks ain't nothing to laugh at. Not that I couldn't take him even without the old woman's special training..."

"Hai Airen," Shampoo nodded, "But first time around it Lum-chan's problem, and Shampoo have to coach her so she know no take Mu-Tsu for granted just because he idiot and compulsive..."

"You both understand what is involved here?" Cologne asked as she studied both antagonists, "There is only one round, no time limit, and the first one to fall to the hands of the other loses. If Princess Lum loses the match then she must concede to Mu-Tsu the title of Airen. If Mousse goes on to defeat Shampoo then she will likewise acknowledge him as her husband, and thus you will have both girls declare for you. But...if you lose, Mu-Tsu of Swan Clan, then you will renounce your pursuit of both women and leave their lives in peace. Is this acceptable to both parties?"

"Yes, Old Woman," Mousse replied, clenching a fist as he declared, "Today is the day when I make Shampoo mine now and forever!"

"Hey, I'm involved in this too you know!" Lum protested.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo softly averred, fearing an impending disaster in the works.

Perfume leaned closer to her cousin and murmured softly, "Are you sure you don't want me to cripple the blind one before he hurts your Airen? I can be real subtle about it, and even the Elders won't fault me..."

For some peculiar reason Shampoo felt tempted by the offer, but the match began anyway and so she stood with baited breath and watched as Mousse and Lum faced off with the former launching his attack while the latter took to the air, intending-as usual-to avoid trouble by levitating.

Unfortunately for Lum the first attack proved to be a feint, nothing more than a harmless Frisbee that Mousse hurled towards the place where Lum had been standing, only to shift stances and unleash his real assault a second later. All at once metal chains flew out from his sleeve and wrapped themselves around the Oni's waist, snapping shut with the sound of a pad-lock while a heavy anchor hit the ground and halted her in mid-flight, causing the green haired beauty to utter a startled cry at the unexpected imposition.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Jariten protested.

"No," Cologne replied as she stood to the side and judged the duel, "It is well within the rules. A surprisingly clever move on Mousse's part, grounding the Princess while effectively neutralizing her two main powers and chief assets."

Lum struggled to get free from the chain binding her about the middle, but Mousse just laughed at her efforts and said, "You can struggle all you like, it's not going to help you here. You may be strong but those chains are forged titanium, almost unbreakable...and the anchor weight a ton, so it will take too much energy for you to attempt to move it."

"You tricked me!" Lum snarled, then pointed with a free hand and said, "DIE!"

Unfortunately her lightning fizzled out and hit the earth between them without doing her intended target any damage. Once again Mousse laughed and said, "Your lightning doesn't work while I have you grounded. Face it, Princess, you're outclassed when it comes to fighting against Amazon ingenuity!"

"We'll see about that," Lum declared, and all at once she struggled mightily to rise up into the air, defying gravity and the impediment of the anchor, which rose a few inches at first, then a full meter, then two before halting.

"Go ahead and tire yourself out," Mousse smiled as he produced a set of throwing knives in either hand, "You'll just be that much easier for me to target with these drug-tipped stilettos..."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo cried, "Airen! Don't lose to Mousse or we'll both have him for a husband!"

"I-WON'T-LOSE!" Lum snarled, and all at once she pushed herself to her limits, moving forward and away from Mousse, only to stop in mid-motion and begin to drift back in his direction.

"What do you think that's going to...?" Mousse started to say when all at once the anchor swung back at him in the manner of a pendulum, and it struck the nearsighted martial artist sideways, flattening him as he had not been braced against collision...

"Wow," Nabiki remarked, "That was actually pretty clever..."

"Not really," Lum shrugged, "I improvised on the spur of the moment, but I've been warrior trained since I was just a baby, and while I may not be in the class of a full Amazon, I do know a thing or two about military tactics."

"So you beat off a nuisance, big deal," Akane shrugged, "Bet he didn't take the hint and go away like he was supposed to."

"Aiyaa...how you know this?" Shampoo asked the other girl in frank amazement.

Akane flexed her short legs and stared between her toes as if taking an interest in a hangnail, "Oh...let's just say I know a thing or two about obsessive morons..."

"Yeah, but Mousse was only the first of several challengers who came looking to claim one or both of my girls for himself," Ranma huffed, "The next one proved to be an even bigger pest...and I mean that in more than just his being unable to take 'no' for an answer..."

Two warriors, Tsu-Gar and Zpi-Tse, were walking home together late one evening after completing an unsuccessful hunt for fresh game, and both were trying to make up a good excuse for their clan Elder when one paused in mid-step to glance up skyward, and then she called the attention of her friend and said, "You see what I see?"

Spice glanced in annoyance at Sugar and responded, "A falling star, big deal. You want to make a wish or something that grandmother fall on head and forgets to ask if we find anything for dinner?"

"That's not it," Sugar said in alarm as she gripped her companion by the arm and cried, "It's getting bigger...and I think it's coming this way!"

There was no time for Spice to confirm or deny that report since she had also taken on a "deer-in-the-headlights" look upon seeing the glowing ball of light suddenly expand alarmingly to take up a goodly portion of the sky, and for an instant it seemed as if collision was inevitable...only for the thing to bank away at the last moment, rising up just enough to miss them entirely as warrior reflexes belatedly kicked in and Sugar dragged her friend and herself to the relative safety of the ground.

A moment later a tremendous blast of plasma scorched the air above where they had been standing, causing both Amazons to flinch away, only to die out a few moments later as relative silence fell over the night-time clearing. Very hesitantly the two young women lifted their heads from the ground and turned to see the smoking object that had crashed a hundred meters away, which even at that distance was discernable as something of artificial creation.

"What in the name of our ancestors is that?" Sugar asked.

"Looks like some kind of an outlander plane...or something like that," Spice deduced, having seen a plane pass overhead once and hearing about such things as winged ships from the lips of her elders.

"Maybe the government flew out another bunch of foreigners to see how Shampoo is getting along with her Airen," Sugar said as she dusted herself off and stood up alongside her companion, "The government sure has been nosing about here a lot lately..."

"Makes you wish for the time when they were ignoring us," Spice agreed, then paused to say, "You think anyone could have survived in that thing?"

"No," Sugar replied, "Outlanders are fragile creatures, even more than most men, so unless they've had training I doubt they could survive it."

"Maybe we should ask grandmother for her advice on this," Spice suggested.

"Maybe so," Sugar frowned, "And maybe she would box both of our ears if we don't investigate to make sure that no one survived it."

"Good thinking," Spice agreed, taking a step forward...only to halt in mid-  
tracks and stare in blank-eyed amazement.

"Huh?" Sugar saw the look on her companion's face and started to turn around to track her gaze, only to assume a similarly astonished expression as a figure staggered away from the crash, somewhat unsteady on its feet but quite discernable by race and gender.

He was tall and slender and incredibly good looking, and even in the dim light cast by the burning wreckage of his ship the color of his hair and eyes was unmistakable, as were the horns sprouting from the top of his head as he came more fully within the scope of their vision and managed to gasp out a single intelligible word, "Lum..."

The two Amazons-being women in their early twenties who were presently not attached and who had perfectly normal female hormones coursing through their veins-were struck by the sheer impact of his manly charisma and stared in dull amazement as he came ever closer to where they stood gawking, only to collapse at last as his strength faltered, and then he sprawled out on the ground in a fetchingly Bishonen manner.

The two lifelong friends continued to gape at the fallen male like total striplings only half their actual chronological ages, and then Sugar roused herself to declare, "I want him!"

"I saw him first!" Spice persuasively argued, triggering a sharp exchange of glares in both women until they belatedly recalled that the man they were about to fight over might require medical attention.

"We save this for later," Sugar reasoned.

"Fine with me," Spice agreed as both girls made a move to share his manly burden between them, "We'll take him to grandmother...she will know how to decide this."

A thought belatedly occurred to Sugar as they bore the man away between them, "He mentioned Shampoo's Airen by name...you think he might be another relative come to pay her a visit?"

"If so then he's got connections," Spice mused, then smiled as she knew how this would improve her chances of gaining the approval of her Elder since any family seeking social advancement would delight in having marriage ties to the Matriarch's own clan, and through them to the Oni, the ultimate in well-  
connected outsiders...

"So, who was he?" Akane asked as she and the others accepted the bowls of rice that were being served around the dinner table.

"Him name Rei," Shampoo sniffed, "And like Mousse, he very annoying."

"Sure sounded like those two who found him were ready to come to blows over a total stranger," Nabiki mused with a smile as she poised with her chopsticks to scoop some sukiyaki onto her portion of rice, "Was he cute?"

"Of sure," Ranma sniffed, "If you like the type. Girls just seemed to go nuts over the guy, always following him around and trying to get him to fight them so they could declare him their Airen."

"But him only have eyes for Shampoo Airen," Shampoo smiled as she caught her wife's annoyed expression.

"I can't stand him...he's so disgusting!" Lum snarled, exposing her cute-girl fangs before adding, "He eats like a pig and can't carry on a halfway decent conversation...he's rude and opinionated and he wouldn't leave me alone, not even after Darling and I married Ranma!"

"Aw, he ain't a total creep," Ranma snorted, "He's just obsessive and annoying. Sometimes he could be a pretty cool guy, but around Lum-chan...well, he ain't never gotten it out of his head that they were once engaged together, but that she never really wanted him for a husband."

"Is very true," Shampoo nodded sagely as she assisted Kasumi in passing around the dinner that they had prepared together, "At first this one no see why Airen find him so...what is word? Ob-ject-tionable?"

"Objectionable?" Kasumi asked, "What was wrong with him as a suitor? Was he not very mature or completely lacking in manners?"

"You could put it that way," Ranma grimaced, "But also he has this really bad tendency to polymorph whenever he gets angry...he turns into this giant stripped cow-like monster and tends to go on a rampage."

"A giant cow-like striped monster?" Nabiki paused in the act of chewing more rice, "You've got to be kidding."

"My husband does not jest on this," Lum sadly replied, "Rei was once a childhood friend of mine, but he never really grew up, which is why I find him so unsuitable for a husband..."

"But Airen," Shampoo argued.

"I said no!" Lum declared flatly, "I will not allow him to challenge you and possibly risk becoming our husband! I want only you, Darling, and that is final!"

"Be reasonable, Daughter-in-law," Cologne said more persuasively, "Despite his faults your former fianc appears to be a very handsome man, and he does seem to know how to cook a decent enough meal for a wife, so he qualifies as an acceptable candidate on that score. Also too...his unattached status is causing a deep disruption in our village, so the sooner he is claimed for a husband the sooner we can get some peace and quiet from all those ninnies who keep trying to attack him!"

"You said it, Great-Grandmother," Perfume huffed as she stood in one corner regarding the handsome Rei with complete and flat indifference, "It's bewildering why people are behaving like such idiots over this guy. What has he got that they want him so badly, other than looks and the fact that he's an outlander and one of Princess Lum's people?"

"If you can't figure that out then you might as well stop trying," Jariten snorted as he regarded the buxom Enforcer.

Perfume narrowed her eyes as she studied the levitating infant and growled, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh...nothing," Jariten said innocently, only to float near enough to the brown haired Perfume so that he could nuzzle up alongside her ample bosom, "So, why don't we let bygones be bygones and you can let me suckle from those generous milk bottles of yours...?"

"WHAT?" Perfume reacted in shock and disgust as she shoved the little alien to one side and jumped back into a defensive crouch.

"Hey, what's the big deal?" Jariten asked with obvious confusion, "I thought you were going to be nice to me, and I haven't had anything to eat all day..."

"NICE?" Perfume snarled, "After you tried to burn me the other day?"

"I said I was sorry about that," Jariten replied, "You're not still holding a grudge over a little sneeze where I accidentally breathed fire in your direction?"

"Ten, be nice to Darling's cousin," Lum immediately chided the infant, "You're much too young to be thinking thoughts like that about her anyway..."

"What do you mean, Lum?" Jariten blinked.

"She mean you no old enough to demand rights as Airen to this one's cousin," Shampoo explained, giving a sympathetic nod in Perfume's direction.

"What are you talking about?" Jariten pointed at Perfume, "All I want to know is if I can have some milk since I'm hungry and she looks full enough that I'm sure she could spare a few liters..."

"I'm not some stupid cow that you can suckle on my...!" Perfume snarled, making a motion of reaching for her axes.

"Peace, you two," Cologne instructed, turning with a sigh back towards Rei and saying, "Won't you at least consider an alternative, young sir, since I know for a fact that there would be a great many young and attractive warriors who would be deeply honored by your offer to cook a meal for them as befits a proper husband?"

"No," Rei replied in his usual terse manner, pointing towards Shampoo and declaring, "Fight."

"No way!" Lum cried, "I forbid it!"

"Unfortunately, Daughter," Cologne sighed again, "It is not your position to refuse a challenge lawfully issued to your Airen since Shampoo is the senior partner by tradition, and if a male wishes to fight with her for your hand, then there is little that I may do to forbid it."

"It is all right, Airen," Shampoo tried to reassure her green-haired alien wife, wondering for the hundredth time how she had gotten herself into such a horrible mess with these aliens and their obsessive attachments, "This one will meet all challenges as befits her role according to tradition, and she does not intend to lose if you object so strongly to this male's petition."

"But...you don't understand, Darling," Lum spoke with obvious distress in her voice as she regarded the woman she always spoke of as her "Darling," "Rei is very dangerous when angry...if he should lose control...if he gets upset for any reason..."

Shampoo actually blinked as she saw real concern for her welfare reflected in the eyes of the Oni princess, but she spoke perfunctory lines of na ve certainty, "This one is certain she will prove the superior fighter. You need not have fear that I will fail you, Airen."

"But..." Lum sighed, "Just be careful...and when he starts to change, please run for safety."

"Change?" Perfume repeated, sharing her cousin's obvious confusion on that matter, but ten minutes later when they were on the challenge field she started to get a hint of what the Oni Princess meant as Shampoo faced down Rei upon the challenge log, the handsome male Oni seeming oddly confident about this battle.

"You both understand the rules and what is at stake here?" Cologne glanced at one opponent, then the other, then raised her staff and said, "Begin...and may the superior fighter be victorious."

Shampoo studied the man before her with curiosity, far more susceptible to his obvious charms than her girl-exclusive cousin. Rei was very handsome and had something about him that made warriors swoon with desire to possess him, and over half the village-young and old-were always shadowing him in hopes of provoking him to defeat one or more of these potential suitors. Surely Rei could have his pick of the village, yet for some reason he wanted Lum, who rejected him with a categorical denial that seemed to mirror Shampoo's own feelings towards Mousse. That was enough of a reason for her to harbor doubts about his suitability for a husband, though Lum's reasons for such a loud rejection seemed to escape her at the moment.

Though Shampoo could see that he indeed had faults there was enough there to work with that she might well desire him for a husband...but not at the expense of making Lum unhappy. Therefore she had to fight without restraint against a male representative of Lum's own people, and since she had enough experience with lightning-wielding aliens to know better she chose to face this match bare-  
handed rather than to leave herself open to a quick attack that might easily disable her and leave him an opening to claim her for his Airen.

So it was that she took advantage of his seemingly relaxed posture to launch a surprise attack by going from a standing start to a flying leap in less than one second. Rei saw the attack coming and easily dodged her, but he was wide open for her next attack, and when she spun around and planted a kick in his mid-  
section she connected solidly and sent the male sprawling across the far end of the Challenge Log. He was open to a follow-up attack, and she came at him with a downward-spinning ax-kick that she intended to deliver to end their fight quickly.

But Rei reacted this time with greater speed and strength than Shampoo had imagined him to possess and he easily deflected her kick, sending her tumbling backwards and nearly off of the log were it not for her rapidly shifting her balance in mid-tumble so that she could land with her feet at the very edge and salvage her position. This near-encounter shook Shampoo as she realized how narrowly she had just come to losing, and that underestimating Rei again would be a serious mistake did she not heed the immediate warning.

So it was that she crept outward and took a fighting stance to see if he would attack her, but rather than rush to the opening Rei stood his ground and glared at her, as impassive as a stone though his eyes were bright with anger. Shampoo was forced to launch another attack again, so this time she attempted a different kind of a feint, moving into a side-kick, only to alter her stance in mid-stride so that she shifted to a forward punch and launched her Amaguriken attack with a hundred blows flying at Rei in less than one second.

Again Rei was caught by her special attack, but after the first fifty blows connected he staggered back a half step and began moving his own arms rapidly to block her remaining fifty punches. Shampoo was astonished to find that her blows did not penetrate his guard as expected, but she rapidly changed maneuvers once again and let the ninety-ninth blow fall just short of connecting before spinning on her heel and turning her energy into a spinning back-kick that got through his guard and glanced off Rei's square jaw, staggering him back to the very edge of the challenge log, which of course gave her the opening she needed to deliver the one-hundredth blow to his mid-second.

That was all the added momentum that was needed as Rei went flying backwards off of the log and into the eager crowd of gathered Amazons, whereupon those women happily gripped hold of his slim body and held him firm while Cologne declared Shampoo the victor. The Matriarch then turned towards Rei and asked if he would concede the victory-and Princess Lum-to his opponent...only to get a round-  
eyed look of dismay as the ancient Amazon Elder sensed the rising of his chi-  
levels and saw the angry Rei begin to smolder with outrage.

With surprising ease he shook off the hands that gripped him and moved forward...only to grow in size as he cried out in fury and started to change in appearance, his cries becoming a savage snarl of animal-like intensity, and he kept on growing in size until he towered as tall as the nearby treetops.

"Aiyaa...?" Shampoo remarked as her own eyes appropriately widened and she looked up and up towards the monstrous man-beast that now confronted her like the wrath of the very heavens. All at once she felt very small and began to wonder if there were any techniques in her arsenal that might possibly cover this, but try as she might she could not think of a single one that would be effective against giant monsters.

Perfume edged closer to her side and murmured over the roar of the monster, "Just between us, Cousin...I don't think this male is the kind who accepts defeat gracefully."

Jariten had better advice to offer as he flanked Perfume's other side and said, "Just between the both of us, if I were you, I'd do what Lum said and start running."

Rei beat on his chest and roared his defiance, and then he lifted one leg and aimed a foot towards Shampoo, who belatedly snapped out of her surprise and heeded the better course of wisdom, which meant doing exactly what her Airen had requested...

"So what happened next?" Akane asked, "Did you defeat him?"

"Fortunately for this one, her Airen came to her rescue," Shampoo replied as she sipped from her tea, "But no before monster chase this one and destroy good part of village."

"It wasn't easy for me to talk Rei down after he threw that temper tantrum," Lum remarked, "And when he's in that form he's impervious to harm by my lightning. Even the Chinese military would have been powerless to stop him if they had gone up against him...but I convinced him that I would never be his if he hurt my Darling, so he accepted a declared truce and vowed to fighting us another day, which turned out to be a few days later."

"You mean your buddy could turn into a giant monster, while you hurl lightning and your cousin breathes fire?" Nabiki asked, "You mean to say that not all Oni have the exact same powers?"

"Oh no," Lum informed her, "Not all Oni have special abilities...just nobility and a few of the special classes. Most commoners never develop beyond simple physical endowments such as strength and general toughness, and my ability with Lightning is something I inherited from my mother."

"Yeah, but I know one half-Oni in particular whose as strong as an ox and nearly as intelligent," Ranma huffed, "But he came along later, shortly after I wound up in your village, which is getting head of ourselves in our story. You see...after Mousse and Rei tried and failed to beat you girls, the third annoying pest showed up, and he was even worse than those creeps."

"Worse than a half-blind obsessive and a guy who changes into a giant cow-  
beast?" Akane asked blandly, "Like...how?"

"Well, for one thing," Lum sighed, "He came from a race called the Jurai, who are long-time enemies of the Oni, and he arrived in one of their flying tree-  
ships claiming to be already declared for me, which was a lie since I'd already rejected his petition."

"A flying tree-ship?" Nabiki blinked, "You're kidding."

"Nope," Ranma replied, "She's totally serious...and you ain't heard the best part yet when that snooty jerk showed up and declared that Sham-chan here belonged with his people."

"On my," Kasumi said as she tried to mentally picture what a flying tree-ship might be like and gaining the oddest impression of something sleek, serene and graceful floating purposefully through the heavens...

"Excuse this one, but your name is what?" Shampoo asked of the pink-haired male who stood before her.

"Count Seryo of planet Jurai, my dear," the foppish fellow said grandly as he fluttered herself with a fan, even though the day was far from humid, "And you must be the silly peasant girl who thinks she can wed my own true beloved."

"True beloved?" Lum reacted, "Impossible since you see him every day when you look into a mirror!"

"Oh Princess Lum," Seryo replied with a superior smirk on his expression, "What a sense of humor you have. Of course I mean you, silly, and why do you persist in playing these games since your father himself approved a union between us?"

"My father did no such thing!" Lum snarled, "I rejected you and he withdrew his petition! Instead I found my own true Darling here on earth, and I am going to stay married to her and no other!"

"Oh really, my dear," Seryo chided, "Must you carry on with such theatrics? You know that I am the man for you, the one who will take you away from this...this primitive mudball of a planet and its squalid cesspool-like living conditions. Wouldn't you rather live in the lap of wealth, comfort and luxury to which you were born? Surely you must see how you lower and degrade yourself by mingling with these...peasants."

Shampoo bristled as she found herself taking an instant dislike to this fellow, not so much because she felt insulted by anything in particular that he was saying (half the words he used made little sense to her, and for once the translation spell that somehow allowed her to comprehend their language as if they were speaking in Chinese did not come to her assistance) but rather the tone he used, which was unmistakably condescending. She at once issued her challenge, intending to dispatch him quickly rather than to have to put up with any more of his foppish antics, but the man just dismissed her as though a small child had addressed him and not a grown warrior. Truly the conceit of this man knew no earthly limits!

"Really, Princess...must you permit your pet to rattle on as if she had something to contribute to this discussion?" Seryo asked of Lum, speaking as if the smoldering Amazon were not worth the courtesy of his notice, "We are trying to have a mature discussion here and..."

"Darling is not my pet! She is my wife, and you will address her with courtesy or not address me at all!" Lum snapped in seething outrage.

Seryo looked honestly surprised at her outburst, but he recovered quickly by laughing as if she had said something enormously funny, "Oh, you jest! But of course, I suppose I should humor your quaint notion of according a mere Earther with a position that should more properly be held by one of your elite station..."

Now Shampoo was ready to hit him, and Lum seemed only an inch away from blasting the fool with her lightning, but to their mutual surprise it was Cologne who spoke up, giving that sky tone of authority that she could employ whenever it suited her interests, "Do you really think having your head in the clouds like that justifies behaving like a total boor, Sonny?"

"Eh?" Seryo seemed quite surprised at the rudeness of the old woman, but even more perplexed at her appearance since he did not seem to comprehend what "old age" meant to most humans. Cologne did not give him time enough to contemplate her diminutive status before she tapped him on the chest with her staff, and all at once the pink-haired fool went flying out the door of their house as though jet propelled or towed by a cable.

"And stay out until you've learned some proper manners," Cologne instructed as she hopped to the doorway and peered out at a sprawled out Seryo.

"Great-Grandmother," Perfume spoke up to break the ensuing silence, "What will we do? This outlander male seems to think he can come in here and ignore our laws, or even take Shampoo's Airen without a proper challenge."

"I am well aware of the situation, Child," Cologne replied, "I merely wanted to see if he could be surprised into better appreciating the way things are done here. Now...if you will excuse me, I have an errand to attend to..."

So saying the old woman hopped on her staff and took her leave of their house while the young people she left behind collectively blinked their eyes and exchanged puzzled glances.

"What do you suppose grandmother meant by that, Darling?" Lum asked.

"This one does not know, Airen," Shampoo replied, but before she could say anything further Seryo pushed his way past the flap once again and stared around at the interior of the house before taking a full step inside...only to be stopped short as Perfume materialized beside him and pressed the edge of one of her axes up against his throat.

"Great-grandmother say that you will not enter...unless you show proper manners," the Enforcer hissed with cold intentions written plain upon her lovely features.

Seryo seemed to consider the ax, then Perfume, then he smiled and gently pushed the edge away with the tip of a finger.

"How crude," Seryo sniffed, "You really ought to be careful where you point a thing like that or you might hurt yourself, little girl."

"Little...?!" Perfume snapped and was ready to launch an attack against the fop when his finger suddenly began to glow...and all at once a force sprang up in the air between them and sent the Enforcer rocketing backwards to slam full-  
force into the rear wall, creating a pattern of striations like a spider-web caused by her impact.

"COUSIN!" Shampoo cried in dismay, seeing Perfume crumple to the floor, quite evidently unconscious.

"Now, as I was saying...eh?" Seryo blinked as lightning crackled all around him without touching, Lum's attack being thwarted by the sudden appearance of a field of energy that framed the air surrounding the pink-haired Juraian.

"Eh?" Lum reacted in surprise, certain this time that her powers had not been grounded by a deception and that the other man truly had blocked her attack with a forcefield.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo remarked as she watched this out of the corner of one eye, the rest of her attention focused upon the unconscious Perfume, who was barely even breathing.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Jariten asked as he floated into the room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, only to catch sight of Perfume's helpless status, "Hey, what happened to Ax-girl? Did she slip and fall or...?"

"Eh?" Seryo was mildly distracted by the baby-like Oni's sudden appearance, and this time when Lum struck him with a lightning blast he was less well braced than the first time and went flying back out of the house as though struck by a hammer.

"How dare you come here and hurt my Darling's cousin?" Lum demanded of the departing noble, then she turned a worried look Shampoo's way and said, "Is Perfume all right, Darling?"

"No can say," Shampoo bent down, "Think maybe she take so much pain that she nearly die. Good thing this one's mother taught her methods for revising people who go into shock, but this one hopes it work on Perfume-cousin."

So saying Shampoo hastily unbuttoned her cousin's top and promptly bared her breasts, leaving the unconscious Perfume exposed to full view as Jariten gapped and said, "Wow! They're even bigger than I thought! It's amazing she can even walk upright..."

"Ten..." Lum softly chided, only to react with a start as Seryo appeared at the door once again, acting as if the hem of his clothes were not smoldering and singed about the edges.

"Princess, this is pointless," the pink haired noble remarked, "You really don't need to play hard to get with me. I am prepared to wait here for as long as it takes before you give up this silly charade and come back with me to live on planet Jurai as befits a noble of your station."

"You think I want anything to do with you after what you did to her?" Lum angrily pointed to Perfume, only to blinked and do a double-take before crying out, "Darling!"

"What?" Shampoo asked, too busy applying her fingers to the various pressure-  
points on her cousin's body to be aware of what appearances she was creating, using her hands to block out nerve sensors and stimulate Perfume's ample bosom in order to get her heart beating normally and her breathing normal and her blood pressure to scale down to safer level.

"Ah...not that I'm telling you your business or anything," Jariten asked in evident confusion, "But is this the time and place for you to be doing that with your cousin?"

"Eh?" Shampoo asked, only to stop what she was doing with a sudden realization. Her fears were only confirmed as she glanced up in time to see Lum glaring her way, at which point belated realization crept over the Amazon's mind and Shampoo murmured faintly, "Er...is not quite what it looks like..."

All at once Perfume gasped for air and opened her blue eyes with shock and alarm, then at once she glanced up at Shampoo and said, "Cousin? Why are you standing over this one? And why does this one's head hurt so..."

The Enforcer belatedly glanced down at her nude upper body, then up at Shampoo and raised both eyebrows as if to ask a pertinent question.

Shampoo hastily backed away and made dismissive motions with both hands, "It's not like that, Cousin...this one was acting to heal you after pink-haired man..."

All at once the Amazon fell silent, and a slow horrified look crossed over both her features and that of her cousin.

"No..." Perfume bolted upright, staring in horror at Seryo before moaning, "No! Not to him! This one rather die...!"

"What are you prattling on about?" Seryo asked, only to blink his eyes as something tapped him on the shoulder and he suddenly went rigid.

"Better for all concerns if you never learn the answer to that one, Sonny," a surprisingly mellow and melodious voice answered, and all at once a woman of moderate height and rich blue-black hair appeared from behind him, smiling as though enjoying a private jest.

"Who...?" Lum asked, surprised as the beautiful woman eased her way past the motionless Seryo and walked into the house as though she owned it.

"My name is Balm," she replied, "I was just passing by when I heard about the commotion."

"Balm?" Shampoo blinked then said, "But...you are not of this village..."

"No, but I am from around these parts," the indigo-haired woman said with a mysterious lilt to her tone, "So now...what appears to be the problem?"

"This one...lost to that outsider man," Perfume shuddered and promptly covered her large breasts with uncharacteristic modesty for an Amazon, "That means...that this one...must now call that man her...Airen..." she winced and shuddered in evident horror.

"Well now," Balm said as she glanced up at the damaged wall, "Just how did this happen? Did you challenge him and were you properly defeated?"

"No," Shampoo hastily explained, "Cousin Perfume threatened that man for his rudeness and he somehow threw her across the room and nearly killed her. This one does not know how he did it...she never even saw him move to attack her..."

"A surprise maneuver then," Balm sniffed, "Hardly sporting, but the law is quite specific on this point. You threatened him and were defeated, and that means you are bound by the law to declare him your Airen...unless..."

"Unless?" Perfume shuddered in wide-eyed horror.

Balm gave the young Enforcer the strangest kind of scrutiny and said, "Do you want to be married to this man? Speak quickly because your fate depends upon your answer."

"N-No," Perfume shook her head, "It...it is not honorable...but this one...does not like men..."

"I thought as much," Balm nodded sagely, "You remind me of someone else I once knew...a very long time ago. Very well then...consider this one small loophole in the law that might work to your advantage."

"Loophole?" Shampoo asked, annoying at the peculiar sense of something familiar about this strange indigo-haired woman, "What do you mean...loophole?"

"I mean an exception to the law that will allow you to escape the fate of becoming his husband," Balm answered, her focus entirely centered upon Perfume, "The law was created to insure that Amazons would always fight well and would only accept strong warriors for their husbands, but there is a qualification that an elder of your house can refuse to accept the union...provided that it was never consummated. This was allowed to protect an Amazon from falling prey to a random accident or treachery, or from marrying into a bloodline deemed unsuitable to a family's well being. If an elder of the blood objects then she can insist upon a rematch, at which point the warrior has the option of renewing the challenge, and if she defeats the male on the second attempt then she is released from any obligation to marry. Would you find that acceptable to the alternative of taking your own life in protest?"

Perfume sat upright and said, "Yes...this one would accept this! But...great-  
grandmother isn't here at..." she blinked her eyes, sniffed the air then stared in amazement at the indigo-haired woman and said, "Great...?"

"I am certain that your great-grandmother is here in spirit and would lend her objections...were it not that I saw her rushing off to another part of the village," Balm explained, "I know her well from a visit that she once paid to my village at Weeping Widow Point and she greeted me tersely, saying something about having to attempt a pregnancy or something of that sort. But anyway, she asked me to stop by, and since I am here I feel that I can act as her intermediary for such a challenge."

"What do you mean?" Shampoo asked, wondering why Perfume was staring so hard at the lady before them, and why did it seem to her as if she had known this woman from somewhere in the past.

"Only that I am a kinswoman to your house," Balm explained, "And I share in common the name that I believe once belonged to your aunt, am I not correct in this, Perfume of the Joketsuzoku?"

"Aiyaa?" Perfume asked, "But..."

"All will be explained in good time, little one," Balm assured them, turning around before adding, "But for now we have this rather annoying fellow to concern ourselves with, and in a few more seconds the paralyzing point that I applied to him will wear off and he will start to move and talk again, so I need an answer now, Child...do you wish to invoke the right of challenge with myself as your witness?"

"Ah-yes...Elder," Perfume said softly, eliciting a look of surprise from Shampoo, who would not have judged the dark haired woman to be all that much older than they were, though with Amazons it was often hard to tell with physical ages...

"So, what happened next?" Akane asked.

"We moved outside and then Perfume faced off against Prince Seryo," Lum explained, "And the old woman acted as both referee, judge and second."

"Old woman?" Nabiki asked, "But I thought you said she was young? Or...oh! Wait a minute...you don't mean...?"

"That the blue haired lady was Cologne in a different disguise?" Ranma snorted, "Just keep listening and we'll get to that part, but you're never gonna believe it when we tell you what happened next between Perfume and that loser..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Juraian Heath And Beauty Secrets: shadowmane

Perfume against Seryo, in which losing is not just NOT an option, it's a death sentence...and what secrets will be revealed next time about Cologne's jaded past? (Readers of ATOTW already think that they know the answer to that, but I promised you that there WILL be surprises!) Find out next time in: "Total Marital Warfare," or "It Takes Four to Tango, and Two to Do the Lambada!" Be there!

X 


	8. Chapter 8

LSPurple08

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Based Upon the Works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Eight.

Challenges

"Perfume of the Joketsuzoku Had a problem feeling pain,  
And if you ever scratched her She would scream and shout in vain;  
All of the other Amazons Used to laugh and call her names,  
They never let poor Perfume Join in any Amazon games...

"Then one soggy summer's eve Cologne came to say,  
'Perfume, take these axes bright,  
I will teach you how to fight...'

"Then all the Amazons feared her,  
And they shouted out with dread:  
Perfume is our tribal Enforcer,  
Cross her and you'll wind up..."

(To the tune of "Rudolph")

Qing Hi Mountain Range,  
Nyanchiczu Prefecture,  
Village of Joketsuzoku-Some Months Back...

"What's up?" Satin asked as she yawned and stretched upon emerging from her house, "What's the big commotion?"

"It's Perfume," her cousin Silk responded as she was hurrying on down the road towards the center of the village, "I hear that she is doing battle with some male, and most of the village is turning out to witness it.

"Some fool is challenging the Enforcer to a marriage battle?" Satin blinked to full consciousness, "Is he mad...or does he have a death wish?"

"Impossible to say," Silk replied, "She's my distant cousin on her mother's side, but I am not privy to the goings on that transpire when she is in the house of the matriarch, where I understand that the challenge was just issued."

"But you are a Lore Master," Satin started to say, only the woman whom she was addressing had hurried on past normal hearing, leaving Satin to scratch herself and complain, "How come she never gives anyone advanced warnings about these things?"

"Could be because she's worried about the possible scandal to her family and its position in relation to the Matriarch's house?" a gruff male voice replied, "Can't be easy knowing how her cousin-niece is regarded in this village...and a lot of people here wouldn't mind seeing our current Enforcer knocked down a peg or two..."

Satin turned to regard her husband, Velour, with a touch of mild annoyance before adding, "Are you referring to Velvet by any chance? Because if you are-  
-and I'll concede she can be a bit of a handful at time..."

"I wasn't mentioning our daughter by name specifically," Velour replied as he came to stand outside the flap that covered the doorway to their house, "But you have to concede that with the crowd she is running with these days it is easy to feel resentment towards Perfume for being the way she is and all of that..."

"What, you mean because she's our tribal Enforcer?" Satin replied, "Or do you mean because she favors girls over men...?"

"Either one," Velour explained with a knowingly sage expression, "After all, most young warriors are afraid of her because of what she can do and what she represents...but also because they may feel nervous about her preferences and what it might mean if she were to chase any one of them in particular with the intent of an assignation."

Satin felt mild irritation upon hearing the scholarly voice of her Party Aparachic husband and was pointedly reminded that he had been formally educated by the Ministry to be a local functionary for the Communist government, which meant that he had been exposed to a great deal of Outsider influence and education that had given him some rather curious notions not typically held by a male of the Nyanchiczu. That his loyalty was still to their people was unquestionable, and that he only paid lip service to the ideals of his nominal "masters" was the reason why the Elders tolerated his being somewhat more vocal and outspoken than most men in Joketsuzoku. They needed someone such as him to advise them on understanding the way the government men tended to think, so they indulged his little foibles...not that it made him all that easier to live with from Satin's vantage point since he often used words and terms that meant little or nothing to her, like what an "assignation" was and whether or not it tasted good with a little ginseng.

(Of course, since this story does not concern either one of these two in the least, let us shift the focus of our attention back towards the real parties of interest, not the least of whom was Perfume the Enforcer, who presently stood on one end of the challenge log facing off with the man whom she dreaded calling her "Airen," the snooty-nosed pink-haired Outlander male who called himself Count Seryo the Juraian. Perfume was eyeing the arrogant fop with disgust and revulsion plain in her expression, taking in his infuriating air of smug superiority and general condescension as though his very existence was an affront to her sacred ancestors (and indeed, a marriage to him would doubtlessly cause a good many to rise up from their graves to upbraid her should she fail to free herself from any claim that he might have on her as a bride since he had knocked her unconscious and nearly killed her the last time with so little visible effort, a fact that galled her far worse than the vilest of insults).

To her side stood Shampoo and the Princess Lum along with a woman who was calling herself Balm (but whom Perfume knew beyond question was her adopted great-grandmother in disguise...a disguise so perfect that it taxed even Perfume's highly refined senses to penetrate through to the real Cologne beneath it). These three were in her corner (more or less) but each had very different motives for wishing Perfume well in her endeavor of knocking Seryo from his end of the challenge log and into the next three Sundays.

"Fight well, Cousin," Shampoo urged, "Do not let this male think himself your better."

"You can win if you fight at your best, cousin to my Darling," Lum agreed, "But if you lose to him again it will mean that Seryo will effectively own you, and then you won't be able to help me and Darling drive him away from our lives, so I'm hoping you survive this."

"Just be yourself and don't make any hasty or rash moves, dear," Balm was urging, "Remember your training...and do not be deceived by mere appearances, for there is a power in this male that is far greater than you know, and you must not underestimate him simply because he is a fool and an outsider."

"Grea-Elder," Perfume said somewhat nervously, unable to help wondering that the blue haired woman of seeming youth and great beauty could in fact be the one whom her nostrils insisted her to be, "What is this power that you speak of? What did he use upon this one that was so great that it overpowered her before she was aware that she was being attacked? How can Perfume go up against him and defeat such a power...?"

Balm gave the brown-haired Enforcer a strange look that was the very mirror image of one that Perfume had seen many times upon the face of her own mentor, "It might be difficult to describe...but he has a very unusual level of Chi, a kind that is related to plants and so is very different from what are used to encountering in your opponents..."

"Plant-Chi?" Shampoo spoke up, "How is this different from normal Chi?"

"It's called the power of the Jurai, Darling," Lum explained, "Juraian energy is formidable, so much so that their royal family is feared and respected throughout the length of the known cosmos. They are a long-lived people who bond with their sacred trees and tap into a vast reservoir of energy that they can use either defensively or offensively. In the case of Seryo I think he is able to generate forcefields and maybe even shape it into a kind of a weapon. It is said that the Emperor of the Jurai possesses so much of this Juraian power that he can shape it into the Wings of the Lighthawk, the most powerful force in the galaxy, but let us prey to our gods that Seryo isn't capable of that or this battle is effectively over."

"Indeed," Balm mused, "There is a legend, once, of an Outsider male who once came to the Nyanchiczu who was said to be half-Juraian by blood. He settled here for a time and married an Amazon and they had two children together, a boy and a girl, and their names were Cologne and Rogaine, the daughters of Balm, which is the name of my own ancestor..."

"What?" Shampoo reacted, "You say great-grandmother is half...Jurai? But why she never tell this one?"

"Perhaps she had good reason," Balm answered, "Perhaps she did not want other Amazons to fear and resent her for her ancestry, but since you too are of her line it means that you are at least partially Juraian yourself, a fact that no doubt is already known to your Airen."

"Of course I knew it," Lum smiled brightly, "I've known all along that Darling has Juraian blood, though...I am very curious about her ancestor. You see...even we Oni have heard the legend of the lost prince of the Jurai, whose name was Yosho..."

"Yes," Balm nodded sagely, "Yosho was the name of the other Balm's husband, and there are some who claim that he is still alive and living among us to this very day, disguised in the form of an old hermit who guards a temple on a sacred mountain beyond our lands, but that is neither here nor there, Child. What matters in the present is that Seryo has Juraian abilities, but not to the extent of the full Wings of the Lighthawk, which is a trait possessed exclusively by the royal family of the Jurai and none other."

Perfume turned a careful regard towards the blue haired woman and asked, "Do you possess this ability, Elder? This one senses...great power laying dormant within you."

Balm smiled, "That would be telling, dearie, and at the moment we have little time to indulge in lengthier stories since your prospective Airen is giving us a very annoyed expression."

"Are we going to just stand around here all day?" Seryo asked, "And what precisely is the meaning of this challenge of yours anyway? I am not here to indulge some pretty barbarian girl in her antiquated-but-quaint native rituals. I am here to claim the Princess Lum for my own and no other..."

"Be patient enough to indulge us a bit longer, my good fellow," Balm urged, "This won't take but a minute and then it will all be over and you can get back to your wooing."

"I really don't see why I have to be standing here while you talk," Seryo complained, "And what is the meaning of this challenge anyway? You said it was required of me, but until I know more..."

"I can answer your question for you, my good Count."

Balm immediately lost her calm and smug expression as she recognized the voice of the one who had just spoken. Nor was she alone in this, and all at once the gathering of tribespeople parted like a sea being cleaved upon the coral of the shoreline, and through the gap strode an oddly mismatched pair of figures, the one being of middle height and attractive build (who was somewhere in her thirties yet appeared substantially younger) while the other was a shrunken dwarf-like woman with smoke gray hair leaning heavily upon a wooden staff as she limped to the center of the gathering, carrying with her the weight of something ponderous that made her seem somewhat more imposing than was implied upon the surface.

Once again Seryo seemed taken aback by the image of great age before him, yet he was sufficiently intrigued to ask, "And you are?"

"Lo-Xion the Elder," the ancient woman responded, "Senior Lore Master of the Joketsuzoku...and this is my granddaughter and apprentice, Silk, a kinswoman of the warrior you are about to engage with in matrimonial combat."

"Oh...I see," Seryo said dubiously, "Concerned parties of an honor match...er...what did you just call this again?"

"Matrimonial combat," the handsome woman named Silk responded with a knowing smirk, leaning upon a silver staff that had tell-tale holes along its sides, "Or didn't you know that if you win this match you get to marry my distant cousin?"

"Marry...her?" Seryo turned to stare in amazement at his prospective opponent, "But...but she is not the one that I want! I am here to wed the Princess Lum and no one other!"

"Ah yes," the older of the two Lore Masters remarked, "But you refused the challenge of Lum's lawful Airen, which is the normal procedure for obtaining the hand of an Amazon bride, and then you gave insult to their friend and protector, Perfume here...is that not how it was, Child of Palm, granddaughter of Siren?"

"Ah...yes, Elder," Perfume said tightly, fully aware that the old woman knew that there was more to the story than what she was revealing before others, "This outlander gave insult...and then this one challenge him to honorable combat, but this one does not believe that this outlander knows the meaning of honor."

"How vulgar," Seryo wrinkled his nose in distaste, "To think that you would imagine me such a decadent savage that I would seek to betroth myself to the likes of you."

"What do you mean?" Lum asked, "Why wouldn't you want Perfume for a wife?"

"Because she's just...all wrong," Seryo replied with a pained expression of revulsion.

"Wrong?" Shampoo had to double-take at this, "What is wrong with this one's cousin?"

"Why...just look at her!" Seryo winced as he indicated his prospective opponent, "What could be more awful?"

"Awful?" Perfume had to give the pink haired man a disbelieving ogle.

"Oh?" Silk asked, "And what is wrong with my kinswoman that you would spurn her so?"

"Why...just look at her!" Seryo waved a hand in Perfume's direction, "She's so...overweight and pudgy!"

"Pudgy?" even Lum had to blink at this, for in truth she found the Amazon Enforcer to be as slim as a wand and only curved outward in all the appropriate places. If anything she rivaled Shampoo herself for beauty, enough so that Lum harbored a secret envy of that beauty, wishing she could be as close and as intimate with her Darling as her Darling and cousin were to each other...

"And those...things on her chest..." Seryo winced, "They're so...bulging...and there's nothing between her legs but empty space..."

"You mean like what's in your head?" Perfume snapped, only to pause and blink before saying, "Between...legs?"

"Did I say that?" Seryo blinked, "Oh, silly me...never mind what I just said, I just mean that you're not...appropriate...hardly my type..."

"But Shampoo's Airen is?" Perfume frowned, "Why is so? She is very much a woman, but she belongs to this one's cousin."

"Who is also the heir to the throne of the Oni empire," Lotion the Elder remarked, "And a union between Oni and Juraian estates would be highly advantageous to the man who weds her...is that not so, my good Count?"

"Madam...are you implying that my suit for Lum's hand is less than pure?" Seryo scowled in polite umbrage.

"Not at all," Silk remarked, "Grandmother never implied anything of the sort...it's what's pure about your suit that's really at issue."

Seryo made a sudden gesture and a wave of force sprang from his hand, only to meet and break against the upraised staff of the Elder Lotion.

"Powerful you are without a doubt, my good Count," Lotion remarked as she lowered her wooden staff and rested her weight upon it once again, "But nobility is measured in more than just terms of raw force, and in that respect you do no credit to your ancestors."

"And who are you to upbraid me...old woman?" Seryo wrinkled his lips in a pout as he tried to distill that concept.

Lotion only smiled at this, "Jurai never truly age, do you, my good sir? Does my appearance disturb or frighten you so much that you recoil at what I represent and wish to banish me away? Fear not, I am only here as an observer...it is to others that I rely upon to set right a clear injustice. Do what you must, Perfume, but do it with a clear heart. This fool I leave to your sweet care, but be wary...the power he wields is nothing short of the energy of the cosmos."

"And wields it foolishly at that," Silk agreed, turning to Perfume before asking, "Be truthful, child...is marriage to this fool truly the worst fate that you could imagine?"

"Yes, Teacher," Perfume bridled, "A marriage to him would be like hell...and this one would sooner cut off her own head with her axes!"

"Rather a traumatic and extreme mental image that conjures up," Balm winced, "But it will not come to that...if you can defeat the Juraian in fair and honorable combat."

"In which case," Lotion turned to the blue haired woman, "Can one expect that you will do what is needed to insure that it remains fair and honorable...kinswoman?"

For some inexplicable reason the blue haired woman turned a nervous glance towards the older appearing woman, and a moment of silent communication passed between them then and there, leaving everyone else-even Silk, Shampoo and Lum-  
-wondering just what had occurred in that moment of silence.

"This is...ridiculous!" Seryo exclaimed, "I cannot be in a battle to marry a woman who is completely unsuitable for me! I will not participate in this...farce! The very concept is beneath me..."

"Unfortunately," Lotion turned to regard the fellow with a sidelong expression, "The challenge has been made and accepted...and before witnesses no less. So...to back out now would be dishonorable and would mean a loss of face for you and your family, and before your prospective bride, no less. It would be against all tradition for our people and would doom your chances of obtaining the union that you are truly after."

"I see," Seryo scowled, fluttering himself with a fan, "Then...I must defeat this cow in order to obtain my freedom from this...distasteful matter..."

"No," Silk smiled slyly, "Because then, if you defeat my kinswoman, you become her lawful husband."

"What?" Seryo briefly lost his cool and calm composure, "What kind of options are those? Back out and lose...but win and I shall lose as well?"

"Not at all," Silk informed him, "There is a third option...face my kinswoman down and lose. Then you will be freed from the obligation to marry her."

"Lose and you actually win," Lotion said coyly, "An interesting proposition...do you not agree...Balm of the Weeping Widow?"

"Quite," the blue haired woman said tightly.

"Just a minute here," yet another voice intruded in upon the conversation, and in stepped a trio of women of varying ages from the extremely ancient to the moderately middle-aged.

"What...what is this?" Seryo asked, his nerves obviously fraying along the edges.

"We are the Elders of the Council," the lead of the trio explained, then paused before adding, "Well, three of them anyway, but we represent the will of the Joketsuzoku people, and in this respect we judge this matter to be of such importance that we must witness for ourselves that both combatants fight fairly and without qualm or reservations."

"That means giving it your all, Kids," the second of the three new arrivals clarified, "So no holding back or deliberately throwing the fight, young man, or we will know that this match was not properly determined."

"Be Dea," the woman calling herself Balm remarked with a grimace, "Pasticcio, Cream...to what do we owe this...pleasure?"

"Excuse me?" the third of these Elders remarked, the one whose pale complexion and remarkable handsomeness (in spite of being quite a lot older than she appeared to be on the surface) were reflected in her name as she regarded Balm with a curious expression, "You look a bit familiar...but do we know you?"

"Balm of the Weeping Widow's village," Silk said coyly, "Or so that was the name she gave a while ago...right Grandmother?"

"Quite," Lotion said, seeming to enjoy the vexed expression of the blue haired Balm before adding with a glance to the side, "Now...if I am not too mistaken, one other should be joining us in a few more seconds..."

Sure enough-in fact on cue-there was a bright puff of smoke that heralded the sudden appearance of a tall and willowy figure whose blonde hair hung in a long ponytail down her back, and whose mode of dress was quite apart from that of the other Amazons and seemed more fitting to an Arabian Nights adventure rather than a setting in the middle of a mountainous region of West-Central China.

"Well now," the blonde remarked as she glanced around at the setting (not at first catching the startled look that was in the eyes of the woman known as Balm, whose attention at once was riveted upon her), "I got your mental message, Lotion...so what is of such urgency that you called me away from my...ahem...other diversions?"

The other Amazon Elders were nearly as vexed as Balm herself at the blonde's arrival, but Lotion took her presence in stride as she replied, "Ah...Siren. So glad that you could join us. It seems that your granddaughter has gotten herself into something of a predicament, and I thought it natural that you should concern yourself since you are, after all, her closest living relative, barring only her mother, your daughter, who is elsewhere at the moment."

"Perfume?" Siren asked, taking things in with another glance, "And who's this fellow? Looks like a stage performer in drag...and what's with the heavy body lotions? Are you actually planning to marry such a...person?"

"Grandmother?" Perfume blinked, only to firm herself once again as she snarled, "No way is this one to be married to the one who calls himself Seryo of the Jurai! In fact, she must defeat him to prove that he is unworthy!"

"Why bother?" Siren asked with a sniff, "You only have to stand downwind of him to figure that part out..."

"Hold it!" Akane cried, interrupting the narration, "What's this all about anyway? I thought you were going to get to the part where this Perfume kicked butt on that arrogant asshole?"

Kasumi frowned towards her younger sister but did not make comment upon her coarse use of language. Of late Akane had been gaining more than a few bad manners and mannerisms and seemed even less lady-like than usual, even taking on the part of a man in many traditional senses of the word, though the elder Tendo sister reckoned that it might just be a passing phase brought on by hormones...

"Yeah, and what's with adding all these superfluous additional characters?" Nabiki wanted to know, "A story ought to be clean and linear without all of these distractions."

"Look, do you want to hear it the way it happened or do you want Sham-chan to cut it down to the bare bones and leave out the important stuff that would explain what happens later?" Ranma growled, "Believe me, those guys were far from...super...whatever it was you just said. They played a part in things long before I even showed up, so let's let my girls tells it their way and you can go back later and play critic."

"Our husband speaks truly," Lum agreed, "What Darling says is the story as we lived it, including the arrival of the elders and Perfume's grandmother, the Enchantress named Siren."

"Yeah, but what's a Lore Master anyway?" Nabiki asked, "From the way you describe it, it sounded like some kind of mage or priest to me."

"It is...difficult to explain, truly," Shampoo said apologetically, "Lore Masters are keepers of the Ancient Lore of the Amazons. They know things that others do not know...and they perceive that which is hidden, which is how they can use and manipulate chi in the manner that you outsiders call magic."

"But Siren is a genuine enchantress," Lum insisted, "Magic is her lifeblood, and she is as ancient as Elder Cologne, though-unlike my great-grandmother-in-law, she prefers not to hide her true appearance with illusions. She may appear to be young and as beautiful as Darling here, but in truth she is over three hundred years old by your Earth calendar system."

"Three hundred?" Akane blurted, "You've got to be kidding!"

"Nope," Ranma sniffed, "Not kidding about any of it, and when the Amazon Elders finally sorted things out among them and things got down to the business, it was Siren who insisted on coaching Perfume from the sidelines...right, Sham-chan?"

"Hai Airen," Shampoo nodded, then resumed her terse narration...

Perfume studied her opponent trying to define what it was about this fool that made him so dangerous as she could sense again the power he had used to nearly kill her, and found herself wondering at the words of Loremaster Lotion.

"The energy he wields is nothing short of the energy of the Cosmos." But what did that mean precisely, and what was the source of this power that made his people, the Jurai, such a fearsome race that even Lum's people owed them grudging respect? Obviously it could be harnessed and controlled by a fool such as Count Seryo, but if it were nothing more than a form of Chi manipulation then it surely could be countered by some technique in her arsenal. After all her great-grandmother, the Matriarch Cologne, had taught her how to overcome even the most formidable of Chi-enhanced fighters, and to a limited extent she could utilize her own Chi as a weapon. So what was it about Juraian power that made it so much more dangerous than anything her great-grandmother had so far been willing to teach her?

The answer to that was obviously one of the great secrets that Cologne had been hoarding to herself over the years, and a single glance towards the woman calling herself Balm gave Perfume a hint as to the nature of that secret. The story of Yosho and Balm was a very old one in their village dating back by quite a few generations...over three hundred years, to be exact, and by her own admission the woman had indirectly confessed to being Juraian on her father's side, which meant that she was probably heir to his own abilities and nature, which might well include Juraian abilities...which-if so-would go a long ways to explain her longevity and intuitive grasp of Chi manipulation.

At the moment "Balm" was glancing uneasily towards Siren and hovering back from the foreground as if dreading to attract the woman's interest. That was yet another indication of her real identity as Perfume knew full well that her grandmother was a contemporary of her adopted great-grandmother. Cologne and Siren knew each other quite well, and no doubt the one feared recognition by the other, which seemed to hint at yet another story that Perfume had never been privy to before. It also meant that her mentor had been deceiving her for a number of years by playing the part of the old woman in order to disguise the true source of her abilities, which apparently included the power to alter her age and appearance so that even Perfume's highly refined senses could not tell one from the other save by the superficial detail of her appearance.

It also explained something else that had been troubling Perfume rather much of late. Cologne had always been energetic and powerful for as long as Perfume could remember, but she was like no other elder in their village in that she never actually SMELLED like an "old woman," and Perfume had been around enough aged people in her life to know what that was. Old people generally tended to smell heavily of death and decay, a somewhat sickly, honey-almond like odor that faintly resembled cyanide, a hint that the Goddess of Death hovered close to their shadow and was counting the days until she would be taking them to join their own ancestors. Not so Cologne, who was fresh as a mountain daisy, and who appeared to be fated to live forever, or so their villagers believed since she seemed to defy the wrath of time and was more powerful at three hundred years than any fifty warriors who had lived but a mere tenth that lifespan.

Did Cologne have access to this "Juraian" mystery power...and if so, then what of the caution she had given that this Chi was derived from trees? Was her great-grandmother coyly giving her advice that might help tell the difference in this battle? If so then what technique was there that Perfume might employ to counteract a warrior who could conjure up invisible force-fields and hurl unseen energies that could smash her down like the merest novice?

"Are you just going to stand around all day and gawk like that, Granddaughter?" she heard Siren ask as the rest of the Amazons stood tensely to await the beginnings of this match, "Show the fool what you're capable of, you know that you can take him!"

"Don't be absurd," Seryo responded, "She doesn't have a chance against me. I am far more powerful than what the feeble minds you Terrans possess can grasp. Observe!"

The foppishly dressed man raised a fist and gestured and all at once that hand was filled by a glowing blade of approximately a meters length. He smiled and gave the blade a casual toss...and like a shot it flew from his hand to slice though the base of a nearby tree, severing the wood neatly without so much as slowing its passage.

"My tree!" one of the villagers cried, "The one my ancestor planted back during the early Ming dynasty!"

Perfume was visibly impressed at this casual display of her opponent's power, but more at what she sensed as she studied his aura and felt the flow of his Chi, which prompted her to say, "Then let this one try this...!" and with that she hurled both of her axes.

The heavy bladed weapons were designed to move like boomerangs and bank with ease in whatever direction Perfume sent them, but though her aim was directed towards Seryo her intent was not so much to hurt him as to study his reactions. As expected the man made no overt gesture to defend himself but a field of energy sprang up to surround him and quite easily deflected her blades, sending them off in wild trajectories beyond her ability to recall, which caused more than a few Amazons to either duck or dive out of the path of their deadly arcs before each one came to a rest in some solid object that conveniently obstructed their continued progress.

"Silly girl," Seryo sniffed, "You cannot harm me with such a weak attack, and now you have disarmed yourself, leaving you even more helpless than before..."

He stopped talking as Perfume reached over one shoulder and drew out a new ax from seeming no where. This was a longer bladed weapon, a two-handed battle ax that she sometimes relied upon against tougher than normal opponents, and it had special enchantments placed upon it that could prove effective when dealing with pesky outsiders. She smiled as she read Seryo's confounded expression and purred, "You were saying?"

"Oh...well," Seryo shrugged, "I don't really see how that could be any more effective than your last attack."

"Indulge this one her moment," Perfume said, then at once launched herself into a frontal attack, swinging her blade around and striking Seryo with blinding speed and flawless timing.

The man started to erect another energy blade but his movements were slow and by rights she should have gotten inside his guard and nailed him with one thrust. Instead she ran smack into his protective energy field and was repelled back to her end of the log, but the attack had proven something that was more vital to her than any single blow to the other man's ego. The ax also served to deflect much of the charge of his forcefield so that she was not wracked with pain and could study his defenses more closely without her sensitive nervous system running interference.

"Are you done?" Seryo asked in mildly ruffled aggravation, raising his hand and gesturing at Perfume before saying, "Now it is my turn to show you the power you trifle with..."

"Uh-uh," Silk said coyly from the sidelines, "Remember what happens if you defeat her?"

"Oh," Seryo lowered his hand and wrinkled his nose in disgust, "Bother..."

"No helping from the sidelines," Be Dea snapped at the younger of the two present Lore Masters, "Let them fight this battle without any interference..."

"Posh that," Siren sneered, "If you think that I'm going to allow my own granddaughter to pollute the bloodlines of our family with the seed of this male then you are definitely senile...and what are you doing hitting him with a weapon like that, girl? I thought you had more sense than that, Child! Don't you see that he's vulnerable if you use the right sort of weapon?"

"Right sort of weapon?" Perfume risked a glance towards the blonde-haired enchantress.

"Think girl," Lotion spoke up in the place of the other elder, "What does Count Seryo fear most? He has already effectively told you."

"But..." Perfume started to say when she caught the sharp look Balm gave her, a look that as much as said, "Don't be a fool, child...use your wits, not your temper!"

Perfume could almost hear the words in her head, having heard them actually spoken many times before on the lips of her ancient mentor, so she turned back to Seryo and frowned as she studied the man, now more than attuned to sensing the patterns of energy that flowed around and through him...energies that she had felt lay dormant and passive until the sudden sense of danger caused his shields to spring to life, which meant that his power was reflexive, and whenever she openly attacked him he could draw his field to life the way another man might flex a muscle...

But the idea of attacking him indirectly so that he never saw the blow coming posed a challenge in itself since this man was obviously skilled in sensing and reacting to danger, and for all his foppish mannerisms he was more than capable of defeating her if he so wanted. An image of Cologne tapping him with her staff brought home the fact that he was vulnerable...provided you could catch him unawares, but how to make him drop his guard so that she could hit him before he even saw the blow coming? She had to do something unexpected that would put him off his balance, something that Seryo would not interpret as an attack but still be thrown off his guard for just the right moment, something that he feared so much that he would forget his warrior's instincts...something...

All at once a voice provided her with the answer, "Sheesh, you're so lame! Don't you know that you've got the weapons right in front of you...two of them, in fact?"

Perfume blinked at this then said, "Aiyaa..." and all at once she smiled...a cold and crafty smile, and then she knew that the battle was as good as over and that Seryo would have no defense against this technique...so she put her battle-  
ax away and reached up to begin unbuttoning the top of her red-and-black trimmed ceremonial shirt.

At once Seryo's eyes went round, "What...what are you doing?"

"What you think?" Perfume said coyly as she peeled off her shirt and exposed her ample chest for his inspection, "You want an Amazon for a bride? It is only fair that you see what you are getting."

"What...keep away!" Seryo reacted as she began to advance upon him, repelled as though the very sight of her large breasts were somehow abhorrent.

"Why?" Perfume asked innocently, "Do you not like what you see? Is there something that does not appeal to you, would-be Airen?"

The pink haired man backed away, raising his arms to ward her off, "Keep those away from me, do you hear me? Put...put your clothes back on! I've no desire to see you naked..."

"And why is that?" Perfume asked slyly, "Is a woman not to your liking? Are you, perhaps, a lover of men? If so, then what a pity...for whatever man is fool enough to want you."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured from the sidelines, amazed to see Perfume drive the pink-haired Count away as though she were bathed in some sort of repellant.

"Of course," Lum said, "How foolish of me not to see the answer..."

Perfume continued to advance and Seryo continued to back away, only there was suddenly no more log for him to retreat upon, and all at once the man went tumbling backwards, falling off the challenge log and hitting the ground with a resounding "OOF!" as his backside made solid contact.

"Winner...Perfume!" the Amazon Elder known as Pasticcio announced, turning a glance towards her companions and adding, "If there are no objections, of course, considering the rather unorthodox method she used to defeat her opponent."

"Humph," Be Dea sniffed, "Cologne's pupil merely got lucky..."

"Indeed," Cream nodded, "And despite his obvious deficiencies, you have to admit that it would be of great benefit to any house that wanted to add a powerful male like that to their bloodline."

"Speak for yourself," Siren averred, smiling as she nodded towards Perfume and said, "Well struck, granddaughter...and a rather satisfying defeat at that..."

"This one thought as much," Perfume gazed down at the fallen Seryo with cold amusement, "You do not want this one because she is woman, and a woman offends you. Yet still you profess to desire the Princess Lum, who has rank and title and is the heir to the Oni empire."

"How...how dare you?" Seryo blurted as he gazed up at his triumphant opponent, "You tricked me! That wasn't fair! I could have won easily..."

"Yes indeed," Balm chose that moment to advance to within easy striking distance of the pink haired man, "You could have...if you desired Perfume for your Airen, which clearly you did not since she's not your type anyway, foolish Outlander."

"Who are you to speak this way to me, woman?" Seryo asked as he got back to his feat, "Do you have any idea to whom it is you are addressing?"

"I know very well indeed," Balm said with deceptive calm, though her tone made Perfume's hackles stand on end since she knew full well what the signs were that informed her that this woman was dangerously aggrieved, "But while you are powerful in the use of your Juraian energy, you are still no where near as adept in its usage as you seem to imagine. Allow me to demonstrate what a true Juraian can do when she is insulted."

Even as she said these words the lines of force gathering around her made the blue haired woman seem to stand a bit taller and straighter than before, and all at once her aura intensified as a force rose up from within like an uncoiling serpent. Her hair turned silver and began to rise as though weightless and her body began to shimmer...and then planes of energy washed over her body converting her clothes into some sort of skin-tight alien costume, and curious dark patches and stripes lined the contours of her excellently well proportioned figure.

Seryo stared in disbelief then his eyes went as wide as saucers, "But...you? How...?"

He never got a chance to hear the answer as Balm raised her staff towards the heavens, and witnesses all around swore in disbelief that it transformed before their eyes into an energy spear that glowed with blue-white intensity, and all at once she struck at the ground, causing a wave of force to kick up from her and strike Seryo full in the chest, hurtling him backwards like a leaf before the storm that was breaking.

Silence reigned in the village as the Amazons watched the tiny form of Seryo sailing off towards the horizon, then Balm relaxed her posture and said softly, "That was mildly refreshing...haven't had cause to cut loose like that in several lifetimes..."

"You?" Siren broke the ensuing silence, her eyes wide with recognition though the rest of the village stood bewildered and confused at the manifestation of raw power that stood before them.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured, though the words Lum used were more difficult to translate.

"Your pardons, Elders," Balm replied as she turned to regard the gathering of Joketsuzoku, "I dealt with the fool as he deserves since I knew he was about to become a bother. Some males simply cannot take a hint when they are not wanted."

Then the blue haired woman relaxed her guard and her hair changed back to its regular blue coloration. The energy planes washed over her once again and she seemed to diminish as her clothing was restored to normal, even as her staff became a walking cane once again, gnarled and weathered in a way that was tell-  
tale and distinctive.

"Who...who are you?" Be Dea asked at last, unable to hide her own dismay at this woman's casual use of inexplicable Chi powers.

"I am Balm...a descendant of Yosho, a prince of the Jurai," Cologne answered, "His power flows through my veins and I have trained long in mastering these abilities that I have just now displayed. Consider that well before boasting once again to me of adding that fool to your bloodlines..."

"Too late," Lotion answered, "I sense that Count Seryo is about to reap what he has sown, and as such he is much to be pitied."

"You can say that again!" Lum snarled, breaking her own silence, "He tried to force me to marry him, but all along he wanted my title and position!"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, not knowing what else to say to pacify her Airen.

Perfume nodded in grim satisfaction before turning to study the hovering shape that she sensed nearby, and with a slight frown to mark her otherwise beautiful features she asked, "Why did you help me just now? This one did not think you were likely to offer her the clues she needed to defeat that Pink-hair."

"Hey, what can I say?" Jariten answered as he floated nearby with a faintly bored expression, "I didn't like him either, and it was obvious enough that he doesn't like girls, so all you had to do was show him your body and he'd run like a timid rabithorn. I know because a cousin of mine's the same way, not that I can figure out just what it is about big-breasted girls that makes some grown-up guys act stupid..."

"Wait until you're older, Ten," Lum smiled, turning to Perfume, "But for now...well done, Cousin to Darling. You've done us all a favor driving that pest away before he could offer challenge to my Darling."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, giving Perfume a nod, "This one owes you big-time, Cousin."

"Ah," Perfume saw the look that Lum gave to Shampoo after looking in the Enforcer's direction, and all at once the brown haired girl felt inexplicably...odd...as though she felt...awkward having the Princess look at her that way. All at once she felt the urge to button up her shirt once again and tie up her breasts so that they did not jiggle so much and potentially throw off her balance...

"Uh-oh," Nabiki said, "Trouble in paradise, huh?"

"You might say that," Shampoo agreed, "Though at time this one no aware that Perfume becoming jealous of Shampoo's closeness to her Airen."

"Perfume was always nice to me, so of course I liked her back," Lum explained, "Not that I felt the same way around her that I did around Darling."

"Of course that was just the tip of the iceberg compared to what was about to happen," Ranma noted, "Way I hear it the Council of Elders got real edgy on account of that battle and made a ruling motion to hold a tournament to settle once and for all who was gonna become your husband."

"And that's how you got roped into this, huh?" Akane asked skeptically, trying to fathom this boy who claimed to have stumbled into being set up with his own harem.

"Kinda, yeah," Ranma said, not catching the disbelieving tone of the younger girl as he continued, "But I was still a month away from joining the picture. You see...having powerful guys drop in to challenge Shampoo for the hand of Lum-  
chan was starting to upset the balance of power among the Joketsuzoku, and seeing Cologne show off what she's really capable of was the nail in the coffin. That's why they settled on a grand tournament to invite the best fighters in all China to challenge Shampoo for the honor of being her husband..."

"And you defeated her to become that man, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked, smiling as she was enjoying the details of his story.

"Yeah, but like I said I was still a month away from stumbling into that match," Ranma replied, "And before the date was set for the tournament some weird things started happening around the village, right about the time that Herb showed up to issue his own challenge to Lum and Shampoo-chan..."

"Prince Herb...the guy who turns into a dragon?" Nabiki asked with a lifting of eyebrows.

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo sighed, glancing towards the lamps that framed the koi pond as she seemed to be recollecting the shadows of the past, murmuring softly into the night as the Tendo clan continued to listen, "It begin shortly after Perfume-Cousin win match against Pink-hair...when we all convene back at house of Matriarch to celebrate victory...only Elder Siren show up to have words with great-grandmother for her deception..."

(Follow-Up Excerpt: What Happened to Seryo After He Landed)

"Oh, I'm going to be so late," the Amazon named Maho-Chi complained as she returned late from the fields that she had been working almost since sunrise, "Grandmother is going to kill me, and all because some stupid rabbit kept eating up all my carrots...and I worked so hard to get them harvested. Now what am I going to do? I'll bet things like this never happen to Ki-Honi..."

"Meow?"

"I wasn't talking to you," Maho-Chi snapped at the rabbit who was trudging along at her side with a vaguely apologetic expression, "And what do you suppose happened to Ki-Honi anyhow? She keeps disappearing all of the time, usually when there's work for me to do. But still...she is my best friend, and we've both been assigned to farming detail by the Elders, and since partners are partners..."

"Meow," the long-eared rabbit-like creature trudging at Maho-Chi's side growled disconsolately, wishing it could find some hot water so that it could give the stupid twit who called herself a "partner" a piece of its mind, especially in regards to a recent trip they both had taken to Jusenkyo...

"You don't suppose Ki-Honi is still mad at me for getting us both in trouble with the Elders?" Maho-Chi paused to consider the point, "I mean...we were both taken off of warrior assignments and were given menial labor as punishment over that incident in the forbidden Temple...but what are the odds that the Oni Queen still lives there anyway? It's been hundreds of years since anyone's even heard of her, so the chances of us waking her up are...uh...do you hear a noise? It seems to be getting louder..."

The victim of the Pool of the Drowned Cabbit looked up suddenly with long ears perked in alarm, and then suddenly a figure came tumbling out of the night sky, prompting the little creature to hastily dive for cover, though Maho-Chi was not as swift to react and so was taken unawares when a pink-haired man came plummeting to earth like a bolt from the heavens.

His landing came so suddenly and so near to Maho-Chi that his impact alone was all it took to send her tumbling into a tree, and for a moment she was knocked unconscious, even as Seryo groaned at the bottom of the crater he had just created and groaned softly to himself, "But...but how was I to know...that the heir to Jurai...had a daughter...?"

Then he, too, slumped unconscious, leaving it to the Cabbit to pop its head out from the concealment of some bushes, seeing two figures laying there in postures of repose, both the stranger and Maho-Chi, then the creature gave a mewling sigh and turned around to head back towards the village, intending to find their hut and some hot water before somebody made a mistake and tried to roast her for supper.

Maho-Chi recovered consciousness a few moments later, groaning to herself, "Oh, my head...what hit me?"

It took a moment for her to register the fact that there was a man laying in a ditch near to herself, and that he obviously was the cause for her brief nap, which them prompted her to do something very hard for her, which was to think about this deeply, but when she did a realization struck her and she smiled in happy realization. Her prayers to the gods had been at long-last answered, which was why she murmured the words aloud, "Wo ai ni...Airen..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Candlelight Bedtime Stories for Amazons: shadowmane

Herb returns to mark his claim, but what is this? Has winter broken out during the summer of China? See as Shampoo and her group of misfits take a trip to the stars and back in: "Neptune Arising," or, "Snow Princesses Are Not Necessarily Ice Maidens." Be there...

X 


	9. Chapter 9

LSPurple09

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Based on the works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Nine.

Snow Business

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT!  
CONTAINS NAUGHTY SCENES OF AN OVERTLY SEXUAL NATURE WITH ATTEMPTED SEDUCTIONS AND HEAVY PETTING...DEFINITELY NOT FOR THOSE WHO FLINCH AT THE THOUGHT OF TWO WOMEN SHARING INTIMACIES TOGETHER...  
YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED!

Matriarch's House,  
Village of Joketsuzoku, China

"I don't care if you had a good reason for what you did," snapped the blonde haired enchantress known as Siren, "How could you keep something like this from ME of all people? We used to be best friends...we trained under the same grueling taskmaster, you and I, and when I was chosen for the role of an apprenticed Mage we still managed to remain in close contact. Three hundred and nineteen years we have known one another...and you never once felt like confiding in me that your withered old appearance was just a disguise that you were using to conceal the fact that you are actually IMMORTAL?"

"I would have thought you might have figured it out on your own long ago," Cologne said in a mildly ruffled voice, now restored once again to the ancient, wizened old Matriarch that she had so long appeared to be before others, "After all, it's been a hundred and twenty years since my marriage to my third husband, and you knew even then that I still had youth enough to bear a child to him, Shampoo's great-great-grandmother."

"Great-great-grandmother?" the hovering infant known as Jariten asked with a glance towards Lum and Shampoo, only to receive a quieting motion from Perfume, who urged that their elders not be interrupted.

"Yes, but you seemed to age rapidly only a few years after he died," Siren pouted, "You mean to say that you were still as spry and as pretty as when I'd first known you? Why ever did you have streaks in your hair and pretend to be so matronly by the time you met your fourth husband?"

"You know perfectly well why I began to subtly alter my appearance," Cologne snorted, "The other Elders were beginning to talk, and the thought that I could still be young and beautiful one-hundred or more years of age would have made their envy a potent enough force that it might well have undermined my influence over the Council. I had to make it seem as if time still had a grip on me, so I slowly began altering my appearance a bit at a time until I gradually learned to make myself seem wizened and ugly..."

"But...Elder," Lum spoke up right there and then, "If the appearance we se before us now is nothing more than a clever illusion, then why did you break your disguise just now in order to help us against Count Seryo?"

"Two reasons, Daughter-in-law," Cologne replied, "One being that I knew that Count Seryo would be dangerous due to his mastery of the Jurai power, and only another with such abilities could expect to counter his natural advantages. Unfortunately the full use of my own abilities requires that I not divert energies into maintaining my disguise, and when I drew upon that power it naturally shifted me to my true age and appearance. That is why I attempted to pose as someone else, a friendly relation from another village...only I did not expect to be recognized as myself by someone who knew me when I was able to go about freely without any illusions."

"Oh, so you're blaming it all on me are you?" Siren fumed, only to smile and add, "Of course I don't need to rely upon any illusions to maintain my youth and beauty. One of the very first things they teach you in Mage school is that age itself is an illusion and overcoming it means simply not aging."

"Nonetheless, it was an effective ruse, Matriarch," Lotion the Elder joined in with dry appraisal, "Would that my own appearance were a disguise rather than the result of slowing my metabolism gradually over the years. If I had half your vitality I might well do as you have done to avoid giving away the secret of my longevity..."

"And of course you knew all along that this disguise she's wearing was a simple illusion," Siren turned to regard the wizened old Lore Master.

"Of course I knew it," Lotion said in a mildly ruffled tone of voice, "I wouldn't be much of a Lore Master if I could be taken in by mere appearance."

"Then why haven't you ever shared this insight with me, Grandmother?" Silk asked in simple curiosity, "I only knew it now when seeing the Matriarch in her true form that this was no illusion. Her disguise has been so perfect that I wonder that I have never sensed it before..."

"Unfortunately, Child, you still have a ways to go before you are ready to succeed me," Lotion informed her granddaughter, "But as for the nature of her disguise...pay attention that the Matriarch's form is actually a shadow-image created from an Akashic projection, possessed of sufficient weight and substance that-in all essential functions-she really does have the body of a wizened old crone..."

"Look who is talking," Cologne snorted.

"But the distortion in space and time that her illusion creates masks the fact that her real form is dimensionally displaced into the realm of shadow," Lotion continued as if uninterrupted, "The same place from where Hidden Weapons may be drawn as needed. Elder Cologne bends the light around her aura ever-so-slightly that you can tell by looking closely that her actual mass is elsewhere, and the illusion has but a fraction of her substance..."

"Fascinating," Siren drawled softly, studying Cologne's aura with keener scrutiny than before and making the subject of her interest wince with an uneasy glance back in her direction, "Yes...I see it now. How obvious and how simple! I feel perfectly foolish that I never thought to check before...and after all this time! My mentor would have words with me were she alive to see this..."

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo murmured softly as she, Perfume and Lum sat in attendance watching the three Elders discussing the nature of her great-grandmother's outward appearance.

"But I don't understand something, Mother-in-law," Lum spoke up, "Why conceal this from your family? If you are partly of Jurai, then wouldn't they have a right to know all about it?"

"Unfortunately," Cologne sighed, "Informing my family that I have the key to immortality in my grasp is not something I have ever felt safe to share, especially considering the way my granddaughters like to gossip. Let Comb know the secrets that I have been keeping and she will be unable to restrain herself from blabbing about it to the rest of the village. Silk knows of what I speak, Comb's tendency to gossip..."

"It's true, she does like to socialize," Silk slowly nodded, "Not that she means to divulge things in normal conversation, it's just...subtlety is far from Comb's strongest suit, and if she knew what you have just revealed about your family's ancestry being partially involved with an alien race that rules entire star systems..."

"But..." Perfume started to ask, then paused as if to reconsider her question.

"What is it, Child?" Cologne signed as she turned to regard her adopted great-  
granddaughter, "I know you must be bursting with questions, and so is Shampoo here, though in her case the obvious one involves her inheritance of Juraian blood, which carries with it the key to tapping into the wellspring of Juraian energies that you saw demonstrated today..."

"Ah..." Perfume began, hesitated, then forced herself to say, "Great-  
grandmother...how is it that you remain ageless when other members of your family do not? Why do you remain unchanging when others grow old and never develop their hidden talents?"

"A fair question that," Cologne conceded, turning to Shampoo before saying, "And you deserve to know the truth. You see...the secret of my power is contained within this staff that I carry always with me," she held up her gnarled walking stick, "It is carved from a branch of the sacred tree, Funaho, that belonged to my father, Yosho. He gave it to me as a gift when I was still a young girl, and unknown to me at the time it is a conduit through which Funaho's energies are channeled. By holding this I draw upon the same life-giving energies that yet sustain my immortal father, and as such my body is maintained in youth and vitality so that I have not aged a day beyond when I turned twenty. Without it I might age normally, or possibly slower than a normal person since I believe that Juraians have somewhat naturally extended lifespans..."

"Which explains why the numerous children whom you've begotten over the years all had unusual abilities, including a tendency to age slower than other mortals," Siren frowned, "Which still doesn't tell me why you kept this from me all of these years. Were you trying to keep me at a distance? You know how much I cared about you, but you spurned my love and instead embraced that perverted fool, Happosai."

"I think that the Matriarch was just a bit shy on that particular topic," Lotion remarked with a shrewd regard of her fellow Elder, "Since I once trained under you I am...accustomed to your little idiosyncrasies, Matriarch, but since undertaking my studies as a Lore Master..."

"You naturally couldn't help but pry into my secrets," Cologne said sourly, favoring her former apprentice-turned-bitter-rival with a particularly vexed expression.

"Not that it took much effort to unravel some of them," Lotion agreed, only to pause and cock her head to one side, then she said, "I think we had best conduct the rest of this discussion on another occasion since I perceive that we are about to have an important visitation..."

No sooner did the words escape her lips but the trio of Elders named Cream, Pasticcio and Be Dea appeared, the latter with grave ceremony as she regarded Cologne at once, her level regard both wary and hostile.

"There you are, Matriarch," she began, "We were wondering why you were absent during the Enforcer's challenge match against that Outlander...but now that you are here we can discuss an urgent matter that concerns the entire Council."

"Oh?" Cologne asked warily, "And what is it that the Council wishes to address that you deem as urgent?"

It was Pasticcio who answered this, "Only that we are all growing most concerned about this recent spate of challengers seeking to betroth themselves to your great-granddaughters, most particularly Shampoo on account of her Airen."

"Concerned might be too mild a word, really," Cream mused, "More like scared out of their wits and justifiably alarmed that giant cow-monsters go rampaging about our village destroying homes and throwing our lives into utter chaos. I'm sure that you can see that more than a few among us would like to see something done about this."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo softly murmured, but a glance from Perfume was enough to remind her that they as yet had no permission to speak openly before the Elders, even on a matter as consequential to her future.

"And what would you have me do?" Cologne asked, "Place a moratorium against all such future would-be suitors?"

"Nothing so extreme as all that," Be Dea assured her fellow Elder, "But an end must be sought and soon or things are likely to get completely out of control. Shampoo must find a male suitor and marry him so that her union to the Princess Lum will be secured against all future such battles. With a husband to share between the both of them we are likely to have an end to these ridiculous future matters..."

"And does this include an end to the constant harassment of my heir by a certain member of your own house?" Cologne frowned significantly.

"If Shampoo decides upon a husband, then I will do what is needed to quell his continuous obsession," Be Dea replied, "Believe me, I am about as thoroughly tired and disgusted with the whole affair as you are, and if Mousse cannot learn to behave himself without bringing dishonor to our family by our continued association..."

"Will you permit me to suggest a means for remedying this matter, Cousin?" Siren asked, adding her part to the discussion.

Be Dea shifted her focus significantly to the blonde then said, "If you can find a way of forcing him to renounced his claims upon Cologne's heir, then you are more than welcome to attempt it. I was going to suggest the Fang myself, but that might be a little extreme, and you know that I do not relish the thought of offending my great-great-great-great granddaughter."

"Then I will set to work on it at once," Siren smiled, "And the love besotted fool, my great-grand-nephew, will learn to mend his errant ways, after which we will see about finding him a proper Airen to content himself with, thus insuring the continuation of his family line and a great deal of peace and satisfaction for the rest of our clan."

"That still begs the question of where we are going to find a husband who is capable of defeating both Shampoo and her Airen," Cream pointed out, "Considering their relative skill levels and abilities, there is no man available in our village who can take them both in a matrimonial challenge."

"And the ones who have the skills are currently already married," Pasticcio added wryly, "My own husband is far too old to have much of an interest in such affairs, nor are my nephews likely candidates since their wives are not into sharing."

"That is a worry," Cologne openly conceded, "But perhaps we might find an Outlander who has the skill and natural talent that is needed..."

"Matriarch," Lotion spoke up, "Would you care to hear my proposal?"

The other Amazons turned looks that varied from amused to resigned as they regarded the ancient Lore Master, then Be Dea said expectantly, "What do you propose? You have a candidate already in mind, possibly one of your choosing?"

"I am not so devious as you might imagine," Lotion replied, "But I propose that we hold an open match, one that could be sponsored by the government itself so that they might put the word out far and wide to the whole of Asia offering an incentive to the best warriors around if they come here and compete in a tournament to decide who is the strongest and most capable among them, the one who is fit and worthy of becoming Shampoo and Princess Lum's mutual Airen."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo said again, and this time Perfume did not bother to remind her against speaking.

Unfortunately Lum-being a Princess and an Outsider-was under no such restriction, "Elders...I do not want nor require a husband at this time...not when I have Darling."

"Unfortunately, Child," Pasticcio said (and not unkindly), "The law is very specific regarding an Amazon marriage between two warriors when they both are female. If a man is capable of defeating both of you in battle then he by law is entitled to become your husband. As long as this remains an open issue you are vulnerable to claiming by whatever fool thinks to bully his way into your marriage, such as Mousse, the handsome Rei, that pink-haired Outlander who was just here, and..."

"And one other."

"Oh dear," Siren sighed as she and the others turned to regard the newcomer standing at the door to the house, "It seems we forgot to install the wards keeping pests out of our village..."

"I had very bad feeling that someone of this sort would be showing up," Silk sighed as she regarded the man framed in the doorway, along with his two male escorts.

"Who are you?" Be Dea demanded, "And how did you get in here without our being forewarned?"

"I go where I please, Old Woman," the tall figure sneered, "And your warriors were rude to me when I informed them that I wished an audience with your leaders."

"What?" Pasticcio asked, "What...what has become of our...?"

"They are resting, you need have no fear for their welfare," the arrogant man assured them, "I only used such force as was necessary to prevent their interfering. Believe me, I do not relish having any of them claim me for a prize, though my two companions here might wish to claim their pick of the defeated women."

"Heheh...Titties..." one of the two young men gleefully tittered, joined in kind by his friend, who seemed no less amused by something private that they had shared together.

"Prince Herb," Cologne said softly, "It has been a few years...you have grown considerably since last I saw you."

"And you, Old Woman, remain just as ugly as I remember," Herb sneered, turning his focus towards Shampoo and ignoring the challenge presented by Perfume, who had already drawn her axes and was standing at the ready.

Lum was quick to declare, "I don't care how you came here, if you intend to avenge yourself on either me or Darling..."

"Vengeance?" Herb replied with a slight frown blemishing his handsome features, "Nothing could be further from my mind. Rather I should thank you both for what you did for me..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo wondered if her nerves could stand up to yet more surprises.

"...After all," Herb continued, "You put me back in touch with my ancestral roots, and I am even more powerful than ever, and I owe you both for the favor."

"What do you mean by this?" Perfume asked, "This one does not understand..."

"At ease, Child," Cologne instructed her Enforcer, "The Prince is here to inform us of something significant or else he and his two companions would not have made this hasty an entrance. It would be more in keeping with the ways of the Musk if you had sent a messenger to inform us of your interest, yet instead you grace my house with your presence, and I am wondering if the motivation might have something to do with the issue which we were just discussing?"

"It does indeed, Old Woman," Herb replied, "And I have come to inform you that this so-called tournament will be quite unnecessary. I intend to stake my own claim for the hands of the Princes Lum and her companion, so any other man who dares to challenge me for that right will pay the penalty for his audacity...and you may quote me on this..." with that he raised a hand and caused his Chi to erupt, blasting a hole in the far wall the size of a cannonball, allowing that to be his singular demonstration.

"Think well on that before offering any other to compete against me," Herb remarked before turning to stride back out of the House, his companions lingering behind until he angrily barked at them, "Lime, Mint...follow me!"

Once the trio had taken their leave of the place the rest of the Elders shared a collective shudder, then Cream said to Be Dea, "If the Prince of the Musk clan were to claim the hand of Shampoo and the Princess..."

"I know," Be Dea replied, "He might well claim dominion over all Amazon lands, and we might well be forced to become his subjects."

"Amazons...serving under the Musk?" Pasticcio cringed, "It's unthinkable! Against all reason!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Siren frowned, "He seemed to reason things out pretty well...the trouble is that I don't know of any Amazon here who wants to have him for a leader."

"The matter is very grave indeed," Lotion turned to Cologne and said, "Give the word, Matriarch, and send it far and wide through the government's official channels that the best and finest warriors that the world has to offer must attend this match, which I judged will held on a certain day in the month of the Ram on the day of the Cat..."

"Why on that day in particular, Grandmother?" Silk openly wondered.

"You will see in due course, my Child," Lotion informed her, "When one worthy of the love of Lum and Shampoo will appear...and then the matter will well and truly be decided."

"Very well," Cologne agreed, turning to Be Dea and the others, "Tell Satin that her husband must attend us, and have him contact his officials in the Chinese government to put everything into motion."

"Consider it already done," Be Dea replied before adding, "And Matriarch...your heir must fight well and choose her husband wisely...and by no means will it be that man," she nodded her head towards where Prince Herb had just been standing."

"You may count on me to arrange things in that regard," Siren offered, "I know just the means to put that arrogant pup into his place."

"You're not thinking of cheating, are you?" Pasticcio wondered.

"Oh, nothing of the sort," Siren smiled, "It's just that I have a few connections of my own that need to be put into play...but do not worry, Prince Herb will meet his match long before he gets the chance to face either Shampoo or her Airen..."

Nerima, Japan; Tendo House:

"And wouldn't you know it," Lum remarked, "Siren was as good as her word, though we were all quite surprised when we saw her plan put into motion."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded once again, "And very glad this one is no to have call Musk Prince her Airen..."

"But...hey, wait a minute," Nabiki protested, "I thought Herb fell into the pool of the drowned girl, just like Ranma-kun...so what did he mean by getting in touch with his ancestral roots?"

"We no know what mean until sometime later," Shampoo explained, "But seems Prince Herb make more than one trip to Jusenkyo..."

"Yes, but before all of that happened, why don't we tell the story of how we finally got together, Darling?" Lum brightened considerably as she smiled fondly at her purple-haired companion."

"Oh yes," Shampoo nodded, "This one getting to this. Was about same time when first of Lum friends made their appearance..."

"Oh yeah," Ranma smiled in an odd way, "That was also when Perfume started to get more rambunctious about her non-married status, right?"

"Oh yes," Lum chirruped, "But let us tell you the way it happened, Husband...back when I tried to show Darling the surprise I had been saving up for her, back when we returned to the house of your parents and I convinced them to lend me the use of a store room that wasn't seeing much use at the moment..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo exclaimed, having stepped through the door of the shed only to come into a spacious room that was definitely not traditional Amazon and was most definitely exotic.

"Do you like it, Darling?" Lum inquired as she indicated the tastefully well furnished chamber, "It's our new Honeymoon suite, a little place of our own that I set up with the permission of your mother. It's formed by bending the dimensions of space and time so that the inside is much bigger than the outside, but it can be our home away from the house we share with your great-  
grandmother...isn't it romantic?"

Shampoo glanced nervously at her green haired alien companion while wondering at the significance of that statement. It was true that in all the time that she had known her Airen she had been the subject of Lum's relentless efforts to engineer a seduction, and this affair well fit in with that profile. But still Shampoo could hardly argue that Lum was acting outside her rights, and since their marriage was recognized as legal by the Council there was little that she could do to argue the point, and that meant that she had certain duties and...obligations towards Lum that she had so far managed to avoid fulfilling.

"How...is this done?" Shampoo asked, trying not to convey the level of nervousness that she was actually feeling.

"Same way that you carry your bonbori without appearing too obvious," Lum explained, "By bending the normal rules regarding time and spatial dimensions so that we can fit more inside than what you would see from the outside. All the better for the two of us to be alone while we...consummate our matrimonial union."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo replied, suddenly very much aware that the Princess Lum was cuddling up next to her, making full bodily contact with her uneasy Amazon companion.

"I know you've been reluctant to make the next step in our union...Darling," Lum purred like her ominous cursed self, "But now seems like the perfect time for us to get closer...much, much closer..."

Shampoo found herself being warmly embraced by the other girl with Lum's arms encircling her waist even as the alien princess rubbed the rest of her body up against the other girl, giving Shampoo a sense of her amorous affections in carnal physical stimulation. Even as Shampoo became aware of this Lum moved her face in for a kiss that took the Amazon entirely by surprise and caused her head to swim with total sensory overload not all that much unlike Lum's electrical discharges.

Lum sensed how her wife tensed up in expectation at this contact but broke her kiss long enough to murmur, "Relax, Darling...there is no reason to fear me...I won't use my lightning against you, trust me. I only wish to make love to you as a proper wife should, so just surrender yourself into my hands and I will show you how pleasurable it can be to join in union with your one true Airen."

Shampoo was more than slightly dubious about that proposal, to say nothing of being quite alarmed at the implications, yet she was unable to escape the reach of the other girl without a good enough reason, something she was incapable of crafting at the moment since the next instant was filled with Lum's soft lips pressing firmly up against her own. This time the kiss was deeper and more passionate than the first time, and it seemed almost as if the other girl were trying to pry open Shampoo's mouth with her tongue, after which there was a sense of mild invasion with the mingling of saliva as Shampoo blindly grasped for support and found her own arms moving to encircle Lum's body since the alternative would be to collapse upon the floor like a nerveless puppet.

It was almost by coincidence that Shampoo felt her hands settle upon something soft, round and very firm, and with belated amazement she belatedly realized that it was Lum's own pert derriere that she was holding with desperate hands that reflexively grasped in a way in which Lum evidently approved, judging by her reaction.

"Oooh...you do feel the same way about me!" Lum happily cried before going back to kissing Shampoo with happy abandon, her own hands moving down to cup and fondle the Amazon's fanny with groping hands that squeezed soft flesh like the testing of ripe melons. Shampoo gave a muffled gasp and felt a very strange thrill pass through her body, and all at once she became aware that Lum was moving her pelvis up against Shampoo's hip, causing the green haired girl much excitement as she did it again, grinding herself up and down against the purple haired girl's right hip bone.

A simple "Aiyaa" would have been totally inadequate to describe the things that next passed through the Amazon's mind as Lum moved her hands around and tested the feeling of Shampoo's pink Cheosang as though intentionally causing the fabric to transfer a mild friction to her skin, even as those fingers moved to slide up underneath the silk to caress smooth flesh as they roved up ever higher in search of ripened fruit. Shampoo broke off the kiss and gave a moan of dismay as those hands found and fondled her firm breasts, causing a very different sort of reaction that further deepened the Amazon's sense of confusion and left her even more vulnerable to Lum's gentle ministrations.

It was amazing to discover how talented the alien princess was in playing with sensitive nerve endings, and Shampoo wondered briefly if she might have some sort of special training, or perhaps she knew how to work Chi-centers and pressure points through some discipline or skill as yet unknown to Shampoo's own training. All she knew for certain was that Lum was somehow exciting her and causing the most peculiar sorts of autonomic reactions from the rasping tone of her breath to the quickening of pulse that made Shampoo feel as though her ears were ringing and she were simultaneously drowning and hyperventilating all at the same moment.

Even more so were the sounds that princess Lum herself was making as she hungrily drew her lips over Shampoo's face and neck before slipped down deep to the flesh that lay just beneath the Amazon's collar. Shampoo felt Lum's fingers as they sought and found the tips of her nipples and pinched them ever-so-  
slightly to cause a swelling of the bosom that made the purple-haired girl feel as though her breasts were hardening like rubber. Lum then released one nipple with a hand and slid it down the smooth length of the Amazon's belly, causing Shampoo to utter a single protracted gasp as those fingers went down below waist level and kept on moving deep into the forbidden zone of the Amazon's panties, and all at once Shampoo felt her hips buck as she jumped in amazement, wondering if Lum had sent some of her lightning down there to jolt her loins and cause her clitoris to spark like a static discharge. It did the most incredible things to Shampoo's state of mind as that electrical current shot up her spine and caused her mind to explode with heretofore unrealized potential.

This left Shampoo to wonder what else the green haired girl had in store for her, but if it were anything like the preliminaries, then she rather much expected that the conclusive stroke would be a real killer. She was unprepared for when Lum pinched the tiny nub that lay hidden within the folds of Shampoo's labia and gave it a very gentle grind between thumb and forefinger, then slid another finger up through the moistening gap that lay within the area that Shampoo knew about medically as the entrance to her vagina, and with that finger riding up inside her the Amazon quaked and felt as if her knees had turned into pure jelly. Other sensations followed of a kind and nature for which the young Champion of the Joketsuzoku had no mental preparation, but of a definite sense she was even more amazed to learn that she liked being stimulated this way, that the feeling was altogether quite pleasant and seemed to hint of even more wonderful things that were surely to follow.

All along as this happened Shampoo had passively gone along with Lum's attempts to seduce her, but now she instinctively reached up to cup her wife's face as she felt Lum's tongue against the base of her collar bone seeking deeper access. She started to draw Lum back towards her face as Shampoo instinctively leaned forward to kiss her...

...Only that was the moment when they were fatefully interrupted, much to Lum's annoyance and Shampoo's inexplicable disappointment.

"Shampoo-Cousin...Princess-what?" Perfume cried as she halted mid-way into the chamber, looking around with startled eyes as she seemed to be overwhelmed by her surroundings in more than one sense of sensory definition.

"What is it?" Lum snapped, no effort extended to hide the snarl in her voice as she glared at the Enforcer, clearly wild with frustration and ready to unleash her fury at the nearest target.

But Perfume was clutching at her face and bending down in such a way as to convey the sense that she was in some sort of anguish, so Lum's anger died instantly to be replaced with concern as the other girl was clearly in some sort of distress, which distracted her from seeing how Shampoo's confusion gave way to alarm and fear as she turned and said, "Perfume-cousin? What...?"

"What-what madness is this place?" Perfume gasped, hunched over near the doorway with her face averted and her eyes clenched tightly shut while her hands covered her ears and she seemed to hold her breath so that she would not need to breathe in the air for some inexplicable reason.

"Whoah, what's wrong with her?" Jariten asked as he floated into the room and glanced down at the huddling Enforcer.

"I don't know," Lum said in amazement, "Is something hurting her that we can't see or hear?"

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo belatedly realized what was happening and said, "We must get this one's cousin out of this room before it drives her cousin mad! Perfume is very sensitive and this place...it is not as nature would intend it..."

"Oh, I get it," Jariten said, "She can't handle heavy bends in the folds between dimensions, huh? Well, it does take a little getting used to, but if she needs to be in normal surroundings..."

"Quite right," Lum agreed, "Darling and I must help her out of this room...but...Ten...how did you both get past my wards?"

"Oh, I opened them myself," Jariten said brightly, "There's something going on outside that you have to see to believe, but I warn you...it's gonna be frosty!"

Moments later, as Shampoo and Lum helped Perfume out through the doorway together, they discovered first hand what the little alien prince meant by that declaration as the summer heat of late evening had been inexplicably replaced by a half-meter of snow on the ground that covered everything from rocks and trees to buildings.

"Aiyaa...?" Shampoo said as she looked around at all the white powder covering everything.

"How odd," Lum remarked, "I didn't know you people scheduled snow for this time of the year."

"Believe me when I say, Daughter-in-law, that this event is almost unique in the experience of our people," Cologne remarked as she came hobbling up to join them, followed in turn by Silk, Lotion and Comb, "In fact the weather patterns do not support there being snow on the ground at all, even at this elevation."

A burst of smoke heralded the sudden appearance of Siren, who turned to Cologne and said, "No doubt about it, this phenomenon is centered on this hut on this end of the village. I've taken measurements and this is the exact point at which the weather patterns have been drastically altered, but it's only snow that seems to be falling at this point...nothing else that would be consistent with an actual outbreak of winter in our village."

"This is very important, Child," Lotion said as she addressed herself to Lum, "Could the alterations which you have engineered upon this small structure be in any way responsible for causing this event? Understand that we are not blaming you if this should be the case, but it would be very important for all concerned to bring a halt to this snowy onslaught..."

"No, Elder," Lum replied, "Spatial displacement is a perfectly safe and reliable means for storing great mass and volume in a confined area. We use it all of the time on our starships to save on wear and costs of transportation..."

"Unless something else is using your devices as a conduit to transfer the snow from somewhere else," Silk suggested, indicating with a nod something very odd about the shack that the younger people had just exited, and sure enough when Shampoo and her companions turned around they gaped in astonishment to see the waves of mist that were surrounding the half-opened doorway.

"Oh dear," Siren said after a moment, "I think I know what the problem is...some sort of bleed off effect created by the dimensional distortion."

"What do you mean, Grandmother?" Perfume asked, recovering her sense of balance and proportion now that the weird effects of the vacated chamber were no longer assaulting her perceptions.

"Ah...Airen?" Shampoo asked.

"That's very odd," Lum remarked, "It's never behaved like that before..." she reached out and closed the doorway, then opened it once again, but instead of a spacious and well furnished room this time what stood revealed in the gap seemed more like a mirror reflecting a long tunnel, and just looking at the thing gave some of those present mild headaches.

"As I thought," Siren remarked, "An inversion field was overlapping the portal."

"Say what Grandmother?" Perfume asked.

"It's rather like the same principle that applies to a telephone when more than one person tries to call you at the same time," Siren explained, then she belatedly caught the blank expressions of some of those present and sighed, "I know, I know...what is a telephone..." she rolled her blue eyes expressively towards the heavens, "I belong to a village full of Philistines and Luddites..."

"Perhaps I might clarify the point that you are attempting to make," Lotion offered, "Think of two people trying to call out to you at the exact same moment, only one of them is closer than the other and so her voice drowns out the sound that the other is making."

"Yes, rather like turning to answer one speaker and ignoring the other," Silk followed, "Both are still present but your attention is only focused upon one...unless that person walks away and you suddenly notice the presence of the other."

"Which is what has just transpired," Cologne concluded for the others, "Only the forces that were being held back are now flowing freely through the channel, and unless we do something to staunch this flow the entire village will soon be buried beneath a layer of snow..."

"Wait!" Lum suddenly brightened, "I know where this portal leads! I had the coordinates set on speed-dial...it's the palace of Neptune, the home of my good friend Oyuki!"

"Palace of Neptune?" Shampoo repeated.

"Oyuki?" Perfume asked with raised eyebrows...

"Oyuki?" Nabiki asked in the present, "Palace of Neptune?"

"Yes," Lum said brightly, "The eighth planet our of the twelve that orbit your solar system...even though the opinion is out whether two of them should be classified as planets, and then the one that's more like a burned out star called Nemesis..."

"Oh come on!" Akane complained, "Are you telling us that you've got a friend in our own solar system who lives on the planet Neptune? You have got to be pulling our legs!"

"Um...actually," Kasumi remarked, "I've read a bit about that planet in an astronomy course I took back when I attended school. It's a gaseous giant, hardly the sort of place where human life could thrive, and much too cold for anyone to visit."

"You telling this one?" Shampoo asked blandly, "Was very cold when we arrive, but great-grandmother insisted we go and find out why Princess Oyuki was sending snow into our village."

"Actually," Ranma pointed out, "The palace exists in some kinda weird artificial habitat that's protected against the liquid gasses that surround the planet. Way I hear tell they're the survivors of some weird colony that was founded during the Silver Millennium or something like that. I've been there a couple of times myself, and if you can ignore the cold and the big scary monsters it ain't too unpleasant."

"Big scary monster?" Akane frowned, "Who was that supposed to be? The abominable snowman?"

"He sure abom...whatever you say," Shampoo nodded her head vigorously, "But it really Shampoo cousin who find out first hand when we get to Snow Girl's palace..."

"Calm yourself, Child," Lotion urged as she and the rest of the Amazon delegation took stock of their new surroundings, "Just breathe easily and retain your focus...that should prove sufficient to overcome the effects upon your senses."

"If you say so, Elder," Perfume replied, chattering her teeth slightly, "But...no one tell this one it be so cold when we step through magic doorway..."

"Ignore the cold as I have trained you," Cologne instructed, "This is no worse than what we face in winter, and you must always recall that you represent our people when presenting yourself before strangers."

"Perfume will remember, Great-Grandmother," Perfume replied, attempting to square her shoulders and affect her usual calm demeanor...only to blink in astonishment as she and the others caught sight of the people waiting in the snows to greet their arrival.

There were about a dozen of them in all, each one a radiantly beautiful specimen of womanhood in the joy of youthful bloom, but the one who was by far the most beautiful and radiant of the bunch was the first to greet them in a quiet-but-  
friendly manner, a slender maiden in a white kimono whose pale blue hair was set in an ornamental fashion.

"Lum," she smiled, "To what do we owe this visit?"

"Oyuki!" Lum cried brightly, moving forward to clasp arms with the other girl, "It's been too long! What have you been doing with yourself lately?"

"Nothing too much I am afraid," Oyuki sighed, only to take notice of something that caused her to say, "Oh my...are these servants of yours? That one seems to be having trouble breathing..."

"Perfume-cousin?" Shampoo turned to observe that her companion was standing as motionless as a statue, and even waving a hand before her eyes did not produce a reaction, "Aiyaa...she's frozen solid?"

"More like stupefied," Siren remarked with an indulgent grin, glancing from Perfume to Oyuki and back again before remarking, "My granddaughter always did have excellent tastes and an eye for her companions..."

"We are representatives of the Nyanchiczu," Cologne said smoothly as she stepped forward to present herself, "I am Cologne, Matriarch of the village of Joketsuzoku, and these are my fellow Elders, Lotion and Siren..."

"Please, do I look like an elder?" Siren scoffed, "You know I never involve myself in politics, Darling...I leave that sort of thing to old biddies who have too much free time on their hands..."

"Yes, responsibility is something you are very good at dodging," Lotion remarked before turning back to Oyuki and saying, "We were wondering if you might know something about a recent problem that we've been facing due to an influx of snow that seems to have originated from that portal..."

"Oh yes," Oyuki said, "I'm very sorry about that, but you see...we've been faced with something of a crisis here and it's forced us to take drastic action to get rid of some of our excess..."

"Excess?" Shampoo asked politely.

"Why, the snow of course," Oyuki replied, "It's really just frozen carbon dioxide and water vapor...and water is a very precious substance on most planets, but not around here where we have oceans of the stuff in great abundance."

"Um...hold on a second here," Silk urged, "You are trying to displace a quantity of snow and ice by sending it to our planet?"

"It does sound a bit absurd when you put it like that, Child," Lotion said, "But I perceive that the problem is really in the stability matrix that maintains your artificial environment. Perhaps the mechanism is breaking down after countless generations of regular usage."

"You know, you may be right about that," Oyuki said apologetically, "I'm afraid engineering was never a strong suit of mine, and no one remembers today how our environmental generators were created in the first place. According to the legends they were founded by the Ancients...but our distant ancestors never left us with instructions on how their machines were to be maintained so many thousands of years after they were activated..."

"Oh my...perhaps I could help you out there," Lum suggested, "I know something about technology after all, and even a Princess has to understand how to repair stuff."

"Well then," Cologne said, "By all means let us examine these devices, and if we can get them working normally again will you agree to stop sending your excess to our village?"

"If you can do that, Matriarch of Joketsuzoku, then we will gladly do as you ask and be in your debt forever after," Oyuki replied, pausing to give Perfume another glance before saying, "But may I ask something of you in return? Your companion here...what is her name again?"

"Perfume?" Cologne asked in surprise, "She is my adopted great-granddaughter and tribal Enforcer. She does my will on behalf of the Council of Elders..."

"Well then," Oyuki smiled, "Would you make it your will that she accompany me for the rest of the day? I find her rather interesting, and I was hoping maybe we could get to know one another..."

"Aiyaa?" Perfume asked, blinking her eyes in astonished reaction.

"As Perfume's grandmother by blood and marriage it would be her honor to represent us in your presence, Princess Oyuki," Siren said slyly, "If that meets with your approval, Cologne darling?"

Cologne eyed the blonde Enchantress warily before saying, "If Perfume herself has no objections, I am certain that we could spare her for a few hours."

"Aiyaa...?" Shampoo and Perfume said together before the former glanced at the latter, who was staring at Oyuki in wonder and amazement...

"Whoah," Nabiki reacted, "You mean this Princess Oyuki character just out and propositioned her...like that?"

"Well, why not?" Ranma shrugged, "After all, she's one of Lum's best friends."

"That almost makes sense," Akane scowled, "I just hope they didn't do anything too perverted..."

"Oh no," Lum replied, "Oyuki would never do anything perverted, she just wanted to have sex with Darling's cousin."

Nabiki gave the green haired alien princess a dry look before saying, "Not exactly an ice maiden, this Snow Princess friend of yours, huh?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded, then scowled, "Of course that before Snow Girl tell cousin about her big hairy friend name B-Bo. Only male thing on entire planet..."

"Oh my...what do you mean?" Kasumi asked.

"The people on Neptune are all women, Tendo-san," Ranma explained, "According to Oyuki-kun I was the first human guy to visit there in a couple hundred generations."

"Only women?" Nabiki said with a bland look, "How the heck do they reproduce?"

"By artificial means of course," Lum cheerfully explained, "Cloning and Recombinant DNA, and anything they need a fresh infusion of blood they can always call on outsiders, or B-Bo. Lots of civilizations have long ago done away with the messy necessity of doing things the organic way...not that this is true of we Oni, who prefer to have babies in the traditional manner."

"But...why no men?" Akane asked.

"Hey," Ranma shrugged, "Don't look at me...I asked the same question, and they told me that without the need of having guys around to procreate that men ain't really necessary."

Out of reflex Nabiki glanced towards their fathers, who were still engaged in a furious game of Shogi and looked as though a bomb going off in their presence would not seriously distract them. She turned back to regard the handsome young man named Ranma and said, "And how do you feel about that, Saotome-kun?"

"Hey, I ain't got nothing to say about it," Ranma huffed, "Except that those girls on Neptune are just plum crazy..."

"No, we've never had much use for men," Oyuki admitted as she allowed her servants to undress her before the comely Terran who was her houseguest.

"Um...does this one take that to mean that you have no interest in...men?" Perfume asked softly with an almost hopeful expression.

"I don't really know for certain," Oyuki replied as the white robes fell away...only to reveal (to Perfume's great disappointment) that she was wearing some sort of revealing tight red space suit underneath, "I suppose if I met the right sort of man...but barring that...no, I've never taken a man for a lover. Have you?"

"Um...no," Perfume admitted, "This one...does not favor the attentions of...men."

"I see," Oyuki smiled again, a gentle smile that set Perfume's pulse to racing, "So...you understand what it means to find favor with the affections of a woman...and have you had many lovers in the past?"

"Ah...no...this one..." Perfume stopped talking as Oyuki stretched out a hand towards her, and without a word needing to be exchange she allowed the blue haired snow princess to guide her away from the dressing you into the nearby adjoining sleeping chamber.

"How excellent," Oyuki remarked as she moved towards a sumptuous bed that dominated one whole area of the room, "Then allow me to introduce you to the pleasures of my chamber. Have you any special needs that I should be aware about before we get started?"

"Ah...this one is...very, very sensitive," Perfume explained, "Pain...is no something to be taken lightly."

"Then we'll have to see to it that nothing causes you injury...shall we not?" Oyuki asked as she gently pushed Perfume down upon the bed then straddled her with a strangely eager expression, "But not to worry...I will be as gentle with you as needs be. Just place yourself in my hands and trust to my good intentions."

Perfume stared up in amazement at the beautiful girl looming over her, uncertain what to do since she found herself on the receiving end of this particular seduction. Though Oyuki seemed cold to the touch, her hands were surprisingly warm as she started to undo the wooden buttons to expose the Amazon's hidden assets, and then Oyuki began to press gentle lips against warm skin, sending a wave of glorious stimulations all through the Enforcer's upper body as Perfume gasped and rolled her head back, arching her spine as Oyuki began to play with her in a gentle, almost teasing manner. It felt so good that Perfume was helpless in the other woman's power...

But before things could progress too much further beyond simple foreplay a rumbling sound was heard in the air, and all at once Oyuki broke off what she was doing to gasp. Perfume-who had not dared to so much as breathe heavily up until now-looked up in alarm and said, "What is it? What is the matter?"

"Oh dear," Oyuki replied, "I think B-Bo is getting jealous."

"B-Bo?" Perfume asked ominously, only to have her question answered a second later as the floor at the center of the room burst upward and a huge ape-like figure rose up in angry wrath to glare hotly down at the half-nude Amazon, roaring like a demon aroused, "YOU...WHAT DO YOU DO WANT WITH MY PRINCESS?"

"Aiyaa..." Perfume exclaimed, and just seconds later she rolled off the bed and started running...

"It was all a misunderstanding, of course," Lum explained, "B-Bo heard that a fierce warrior from Earth was attacking his princess and came to put a stop to matters, but by the time Oyuki managed to calm him down and explain things the pleasant mood they shared was entirely shattered."

"Cousin very unhappy return to Earth," Shampoo duly noted, "But vow see Oyuki again, and this begin point where she get more eager to find herself Airen, even if have to date every woman we meet who catch her fancy."

"Yeah, including me in my cursed self," Ranma rumbled, "But that's another story. Of course the part you're leaving out, Lum-chan, is that B-Bo chased Perfume all the way through the portal and back to Earth, where I'm sure you can imagine that the other Amazons were just thrilled to see her bringing home yet another monster."

"Of course that wasn't the final event of the day," Lum remarked, "There was still the follow-up after Oyuki took her leave of us and brought B-Bo back to Neptune..."

"I am truly sorry that matters did not work out better for you, Child," Cologne informed Perfume as they returned to their house together, "I know you found Princess Oyuki much to your liking..."

"Yes, Great-Grandmother," Perfume sighed, not bothering to conceal her disappointment.

"Cheer up, Granddaughter," Siren urged, "There will be other chances to sow your oats with the ladies, and at least Oyuki seemed to genuinely like you. That means you won't have to chase this one down...more like she'll come for you when she's good and ready."

Perfume said nothing but she felt her cheeks flush warmly.

Shampoo took notice of her cousin's sour mood and decided to refrain from adding comments of her own...but nonetheless her own mind was still spinning wildly out of control as she contemplated her own recent encounters with Lum, who had tried once again to get something going back on Neptune under the guise of "sharing warmth" under a blanket. Almost it was a repeat of the first time from earlier in the day, save only that the interruption that came in the middle of it all had been the noise of a giant hairy monster attempting to mash Perfume into a bloody pulp. That definitely had broken things up before they could even get started.

Even as she reflected upon this Shampoo could not help glancing towards her green-haired, horn-headed alien Airen and wondered privately about the curious attraction that she was beginning to feel towards Lum, a sense that maybe their future relations might consist of more than running pell-mell from one crisis to the next in between electrical discharges...

Aloud she heard Lotion saying to the others, "It was fortunate that we were able in some small part to offer our assistance to the Neptunians since their devices were in such a sad state of disrepair. But I must remark that I was rather curious about the level of interest that you took in discussing the finer technical points with Princess Oyuki's technicians..."

"What, you don't think I have any interest in science and technology?" Siren replied, "Contrary to what you may have heard in the past, we mages are not so antagonistic to modern ideas, nor is magic exclusively anti-tech since any sufficiently advanced degree of science would appear to be magic to the minds of the uninitiated."

"I find it odd to think, though, that something so incredible as those machines might have existed for thousands and thousands of years without anyone on Earth becoming the wiser," Silk remarked, "Comb's husband would have a field day if we took him along on our next visit. This Silver Millennium must surely have been an era of wonders to leave behind so many curious artifacts and colonies as this one..."

"Yes, but what about their suggestion that we Amazons might ourselves be one such colony?" Siren asked, "I must confess that I find myself most intriguing...especially in light of your Juraian connections, Cologne darling."

"If it is all the same to you," Cologne remarked as they arrived back at her house, "I would rather not go back there unless I truly had to. I am more than content to remain with my feet firmly planted upon this world than to have to gallivant among the stars seeking my roots among foreigners who consider the Earth to be little more than just a backwater planet."

"Yes, but consider the advantages that come through commerce with such people," Siren smiled as she held out her fingers and displayed a curious pyramid-like object that was resting upon the palm of that hand, "This device, for example, which I traded for a few simple trinkets..."

"Oh?" Silk turned to the Amazon Archmage with a raised eyebrow, "And what does it do?"

In answer Siren smiled and pressed one side of the pyramid, and then pointed it at Cologne, who shied back in alarm as a weird radiant light shot out from the other side to bathe her in its glow...and all at once her body expanded to her true height and dimensions, her appearance going from aged to youthful in all of two seconds.

"Why, it temporarily cancels out dimensional folds and illusions," Siren grinned, "Which means, while this is still active, you won't be able to escape from me with that disguise of yours...Darling."

"EEP!" Cologne jumped back as Siren lunged forward, and all at once the chase was on as the blonde enchantress sought to wrap her arms around the blue-haired Matriarch, with Cologne doing her level best to keep out of reach as Siren gleefully pursued her.

"Oh my," Silk remarked as they watched the two Elders going at it, Cologne darting back out the front door while Siren kept up a close pace behind her.

"Nothing to worry about, Child," Lotion assured her, "The device only has enough of a charge to last for one or two hours...which, come to think of it, may be just, time enough for Siren to satisfy three centuries of pent-up longing."

Shampoo, Lum and Perfume hurried back out the door only to stand in the rode and gape as the youthful Cologne hurried by with a panic-stricken expression, Siren hot on her tail declaring, "Come to me, Balm, my darling, and let me show you what you have been missing...!"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo declared as they watched the hunt continue from one end of the village to the other.

"What is she trying to do with her?" Lum asked.

"A challenge match...I think," Perfume answered, "Maybe grandmother wants to be great-grandmother's new Airen?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo softly repeated, "What great-grandmother do if Siren catch and defeat her?"

"Can she actually do that?" Lum asked in surprise.

"Aiyaa," Perfume nodded, "Great-grandmother most powerful of Warrior cast, but Grandmother is Archmage, and this one does not think it would be much of a contest."

"What should we do about this?" Shampoo asked of her cousin.

To which Perfume just shrugged and suggested, "Sell tickets...?"

The narrative paused as Lum and Shampoo turned curious looks upon Akane, who had fallen over on her side laughing at the mental image their story had conjured.

Nabiki was having a hard time keeping a straight face herself, and even Kasumi appeared to be a bit amused at the thought of the powerful Matriarch meeting her match in an old companion, but Ranma merely shrugged and said, "Guess it is kinda funny when you look at it that way, but I gotta hand it to that Siren...she never gave up trying, and maybe one of these days she'll nail the old bag as her girlfriend or wife."

"So...all of this was leading up to the time of your arrival, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi politely asked.

"Yeah, but more stuff went down in the weeks it took for me and pop to find our way to Shampoo's village," Ranma revealed, "Prince Herb made another visit, and then that stuff with Oyuki was followed by a couple of other girls who showed up in time to make life interesting for Perfume-chan."

"You mean yet more girls get added to this story?" Nabiki marveled.

"Hai," Shampoo nodded in the affirmative, "And no all of them be friends of this one's Airen..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Oni Hunting Trouble Shooters: shadowmane

Perfume gets another surprise when she is called upon to play "Prince Charming" to a real sleeping beauty, and Lum has a dramatic encounter with a certain Devil Hunter in, "A Kiss is Just A Kiss", or, "To Have, Hold, Spindle &amp; Fold"...be there!

X 


	10. Chapter 10

LSPurple10

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Based on the works of Rumiko Takahashi &amp; Others)

Chapter Ten.

Eating Crow

Qing Hi Province, China Nyanchiczu Territories

The tree was dead and slowly rotting, a victim of quick-frost that had killed it several seasons back. Its bark was dry and brittle, certainly of no practical use to anyone as either lumber or tinder. Even small insects shunned its hardened resin bark and even its roots were long since turned to stony tendrils.

Perfume regarded it with silent resolve, then raised her axes as though to salute a fallen warrior spirit, holding her pose for but a moment before leaping into action and becoming a literal blur, her axes chopping through bark and timber with uncanny precision, careful as she was to avoid sending stray splinters flying in all direction (a single one of which would prove excruciating to her sensitive nervous system).

At length she halted and stepped back to survey her handiwork, and then Perfume of the Joketsuzoku grimly nodded in satisfaction. What she had created was difficult and challenging even to one of her skill level, but her keen eyes measured the details to a fine degree and they conformed to her memories with uncanny accuracy. The resulting sculpture was a twelve-foot high statue that perfectly mimicked the image of the Princess Oyuki, right down to the curve of her chin and the seeming lilt in her pale eyes. A satisfying rendering, to say nothing of being her best work ever.

She glanced to the side and compared her new work with her previous efforts, wooden images of her former friend Lotion, her training partner Shampoo, and the Princess Lum, her second most recent creation, that one carved out of a tree that had been killed by lightning...an appropriate enough fact given the alien Oni's propensity to hurl out electrical discharges whenever she felt provoked, which was much too often...

Perfume sighed and let her chin fall to her chest. What mattered that her skills in wood sculpture were increasing with the practice? All she had to show for it were dead wood images of people whom she felt close to, and not the real parties depicted. Even Oyuki-who had seemed quite interested in claiming Perfume for a lover-was millions of miles away from the Earth, so barring rare circumstances she was out of Perfume's reach and so remained an unreachable companion.

Not so the Princess Lum...but she had eyes only for Shampoo (who was, admittedly, reluctant to return the Oni's affections), to say nothing of being her legal Airen, and Perfume felt excluded from their company on the grounds that her cousin and wife were searching for a man to become their Airen...and Perfume was far too much of a woman to pretend otherwise. Nor did she think it likely to be included in their union even if her cousin managed to overcome her curious shyness and embrace her Airen as a proper wife in marriage.

So what did the future hold for Perfume, who desperately yearned for female companionship...the kind that would warm her evenings and fill her nights with infinite joy and fulfillment? Where would she find the love of her life who would welcome her with open arms and make her body sing with the delights of total union...?

All at once Perfume jumped and assumed a fighting crouch, but she belatedly realized that the sounds that had just startled her came from somewhere off in the distance and did not herald an attack on her directly. Perfume stretched out her hyper-active senses and made out the tell-tale signs of a battle taking place roughly a thousand or so meters away from her position, so without more than a moment's thought she took off running in the direction of the explosions, intent to see what was causing them and to determine whether or not whatever was making them constituted a threat to the Joketsuzoku.

She did not have long to run, however, before she came upon the scene of carnage, and then her senses screamed out in warning not to approach too closely, for what she sensed ahead was the gathering of potent energies, both dark and light working in harsh contrast to one another. On the one hand there was the unmistakable presence of something fell and evil...

And on the other side...a force of great intensity that felt somehow familiar to Perfume's awareness. The wielder of these energies was unmistakably good, but backed by a fury and a will that put to shame the fierceness of its adversary, and so she approached with great caution, keeping her axes at the ready while heeding her instinctive reaction not to rush headlong into this battle...at least until she knew more about the principle players.

As it turned out she did not have long to wait before arriving at the scene of the duel arcana itself, and as the Enforcer looked on in stunned disbelief she saw a terrible creature of dark malevolence batting its wings and slashing with claws at a humanoid opponent who fended off its attacks with a weapon of her own that Perfume automatically classified as a Ch'i-Chi, a type of spear-like pole arm that required a great deal of skill to handle effectively. The owner of that blazing Ch'i-Chi was indeed supremely skilled, and without mistaking the point she was an Amazon born, garbed in the traditional ceremonial robes of a Devil Hunter, with long brown hair that flew wildly about her head as she stabbed and hacked and slashed at her monstrous opponent. Though tall and as slender as a wand she was dwarfed in size by the massive beast-thing, yet so merciless was her offensive that it was the creature itself who was held at bay, and almost the thing looked as if it were to be pitied for it was clearly overmatched by the warrior woman who fought as if she were the one possessed by a demon.

As Perfume studied the battle she could sense, feel and even see the swirling energies that each side was marshalling for their end of the battle, with rosy-  
red flames of righteous force hammering away at the dark eldrich energies surrounding the massive creature. The Devil Hunter chanted a sing-song spell as she gathered her forces and focused them into a single attack at the creature's weakest point, and all at once the flames of her fury poured into the hapless monster, shredding its unearthly hide and rending it from within so that it fell to the ground in a smoldering ball of fire...to burn itself out to mere ashes a few instants later, leaving behind a black ring in the dirt to mark its passage.

The Devil Hunter remained where she was panting for breath and staring at the mark left behind by her defeated opponent, only for the ground immediately behind her to suddenly lurch up as yet another monster sought to attack at her unprotected backside. Perfume started to cry out a warning, only to see the Devil Hunter react from instinct, reversing her Ch'i-Chi and stabbing backwards through the heart of her would-be assailant, then taking a step forward as she ripped the pole arm out of its chest and swung it around in a decapitating stroke that cleaved its head clean from its shoulders.

Then the warrior known to many as Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken rested the butt-end of her weapon upon the ground and raised her other hand to utter a prayer-chant of blessing before waving that hand in a wide arc and scattering some sort of misty powder over both the decapitated corpse and the darkened ring where the larger fallen demon had vanished, and all at once Perfume felt a cleansing wind pour through a space between worlds to purifying the soil and banish away all traces of evil from the clearing.

Only then did the warrior turn and regard the astonished Perfume, taking a moment to confirm that she was not yet another demonic attacker, yet even then not resting easy as she acknowledged her presence, "Enforcer?"

"Demon Hunter," Perfume saluted then said, "This one is sorry...this one heard a battle...ah...what was that?"

"A type Four class demon whom I have been pursuing for some weeks now," Kachu replied, "He was terrifying the villagers in a nearby province and they asked me for my assistance. You need have no fear now, the creature is vanquished, and so it poses no further threat to the Nyanchiczu."

"Oh," Perfume said simply, glancing at where the creature had been and murmuring a very soft, "Aiyaa..."

Kachu turned and approached the Enforcer, seeming at ease yet maintaining her guard as she seemed incapable of fully relaxing, "It has been many months since I have been back in these forests...at times it has seemed almost like years, but do the Nyanchiczu of Joketsuzoku yet flourish?"

"We do, Kachu," Perfume replied, adding softly, "As is your mother when last I saw her...just yesterday, as a matter of fact."

"I see," Kachu acknowledged, then with less than casual regard she murmured aloud, "Which is only to be expected."

Perfume studied the features of the fierce Devil Hunter and said, "Silk has often remarked that she worries about you and how you are faring..."

"My mother worries overmuch on my regard," Kachu replied with a brooding expression, "But though she is a Lore Master she cannot be expected to know of my imposing responsibilities, seeking out the fell things of the night and facing down the powers of night whose terrifying visage mortal mind should never have to know."

"Er...whatever," Perfume replied, deciding very much that she needed no further elaboration...

Nerima, Japan: Tendo Dojo-The Present:

"Kachu?" Kasumi said aloud as she paused in the act of putting away the tea set, turning towards the others were a very peculiar expression.

"Gesundheit," Nabiki facetiously responded, "So this Silk had a daughter, huh? And she hunts devils for a living?"

"Not just devils," Lum grumbled with a particularly sour expression, "But anyone who-in her mind-is guilty of consorting with or being related to various non-Terran or humanoid species."

"Now Lum-chan," Ranma chided, "You know that was all a big mistake, and things worked out all right in the end..."

"You say that now, Airen," Shampoo replied, "But you no be there when things really start to happen to Lum-Airen..."

"My coming here is not entirely serendipity, Enforcer," Kachu said with a grave expression, "I have had vague misgivings of late, as if some ill shadow had fallen over these parts and required my presence. Has anything significant transpired while I was away? I have been hearing...rumors about demons in these woods, and one in particular that has been especially troublesome to your cousin, Shampoo."

"A demon?" Perfume blinked, "Where have you heard that?"

"From a passing acquaintance," Kachu replied, "He seemed rather insistent on getting back here and protecting her from whatever mischief the demon might offer. I thought, as Shampoo's cousin by adoption, that you would know best if she has been plagued by any unnatural symptoms that might signify demonic influences in her life..."

"Oh no," Perfume replied, wincing a bit as she sensed Mousse's handiwork in spreading this particular rumor, "My cousin isn't being afflicted by a demon...at least, that is not how I would describe her. You see..."

"Hold!" Kachu declared, glaring angrily into the darkened wood, "We are not alone..." and with that she reached into her pouch and drew out some sort of corn-like granules that she cast into a tree, which-moments later-produced results in the form of several small falling bodies that were black in appearance yet had miniature robes and were dressed oddly like people."

"As I thought," Kachu snarled, holding her Ch'i-Chi at the ready, "Tengu!"

"Teng-what?" Perfume asked, belatedly recognizing the tiny forms as being crows for all their weird manner of dress.

"Hold!" one of the fallen crows declared in a surprisingly human voice, holding up a wing and pleading, "Stay your hand! We are the Kurasutengu and mean you no harm, honest!"

"Tengu lies!" Kachu snarled, preparing to annihilate the creatures, but Perfume raised an ax and said, "Hold on a moment...let us hear this one out, please."

"What?" Kachu stared at the Enforcer, "Are you mad? You cannot trust the words of demons!"

"But we're not demons, honest we're not!" another of the talking crows insisted, "We're servants of her majesty, Queen Kurama, and we are here looking to find her a mate..."

"A mate?" Perfume blinked, deciding that the concept of a crow mating was considerably less improbable than talking or wearing clothing.

"Our Queen is partially human...her father came from your world," another of the talking Crows related, "And since there are no human males on our world we had to come here to find our Queen a mate..."

"How distasteful," Kachu sneered, "You seek to seduce some unfortunate male into mating with one of your kind?"

"Um...excuse me," Perfume asked, "You say your Princess is partly human...but how did this come to be?"

"'S'long story-HIC!" yet another of the Tengu replied, this one's speech and mannerisms suggesting that he was three sheets to the wind and not the least bit sober, "Just required a bit of...molecular...whatever..."

"Molecular transference," the lead of the Tengu gave a reproachful glare towards his inebriated companion, "It has to do with the needs of our people to find a strong and capable leader, and over the centuries of successive in-breeding we found our loyal line was badly attenuated...so we needed a fresh infusion of alien DNA to jump-start our nobility...and over the centuries of searching through other worlds we have only found a few species who are flexible enough to suit our requirements...Earth being one such example..."

"That still does not excuse you for the crime of seeking to join your seed with that of a hapless male," Kachu snarled, "And as a protector of these regions it is my duty to thwart your evil aims."

"Hold on a moment," Perfume urged, "This is an important matter that we should bring before the Elders. We already have a precedent, you see...and if we could find a male who is acceptable..." she blinked then smiled, "In fact...this one believes she knows the perfect candidate for such a mating..."

"S'great," the one drunk crow in the bunch replied, taking a moment to pour the contents of a miniature jug down its beak before producing an equally tiny communications device, "Less call th'ship'n have 'em extract us so she can 'splain things..."

"No-wait!" the leader cried, but much too late as a tiny button was pushed and the drunk crow began relating instructions in their own curious language.

The next moment a wind picked up from out of no where, causing Perfume and Kachu to react with dismay as the crows were swept up and carried aloft by the mysterious enchantment. Kachu immediately dug her Ch'i-Chi blade first into the ground to provide her with a much needed anchor, but Perfume had no such means of grounding herself and was instead swept aloft on the breeze, helpless to do more than yelp as she found herself quite suddenly airborne...

"Let me guess," Nabiki said, "She was going to match that Mousse guy up with the crow woman...only things didn't go the way she planned it, huh?"

"How you know this?" Shampoo blinked.

"I've always been a good guesser," Nabiki smirked, "And the clues were there for anyone to read 'em."

"It's true," Akane glared at her older sister, "Nabiki's always spoiling things by giving away the ending to plots before we can read them. That's why we never go to the movies together...she finds them too predictable, and she's so un-  
romantic."

"Can I help it if the writers of popular junk can't avoid using cliches to tell their stories?" Nabiki snorted.

Shampoo and Lum exchanged meaningful looks with each other, then with Ranma, who just shrugged and said, "Maybe...the old woman would know if she met her."

"What was that, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked politely as she noted the silent exchange that was taking place between their three interesting houseguests.

"Ah, nothing to worry about...I think," Ranma remarked as he tried (and rather crudely) to brush off the question, "Anyway...the thing is, Perfume-san found herself being whisked away as if my a giant vacuum cleaner, or something like that, and before she knew it she found herself in an alien space ship being greeted by yet more crows who seemed pretty eager to know who it was that she had in mind as a candidate for mating with their Queen..."

"You need a handsome man who can mate with your Queen?" Perfume asked as she gleefully nodded, "This one knows of such a one, and he be perfect for your needs. This one will even tell you where to find him, and then you can bring him back here with the same machines you used upon this one."

"Splendid," said the head Kurasutengu, a wizened old crow with a long white beard and a stick that he leaned on like a staff (which made it easier for Perfume to consider him an Elder), "You have no idea how grateful we are and how indebted we shall be if this man meets with the approval of our Mistress. Queen Kurama has traveled a long, long ways to find a suitable mate who can help her to carry on her noble line with an heir worthy of the Tengu."

"Just tell Mousse that Perfume says hello and good fortune," Perfume smiled, thinking to herself that it was almost too perfect a means for removing that nuisance from their lives before he could do any more mischief to Lum and Shampoo's marriage. Already he had attempted three times to engineer a second challenge, and though Perfume's grandmother had promised to do something to curb his persistence there had so far been no tangible results to her efforts, which was what had prompted Perfume to hatch this scheme of convenience. After all, whoever this Queen Kurama was she was probably half-crow and would look quite unsavory to a human eye...which made a pairing with the half-blind Mousse seem to Perfume's mind like a match made in the very heavens.

"You hear this?" one of the Kurasutengu remarked to his companions, "Our prayers may be answered, which means we'll get paid on time and her Ladyship can stop threatening to dock our wages."

"Too bad we can't wake her up and inform her of our decision," another crow remarked, "But tradition has it that the one whom she will mate with must be the one who kisses her and restores her to a wakeful state."

"Let us check upon the condition of our Mistress to see that she has fared well over the journey," a third of the Tengu urged, and so it was that a forth touched a device on one of the wall panels that caused something to slide out from a concealed compartment along that wall, and to Perfume's considerable surprise it appeared to be some manner of coffin, like what some government officials were said to use in burials instead of being properly incinerated with their ashes scattered on the winds to permit them to fly up towards the heavens.

The crows all gathered around this box, and Perfume-drawn more by curiosity than need-decided to join them, looking down through the transparent lid of the curious coffin-like box at a resting figure who lay within...and no sooner did she set eyes upon this Kurama person but that her heart suddenly skipped a beat, for-to her complete astonishment-her features were young and beautiful, nearly ageless.

Her hair was the most curious and striking feature in that it seemed to flow to both sides as if forming a pair of wings just above her ears...yet those ears were round and-like the rest of her-entirely human. She had curves in all the right places and much of her body was plain to view since the only garment that she wore was some manner of leather halter and a pair of matching black boots. There were no shoulder straps to support the halter as it came just over the swelling bulge of her perfectly formed breasts, and in all other ways she was well shaped to specifications. If anything her features were a bit too perfect, almost inhumanly beautiful, and though she was motionless and not even breathing she seemed as though in a light sleep, as if the slightest sound might chance to wake her.

"Queen Kurama," the eldest of the crows indicated the sleeping beauty, "She but awaits the taste of the lips of her future consort and she will awaken to rule us all once more. Just as soon as we can summon this man whom you were describing..."

"Aiyaa?" Perfume replied, having temporarily forgotten what these talking crows were after.

"Oh heck," the drunk crow hicked as he stood atop a nearby control panel, "Why wait until then? Here, I'll wake up her highness..."

"What are you doing you idiot?" one of the other crows snapped, but too late as it turned out since the glass casing hissed back at that moment with the sound of escaping air pressure, and then the cover slid away, revealing Queen Kurama in all her glorious beauty to Perfume's eager eyes and other senses, which prompted the enamored Enforcer to lean forward in order that she might study this woman better.

Unfortunately for Perfume her foot happened to encounter one of the Kurasutengu, who gave a squawk as she stepped on his tail feathers, startling Perfume and causing her to stumble forward onto the casing, and without half meaning to her face made contact with that of Kurama with their lips briefly touching in a spontaneous kiss that startled Perfume every bit as much as it did the Tengu.

"What are you doing?" the eldest crow snapped.

"Ah..." Perfume straightened out, feeling her cheeks flush crimson, "This one is sorry...she did not mean to...ah...well...that is..."

Just then Kurama's eyelids fluttered, and then she glanced up towards the flustered Perfume, and then her eyebrows climbed closer to her hairline as those lovely blue eyes went round, and all at once she sat up and snarled, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I TOLD YOU CLOWNS TO FIND ME A HANDSOME MAN...AND WHO TOLD YOU TO BRING BACK A WOMAN...?"

"Oboy," Nabiki winced, "I sure saw that one coming..."

"Serves her right, the pervert," Akane sniffed, "Lusting after another girl like that, and taking advantage of her while she was sleeping..."

"What did Queen Kurama do, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked.

"What could she do?" Ranma shrugged, "The laws of her people were very specific that the one who kissed and awoke Kurama would have to mate with her. Of course nobody who wrote those rules down ever thought of a thing like this, which shows you how much those rule makers were thinking."

"Aiyaa, but Crow-girl no want be mated to Perfume-cousin," Shampoo added, "How can she make baby with other woman? It no seem practical, so she insist that kiss no count as legitimate for making Perfume her Airen."

"That hurt Perfume's feelings quite a lot, of course," Lum noted, "But being the nice sort that she is, Perfume agreed to help Kurama find the man whom she was after, which was her original intention after all, even if Perfume did come to regret it."

"Yeah, but while that was happening you guys were having problems of your own," Ranma scowled, "When that Herb guy showed up...and Kachu came looking for trouble."

"As if this one forget?" Shampoo rolled her eyes.

"The way I remember it, Darling," Lum began, "I was minding my own business, helping Darling our as we were out in the woods hunting for wild game to provide the village with some fresh meat...when all of a sudden that Tengu ship flew by and I lost control over my flying..."

"DARLING!"

Shampoo paused in what she was doing, reflexively tensing up at the familiar voice of her green haired Airen and not bothering at first to look immediately upward since she knew Lum was heading towards her, and no doubt was about to either glomp onto Shampoo or zap her with her lightning...

"DARLING-HELP ME!"

That did cause Shampoo to shoot a look skywards, and then the Amazon discovered that her Airen was not so much flying as falling straight towards her in an uncontrolled tumble, and even as Shampoo made this startling realization she found that Lum's pert rump was growing in size to cover her entire field of vision...just one instant before said vision exploded into a field of colliding stars and planets.

POW!

"Ooof!" Lum exclaimed as the breath rushed out from her lungs, but then as she got her wind back she cried in delight, "Oh, Darling, you saved me! You caught me when I was certain that I was about to be hurt...and all because something interfered with my ability to concentrate on levitation..."

"mmmmphhhmmmphhhh..."

"What was that, Darling?" Lum glanced down, finding a delightfully warm breeze was blowing up from beneath the cheeks of her fanny.

"Mmmm-mmmmMMMMMMppph!" Shampoo declared more emphatically than the first time.

"Oh," Lum belatedly got off and immediately crouched down in concern, "Are you all right, Darling? Darling?"

Shampoo lay very still and thought to herself that she might do well to play dead and see if the gods might take pity. Instead she opened her eyes and saw Lum's face filling her vision, the concern upon the lovely features of the green haired girl quelling the tart words that were on the lips of the exasperated Amazon...words that Shampoo suddenly lacked the heart to say as her protests died down like a sputtering candle.

"What happened, Airen?" Shampoo finally asked when no other words came to mind and she lacked the will to open other unvoiced issues with her alien girlfriend-  
slash-wife.

"Oh...like I said," Lum replied, "I was going along minding my own business when something flew right past me and knocked me for a loop! I suddenly found my levitation ability gave out on me, and it's a good thing you were right underneath me when this happened or I might have taken a bad landing..."

"Oh," Shampoo thought another moment, then sighed in resignation as she sat upright.

"Strangest thing," Lum continued, "I think that was a space ship that flew past me...but I didn't recognize the markings. It's not an Oni ship or any other type with which I'm familiar, but the rudeness of those people for scaring me like that! I ought to file a protest with the Interplanetary Traffic Board at Galaxy Police headquarters..."

"Airen?" Shampoo asked.

"Yes, Darling?" Lum replied.

Shampoo opened her mouth once again, only to find the words would not come out of her as she found herself staring into the eyes of the other girl, so she just sighed and said, "Which way did the sky ship head to?"

"Um...that way, I think," Lum pointed off into the distance, "I'm pretty sure it came down only a few of your earth miles from here...maybe five or six kilometers, which is pretty close on a Terrestrial level..."

"Then maybe we go see who is behind this sky ship's near-miss of you, Airen," Shampoo suggested, setting out in the direction that her wife had indicated, only to halt in her tracks with a suddenly concerned expression.

"What is it, Darling?" Lum asked as she caught the frown that her companion was wearing, "What is the matter?"

"We are not alone," Shampoo said very softly, then started forward once again, "Someone is tracking us...this one can feel it."

"Oh, that's probably Perfume looking after us, like always," Lum said airily, "You know she takes her duties very seriously, and since the Elders have charged her with protecting our marriage..."

"It is not this one's cousin," Shampoo said softly, "Perfume never makes a sound when she moves, and this person's footsteps are heavy. Also he does not walk like a woman, and this one thinks she hears faint sound of something...metal."

"Metal?" Lum asked as she matched steps with her companion.

"Like scales on a fish... or armor," Shampoo elaborated, then suddenly she quickened her pace and added, "In fact, this one is very sure she knows who is following us, and it is very important he not catch us, Airen, or he is sure to make trouble."

"You mean...him?" Lum scowled, "What does he want? I'll blast him with my lightning if he doesn't leave us alone..."

"This one does not think he will go down easy this time," Shampoo cautioned, "He moves with too much confidence, and there is no way that he could have forgotten what you did to him the last time. We must find better ground before we can turn to face him, and only then will we risk him challenging us for the right to be our Airen."

"He said he would try, didn't he?" Lum scowled, "Darling...I know your laws say that we need to take a man for a husband, but you know that I am content with you and won't have anyone else trying to force his way into our marriage?"

Shampoo raised an eyebrow to this and glanced sidelong at her Airen but otherwise said nothing.

"It's true," Lum declared, "I know you still have your doubts about me, but my love for you is not to be questioned. I will prove myself worthy to be your wife in all ways, Darling, and that includes fending off fools and pretenders like Seryo and Rei when they seek to challenge our right to be together."

Shampoo was only just starting to make sense of this declaration when she heard another sound once again and drew up short, signaling for Lum to do likewise. At first she thought the one making so much nose had to be one of Prince Herb's two henchmen seeking to cut them off and prevent their escaping his master, only the tread sounded different form that made by a man, and all at once she became aware that it was a woman who was moving with such great haste.

Another moment after this realization she found out who it was as Kachu burst out into the open with her Ch'i-Chi in hand, large as life and wearing the ceremonial robes of a Devil Hunter, which meant that she was after...

"Ka-Chu?" Shampoo exclaimed.

"Who?" Lum asked.

"Shampoo?" Kachu exclaimed as she paused in mid-charge to glance sidelong at the Amazon and her alien partner, "I've no time to talk...I must find the Enforcer before those Tengu devils...ONI!"

"What?" Lum whirled around, "Where?"

"Airen!" Shampoo cried out in warning, even as Lum moved instinctively to one side and dodged a wicked thrust of the Ch'i-Chi that missed her body by mere inches...or centimeters.

"Hey!" Lum protested.

"Die Demon!" Kachu declared as she spun her weapon around then lashed out once again, only Lum was not standing still for this and took to the sky as fast as she could levitate.

"Kachu!" Shampoo cried out, "What are you...?"

"Stay back and let me handle this!" Kachu snarled as she held her weapon up as if intending to hurl it in Lum's direction, "I know how to deal with this otherworldly vermin!"

"Vermin am I?" Lum declared in round-eyed outrage, "I'll teach you to disrupt my day out with Darling!" And with that declaration she summoned her lightning and fired off a powerful bolt, even as Shampoo sensed it coming and at once took a flying leap for cover.

Kachu immediately changed tactics and brought her Ch'i-Chi down in guard position while murmuring a hasty chant as she deflected the lightning bolt and seemingly absorbed its awesome energies upon the shaft of her weapon. To Shampoo's considerable amazement the Devil Hunter remained standing amid a smoldering pool of fused glass and burning grasses, then Kachu retaliated with a second spell that conjured up weird energies out of the very air itself as she whirled her Ch'i-Chi around, gathering momentum before hurling her attack back in the astonished Lum's direction.

"Yikes!" Lum cried as she narrowly avoided being hit by a wave of force that singed the tips of her long mane of greenish hair, and then all at once the Oni princess took hasty evasive action, darting back into the trees to provide her with needed cover lest the enraged Amazon strike again with an even more lethal attack spell.

"Come back here you fiend from the pits!" Kachu cried as she leaped forward into the branches of that tree and sliced right through the upper trunk with her deadly weapon. Once again Lum was forced to seek refuge, drawing Kachu out behind her as the two of them began a game of cat-and-mouse, Lum firing off lightning strikes that Kachu deflected as the both of them vanished shortly into the bushes.

"Airen?" Shampoo said as she belatedly picked herself up off the ground, looking on with dismay at the path Kachu had carved in hot pursuit of the Oni. A sense of dread began to overtake the purple haired Amazon as Shampoo belatedly realized that her alien wife was in serious trouble. Shampoo knew Kachu primarily by reputation, but all accounts pegged the Devil Hunter as a relentless foe who never gave up the fight so long as the demon she was pursuing still held breath, and-as she had already demonstrated-Lum was at a serious disadvantage since Kachu knew a way of countering her lightning.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo declared as she began to take a step forward, only to halt in mid-stride as she heard another set of footsteps approaching and turned around to see Prince Herb emerge into the full light of the clearing, as confident and swaggering as he had been when first she met him.

"Ignore them," the Musk Prince urged, "Either the woman will die or she'll triumph over her pursuer, and then you can be free from your worries of marital entrapment."

"What mean you this?" Shampoo frowned, uncertain of the words but quite certain that she did not like the tone he used or the likely implications.

"Surely you are intelligent enough to see what I am getting at," Herb said with a knowing expression, "I have been watching you from a distance for some days now and I believe that I have gotten a rather good grasp of your mindset where it concerns the Oni woman. You dread being attached to her because her lightning powers are so freely employed against you, but more you are uncertain about the obligations that commit you to be married to her, an alien and a woman, to say nothing of the effect she has upon your status among the Nyanchiczu."

"What about this one's status?" Shampoo asked warily.

"Oh, I think you already know what I am getting at," Herb smiled, "Being married to her means that you are bound by Amazon laws the require you both to produce offspring. This can only be done with a man in the equation, and so you must find a husband to cement your union, only he must be strong enough to face and defeat you in battle, as well as defeat the Princess Lum, so that he may jointly become husband to you both. This well suits the needs of your people since it would further elevate their status to have you bind your union to the Oni, and so your Elders endorse the basic concept...even if it means risking having me become your husband."

"You are very confident of this?" Shampoo softly sneered, only to blink her eyes and say, "Elevate their status?"

"Surely you are aware of what an asset you have been for your people through your marriage to the princess," Herb helpfully pointed out, "The men of Beijing are paying great respect to you Amazons because they fear the wrath of the Oni but even more covet having an alliance with them, and through that alliance they hope to boost their standing worldwide. That gives your Elders considerable leverage with the current regime...but how much would that leverage be transferred to the Musk were I to be the one who defeated you and Lum and so became your husband?"

"Over this one's dead body!" Shampoo snapped as she automatically assumed a fighting crouch.

"Whatever," Herb sneered, raising a fist and charging it up with Chi, "What say we test your resolve to see how much you truly mean it...but I think that you already know the outcome of this battle since you fled from me before, having tasted my Dragon Power but briefly."

Shampoo had to reluctantly concede that this arrogant male was right in that she feared him. He was literally brimming with Chi-energy and she could feel his power even at a distance, but she was a proud member of the Nyanchiczu race and would not bend the knee without a fight...especially since the thought of marrying this obnoxious prince was only slightly less disturbing than eating one of the cooking attempts of her green-haired Airen.

And so she took evasive action as she felt the initial wave of Herb's Chi powers unleashed in her direction, but though she knew that she was overmatched in this affair, still she had no intention at all of losing her freedom and would employ ever skill she had ever mastered to see to it that this would-be suitor was sent packing...

"So, you were being challenged by this Herb guy," Akane said as she and the others got ready to bed down for the night in the dojo, camping out-as it were-since it was getting very late but no one wanted to miss out on hearing the rest of this story, "Lum was being chased by this Kachu person, and meanwhile Perfume was making time with this Tengu lady, Kurama?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded as she helped Lum spread out the futon that Kasumi was loaning them for a bed-roll, "Was very busy day, and for time there this one feared she might wind up calling Dragon Boy her Airen."

"It wasn't any fun for me either, Darling," Lum assured her wife, "That Kachu was a formidable opponent, and it was a lucky thing that I survived my own encounter."

"Um..." Kasumi paused in the act of smoothing out her own bed-sheets, having already changed into a nightgown and robe as she and the others would be spending the night together, "This...Kachu...what was she like? Can you describe her?"

"Well," Lum paused to think the matter over, then said, "She was taller than me with long brown hair and a pretty good build...um...now that I think about it...she looked a little bit like you, Kasumi-chan."

"Like me?" Kasumi blinked.

"Aiyaa..." Shampoo's eyes got very round as she turned and stared at Kasumi, "This one no think of it before...but Airen right, you do look something like Kachu..."

"Now that you mention it," Ranma (who had changed to female form after Akane had protested about having a "guy" in their joint "sleepover," even one who was technically married to at least two of the women present) remarked as she studied Kasumi carefully, "The features are the same, but the aura's all different. That's what threw me before...you just don't feel at all like Kachu-  
san, and-no offense-but it is kinda hard to imagine somebody like you waving a spear around fighting demons."

"Are you saying that there's somebody out there in China who's the exact opposite of my big sister?" Nabiki marveled.

"Hai," Shampoo nodded, "Is very different...exactly opposite in every way but one. Both is basically good people, but Kachu very angry, never smile, have will of steel that come from constantly battling with Demons. Nice girl Kasumi...she smile often, and she very kind to other people."

"Just the same it's disturbing to think that there might be some kind of connection between her and that crazy woman," Lum replied, "No offense to you, Tendo-san."

"Er...none taken," Kasumi adopted a curiously thoughtful expression then said, "You know...it's very odd that you should say this...because I had a dream once that I seemed to be someone else, someone who wasn't very happy about her life but who felt bound by obligations and duty to the path her life was taking. I've always wondered if possibly I had another sister out there...I know it's silly, but the idea that maybe I had a twin somewhere..."

"Oh come on, Kasumi," Akane protested, "These Amazons live a couple thousand kilometers away from here on the other side of China. What are the odds that you could have a twin sister over there that the rest of us have never heard anything about?"

"Yeah," Nabiki agreed, "It's probably just some weird coincidence, like...they say everybody's got a double somewhere, so it's just a matter of random genetics."

"What is that again?" asked their father, who was just then entering the dojo bearing an armload of extra blankets.

"Oh, nothing much, Tendo-san," Ranma shrugged, "We're just discussing somebody we knew back in the Amazon village named Kachu, the daughter of Lore Master Silk..."

"Oh," Soun nodded in understanding, only to blink his eyes and say, "What...what was that name again?"

"Kachu?" Akane answered.

"Gesundheit," Nabiki facetiously teased.

"Is short for Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken," Shampoo explained, "Which-come to think of it-means 'Chestnuts Roasting on Open Fire' in you language, yes?"

"Yup," Ranma-chan agreed, "Only the Chinese version is even harder to pronounce, believe me..."

"No...uh..." Soun swallowed, "That...other name you mentioned?"

"You mean Silk?" Nabiki asked, only to blink her eyes and add, "Daddy...you're looking kind of pale all of a sudden."

"Er...yes, must be coming down with something," Soun dropped the blankets he was carrying and hastily turned around, "Good night everyone...see you in the morning!"

"Tendo-kun?" Genma reacted in surprise as his best friend came perilously close to running him down in his haste to leave the dojo.

"Ohhh...um...sorry about that, Saotome-kun," Soun darted around the heavyset man and kept on going in the direction of the house, pausing only to add, "Kasumi...do you know where that special flask of sake was being stored at?"

"In the usual cabinet, Father," Kasumi replied, only to pause for a moment before turning to Genma and asking, "Do you have any idea what is bothering him, Uncle Genma?"

"Not a clue," Genma shrugged, "What were you kids talking about just now?"

"Oh, nothin' much, Old Man," Ranma-chan said with patently false nonchalance, "Just mentioned Silk's name and Mister Tendo suddenly acted funny. You remember Silk, don't you...?"

"Ah..." Genma backed away with his eyes suddenly wider than his glasses, "Um...no, now that you mention it, never heard that name until now...um...you'll excuse me? Tendo-kun, about that sake...!"

Silence reigned in the dojo for several more moments before Nabiki said, "Okay, now I'm worried. What's this Silk woman like, and did our daddy ever have anything to do with her?"

"Can't say since it's never come up until now," Ranma-chan frowned, "But...now that you mention it, she always did seem to act like she knew Pop from somewhere...and her Japanese was pretty good...and she did mention that she once paid a visit to our country..."

"Maybe we find out later, Airen," Shampoo mused in soft resolution, "But first we tell what happen next so that Airen family no feel left out of story?"

"Yes indeed," Lum agreed, "For, you see, while I was fighting for my life and Darling was fighting to fend off having Herb for a husband, Perfume was busy trying to explain to Crow-Queen Kurama about the boy named Mousse who was available for claiming, but even as she laid things out she knew that her heart was not truly in it..."

"You are saying that he is chasing after another woman who rejects him?" Kurama scowled, "That doesn't sound too promising. Is he repulsive to look at?"

"Oh no," Perfume assured the Tengu queen, "Mousse is very handsome, and he's the strongest male warrior of his age group in our entire village."

"But not as strong as this cousin of yours whom he wants to marry," Kurama duly noted.

"Obviously not or Shampoo-cousin would have long ago been compelled to marry him," Perfume explained, "Our laws insist that we must submit to the man who can defeat us in honorable battle. This is so we can have strong babies and improve our bloodline..."

"That much I can understand," Kurama remarked with a suspicious glare, "But I am wondering, if he is as fabulous as you keep insisting, then why do you not seek him for yourself?"

"Ah..." Perfume winced, "This one...is not interested in what qualities Mousse possesses. He is...not what this one seeks in an Airen."

"But still you think him good enough for me, is that it?" Kurama scowled.

"Well...you did ask this one for a handsome male who could suit your needs," Perfume pointed out, "And he is the one that is most available. Seek him out yourself if you have any doubts over what this one is saying."

"That does make sense," Kurama nodded, "And if so, then perhaps this trip isn't wasted after all..."

"But Mistress," one of the talking Crows insisted, "Tradition says..."

"Hang with tradition!" Kurama spat, then pointed at the inebriated crow, "Or hang with him...your choice either way."

The elder Crow studied his dangling colleague who was trussed up with ropes and suspended from the floor in an upside-down position, then he came to the conclusion, "Um...on the other hand, perhaps there is a need here to adjust tradition to suit...necessary circumstances."

"I still say she's better off with the ax-chick-HIC!" the one crow being punished blandly insisted.

"Good," Kurama nodded, ignoring the comment (as well as Perfume's slightly pained expression), "Then we'll ignore the technical issue over who was responsible for waking me up and concentrate upon this terran male named Mousse to see if he is suitable for mating purposes. That way I can maintain my royal line and head on back to our home planet with a fresh new heir as is required by ancient laws governing succession."

"Er...very good, your Highness," the lead crow replied, but cautiously minced his words by adding, "But still...since this warrior was good enough to help in your revival, perhaps she ought to be involved in helping you find your mate since...she is not capable of fulfilling the duties that tradition would otherwise assign to her..."

Kurama grimaced in distaste but said, "Oh, very well, if I must bend that far to accommodate tradition," she turned to Perfume and said, "Tell us something about yourself. You say that you are named for body lotion?"

"Ah...no, this one's name is Perfume," Perfume answered, "And she is the Enforcer of the Joketsuzoku...she fulfills the will of the Elders of the council..."

"You mean you represent the law around here?" Kurama asked.

"Ah...in so far as it exists, yes," Perfume answered.

Kurama studied the other girl then said, "And what special abilities do you possess that qualifies you for your position?"

"This one..." Perfume hesitated then said, "Great-grandmother trained Perfume since she was very little, and this one possesses special talents that her grandmother says marks her as a Sentinel for her people..."

"A Sentinel?" Kurama arched an eyebrow as if to urge clarification.

"Perfume...this one...has very sensitive hearing," Perfume answered, "Very strong sense of smell and good vision. Can sense things others no can see as well...but also this one very sensitive to pain...is something of a problem that she overcomes through training."

"You are pain sensitive and have hypersensitive perceptions?" Kurama seemed interested, "Interesting...and what else can you do?"

In reply to this Perfume bowed slightly then made a quick motion with her hands and instantly summoned her broad-bladed double-axes, which caused a gasp of alarm among the crows, though Kurama only arched her eyebrow by a fraction.

"Assassin-Protect the Mistress!" the lead crow cried out in distress.

"Hold," Kurama urged without batting an eyelash as she seemed to urge Perfume to continue with her demonstration.

Perfume obliged the other woman by performing a quick kata with her axes, a few quick slicing maneuvers executed against the empty air, then she tossed them away from herself and caused them to arc sharply within the narrow confines of the spaceship, spinning once around the room before homing back towards their mistress, who caught them easily out of the air and made a formal salute towards Kurama before banishing these weapons and concluding with a double-fisted Amazon gesture.

"Very impressive," Kurama remarked as she got up from her throne-like chair and reached behind herself to pull out a leaf-like fan from concealment, "Now witness what I can do..." and with a quick motion with her fan she suddenly caused a wind to spring up, a powerful breeze that turned into a virtual whirlwind.

Perfume yelped as she found herself being picked up by the breeze, yet it felt as though gentle hands were lifting her from the floor, and Kurama rose with them, aiming a hand towards the roof, which opened up to permit them an access route for leaving the capsule. Within seconds they were airborne, and Perfume marveled at the power of flight that seemed to bear them both aloft high over the spaceship and adjoining nearby treetops, even as she fought against a mild case of panic at the thought of how high it was that they rose and the certain knowledge that she was fully at the mercy of her companion.

Then above the sounds of the wind filling her ears she heard Kurama say, "Which direction is your village, and where can we find my future mate?"

Perfume wordlessly pointed towards Joketsuzoku, and then they both drifted off towards that direction with Kurama being attended by her servant crows, seeming very much at home in the air even as Perfume silently wished that she had her feet well and properly grounded...

"And so they were off, huh?" Nabiki smirked, "So, did the plan work out and did this Kurama wind up taking one pest off your hands?"

"If only it so easy as that," Shampoo rolled her eyes in dismay.

"It sounds to me as if this Perfume regretted making her suggestion," Kasumi quietly observed.

"Aw, the pervert just wanted to make out with another girl," Akane huffed, glancing sourly out into the night as she and the others were reclined upon their makeshift bedding, "Bunch of sex crazed maniacs...Master Happy woulda loved 'em..."

"Maybe so," Ranma-chan replied, "But he ain't in this story yet...though, come to think of it, gramps does sound a bit like Cologne's old boyfriend. Looks old enough to be him...though that's probably just another coincidence."

"We is getting ahead of story, Airen," Shampoo gently chided, "First we tell how Airen Lum and Shampoo escape problems we have dealing with pesky Dragon Boy and Kachu, then we tell what happen when Perfume show Mousse to Crow girl."

"Darling is right," Lum agreed, "And I don't mind telling you it was touch and go for me since that Kachu person was a mean and determined fighter..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Oni Hunting Tips: shadowmane

How do Shampoo and Lum get out of their predicaments, and what happens when Perfume introduces Kurama to Mousse, the half-blind obsessive and village pest? Find out in Round Two of these engagements: "Seven Ways To Fry," or, "Far Enough from the Maddening Clouds," be there!

X 


	11. Chapter 11

LSPurple11

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

Chapter Eleven.

Counting Crows Before They Are Hatched

Qing Hi Province, China Nyanchiczu Territories

"You can't escape me, Demon!" Kachu snarled, "All your tricks cannot stave off the inevitable, and as soon as you tire of running I shall have you!"

Lum was finding it hard to constantly avoid the reach of this Devil Hunter since even her ability to fly was proving of little avail against the seemingly limitless resources and spells Kachu kept hurling in her direction.

"But I'm not a demon!" Lum protested, "I am an Oni!"

"What difference does that make?" Kachu demanded as she slashed at the Oni with her Ch'i-Chi, forcing Lum to attempt to escape by going airborne, "You are all the same, mere beasts attempting to steal the light from we humans!"

"What are you talking abou-YIKES!" Lum exclaimed in dismay as a wave of energy sliced through the air and nearly cut her in half but for her lightning quick reflexes, twisting her body in mid-air in order to avoid this fatal discharge.

"I have been well trained to deal with your like," Kachu ranted as she continued to move and attack with her chosen weapon, "I must defend the world of mortals from any and all incursions by you supernatural fiends, and a thousand deadly spells are at my disposal!"

Lum managed to get some altitude this time and started to rise farther up above the reach of her crazed human opponent.

"That's it, I'm leaving!" Lum declared as she sought refuge amid the clouds, certain that she could escape from Kachu by soaring far beyond her reach, but once again she failed to appreciate the resources of the Demon Hunter, who only saw this as yet another challenge and was prepared to counter Lum's natural advantage.

"STORM WIND HURRICANE ATTACK!" Kachu cried, charging herself up with a potent wave of Chi that she unleashed in the form of a spiraling whirlwind, and all at once the air surrounding her lifted her above the ground even as swirling winds cut off Lum's line of ascension.

To Lum's horrified amazement she felt herself being sucked back down towards her opponent, even as Kachu rose up from the ground with weapon ready to strike and with no more room for maneuvering or evasion...

Meanwhile-elsewhere in the forest...

Shampoo was discovering the hard way just how difficult it was to approach-let alone attack-an opponent who had a seemingly limitless reserve of raw Chi power and who was equally skilled in harnessing it as a weapon. No matter how she attempted to approach Prince Herb the Dragon Prince of the Musk Dynasty could still chase her off with blast after blast of powerful energy that he quite skillfully aimed with near-disastrous effect as she just barely sensed and avoided each bolt by the barest of millimeters. Several times he came close to hitting her, and one time he actually succeeded, knocking her for a loop and nearly putting her all of the way out of the battle. Only by gut determination and her natural resilience did she spring back to keep fighting, but since she was unable to approach him she could not use her primary punches and kicks against his armored body, and so she was at a serious disadvantage.

Were Shampoo less hardy or less adept at harnessing her own Chi as a weapon the battle would have already been over, but as it was she perceived that he was striking with less than his full power, almost as though he were toying with her rather than finish her off in a single assault that would overwhelm her defenses.

Herb appeared to confirm this moments after the realization occurred to Shampoo, "Of course I am trying to avoid doing you serious injury, girl...I wish to have you for a wife, not a corpse. Killing you would not serve me in any way, so I am being as lenient as circumstances require..."

"Do not do this one any special favors," Shampoo urged as she ducked behind a fallen tree, only to find her refuge was blasted to kindling by Herb's next Chi-  
bolt.

"Do not be so foolish, Woman," Herb sneered, "It would be wiser for you to surrender to me now, but if your pride insists that I fight with more effort so that you are properly conquered, so be it. The choice is for you to make...come quietly now or be prepared for a proper thrashing."

"You talk big for male who comes from line of beasts," Shampoo taunted while backing away to give herself more room for evasion, "But do you not wish this one to suffer for knocking you into pool of drowned girl? It is this one's fault that Jusenkyo cursed you..."

"True enough," Herb conceded, "But in a way you actually did me a favor. Did you know that I paid a second visit to Jusenkyo in order to seek a cure for my condition?"

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo said in surprise, for she well knew the legends that the Cursed Springs tended to thwart the efforts of those who had been cursed attempting to return there, legends that appeared to be true as her own Airen had so far failed in her efforts to again find the horrid place...

"Yes," Herb smiled, "I had to have some assistance, of course, since the Pools were somewhat difficult to find on my own, but fortunately my two servants had no difficulty leading me there. They each fell into a pool and came away with curses of their own, but that is of little consequence, for once I found myself there again a better idea occurred to me than merely attempting to use Nanniichuan to restore my manhood."

Shampoo had a nasty feeling that she knew where this was going and tensed up, but rather than renew his assault upon her the Musk Prince instead reached for a flask of water at his belt and lifted it up over his head, pouring the water over himself and thereby triggering his new transformation.

To the Amazon's considerable horror and surprise Prince Herb began to expand in size and general form to gain at least a half a meter in stature as leathery wings sprang up from his back and his features became less human, more feral. His skin seemed to glisten with iridescent scales as his eyes became cat-like and slitted and his pale salt-and-pepper streaked hair thickened to form a virtual lions mane while horns projected from his head and the prince took on the aspect of a demon.

About the only thing that softened this general effect were the generous curves that delineated his...or rather HER new figure, for her bosom swelled and her hips grew wide while her waist became narrowed with her scaly armor adjusting accordingly. She was both beautiful and repellent at one and the same aspect, a cross between something reptilian and leonine, with actual catfish whiskers projecting from an otherwise womanly face and her eyebrows becoming so bushy that you could have used them to strain rice from a bowl. Other than this the overall impression she created was a general feeling of fascination and terror, such as what real Dragons were said to produce in the ancient songs and legends.

"Well?" Herb asked in a melodious voice that was both feminine and unearthly, "How do you like me now, Amazon? Am I any more to your liking?"

"Aiyaa..." was all that Shampoo could think to say as she stared in disbelief at the transformed Musk Prince.

"And, of course, in this form I have ten times as much raw power to draw upon," Herb smiled a nasty smile as her eyes glowed crimson, "Care to test me out? Here is but a taste of what I now wield."

Instinct caused Shampoo to throw herself down and flatten against the ground just instants before a wave of hot Chi passed over her, gouging a hole out of the forest as living things either died or were scattered by the blast unleashed by the Musk Prince. Shampoo waited until the fury died out then risked lifting her head to glance back over her shoulder at the swath of carnage that had been unleashed, and suddenly it seemed as though her chances against Herb had just declined from very slight to nothing...as in the same odds of a snowflake dropped into a roaring hearth fire...

Princess Lum, meanwhile, perceived that escape from Kachu was next to impossible as this human appeared to possess the gift of flight, so rather than waste energy in a futile effort to dodge she instead reversed momentum and attacked her, throwing herself at the Devil Hunter and seizing hold of the shaft of Kachu's Ch'i-Chi.

This tactic actually surprised her foe as Kachu had not been prepared for such a bold counter-offensive, and as Lum sensed that this created an opening for her she charged herself up and unleashed a static discharge from point-blank range, this time managing to penetrate Kachu's defenses, which knocked the Devil Hunter for a loop and sent her tumbling back down to earth for a bone-jarring landing.

"Hah, serves you right!" Lum crowed with a sense of triumph, only to feel her elation die away and turn to dismay...for rather than the fall taking the fight out of the madwoman, Kachu shrugged it off and got back to her feet, glaring up at Lum almost in accusation.

"Treacherous beast, how dare you touch my sacred weapon?" Kachu thundered.

"How dare I what?" Lum said in disbelief, still holding onto the dangerous pole arm, "You were trying to kill me!"

"Try nothing," Kachu said as she reached a hand to her side and pulled out a long bow and quiver of arrows, knocking a shaft to the bowstring with one practiced, fluid movement before taking careful aim at the Oni, then unleashing the arrow but a half-second later.

It was only by chance that Lum avoided being skewered by the first shaft as she instinctively moved the borrowed Ch'i-Chi to intercept it, but the shaft must have been charged full of Chi energy because it hit with such great force that it knocked the weapon out of her hand and sent Lum spiraling for a loop, rather much line one of her kinetic discharges though it felt nothing at all like her lightning. Rather it felt as if something had assaulted her muscles and jolted her nervous system so that she momentarily lost control over her levitation and went tumbling back towards the Earth even as Kachu prepared to unleash another arrow...

To her considerable dismay Shampoo discovered that Herb's transformed state did not merely imply that the Musk Princess had even greater Chi reverses to throw around than before...so too had the warrior's speed and strength increased to superhuman levels so that Herb was able to come on at her in a rush, hammering away at the Amazon with blows and kicks that were blindingly swift and quite devastating. Just the wind kicked up by a mere miss was enough to knock Shampoo sprawling, and had the Amazon not rolled with her landing to perform a handspring back to her feet she might well have fallen in battle before their fight had even properly begun.

"You have no chance at all against me!" Herb declared as she pressed the advantage, coming on like a wave at Shampoo as though intending to end their match with overwhelming physical power, but the tactic left Herb momentarily open and gave Shampoo the room she needed to go on a counter-offensive, springing inside Herb's reach as the Musk ruler lunged forward, only to give back in dismay as the feet and fists of her intended prey rained hard against Herb's chest in a blinding series of staccato-quick impacts.

"KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!" (or the Mandarin Chinese equivalent) Shampoo cried as her attacks rang home upon Herb's body, landing five hundred and forty blows in the space of a few seconds. Then Shampoo leaped back to assess the effect of her offensive...

And gave off a curse of dismay that would have shocked her ancestors, for Herb simply straightened out and adjusted her armor as though nothing else had been the matter.

"You see?" the Musk Princess sneered, "Your strongest blows mean nothing to me. I have at least fifty times as powerful as a normal man, and ten times what I was before my transformation. Now do you see why your attacks mean nothing?"

Shampoo swallowed, unable to help but admit that Herb had a point on that very subject.

"Give up this folly and submit yourself to me," Herb urged, "You have nothing to gain by resisting me, and if you compel me to hurt you then you will have no one but yourself to blame for your intransigence."

Something rallied in Shampoo right there and then and she narrowed her eyes in grim determination. No way was she letting this male get the better of her, no matter how powerful he was...even the fact that Herb was now a woman.

"I see," Herb remarked after taking several more seconds to read Shampoo's expression, "So...you have chosen the way of pain, have you? Fair enough...then I shall begin your instruction in how a proper Musk wife should always obey and behave before their betters..."

Elsewhere at this time, on the fringes of the village of Joketsuzoku...

"That is the one you were telling me about?" Kurama asked as she and Perfume stood perched atop one of the houses gazing down at a passing Mousse, who was just then happening along the road leading towards his own family residence.

"Yes," Perfume reluctantly replied, "Mu-Tsu of the White Crane Clan, strongest male warrior of our generation."

"Well...I suppose he is handsome enough," Kurama reluctantly admitted as she watched the tall boy with the long dark hair stride past, "And he carries himself with a certain pride, almost arrogance, so I suppose he might do, if he meets up to my standards for a father of my future unborn baby."

Perfume said nothing to this, but she glanced sidelong at Kurama and felt a pang of regret over having suggested this course of action in the first place.

"Well, nothing to do for it then but go down there and confront my future consort," Kurama remarked, then she floated off the roof of the building on a supporting breeze, leaving Perfume to sigh and follow after using more conventional methods.

Kurama chose to touch down on the path directly in front of Mousse, surprising the young warrior with a casual greeting, "Young sir, am I to take it that you are named Mu-Tsu of the Joketsuzoku...?"

"Shampoo!" Mousse declared happily and all at once threw his arms about the Tengu Queen's shoulders, "How wonderful that I have found you, and I was just thinking of you and-awk!"

"Unhand me, you curr!" Kurama snapped as she planted an under-the-chin blow beneath Mousse's chin, forcing the half-blind martial artist to do exactly as he was instructed.

As Mousse went sprawling in the dirt Perfume approached Kurama and said, "This one is sorry she did not warn you of this. Mousse...has problems seeing correctly, and often he mistakes very close objects for...this one's cousin."

"Are you saying he mistook me for this Shampoo person?" Kurama asked in disbelief, "Do I look anything like her?"

"Ah...no," Perfume reluctantly conceded, "But Mousse sees better when things stand far away, or when wearing his glasses. Otherwise...people look much the same to him, and the one he wants to see is this one's cousin."

"He has bad vision?" Kurama stated, "This will never do. Don't your people have methods for correcting such deformities? It's a simple medical procedure..."

"You're not Shampoo!" Mousse suddenly accused as he shook off the effects of the Tengu Queen's blow and set his glasses into place so that he could confirm this observation.

"Such a brilliant deduction," Perfume rolled her eyes, "And here this one thought you would be embracing Perfume and calling her the name of this one her cousin."

"I wasn't speaking to you, Perfume," Mousse snapped as he got back to his feet and confronted Kurama, "Who are you and what is your business here in our village?"

"I am Queen Kurama of the Kurasutengu," Kurama declared, "And I will not be addressed so by a common male with very poor eyesight."

"I see," Mousse said softly, "In other words you're just like that Lum who's stolen my Shampoo away from me. Everyone always laughs at me because of my eyesight...well, take a look at this and see what you think!"

With a snap of his wrists the dark haired boy sent something flying in Kurama's direction, but Perfume moved quickly and intercepted the chains with one of her axes, which startled Kurama every bit as much as the attack upon her person.

"Have you lost what little sense you possessed in the first place, Mu-Tsu?" the Enforcer snapped, only to gasp as her ax was suddenly yanked out of her hand by a confident Mousse, who seemed to have anticipated her gesture.

"I wasn't forgetting about you, Perfume," Mousse sneered as he tossed the ax to one side and retracted his chains, "Or the fact that you depend on these as much for protection as for offense, and without them you're vulnerable to the slightest scratch that I could inflict upon you. What about it, Enforcer? Are you eager to wind up calling me your Airen?"

Another quick hand gesture and Mousse sent a volley of steel pellets towards Perfume, who naturally flinched as she used her other ax as a shield against these bullets, but no sooner did the hazardous pellets begin to ring against her metal but a stiff wind whipped up and deflected most of them away from the sensitive Perfume.

With a gasp the Amazon turned to see Kurama holding her fan at the ready, a fierce look in her eyes as she declared, "I think I have seen enough of his character to decide that this man is not worthy of further attention. Let us leave here and search out another candidate who has better sense and all wits working."

"Yes," Perfume bowed her head in shame as she reckoned herself to be in Kurama's debt for the rescue, "This one is sorry she even mentioned Mousse. She would not wish to inflict him upon an enemy, let alone a friend who comes to this one's rescue."

"Fair is only fair," Kurama said, "You sacrificed a weapon for me. I would call it even payment."

"Just a minute here," Mousse declared, "What are you talking about? Worthy of what?"

"Never you mind, Terran," Kurama glared and once again employed her fan, this time upon Mousse directly, calling forth such a wind that the nearsighted boy found himself being picked up like a kite and thrown for a great distance.

"Very good, Mistress," one of her Crow servants declared as they settled on a roof near to this altercation, "You blew him away right and proper."

"I was finding his presence tiresome," Kurama turned to regard Perfume as the latter went to fetch her discarded ax, "I trust that the next candidate will be more promising than that one."

"This one will try harder to please you, Queen Kurama," Perfume assured the Tengu woman, "There is other man in village, but he is Oni, not human. He is after the Princess Lum, who is Airen to this one's cousin, but he is a very handsome male whom many women want, and if he could be convinced to seek another..."

"An Oni you say?" Kurama shrugged, "Well, I suppose beggars cannot be choosers, even royalty. Show me this one who seeks the hand of a Princess...and tell me why he is here and not in the territories of his people?"

"He came to our village in a sky ship that crashed some kilometers from here," Perfume shrugged, "And he lacks the means of returning home. Other than this...his presence is most annoying."

"Hopefully not as annoying as that rude fellow was with the bad eyesight," Kurama sniffed, then waved her fan once again and called forth another wind to carry both her and Perfume into the air, the Tengu crows following after her at a discrete distance...

Meanwhile, back at the fight...

Lum tensed as the arrow flew at her with uncanny accuracy, and with nothing to deflect it's awful trajectory it was certain to find its mark in tender Oni flesh, so as a last desperate gambit Lum charged herself up for a lightning discharge and sent it towards the ground, hoping in some way to alter her fortunes as she was fresh out of alternatives at the moment.

By electrifying her personal body aura she did manage to deflect the locator spell that Kachu had charged to the arrow, as well as counteract the rate of her fall so that the arrow missed its mark by ever-so-slight a margin, but it did come close enough to graze one arm as she fell, drawing first blood in favor of Kachu though the injury was too slight to even mention.

Then gravity returned with a vengeance and Lum hit the ground with force enough to stun her, the Ch'i-Chi landing point-first a short distance away, and the moment or so that it took for the Oni princess to recover was more than sufficient for Kachu to retrieve it. Lum cleared her vision just in time to see the Devil Hunter poised over her with spear-like weapon raised to deliver the final, fatal blow, and in that instant when she sensed that her life hung in the balance one thought ran frantically through her mind, **WHERE IS DARLING...?**

As it happened that very moment a whimsical fate intervened and a very loud noise interrupted Kachu in the act of stabbing the Oni princess. The Devil Hunter turned in surprise and alarm as Shampoo burst into the clearing with something that looked like a fireball hot on her tail, so close in fact that the fringes of her Cheosang were scorched rather badly and Shampoo looking as if she had been through a forest fire, her face smudged with dirt and smoke and her body looking bruised in various places.

"DARLING!" Lum cried out to her in hope and desperation, only to gasp in dismay as something appeared hot on the trail of her Airen, a thing that looked something like a woman but with leathery bat wings, reminding her more than a bit of certain distant relations.

Shampoo was startled at hearing her name called, but even more at what she saw of Lum's situation, and without a second thought she altered her direction and came charging straight at Kachu, a sudden inspiration coming upon her as she thought to turn one pest against another.

Sure enough the ploy worked for Kachu immediately turned from Lum to regard this new menace, and with a snarl of rage she cried, "What creature is this who terrorizes a woman of the Nyanchiczu? Stay your path, Fiend from the Ninety-  
Nine hells, and be prepared to suffer the wrath of a Devil Hunter!"

Herb was only mildly dismayed to discover that some spear-waving maniac was suddenly standing athwart her path, but she counted this but a minor distraction, one easily dealt with since she was clearly an Amazon and thus beneath the notice of a Musk noble. Just how wrong she was about that was proven mere moments later when Kachu summoned up a Holy Fire, waving her Ch'i-  
Chi above her head like the fan blade of a helicopter and suddenly calling down a blazing inferno that struck Herb boldly head on and staggered her backwards with blue-white flames singing the edges of her tunic...

Shampoo wasted no time scooping Lum into her arms and getting the heck out of there, not even bothering to check if Lum might be seriously injured since the mere fact that the Oni was still alive was asking more charity of the heavens than could be expected in one day. She only hoped that Kachu would keep Herb busy long enough for them to make it back to the village, though it was easy money either way which one of these two antagonists was more to be pitied should Herb somehow defeat Kachu and become her Airen.

Only when the sounds of battle started to die off into a rumble in the distance did Shampoo slow down enough to ask, "Are you hurt, Airen?"

"Mostly my pride," Lum said as she clung to Shampoo with desperate affection, "Thank you for saving me...I was afraid I had been forgotten."

The admission fairly stunned Shampoo, who said, "Forget you? But...that was..."

"I understand," Lum smiled up at her, clearly enjoying the embrace of her wife in this strange reversal of their usual arrangement, "You were busy fighting that...whatever it is. Looks a bit like one of the Drakkun..."

"It is Prince Herb transformed," Shampoo revealed, "The Musk Prince double-  
cursed himself from the Spring of the Drowned Dragon..."

"Ah, I see...that does explain things," Lum slowly nodded.

Something about their situation disturbed Shampoo more than a little and she nervously said, "Um...are you sure you're all right, Airen? Are you able to fly?"

"Fly?" Lum asked as if the word surprised her, then she rested her head against Shampoo's shoulder and said, "Not at the moment...or walk either. I took a nasty fall back there...so maybe you had better carry me a little while further..."

Shampoo was more than a little bit disturbed by the sense that her wife was not telling her the whole and complete story with that statement, but since she could not outright accuse the Oni of deceit (or even mild exaggeration) without further proof she had to resolve to carry Lum back to Joketsuzoku, which was more time-consuming than flying but at least it gave Shampoo solid ground on which to run, which was certainly not the case when Lum was carrying her far above the treetop levels...though it did feel oddly...pleasant somehow to bear this warmth in her arms and for once be the one who was doing all the driving...

Meanwhile, as yet completely unaware of these occurrences...

"That is Rei?" Kurama blinked, "Oh my...such a handsome man! Too bad that he's an Oni or he might very well be perfect."

"Er...he does have flaws," Perfume gently reminded, "He changes shape into a large and funny looking monster, and he is not very good with words, though most people who want him seem to think this unimportant."

"I can certainly see why," Kurama fanned herself with one hand, then glanced towards Perfume before adding, "But you're not one of those who desires him? How odd..."

"Ah...yes, very odd," Perfume said nervously, "This one...does not find giant cow-tigers very much to her liking..."

"Giant cow-tigers?" Kurama blinked, then shrugged her shoulders and frowned, "Of course...the way he is eating from that table suggests that he needs a few lessons in proper etiquette...and am I imagining things or does it look as though he is...crying?"

"It is not your imagination," Perfume assured her, studying the green-haired man who was eating at a public table at the merchant end of the village, "He sometimes cries when he enjoys good food, and many woman of the village seem to take great delight in cooking his meals for him, which is fortunate since he has no money to pay them..."

"Hmmm...perhaps he does need work to polish and refine his manly virtues," Kurama scowled, "My ideal for a mate would be a man who is much like my father, a great and noble warrior from a less enlightened era. He died many Earth generations ago but his memory lives on in the accounts given of him by my mother..."

"You think maybe she might have exaggerated a little?" one of the Crows suggested, only to wilt as Kurama turned a glare in his direction.

"Hmmm...perhaps I should think about this somewhat before making a decision," Kurama said as she returned her focus back towards Rei, stroking her chin and looking deeply thoughtful, "It would be a mistake to commit myself too soon to such an important decision. Tell me, who else in this village is available that might meet with my approval?"

"Well..." Perfume shrugged, "Most Amazon men already have wives, and those who do not are mostly still in training. Mousse is the strongest of these, but him you have already rejected. And then there is Count Seryo, a recent addition to our village."

"Count Seryo?" Kurama turned to the brown haired Enforcer with a questioning expression.

"He comes from place called Jurai," Perfume answered, "And he is also pursuing this one's cousin's Airen, only he does not wish to have her for the purpose of making babies."

"He does not?" Kurama frowned in thought, "Juraian you say? Well, from what I know of their royal court good manners are bred into their very bones, but...if he is a noble of the Jurai it may mean that he also can access Jurai power, so how did your cousin ever manage to defeat him?"

"She...did not," Perfume answered, "This one did...and yes, he is powerful with Jurai force, but this one learned he has a fatal secret..."

"Fatal secret?" Kurama asked, only to blink in dismay as two figures came charging past where the two of them were standing, a pink-haired man being chased by a dusky skinned blonde Amazon who was calling out to him and frequently using the word, "Airen!"

"Get away from me!" the pink haired man frantically cried, "I told you before...I am not interested! Are you deaf or stupid or defective or something...?"

"But Airen...!" the dusky blonde woman persisted, keeping pace with the frantic nobleman despite Seryo's best efforts to evade her.

"That was Count Seryo," Perfume revealed as the wind stopped whipping their hair at the rapid passage of the "happy couple," "He does not...favor the affections of women."

"You mean..." Kurama said slowly, "He prefers men to...women?"

"Aiyaa," Perfume slowly nodded.

Kurama frowned and said, "Completely unacceptable. If these are the quality of choices that you have to provide me, then perhaps I should look elsewhere on this planet for a suitable consort."

Perfume just shrugged, "Is as you wish, but..."

All at once her sensitive ears caught something in the distance, and Perfume snapped her gaze off towards the distant forest that fringed the edges of their walled village, a sudden shift of focus that Kurama perceived in an instant.

"What is it?" the Tengu queen asked.

"Sounds of battle...very far away," Perfume answered.

"I hear nothing," Kurama perked her ears as best she could but could only hear faint noises that sounded more like the wind to her less sensitive hearing.

"Maybe so," Perfume said as she once again produced her axes, "But this one has a duty to see that nothing threatens this village, so this one must investigate and learn what is causing sounds like explosions."

Kurama studied the profile of her companion then said, "If it is as far away as you seem to suggest then it would take too long for you to go on foot. My way is much faster."

And with that she produced her fan once again, and this time Perfume did not feel like objecting as the two of them became airborne, thoughts of danger overriding other concerns as she somehow instinctively knew that her cousin and princess Lum were involved in the altercation since any other possibility was next to unthinkable in her experience of those two (literally) star-crossed lovers...

Herb was seriously dismayed upon discovering that this human was more dangerous than she had at first anticipated, and even for an Amazon she seemed to hold a nearly unlimited bag of tricks to thwart Herb's best efforts and keep her off balance. Whoever this woman was she fought like the very demon whom Herb resembled at the moment, and the longer she delayed him here the more his real intended quarry was escaping to safety.

Most likely Shampoo would flee to the comfort of her Elders, and they would no doubt insist on fair play for a Matrimonial challenge, so Herb's chances of an easy victory were soon to be thwarted, and all because of an unexpected complication in his path, the meddlesome interference of this deranged madwoman who seemed to think Herb was some manner of Devil who needed extermination.

For Kachu's part this was little more than another day on the job since battling the minions of Hell was the thing for which she lived, the singular act that gave her solitary life some meaning and purpose. Even granted that this Devil was proving more challenging than the average lot for her kind, the Amazon Devil Hunter had no doubts as to the eventual outcome. Never yet had she met a creature of the night who was her equal in combat, nor had she ever yet met with defeat at their hands (quite obviously so since she was still among the living). Therefore she fought with confidence and tenacity against that which mortal minds were wont to run screaming in terror from, all so that ordinary folk could live in peace without the dread of such monsters, and this one would prove no different in the end. All it took was for Kachu to find its one weak spot and exploit it.

Damn the woman, was she smiling? Herb could not believe such arrogance existed, not even among the accursed Nyanchiczu! Who did this woman believe herself to be that she could sneer in contempt of the Prince of the Musk Dynasty? (Well, granted a Princess at the moment, but no one would gainsay the point considering what Herb would do to them if they said to her face whatever nonsense they were thinking) No one could do that and get away with it, and so Herb fought more earnestly against her opponent, intending to punish this brazen madwoman for thinking herself the better of one who had the blood of dragons coursing through his veins and feeding him with life-giving Chi powers.

And so it was that she fired up a powerfist and hurled a massive Chi bolt point-  
blank in Kachu's direction. To Herb's considerable dismay the woman caught the bolt with the shaft of her of her weapon and braced her feet against the soil as she absorbed the full brunt of Herb's energy and dug a trough through the earth as she was hurled back for a hundred paces. Impossibly this Amazon was still standing when the force of his bolt was fully expended, smoldering a bit about the edges but otherwise unhurt, which all but frightened Herb since she did not believe such power could exist in a mortal woman...at least until this moment.

"Who are you?" Herb asked in horrified wonder, her voice raised to carry the distance.

"I am Kachu of the Nyanchiczu!" her opponent shouted back, "And if that is the best you can do, then this fight is as good as ended! IRON REED SOUL CRUSHER!"

With a single pass of her Ch'i-Chi the Amazon sent a wave of blue-white force hurtling back towards Herb, who stood her ground in disbelief until almost the last second, at which point survival reflexes took over and she hastily beat her leathery wings and took to the air like a rocket. No sooner was she airborne then Herb felt the massive wave pass under her like a raging heat wave, searing the air but leaving plant life undisturbed in its passage, a singularly impressive display in selective devastation as Herb was quite confident that she herself would not have gone similarly unaffected.

This battle was proving more difficult than anticipated, and it was eating up valuable time teaching this woman some proper manners. Herb decided to acquit herself of the fight for the time being and return to claim victory sometime later...after she had defeated Shampoo and secured herself squarely as the Amazon's lord and master.

Kachu looked up and saw that her opponent was attempting to flee and growled out aloud, "You cannot escape me, you fiend...sooner or later I will hunt you down and then there will be a retribution..."

That stated she waited a few seconds until convinced that the devil was truly gone then allowed herself to sag to one knee, no longer needing to maintain the appearance that she had not been taxed to her limits by that last attack and would need a few moments to recover before pursuing...

"Oh my...what was that?" Silk asked as she turned away from preparing supper to gaze off in the distance at something apparently only she could sense.

Well...not entirely true, for her grandmother was present and the older woman said, "You feel the surge of Chi the same as I do, child, and I fear that what we have feared has begun...though I dare say that the outcome has yet to be written."

"What are you two going on about?" Siren wondered from where she was lounging about in the house occupied by the two Lore Masters...only a moment later the Amazon Archmage sat bolt upright and gawked off towards the distance.

"Yes, you perceive it too," Lotion softly averred, "The very lay lines are being distorted by a massive battle involving two sources of great power and intensity...and unless I miss my guess..."

"And you are never wrong, Grandmother," Silk replied, then she beamed happily and declared, "My darling baby's come back to me at long, long last! Oh, I just have to get this place straightened out before Kachu gets here..."

"You do that," Siren replied as she got back to her feet, "Me, I'm going to investigate this directly..." and with a blink of her eyes she seemingly vanished from the chamber.

A moment later a familiar head timidly poked it's way into the house and asked, "Is she truly gone? Is it safe to be here?"

"As safe as it ever is, Matriarch," Lotion replied with a glance towards her former mentor, "And before you ask, yes...we know that there is a struggle going on between two masters of opposing Chi power, and it is taking place about a couple of leagues to the south in the forests of Dark Tangles."

"I feared as much," the ancient Cologne remarked as she hobbled into the room with exaggerated movements, "Dark things lay dormant in that part of the woods, and if this battle should go on long enough there is a danger that these young fools might wake the Oni."

"That old legend?" Silk asked with a sniff, "And why are you wearing that ridiculous disguise of yours around us? As if you're going to fool anyone now that we know the truth about you, especially Siren."

"I have my reasons for preserving my disguise," Cologne answered, "And as for Siren...well, I'm much too old to be playing games with her over some long-ago infatuation. I've far too many responsibilities to waste my time carrying on like the young girl I only happen to resemble..."

"When you permit others to see the real you, that is," Lotion wryly noted, "Still, what you say is right and this battle does have the potential to awaken Ganglot, even though she has probably been gathering her powers for the past three centuries for just such an occasion. There is no telling what mischief she might sow if she gets loose once again...and even I have difficulty reading what her mood might be. She was always entirely too fickle..."

"You never knew her when she was awake, alert and active," Cologne glared at her former apprentice, "And never forget her part in what became of my dear brother."

"You still hold a grudge over that after all of these years?" Silk tched, already reaching for her silver flute and preparing her travel robes as though about to go on a stroll throughout the village, "It may have been before our time, but even so the story you tell seems to make her seem more like a tragic figure rather than some wholesale menace. But still, I do need to speak with Kachu again, so...if you will excuse me..."

She took a step forward and seemingly vanished into nothing, in reality moving between the folds of space and time by a different means than that performed by Siren.

Cologne sighed, "Some day you are going to have to show me exactly how you do that."

"That girl is far too reckless and impulsive at times," Lotion sighed, turning to Cologne, "What say we join these young people and mitigate what damage we know are like to happen."

"Do you intend to use the direct method of travel?" Cologne asked with an upraised eyebrow.

"Unless you are in no great hurry to join Siren on this outing," Lotion replied as she fetched her own cane and added, "On the other hand, if we arrive late to observe the outcome of this particular battle..."

"Do what we must to restore some semblance of order to our lives," Cologne urged, "Though with that dratted floozy around making my days seem longer..."

"We'll talk about your love life on another occasion, Matriarch," Lotion urged while ignoring the way her former mentor sputtered, "But for now..." she waved her staff and the two of them vanished from the room, exactly the same as with the others.

In their absence pots and pans began cleaning themselves and minor household chores were tended to by unseen hands, and as if by magic the house shared by the two Lore Masters was put back into a state of relative order in preparation for the next time that its Mistresses would be requiring its service. Food already prepared would await their return, and no pot would overboil until it was good and ready...

"Down there!" Perfume pointed, and Kurama followed her gesture to see the pair of tiny forms moving rapidly through the forest as though pursued by something monstrous. So the alien Crow Queen angled their flight to intercept the fast-  
moving couple, taking notice that one girl was being carried by the other and yet were still moving at a very rapid clip in spite of this burden, which implied a lot about the strength and stamina of the one doing the carrying, a purple haired warrior who looked strikingly a lot like perfume, absent their differing hair colors.

So intent was Shampoo on making great haste in relative safety with the warmth of her Airen held closely in her arms that she at first did not see the couple who dropped from the sky to block their path, but then the Amazon pulled up short with a faint oath as she recognized Perfume but did not recognize her cousin's dark haired companion, which prompted her to gasp, "Aiyaa?" since she was too short on breath to say anything more coherent.

"Are you all right, Cousin?" Perfume asked, "This one heard...noises..."

"Herb," Shampoo panted, "...and Kachu..."

"Oh," Perfume's eyebrows arched as she instantly put it all together, then glanced back in the direction from which Shampoo and Lum had just fled and said, "Aiyaa..."

"So, you are both cousins, eh?" Kurama noted as she glanced from one warrior woman to the other, then her eyes fell upon Lum and she said the word, "Oni?"

"Who are you?" Lum asked, disturbed by a sense of odd familiarity that overtook her in spite of her being certain that she had never before set eyes upon this woman.

"Ah," Perfume belatedly recalled her manners, "She is...the Queen of the Kurasutengu, Kurama by name, and...this one met her in a sky ship that landed some distance away..."

"Oh?" it was Lum's turn to arch an eyebrow, "Then you are the one who caused me to crash land upon my Darling!"

"Darling?" Kurama said in surprise, then noticed the way the green haired Oni was clinging to her purple haired companion, "You mean...you two?"

"Is very long story," Shampoo panted, taking the moment to attempt to replenish her oxygen levels and her Chi as her breast rose and fell with the effort.

Kurama scowled, "How can one woman seek the company of another? Do you intend to mate with her...and if so, then how can you produce a baby?"

"Hah," Lum smiled as she leaped out of Shampoo's arms and went right up to Kurama to jab a finger at the other woman's chest, "There's lots of ways, I'll have you know, and as for why I chose Darling, she is everything that I ever wanted in a companion, and more. She is kind to me and has given me a home among her people, and she wants nothing from me due to my title, rank and position, unlike every other suitor I've ever encountered, who just want to marry me so that they can become the heir of my father's Kingdom."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo remarked, surprised at the intensity of emotion in the voice of her Airen.

"His heir?" Kurama blinked, "You mean to tell me...that you are the Princess Lum, daughter of King Invader?"

"That's right," Lum smiled as she hopped back to Shampoo's side and took her by one arm, leaning against the Amazon's shoulder with obvious affection, "And this is my Darling, Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku, the one who defeated me and won my heart through honorable combat, which is the way in which her people choose a mate...isn't that right, Darling?"

Shampoo did not answer because for some strange reason she could not get her voice box working. The warmth of Lum's nearness was strangely pleasing and yet at the same time disturbing, almost as though she were being treated to a low voltage shock by Lum's electrical abilities. At the same time Lum's words rang through her mind and suddenly brought to the fore the words Herb had used earlier when taunting Shampoo about what an Oni alliance would mean to her Elders...

Kurama scowled, "I do not understand you...but then again, I was told that you Oni are emotional creatures with very poor powers of discretion..."

Lum just stuck her tongue out at Kurama then said, "You're just jealous."

"I am WHAT?" the Tengu Queen said in outrage.

"Besides," Lum said slyly as she glanced from Kurama to Perfume and back again, "I think you already know that a woman can be an even better partner than a man...and as for the only thing that men do that we cannot, that can be overcome through special means that I have at my disposal..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo remarked, feeling even more disturbed by that particular revelation...

"So you see," Lum concluded as she put an arm around Shampoo's waist and said, "Darling and I can have a baby any time we want one, and since Darling is a member of Juraian nobility on the side of her mother..."

"She is part Juraian?" Kurama glanced at Shampoo and gave her a more thorough study, "Yes, I suppose I should have recognized...what do you mean that I already know? Know what?"

"Don't play dense with me," Lum said with a surprisingly sardonic smile, "I see the way Darling's cousin was looking at you just now, and you seem awfully familiar with her for someone who only just met. I think you two have something going down together, even if you don't even realize it yet."

"That is absurd!" Kurama spat, "Don't confuse your warped values for my own, Oni! And as for Enforcer Perfume, she is a guide for me on the Earth, nothing more than this..."

"Um..." Perfume glanced at Kurama but managed to control her own emotions as she turned her eyes skyward, "Maybe it would be best if we continue this later? This one thinks we wait too long, and we are about to be visited by more Musk troubles."

Shampoo turned a look of dismay towards the sky, then without a second's thought she threw herself and Lum down to the ground even as Perfume grabbed Kurama and leaped back from the area of assault...just seconds before a powerful Chi-bolt smashed against the ground in the space between where they had all been standing.

Herb cursed the ill luck that her initial attack had been spotted before it had been launched for it would have been too perfect had her first volley stunned the lot of those women before any of them had been braced against it. She could have claimed a defeat over both Shampoo and Lum in one stroke but for the warning issued by the brown haired girl standing next to the oddly dressed brunette, but there was nothing else to be done for the moment but to drop down to the ground and began the process of finishing what she had started.

It was about the same time as this happened when Siren and the two Lore Masters appeared at the fringes of the impending battle, with a somewhat reluctant Cologne taking refuge behind Lotion.

"I might have guessed as much," Siren declared as she glared at the transformed Musk Princess, "Starting things a bit early are we, Princess Herb? I thought you would at least have the decency to wait for a formal challenge."

"Stay out of this, Witch!" Herb snarled before hurling another Chi-bolt at the blond enchantress, but Siren merely raised one hand and easily deflected the bolt, then gave him a look that was cunning and much too confident for Herb's liking.

"Was that supposed to impress me, little man-turned...whatever you are," Siren mused, "I think we may have to come up with a whole new name for that Jusenkyo curse...perhaps the Drowned Harpy? Although, come to think of it, you look more like an Erynes..."

"You really should learn to master the art of patience, Prince Herb," Lotion spoke up before her fellow Elder could do something rash that might start a war between their peoples, "In a few more weeks you can take part in the formal challenge that we have set up with the Beijing government and prove your worth by defeating the other suitors whom we hope will come calling..."

"I don't need to wait for any engraved invitation before issuing my challenge," Herb sneered, "And don't any of you think about interfering in this matter! By your own laws a challenge once issued can only be answered by the warrior who is being challenged..."

"Yes, unless that warrior is unable to compete and designates another to be her champion," Siren cracked her knuckles as though in anticipation, "How about it, Shampoo...care to have me be your champion? I'd like to personally take this arrogant pup down a peg or two to show the Musk what a woman can do if you let her..."

"Unfortunately," Lotion sighed, "Shampoo is not yet disabled, even if she might appear to be at something of a disadvantage...yet all is not so grim as you might imagine, Child. The Prince blows hot and cold, to be certain, yet you were trained in the lore of the War Masters of the Joketsuzoku, and you know that a Soul of Ice can easily defeat a blowhard."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked as she got to her feet and offered a hand to Lum (whom she noted was no longer favoring the foot the Oni claimed had been injured).

"Use your wits, Child," Cologne said, risking Siren's attention by moving to the foreground, "Be a Rising Dragon and you can soar above such petty complaints from an allegedly stronger opponent."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo said again, then realization hit her like a blow between the eyes and she suddenly knew what had to be done to take Herb out of the fight and put an end to this battle, so she turned to the glaring Musk "princess" and said, "Herb...this one defeat you now!"

"You?" Herb sneered, "You were running from me with your tail between your legs a moment ago. Don't pretend that Amazon bravado is enough to overcome my natural advantages."

"Stop your stupid talk and fight!" Shampoo declared as she gently pushed Lum to the side and assumed a fighting crouch, her expression becoming intense as she let go of the reins over her emotions, then gently pushed everything to the back of her mind and assumed a meditative state as she diminished her battle aura and instead thought of cool ice drifting placidly over the surface of a frozen lake.

"Very well," Herb stated as she assumed a fighters crouch, but one far more aggressive than the Amazon's one-legged crane posture, "Since you are so eager to lose, I will accommodate you by making this swift and relatively painless."

Herb powered up her Chi and concentrated it into her fists, then lunged at Shampoo with blazing heat as the Musk attempted to take her out with a single blow...only to have Shampoo melt away and evade Herb's thrust with the fleetness of a shadow. Again the Musk Princess threw another powerfist at the Amazon's head but found Shampoo darted away from her with an ease that was almost brazen.

"Better move back, you two," Siren urged Perfume and Kurama without taking her eyes away from the battle, "It's not going to be very safe to stand at zero ground in another few seconds."

"By the way," Silk glanced around, "Where is Kachu? I can sense that she is nearby, but..."

"Later, Child," Lotion assured her, "Your daughter will be with us in another moment."

Perfume suddenly got a very good idea what her adopted cousin was up to and at once urged Kurama to step back from the fray, taking refuge at the distant sidelines while Lum looked on helplessly and seemed to dread the way that her purple haired wife was avoiding the thrusts of Herb's fists without counter-  
attacking.

"Darling...don't lose!" Lum cried while wringing her hands together as she urge to summon her lightning was nearly overwhelming.

"What is it?" Kurama asked as she studied the way the two combatants were moving, "Why does she dodge and not attack...?"

"Look carefully at the way this one's cousin draws the demon-Musk after her," Perfume softly explained, "She is leading Herb on by goading him to attack her."

"It's just a matter of time now," Cologne remarked, "The outcome of this battle is all but decided."

"So certain of that are you?" Lotion asked, her own expression as grave with concern as Siren was beaming with pride and confident appraisal.

All at once Herb snarled, "Stand still, you damned grasshopper!" and she unleashed a blast of Chi that came close to toppling the Amazon but for the frantic way in which Shampoo managed to leap over the blast then resume her crane-like footing.

Deciding that the passive approach would not be enough to goad the Musk-devil to do what she wanted, Shampoo decided to risk a quick attack with one kick planted squarely against the hardened jaw of her opponent, then she darted back before Herb could snatch her leg in mid-retraction, resuming her crane posture while mentally thinking to herself that it was too risky to attempt such a thing again.

Herb, of course, was not affected by the kick, except-of course-for the fact that it made her angry. With a snarl she lunged for the Amazon and almost connected with time with a fist that was glowing with raw power, but Shampoo resumed dancing away and to the left of Herb's maneuver, moving carefully in a counter-clockwise direction and leading him on into a slow and eventual spiral.

"Almost time," Cologne faintly noted to herself, then all but jumped as she felt Siren place a hand upon her shoulder as the Archmage had sidled up to her without drawing attention before this moment.

Herb was tiring of swinging her fists and missing her target and decided to take this battle to another level, so she boosted her speed with her Chi and this time managed to score a solid blow against the purple haired Amazon, knocking Shampoo to the ground and almost stunning her with a powerfist that could easily shatter granite.

The Musk Princess was about to follow up her successful attack with a finishing maneuver when Lum suddenly charged up her lightning and distracted Herb for a critical few seconds.

"Don't hurt my Darling!" Lum snarled, "Or you will face me now instead of later!"

"As if such a threat were not par for the course when it comes to such a challenge?" Herb snorted.

"Princess," Lotion tried to speak calmly, but the Oni reacted to the taunt with making good on her words, hurling her lightning at Herb from where she stood and scoring a direct hit against the Musk Princess...

Only to see her Lightning fizzle out without so much as phasing her intended target.

"I am part dragon now, and my armor serves as both grounding and insulation," Herb revealed, "Your lightning doesn't even tickle me...it's much as the principle of a metal box in a thunderstorm...the safest place in a storm is to be inside one."

"Aiyaa?" Lum exclaimed in unselfconscious mimicry of her wife's favorite expression.

"Princess," Lotion started to say when Shampoo interrupted her with a cold snarl.

"Airen...do not interfere in this challenge," Shampoo declared as she pushed herself back to her feet, then turned to regard Herb with a cold and emotionless expression, "Amazons must face their enemies without calling for help from others. This is this one's challenge match to face, and this one will defeat her foe without needing any assistance...this one vows it on the name of her ancestors."

"What?" Herb sneered, "You can barely even stand after taking that blow! I have but to hit you again and this fight is over."

"So you say," Shampoo replied, assuming her Crane stance once again and awaiting Herb's next onslaught.

"I salute your courage if not your lack of wits," Herb snarled then came on at Shampoo with the same Chi-boosted speed that she had used before, only this time the Amazon was prepared for the maneuver and darted back with twice the speed that she had employed in the beginning.

"I still do not understand what she is hoping to achieve with this," Kurama softly stated.

"You control wind, yes?" Perfume answered, "Can you not feel the currents moving with the tide of the spiral that this one's cousin is making?"

"Spiral?" Kurama blinked, then all at once came understanding, "Of course...how very clever...!"

Whatever words were next to be uttered by the Tengu Queen were drowned out as Shampoo finally led Herb to the very center of the spiral, and then all at once Shampoo stopped retreating in the face of the Musk's onslaught and instead aimed a fist skyward as she shouted out the words, "HIRYU SHOTEN HA!" in a voice that shook like the very heavens, and all at once a tornado-like funnel shot up and sent everything within the spiral soaring skyward, most especially Herb, who gasped in dismay and beat her wings to no avail to this unexpected cyclone.

Perfume had to brace herself and grab a hold of Kurama's waist lest they both be swept up into the funnel, but Lum was standing too near to the fray and had no such protection, finding herself sucked into the tornado-like column of swirling Hot and Cold Chi patterns with winds so powerful that she could hardly contend against them.

"DARLING!" Lum cried in helpless desperation.

"Airen?" Shampoo blinked, standing at the very "calm spot" at the center of her own demonic spiral, only to see Lum was having trouble flying in those winds, so without a second thought Shampoo leaped up into the funnel and allowed the winds to carry her aloft, even as Herb was already hundreds of feet overhead and fighting his own battle against these storm-winds.

"Aiyaa?" Silk said aloud as she studied the Chi currents and saw how Shampoo was attempting to negotiate her way along them.

"Oh dear," Cologne said more succinctly.

"I was afraid that something like this would happen," Lotion said gravely.

"Grandmother?" Perfume asked, "Can you do something to help Shampoo and her Airen?"

"Maybe...if my assistance is required," Siren said calmly, "But...somehow I do not think it will be...at the moment..."

Herb had just managed to recover her wits upon being surprised by the attack, but even as she narrowed her eyes and fought to brace herself against the fury of the winds she saw how Shampoo was fighting her way to the side of Lum and decided that she could yet snatch victory from the jaws of seeming defeat. Granted the woman was proving more resourceful than imagined but in the air Herb had the natural advantage.

Shampoo had only just managed to catch up with Lum when she sensed that Herb was about to renew the battle. Thinking quickly she devised a plan to finish the Musk princess off and quickly, so as she reached out towards Lum she said, "Airen-go limp!"

Lum ceased fighting against the winds and looked up in surprise as Shampoo reached her side, and then the arms of her Amazon wife embraced her and the two of them briefly tumbled in zero gravity like two leaves in the wind before Shampoo looked Lum in the eyes and said:

"Airen...this very important," Shampoo had to steel her resolve as she forced herself to say, "You must use your lightning...only let this one guide you in how it must be directed."

Lum was naturally surprised at the request but simply looked Shampoo in the eyes and said, "Whatever you wish, Darling...I am at your disposal."

Shampoo knew in advance that this was going to hurt a lot, but being off the ground meant that she would have at least some insulation, so she spoke hasty directions into Lum's ear then linked arms with her and pointed with a single gesture directed towards Herb, who was even then closing upon their position.

On the ground everyone seemed tense as even the Lore Masters studied the battle as Herb swooped down upon the two seemingly hapless women (who to all appearances seemed to be holding each other in the manner of a dance maneuver) when all at once Lum's lightning erupted, directed by Shampoo in the form of a short-range mini-funnel as hot and cold Chi intensified the lightning and struck Herb like a fist, knocking the winged Musk prince for a loop and sending Herb tumbling towards the ground like a fallen comet.

"Well now," Siren mused, "That was rather unexpected..."

Perfume said nothing but she held her breath as the spiral finally expended its energies, and then Lum dropped to the earth with a limp Shampoo cradled in her arms, gently setting the purple haired girl down and cradling her in her lap as Lum embraced her. Even Kurama found herself moved by the sight as Lum held onto the Amazon and cried a plaintive, "Darling? Darling!"

"Your Airen lives," Lotion revealed as she approached the Oni princess, "A rather reckless and impulsive display of bravado and tactical brilliance if I may say so myself, though it proved to be more than I think even Shampoo was prepared to handle."

"Thank the gods for this," Cologne breathed, then tensed as Siren gently squeezed her shoulder with a reassuring smile that was almost predatory.

"How long with Shampoo be out, great-grandmother?" Perfume asked as she started to relax, only to start as something came crashing through the bushes.

Silk heard the sounds too and smiled, "Kachu...where have you been all this time, girl? I've been so worried..."

"Not now, Mother," Kachu took in stride the presence of so many family members gathered in one spot, then noticed that the one whom she had been battling before was on the ground and not moving, so instead she turned to her original quarry and raised her Ch'i-Chi with the intent of using it as she snarled, "Now I have you, Oni!"

"Hold!" Lotion directed with her staff, "You are not to renew hostilities with the Princess Lum, great-granddaughter."

"What?" Kachu balked, "But...she's...!"

"Our guest, to say nothing of being Shampoo's wife and the heir to a foreign empire," Siren informed her, "She may be Oni but she has the full protection of the council, which means, Devil Hunter, that she is not for killing."

"But...but...but she is an Oni!" Kachu repeated as if this were sufficient grounds for disobeying the will of her Elders.

"Rather quick to grasp the obvious, isn't she?" Kurama said in a dry tone of voice that went ignored by the others.

"Nonetheless, Daughter," Silk said as she approached the Devil Hunter, "You must refrain from attacking her since she belongs to Shampoo and is the legally recognized great-granddaughter-in-law of the Matriarch herself. Princess Lum is an Amazon by adoption and may not be harmed by you in any way...is that understood, Kachu my darling?"

"I...no...I do not understand," Kachu replied, "But...I will obey you, Mother, even though it goes against my training."

"Splendid," Siren smiled, "Then why don't we let bygones be bygones and put this matter behind us. You can make amends to Shampoo and her Airen when they are both recovered and..."

"Watch out!" Lotion suddenly cried, just an instant too late as a Chi bolt struck Kachu from behind and knocked her for a loop, momentarily losing consciousness.

"Damn you all!" Herb declared, having gotten herself back to her feet and glaring balefully at the Amazons all around her, "I'll not be denied what is mine by rights by some spear-wielding maniac styling herself an Amazon...um...why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Why else do you think, Boy?" Cologne replied, "You just attacked a Devil Hunter from behind and defeated her...which I think constitutes a rather informal challenge."

"I quite agree," Siren scowled, "And if it had been a direct strike then I, for one, would already judge you to be her lawful Airen."

"Fortunately your treacherous assault does not make for an actual defeat," Lotion noted, "But now honor will demand that you must settle things with Kachu through formal ritual combat, and if you manage somehow to defeat her once again..."

"Aiyaa," Perfume remarked, even as Kachu groaned and started to recover.

"WHAAAT?" Herb reacted in dismay, "Me...marry that...that...Harpy? You must be joking!"

"Then fight her and lose if you want to be separated from my daughter," Silk said coldly, "But I will not have Kachu disgraced for the sake of your pride, Prince, so I will insist on a rematch just as soon as my daughter regains her full combat potential."

"What are you jabbering about, Mother?" Kachu groaned, then turned to regard Herb and instantly reached for her weapon.

"Stay your hand," Cologne ordered, "Things are not entirely as they appear at first glance."

"What?" Kachu spared the Matriarch a disbelieving stare, "Are you telling me this...this monstrosity...is also under the protection of the Council?"

"No," Siren said as she moved her hands to form a ball of water out of the moisture in the air, and then she heated it with her magic before tossing it off at Herb as she added, "But perhaps this will help to explain your present dilemma."

Her reacted to the hot water with recoil as she felt it change her back to her proper gender, and then the Musk Prince took on the contours of a man with such suddenness that Kachu could not help but gasp in dismay as she measured the implications.

"You mean...all along that sense of evil I have been feeling...is on account of Jusenkyo?" Kachu blanched.

"The very same," Lotion replied, "And the one you have been attacking all along is none other than the Prince of the Musk Dynasty in his cursed form...which means that you have come perilously close to making him your Airen."

"AIYAAA?" both Herb and Kachu said together as they exchanged horrified glances, and it was an easy toss up which of them was more dismayed at the prospect.

That was when Shampoo began to stir back to full consciousness, awakening to find herself in the arms of an anxious Lum, who asked her, "Are you all right, Darling?"

"This one will live," Shampoo replied, forcing herself to get up from her admittedly comfortable perch and stand on her own two feet (with a bit of Lum's assistance).

"And a good thing it was at that," Cologne remarked, "You took an awful risk at the end there, Shampoo, but it seems that your tactic paid off as you had intended.

"A hand well played indeed, young War Master," Lotion complimented, "Combining the Hiryu Shoten Ha with the talents of your wife produced the needed effect to defeat the Musk Prince's formidable defenses."

"What are you talking about, old woman?" Herb snapped, "She may have overwhelmed me but the effort clearly knocked her out as well, and since I recovered first that means that I should have the advantage."

"Not so, Prince," Siren smiled, "You didn't knock Shampoo out...it was Lum's electricity that temporarily overwhelmed her, and since Lum came through it without loss of consciousness she naturally has the advantage, as well as proving what a formidable team they make together, and even you must concede that."

Herb scowled but said, "I will concede only that this fight ended in a draw...but the next time I will be better prepared. Think well on that when next our paths cross..."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Silk smiled, "You challenged my daughter...that means that you must first deal with her before you can issue a rematch to Shampoo or her Airen."

"URK!" Herb halted in the act of turning about to stalk off in a princely fashion. Instead he turned a dismayed look towards the equally dismayed looking Kachu, then reluctantly swallowed and said, "On second thought...maybe we should all forget that the whole thing happened and leave it at that...agreed?"

"Agreed...so long as Kachu herself consents to letting the matter go unnoticed," Cologne replied while managing not to smirk.

"Um...yes, of course, Elder," Kachu replied, giving Herb a very reluctant glance before saying, "It was a good fight...but for the sake of all concerned it never happened."

"As if I would wish to remember," Herb averred, pausing to give the Demon Hunter a curious look before averting his stare and stalk off back towards the forest.

"Well then," Siren clapped her hands with a satisfied expression, "All's well that ends well, as they say in the West. So, who's up for a victory celebration for this alleged incident that we all agree never happened?"

"One moment," Shampoo turned around to confront Cologne, "Great-  
Grandmother...this one has a question..."

"Indeed?" Cologne asked, "What about?"

"Is it true that this one's marriage to Lum-Airen is of great tactical advantage to the Nyanchiczu?" Shampoo asked, "Is it good for the status of the tribe...and is this the reason that you consented to Shampoo's marriage to Lum in the first place?"

Cologne seemed surprised by the question, but Lotion answered for her, "You deserve to know the truth, Child, and you are quite correct in that it is a boon to our people that you remain with your Airen, though that is far from our only reason."

"This one thought as much," Shampoo scowled, "And never once was it considered important that this one know why her marriage to Lum-Airen was sanctioned...only that she remain so to please the men of Beijing as well as the Oni."

"That's the way the world works, I'm afraid," Silk replied with a sympathetic nod in Shampoo's direction, "It's not that your sentiments have been totally ignored, or that your feelings of reluctance have been completely unnoticed..."

"Oh, say it like it is," Siren huffed, "You know perfectly well that their marriage started out as a matter of convenience for all concerned parties but Shampoo...but since that time I think that you and Lum have begun to form a closer bond through understanding, or am I reading too much into the way you were willing to rush to Lum's rescue when she was swept up into the funnel?"

Shampoo said nothing, but Lum just smiled at her and said, "You were never a matter of convenience to me, Darling. I've known from the beginning that you were the one for me, and one day soon I hope that you will admit it."

"Aiyaa," Perfume said aloud, slowly absorbing the elements that had been revealed here and giving a sympathetic look towards her adopted cousin.

"I don't see what all the fuss is about," Kurama sniffed, "Most marriages among nobility are matters of convenience, such as unions of state or-as in my case-  
-the need to secure an heir for my bloodline. That is why I am here, after all, to seek out a man who can give me a child that I need for my right of succession."

"Is that all you need?" Lum smiled, "Then I think I can help you out there. I have a device that I managed to salvage from my ship that could prove the answer to your search for a husband, and if you would be willing to wait for a bit I'll go and fetch it for you."

"A device you say?" Kurama asked in curiosity, "Of what type and nature?"

"It's a surprise," Lum winked, giving a coy look towards Perfume that caused the Enforcer to feel her heart skip a little.

"Perhaps you had best put off your generous gift for a bit and tend to your own situation, Princess," Lotion urged, "Or did anyone besides me happen to notice that we are suddenly one party member absent?"

"Eh?" Cologne glanced around then said, "That's odd...where did Shampoo get off to?"

"Darling?" Lum asked in surprise, glancing around before crying out, "Darling!"

"My guess is she's headed for the border," Siren noted with a sad little smile.

"Eh?" Kachu glanced towards the Archmage, "Why do you think that?"

"Oh, just a hunch...or maybe a family trait," Siren said with a sardonic look in Cologne's direction, "After all, members of her line have been known to turn tail and run for sanctuary when confronted with a situation that's not entirely to their liking."

Cologne glared back at her blonde contemporary but merely said, "Perfume?"

"I know, Great-Grandmother," Perfume sighed, already moving forward, "I will find her and return her to Princess Lum shortly..."

Nerima, Japan-Tendo Dojo, Late at Night:

"And that's the reason you tried to flee from your Amazon people, Shampoo-san?" Kasumi asked.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded, "It was too much in one day...this one needed time to think, and maybe put some distance from source of troubles. No mean to desert Airen, but Shampoo no like thinking her marriage nothing more to Elders than something do to raise standing."

"Can't say I blame you there," Nabiki yawned and stretched, leaning back on her borrowed futon, "Still you know that cousin of yours would catch up with you before you got to the borders, and then your wife came and collected you, so you were right back at square one."

"Not entirely," Lum replied, "Because after I caught up with Darling we had a long and serious talk in which I finally convinced her that I was entirely sincere about wanting her to remain my Darling. I knew all along about the political intent and machinations of both of our peoples but that never meant anything to me since all I wanted was someone whom I could care about and who could care about me, and I knew from the way she twice came to my rescue that I had chosen the right woman to be my beloved life mate."

"But what about that Crow girl...and this Perfume hentai who was lusting after her?" Akane asked, "How was their problem solved, or did it ever get resolved?"

"Oh, it resolved all right," Shampoo smiled, "You see...Archmage Siren make suggestion that crow queen stay and share a banquet, and after being honored she retired for the night to hot springs bath at edge of village. Perfume with her when make suggestion that she give Kurama massage...and that what get things moving between her and Kurama..."

"Ohhh...by my ancestors..." Kurama said as she lay face down on a blanket while Perfume worked her hands over her body, "...you do that so good...Goddess! That feels...very good indeed..."

"This one glad that her efforts meet with your approval," Perfume said in a breathy voice, unable to help savoring the physical contact that rubbing oils into Kurama's smooth skin afforded to them both, and the more she worked her fingers over Kurama's luscious body the more the hunger to savor this contact took Perfume like a heavenly possession.

"Oh...how do you know...aaaahhh...just where to apply such pressure?" Kurama sighed, moaning softly as the Amazon continued to stimulate sensitive nerve endings, eliciting a thrill of genuine pleasure that the Kurasutengu woman had never imagined could be experienced with another woman.

"Perfume study many scrolls and learn many useful techniques for working with the flow of energy currents in the body," Perfume answered, "This one...very knowledgeable about human anatomy..."

"Of course," Kurama faintly murmured, "It must make you a more effective assassin."

"Ah...this one does not kill without reason," Perfume assured the woman whose body she was playing like an instrument, "Nor does she intend harm to Kurama. What this one meant to say was that her learning pressure point techniques makes for...a most effective study of stimulating the healthy flow of current throughout the body."

As she spoke these words Perfume pinched an especially sensitive nerve cluster and caused Kurama to groan in dismay, feeling waves of pleasure tingling all throughout her nervous system.

"Goddess!" Kurama exclaimed with faint disbelief in her expression, "I see what you mean...and most effective indeed..."

"You like more?" Perfume asked, taking the Tengu's silence as assent so that she moved her fingers to yet more sensitive places.

"Oh?" Kurama's eyes widened, then she closed them once again and said, "What...whatever that was...please do more of it, I command you!"

"As you wish," Perfume eagerly smiled, thinking to herself, **Time to see if Grandmother's scrolls on Tantric and Kama-Sutra nerve techniques are effective on half-human Tengu...**

And so she moved her fingers even lower and began to touch Kurama in areas that had been avoided until now, and then Kurama really gave a gasp of amazement and said, "That...that wasn't what I think it was...?"

"You like?" Perfume asked with a smile, moving a finger up and down the sensitive slit of the half-breed alien girl before eagerly adding, "If you do not like, then tell this one to stop and she will do so."

Of course, as she said these words, Perfume knew them for a lie since she was much too excited and hungry at this point to turn away, even if requested, but as Kurama did not order her to cease and desist the point became completely academic as Perfume brought her mouth into play and began kissing the Tengu Queen on a particular spot located upon her rump that was said to be the "Awakening Point" that would ease inhibitions and turn even a timid girl into a raging sex wanton...

Kurama was about to get a royal education, and it began with soft and sensitive stroking, working its way up with increasing intensity until she was ravishing Kurama's body with a hungry mouth that added fire to the work already performed by her fingers. The Tengu Queen lost all pretensions of disinterest in other women as she surrendered herself completely to the amorous Enforcer, and soon she had Kurama kissing her back from the mouth to the loins before the two of them settled into a classic "sixty-nine" position and began ravishing each other from the beginning of the night until way early in the morning...

"Whoah," Nabiki said with rounded eyes as she attempted to mentally picture the image that was conjured by the words of Lum and her Airen, "So Perfume finally got some, huh? Good for her...I really hate stories in which characters run around in a perpetual state of sexual frustration."

"What do you mean by that, Nabiki?" Akane asked in surprise.

"Oh...nothing," Nabiki smirked, "I'll explain everything to you when you get older."

Akane just scowled back and muttered the word, "Hentai..."

"The point is," Ranma said, "That this was Perfume's actual first time getting off with another girl, and once she had a taste of what Kurama had to offer she knew she wanted more, even though Kurama had to eventually return home to her own people."

"But how did this solve her problem about making a baby?" Kasumi wondered.

"Oh, sometime during the night I showed up to find the happy couple sleeping peacefully in each other's arms," Lum grinned, "Naturally I thought I could spice things up a bit and give them both the means for extending their pleasure..."

"Sorry if I've awakened you," Lum apologized, "But I have something important to share, if you have no strong reservations to accepting my assistance."

"What do you mean, Oni?" Kurama asked as she combed hair out of her eyes and studied the halfway visible princess who stood framed against the darkness.

"What do you mean to share?" Perfume asked as she looked up at Lum in a similar state of nude and supine reflection.

"Just this," Lum held up a strange device in one hand and pointed it at Perfume before depressing a button.

All at once a glow bathed the Amazon in weirdly tinted light, and all at once her form began to alter, growing larger and proportioning itself differently, and all at once her large breasts began to flatten into hard pectorals, and other anatomical differences became apparent beside this.

"The effect is only temporary," Lum said as she shut off her device, "But it should last long enough to suit your needs if you act quickly."

Perfume glanced down at herself in dismay, discovering something that was throbbing from between her legs that should not have been there...yet quite obviously was, and growing to a size that was frankly unbelievable. Then she...or rather HE turned to Kurama as the latter touched his chest as if seeking confirmation. There was sufficient light for them to see one another without any problem, but what Kurama saw there when she stared Perfume in the face caused the Tengu to gasp and feel her pulse quicken in renewed and intense feelings of lust and desire took hold of her, for the male version of Perfume was every bit as attractive as her normal female self, and so Bishonen that Kurama melted inside at the prospect of having his manhood fill the crevasses of her body.

Without a word she and Shampoo came together, and as Lum levitated back off into the night she could hear the sounds of returning ardor as Perfume and Kurama began to explore this new aspect to their relationship, and soon the night was filled indeed with cries of such intensity and fervor that Lum herself felt cause to envy...

"Whoah," Nabiki said once again, "Guess I never saw that happening..."

"How wonderful," Kasumi smiled, "You must have been very happy for your cousin finally finding what she wanted in a companion."

"Yeah," Ranma grunted, "Too bad it couldn't last, but the next day they ran tests and showed that Kurama-san was pregnant by Shampoo, so she had to return home to her people in order to properly raise their daughter to be the heir to the throne of the Tengu..."

"I wish that you could come with me," Kurama sighed as she was held in the embrace of Perfume (nor fully restored to her proper gender), "I would that the laws permitted it...and I am missing you already..."

"This one knows this," Perfume replied as she savored the warmth of the woman in her arms and felt incredibly protective towards her...and to the precious life package that Kurama carried within her body, "You will not forget this one when you travel?"

"Never," Kurama replied, "And if I can someday return to visit you I will do so...but in the meantime, I wish to make a request of you."

"Which is?" Perfume inquired.

"You have shown me a world that I never knew could exist until I met you," Kurama smiled, "And it would be a shame to let your skills atrophy in my absence...so...if you meet another woman in the future who...interests you, I want you to make love to her as if you were doing it with me...that way I can be sure that you'll be a more accomplished lover the next time I see you."

"Aiyaa?" Perfume replied, staring at Kurama as though the request was fully unexpected.

"Don't be so shocked," Kurama's smile took on a more mischievous expression, "Surely you don't expect me to remain celibate pining for you in your absence. I mean to enjoy myself, which means that you should enjoy yourself too...I fully command it."

Slowly Perfume nodded then said, "If that is what you wish...Airen...then this one will do as you have requested."

"Good," Kurama nodded, "Just don't enjoy yourself too much while I am away, and you better be looking forward to my return when I come to collect you."

"This one will wait for that day," Perfume replied, then added, "Thank you."

"For what?" Kurama replied, "I am the one who should be thanking you for helping me to achieve my mission...and for showing me that sex is not all about procreation. Until we meet again...Airen."

Perfume sighed then reluctantly let the Tengu Queen go, watching as Kurama re-  
entered her space craft and then soared off into the heavens, leaving behind a promised wife and a world of pleasant dreams that would warm Perfume's nights for many months to come yet...

"How wonderful," Kasumi smiled, "I always did love happy endings."

"Oh, this story is far from over yet," Lum assured them, "In fact we're still some weeks away from the point when our husband finally enters the story."

"Yes, Airen," Shampoo nodded, "But before this happen maybe we tell them about the war against the gods that you dragged this one into, the day Perfume-cousin met you friend, Benten?"

"Of course," Lum agreed, "But maybe we should save that one for later. After all, it is late and we have been talking non-stop for the entire evening."

"Get no argument from me there," Ranma-chan yawned and stretched a little, "Things'll keep until the morning, and then we can tell you all about that so-  
called war in the morning."

"So-called war?" Akane asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"We'll tell you that around breakfast," Lum winked, "But until that point...see you people in the morning."

"Goodnight everyone," Kasumi said pleasantly before turning and blowing out the lantern that had provided their illumination ever since they had lost electrical power to the house...a singular fact that would prove fortuitous in the very near future...

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Transvestite Amazon Love Secrets: shadowmane

Shampoo and Perfume get drafted, and Lum discusses with her Airen the prospects of adding a new wife to their mixture in, "War of the Gawks," or, "Seven Lucky Ways to Get Laid." Be there...

X 


	12. Chapter 12

LSPurple12

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT!  
CONTAINS SCENES OF A SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC NATURE INSINUATING HANKY-PANKY AT WORK THAT MIGHT OFFEND THE PANTHEON IN WHICH YOU MAY OR MAY NOT OFFER TRIBUTE,  
SO CONSULT YOUR PRAYER GUIDE AND SEE IF THE FOLLOWING EVENTS STRIKE YOU AS KOSHUR-YOU HAVE BEEN DULY ALERTED...

Chapter Twelve.

War Among The Heavens (Or: "Is This Any Way To Celebrate Setsuban...?")

Nerima Ward, Japan Tendo Dojo-The Present:

"Airen? Is you asleep?"

"No," Lum said sleepily, "I always talk in my sleep. What do you want, Darling?"

Shampoo propped herself up on one arm and stared at her wife in the darkness, seeing only the vague impression that one might see when their eyes had adjusted to dim lighting, and then she smiled, "Is business we come for."

"Oh," Lum had an easier time making out the knowing smirk upon the face of her wife, but then again her eyes were adapted for night vision, so without another word the two of them slipped out from beneath their bedsheets and tip-toed out of the dojo, careful not to wake any of the Tendo sisters or their distaff husband, though once outside they paused to give an indulgent look in his/her direction.

"Husband is always so cute when she like that," Shampoo murmured softly with a grin.

"I know exactly what you mean, Darling," Lum replied before offering a hand to her purple haired companion, who accepted it without the slightest hesitation, and then the two of them rose up into the night, seeking refuge on the roof of the Tendo house where they could speak at leisure without being overheard by parties best excluded from their conversation.

Little did either of them suspect but that one of the Tendo sisters had stirred to a restless wakefulness and had watched them moving off in a conspiratorial manner. She waited until the two foreign beauties were no longer in sight then slipped from her own covers, seeking to exit the dojo but for a very different purpose.

Nabiki waited until she had crossed the distance from the dojo to her house before allowing herself to say, "Oh Kami...I thought they'd never leave...now I really need to find the privy..."

She had to go in the worst way possible, but this was not the sole reason for returning to the house since what she needed most was privacy so that she could relieve her other urges, the ones that could not be settled in the company of others. Listening to the stories told by Lum and Shampoo had been surprisingly moving for the middle Tendo sister, but mostly for the way mental images kept cropping up the whole time that she had been sitting and studying the gaijin women with growing appreciation of their positive qualities and general assets.

"If Akane knew she'd call me a hentai," Nabiki sniffed in amusement, though in truth she did not relish the idea of what her sex-shy little sister would have to say, all the more reason to hide away her need for some generous self-  
attention before she literally exploded with lust, her long-hidden secret bisexuality having reared its horny head the longer she tormented herself with thoughts of what it would be like to be included in that Ranma's little threesome...

Unbeknownst to Nabiki her two sisters were having similar difficulties finding sleep, though for each of them the cause was somewhat different, mainly in that Akane felt uncomfortable about relaxing in the presence of a couple of girls who openly professed to enjoy a same-sex marriage.

(Hentai...that's all they are,) she thought dismissively while staring up at the ceiling, (So what if they want to do some perverted stuff together when they should be sleeping. I'll bet they're just waiting for me to relax so they can sneak up and ambush me. That talk earlier about including me in their little harem...it's disgusting! And what's taking them so long anyway? Are they gonna do it when they get back? If so, then I'll show 'em that I'm not like them...I'll wait here until the last moment and when they try and molest me-  
POW! That oughta learn 'em...)

In Kasumi's mind, however, a very different line of thought prevailed...

(All of my life I have wondered if I might have another sister somewhere,) she thought as she tried to imagine what this Kachu person would look like, (I know it's silly, but...I can't help feeling as though I already know her...like looking into a mirror and seeing my own reflection...and she's a Spiritualist no less...that sounds so exciting! I wonder if she looks as proud as mother sometimes looked in those old photos from her days with the military? I wonder...I wonder if she would like me...if we ever happen to meet...)

Of course her thoughts also sometimes strayed a bit to the subject of their unusual houseguests...

(That Ranma is so very handsome...and the way he speaks and acts with such confidence and self-assurance...he seems so...mature and manly! And his...um...wives...they're so beautiful and affectionate with one another...they seem so nice, and they're very lady like...not as wild as they seem to be in their stories. I wonder...is it proper? They seem so happy together...but...do they really mean it when they say that they want one of us to join their union? Of course they mean Akane, but still...)

Ranma's thoughts-such as they were-were a kaleidoscope of memories and images as her brain did its usual nocturnal memory dump, but some of those images were full of highly charged eroticism, of beautiful and amorous girls with green and purple hair who could be quite demanding in their affections, and yet in pleasing them Ranma always found great contentment...

Meanwhile the objects of her dreamy affections were currently squatting down on the roof to huddle in conspiratorial tones as Shampoo began their meeting by asking, "So...what do you think of our newest candidate, Airen? Does she meet up with our standards?"

"I see much that I like about her," Lum conceded, "But she's obviously not ready for us, and you heard how she keeps using the word Hentai?"

"She has what our husband would call 'issues,'" Shampoo slowly nodded, "But perhaps that is as much from having Demon Pervert Master for instructor...maybe she see perversion in everything, and maybe she just needs coaching to learn different?"

"Perhaps," Lum mused, "You have to admit, she might well be worth the effort."

"But it would be best if we no rush her into this," Shampoo cautioned, "Remember how this one was when you came onto her and tried forcing Shampoo to like you?"

"I do indeed, Darling," Lum sighed, "So...I guess we should try and exercise the art of patience."

"Is no rush," Shampoo smiled back, "We have time before great-grandmother come pay us visit. In mean time, what think you of other sisters of household?"

"Well," Lum leered, "I rather like the middle one...she's clever and seems to have a nicely developed sense of humor, and I could tell that she was interested from the way she kept looking at us while pretending to be aloof and unaffected."

"True," Shampoo could not help but grin when she recalled the short-haired girl with the long and lanky figure, the girl with a sardonic grin and a body that offered many interesting possibilities, and whom both she and her wife could sense was nursing hidden urges very similar to those of a certain Enforcer of their mutual acquaintance. Shampoo gave Lum a knowing smirk and said, "If you want to choose her, Airen, then this one would have no strong objections."

"But she's obviously not a fighter," Lum concluded sadly, "And great-grandmother would never approve of her for that reason..."

"Is no necessarily so," Shampoo replied, "Is possible that she has gift to become Lore Master, and if she had training then she would be a worthy match for either one of us. Many families would desire to have a strong Lore Master bond to them in marriage..."

"You think so?" Lum grinned anew, "Then let's keep her as one possible option. So...what about the older sister?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured softly, "She very beautiful, very, very nice girl...maybe make much fun in bed. No know what hidden talents she have, but if she like Kachu only nicer..."

"I could certainly warm up to having her cook our meals morning and evening," Lum remarked, then hastily added, "Not that I have any complaints about your cooking skills, Darling."

"Then only question is...what will husband say to any of three sisters?" Shampoo mused.

"Perhaps we should ask him when he wakes up," Lum suggested, "Of course he defeated Akane after she beat the both of us in combat, and you know what great-  
grandmother would say to that..."

"Maybe true," Shampoo said, "But he no seem to like Akane...maybe just need time to get to know her. Anyway, is his decision to make which girl of Tendo house we marry."

"After we've helped him decide on the correct one, of course," Lum nodded.

"Of course," Shampoo gave a fond smile as they both glanced back at the dojo, "After we help him decide who is best for family...it goes with no saying..."

Unaware that her possible fate was being debated even then right over her head, Nabiki exited the privy feeling only partially relieved as she headed for the stairs and her bedroom, intending to masturbate like crazy until she got it out of her system and never expecting that anyone might be waiting for her until she stepped into her room and halted in her tracks with the flaring up of all of her instincts.

"Who..." she asked as she reached for a light switch, only to have her hand stopped partway by an iron grip that was strong and well callused.

"No bother with light," a stranger said whose voice was almost identical in tonal quality and accent to that of Shampoo, only slightly deeper, "We have talk, yes? And no bother screaming."

Nabiki reflexively tensed up and prepared to do just that when another hand clasped over her mouth, and then a flash of metal caught her eye and she stared in shock and disbelief at an object that caught a faint gleam of light from outside, revealing a contour that was unmistakably crescent-shaped.

"You know that this is and what this one can do with this?" the stranger asked, then nodded as she saw the comprehension in Nabiki's widened eyes, "Is good, because this one no want make threats, but she ask that you no make noise that might disturb cousin. This one is sorry if she intrudes on you house, but need to talk means this one be rude for now...and for very good reason."

The hand was removed from her mouth and the ax vanished altogether, but Nabiki felt her tongue too thick to make adequate sounds as a face moved close to her and revealed a profile that was almost identical to Shampoo's, differing only in minor details that suggested that they were related.

"Nihao," she said, "You know who this one is, and she know you name is...Tendo Nabiki."

Nabiki's eyes were wide as she indeed knew who this was and spoke her name aloud at the level of a whisper, "Perfume?"

"Is close enough," the other girl replied, "Name sound odd on tongue of Japanese girl...but this one no so good with you tongue, so...we compromise, yes?"

Nabiki swallowed on a dry mouth and tried to croak out the words, "What...what are you...?"

"Do in you room?" the stranger answered, "This one...apologize...is right word, yes? On important mission for elders when hear cousin and her Airen tell story. No can come near...great-grandmother tell Perfume no reveal presence...but this one hear very good, no have to be near to observe family called Tendo. This one decide she want know closer one called Nabiki..."

"Me?" Nabiki blinked, "You wanted to talk to me? Why?"

"This one...very curious," the other girl said with a lilting hint of amusement in her voice, "She want to see what is like to live life as Japanese girl. Caught you scent earlier and like what she smell, so come here to study, get feeling of how you is, see if match with this one's expectations."

"And?" Nabiki asked, feeling her heartbeat quicken like crazy.

"This one...very satisfied," the other girl replied with a predatory expression, "You is very interesting girl...even for Lore Master."

"Me?" Nabiki squeaked, feeling like the canary to a very hungry cat, "You've got to be kidding! I'm not a..."

"Maybe no now...but maybe later," the other girl mused, "Is for great-  
grandmother to decide, and maybe this one's Elder Lotion."

"But...but why are you here?" Nabiki all but squeaked, "I thought Shampoo said that you were still back home in China?"

"Is best she think so for now," the other girl answered, "This one has reasons for no telling cousin that she here in Japan. Is will of great-grandmother, and Perfume do what Elders tell her."

"Because you're their Enforcer?" Nabiki said tightly, "Which...is sort of like a cop...right?"

"Is next best thing," Perfume replied, "Perfume have duty to protect and defend the Nyanchiczu peoples. Sometimes this one act as arm of Elders, but mostly she see to it other Amazons keep peace...and no outsider give us grief."

"And if they don't comply with you...?" Nabiki asked.

Perfume just smiled, "Just say after first time nobody ever give this one more trouble."

"Er...right," Nabiki replied, now visibly sweating, "So...that brings us back to the question..."

"What is this one doing in you room?" Nabiki could faintly hear the cat-like purr in the voice of the other girl, "You no mind if Perfume be here? Japanese have different rules about...pri-va-cy, yes? Is Perfume no wanted here?"

Nabiki thought about how to answer that one, judging that the girl before her was dangerous and obviously well trained in the martial arts, which made her about a thousand times more dangerous than anyone else of her own personal acquaintance. On the one hand she did resent having a stranger intrude upon her privacy, but at the same time she was strangely affected by the nearness of the other girl and felt a kind of excitement that went well beyond fear, a hint of the exotic mystery that Shampoo and Lum both seemed to embody, and which had been steadily wearing on her nerves the entire evening, making her all too aware of her growing attraction to curiously foreign women.

When Nabiki did not immediately answer Perfume seemed to take that for assent and mused, "This one think so..." and the next instant Nabiki found herself being drawn across the room and thrown upon her bed before a warm body came to rest over her, and then she found Perfume's lovely face hovering over her own with a long curtain of silky dark hair falling around the other girl's shoulders, framing a wide-eyed Nabiki with its lustrous curtain.

"You clever girl...you figure it out."

Nabiki gulped but nonetheless attempted to rally her composure, "Wait-wait a minute...you...you can't mean...?"

"Can this one no mean it?" Perfume softly drawled as her weight held Nabiki down to the bed, but other than this she was not applying great force to hold the Tendo sister down, and when Nabiki tried resisting her she found that the Amazon was willing enough to move aside rather than force the issue.

That gave Nabiki the chance to erect her normal mental defenses as she sputtered, "You have got to be kidding me! You break in here, threaten me with an ax, throw me down on my own bed...and you want to...to...?"

"Is first time for you?" Perfume remarked, "This one remember that that feel like..."

Nabiki felt even more flustered by that remark as she tried to frame her thoughts into words, but no sooner did she get off the bed to attempt to confront the Amazon then she found Perfume had moved with her and all at once Nabiki found herself backed up against her own closet with the Amazon hovering hear to her with a hungry smile that promised impending mischief.

"N-No..." Nabiki all but whimpered, not even bothering a pretense of confidence as she said, "But...this is..."

"Rape?" Perfume replied, "Is no such thing. This one can smell you body, hear you heart beat, feel you excitement. You is very much need pleasuring, so you do for self, yes? Maybe let Perfume do for you."

"Ahhh..." Nabiki knew the other girl had her dead to rights as she was feeling potently aroused by the sense of danger and eroticism that the situation represented. But then Perfume surprised her by backing away a short distance, adopting a more conciliatory note in tone, posture and expression.

"But you is right...this one no think before she act," Perfume said softly, "This one no mean to seem like enemy who come in night to take what she want with no asking. Is no way for friend to behave with girl she like, so you allow Perfume to make nice talk with you, then decide if Perfume is to you liking?"

Nabiki felt many kinds of contradictory impulses override her normally rational thought processes. On the one hand she was scared and frankly intimidated by this girl and what she represented, and yet on the other hand...there was no denying the obvious attraction. There was something wild and impulsive about this Perfume that appealed to Nabiki on a subliminal level, and given how aroused and excited she had been before entering her bedroom, her hormone count was ratcheting through the ceiling.

Then Perfume surprised her once again by reaching out and taking Nabiki by her wrists before raising her hand and pressing them up against something that felt warm, spongy and incredibly yielding, and all at once the middle Tendo girl realized what she was holding and gulped in faint amazement, marveling at how large and firm they were, almost like sun-ripened melons.

"Now you see?" Perfume purred, "You want play with Perfume? This one will let you...if she can play back with Nabiki."

"Ahh..." Nabiki marveled at her own instinctive reactions, moving her hands to smoothly caress those generous orbs that felt heavy and inviting to the touch, and her mouth parched suddenly as her mind rebelliously tickled her with the conscious desire to suckle this other girl like crazy.

"Now...this much, much nicer than self-job, yes?" Perfume asked throatily, moving her hands up to cares Nabiki's chest through the thin material of the latter's nightgown, "Perfume know what do to give Nabiki much pleasure...will Nabiki let this one play with her? If no then say now...or else Perfume think you is saying yes, yes?"

Nabiki felt incredibly tempted, knowing that to assent to what the Amazon was proposing would mean an end to her virginity and the awakening of a fantasy become reality, but still she could not help for asking, "Is this...how it was for you...when you made out with that Kurama?"

She felt Perfume tense and then sigh, "You hear that from Shampoo story? Is true what cousin say...this one have much joy with crow-girl Kurama, but go different ways. This one have other lovers since that time, especially begin with girl she meet who is really goddess."

"A goddess?" Nabiki gasped as she felt the Amazon's hands work the sensitive erogenous zones found all throughout her upper body.

"Tell you what," Perfume urged, "This one tell you story and you listen, then you decide if share pleasures?"

"Um...sure...no problem..."

"Good," the Amazon replied, "Because it all began one day when Lum and her Airen get word from Oni people..."

Qing Hi Province, China Nyanchiczu Territories

"There you are, Darling!" Lum's voice called out even as Shampoo and Perfume stepped into the chamber, "You're just in time to join Ten and me on a great adventure."

Shampoo halted dead in her tracks (compelling Perfume, who stood behind her, to do likewise) and stared in disbelief at her green haired Oni Airen, astonished to find the Princess was wearing some manner of helmet with bits of armor impracticably placed (or maybe 'adorning' would be the right term) upon her body (leaving large sections exposed that would not stop the flight of an arrow or a sword thrust).

Hovering by her side little Jariten was similarly attired, and if Shampoo did not know better she would have imagined that the two of them were wearing a kind of ceremonial garb of a ritual nature. No other explanation readily came to mind as she asked, "Airen...what are you?"

"No time to talk, Darling," Lum said as she touched a button on one of her wrist bracers, and all at once a light bathed them all in its glow, catching Perfume and Shampoo by surprise as both Amazons yelped, finding themselves suddenly weightless.

The next thing either of them knew they were landing inside the interior of a space ship that closely resembled the one that Lum called her own personal shuttle. Lum immediately levitated over to the controls and made some adjustments, then said, "There...I've adapted the displacer field to account for Perfume's sensitivity to spatial distortions. We should all be perfectly comfortable during the trip, so take your seats and make yourselves ready."

"Ready?" a much-bewildered Shampoo asked, "Ready for what, Airen?"

"We're going to war, of course," Jariten replied, "Now that the homeworld sent us a new ship to use we can return to our home planet in time to participate in this year's annual battle..."

"To war?" Perfume asked as she tried maintaining her equilibrium in spite of the sense that gravity inside this ship was different from to what she was accustomed, "Who against?"

"Why, the Seven Lucky Gods, of course," Lum pleasantly informed them, "It's the time of our annual battle, so if you'll both take your seats and hold on, the next stop is the God's homeworld, once we dock with Dad's imperial flagship..."

"The Seven Lucky Gods?" Nabiki gasped, feeling Perfume's hands move across her skin in an entirely arousing manner, "Hey...I thought we agreed you were gonna wait until I said if it was okay or not..."

"Sorry," Perfume replied as she snuggled close to Nabiki on the bed, "You is just too tempting for this one to resist...but will try and mind manners better. As this one said, we were drafted into a war against the Gods who are revered throughout the length and breadth of all of China, and even you in Japan know who they is, and when we hear this Cousin and Perfume react much as you did right now. No want to go up against the Gods...but we duty-bound to support Oni alliance..."

"Because your Champion is married to their princess?" Nabiki asked.

"Is so," Perfume slowly nodded, "But also because cousin start to care about what happen to her Airen...no just matter of honor for her but honest concern that Princess Lum no get hurt in battle."

"And your reason for coming along?" Nabiki softly asked.

"This one charged by Elders to protect Shampoo and Princess," Perfume murmured, "But this one also much concern that Lum no be hurt...because this one find she like Oni Princess and no mind assignment. Besides, know cousin very good fighter, but sometimes get over fool head, and Perfume be much unhappy if anything bad happen to her, even when this one feel...resentful..."

"Well...you grew up together, right?" Nabiki asked, "And I guess when you practice fighting someone it kind of forges bonds of sisterhood..."

"Like you with sister name Akane?" Perfume asked, "Why you stop training in martial art? Because no like fighting her all time?"

"No," Nabiki said with a guarded expression, "My reasons...are my own-hey! Quit that!"

"You want tease Perfume by keeping secret?" Perfume purred, using her fingers to play certain sensitive nerve clusters that would induce mild sensations of a pleasurable nature in the body of her companion, "Maybe this one make you tell...unless maybe you want stop me?"

"Oh yeah?" Nabiki growled, then moved her fingers to pinch the other girl's nipples through the fabric of Perfume's silk shirt, causing the Amazon to gasp in sharp pain and immediately let go of the Japanese girl, doubling over in agony while making a soft whining noise that sounded hopeless and plaintive.

At once Nabiki let go of her companion as she saw the indomitable Amazon fall to her knees and assume a fetal position, and in surprise the middle Tendo sister said, "Hey...are you all right? I didn't mean...?"

"This one...know this..." Perfume gasped while huddled on the floor suffering through the shock of Nabiki's unexpected maneuver, "Maybe...maybe this one have it coming...no mean to push wrong buttons...but...is bad habit sometimes this one make..."

Nabiki sank to her own knees and hovered over the shuddering Amazon saying, "I'm sorry...I forgot what pain does to you. Guess I didn't really believe the story until now but..."

"But...you care?" Perfume ceased shaking and raised her head to look up at the concerned expression of the normally aloof Nabiki, "Is strange...this one maybe think you angry and resent Perfume for way she act before..."

"Maybe a little bit," Nabiki admitted, "I mean...flashing your axes and everything...what was I supposed to think? That's a heck of a way to make your introduction."

"Is true," Perfume managed to get back up into a kneeling position, "Maybe go on with story and it help you understand this one better? Will no try make nice-  
nice with her again...at least without asking Airen permission."

"Well, that's nice and all-WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Nabiki had not meant to raise her voice right then, but under the circumstances...

Perfume just smiled, "Is how you say, 'Got you,' in Japan, yes?"

"Don't scare me like that," Nabiki winced, "I wouldn't count what I just did to you as a defeat anyway..."

"Maybe you try having sensitive nipples that no can stand be pinched," Perfume winsomely answered, "Then maybe you no think you is just defeated."

"Um...look..." Nabiki swallowed, "You're nice and all that, but..."

"You no what be married?" Perfume pretended to act hurt and achieved a convincingly realistic pout, only to smile again as she saw that Nabiki was not buying.

"Tease," Nabiki sniffed, "Besides, I don't think I'm exactly Airen material...I'm just a normal girl who stopped practicing martial arts when I was little..."

"Why so?" Perfume asked, "If you no mind this one asking?"

The Japanese girl heaved a sign of resignation, reckoning this girl to have skills at manipulation that would do Nabiki proud (and with a body that made the threat all the more credible), "Okay...if you must know, I stopped studying after...after my...mother passed away. I was hurt and angry and too confused to know what was what back then, and I wanted to lash out at everything, which kind of scared me considering what martial artists can do when they lose control. So I...just shut down that part of myself, went onto other things, never looked back, that kind of thing, you with me?"

"No," Perfume replied, "But then again, this one always find martial arts very comforting, very soothing way of working out problem. First thing great-  
grandmother teach is discipline, patience and self control...is necessary for learning other things when going on to be great fighter. Maybe you father no teach that to sister, so maybe she get angry too often."

"You got that right," Nabiki sighed, studying the girl before her closely before saying, "You're a lot smarter than I took you for. Your cousin's a nice person, but she's kind of what we in the west tend to call a..."

"Bimbo?" Perfume asked with a slightly ironic grin, "Is what you sister call her, yes? This one no know what it mean, but think maybe is good no be one, and maybe it mean that cousin tend to act first with no thinking, which maybe because she no can get hurt as easy as this one..."

"While you learned caution at an early age, huh?" Nabiki began to pick up on the sly and subtle nuances of the other girl's meaning, "So you don't jump into stuff as quickly as Shampoo, huh?"

"No," Perfume slowly shook her head in a negatory manner, "This one sometime act on emotions with no thinking...is bad tendency that get her into trouble, like when we arrive on planet of Seven Lucky Gods..."

"I still can't understand why gods would be living on some other planet," Nabiki interrupted, "I was thinking they were just another bunch of aliens, like the Oni..."

"Is much the same," Perfume insisted, "Lum people say they once live on Earth and still call it homeworld, and as for calling the other ones Gods...well, they say they Gods, and this one no think it wise to no agree with them..."

"Here we are, Darling and Darling's cousin," Lum announced as they left her spaceship behind and found themselves upon the surface of yet another alien planet, "My homeworld, where the war this time is taking place...and look, dad and my people are already here waiting for us to join them."

Both Perfume and Shampoo swallowed as they caught sight of the massively imposing frame of King Invader as he stood literally above the crowd with a group of his Oni subjects gathered all around him, and numbered among them was one who surprised the Amazons as they had thought him to be still safely back in China.

"What Rei doing here?" Shampoo asked warily, half afraid that the would-be-  
suitor of Lum (and thus one of several rivals for the hand of both herself and her wife) might seek to attack her as she and her companions approached the Oni.

"Now Darling," Lum chided, "Rei has as much of a right to be here as any other Oni noble of distinction, and he's not allowed to try anything while the battle is underway, so let bygones be bygones and we'll try and ignore him for as long as hostilities with the Gods are underway."

"Cow-Tiger boy better watch step around this one," Perfume said warily while flexing her hands and preparing to draw her axes.

"Ah, there you are, Daughter-in-law," King Invader said with a pleasantly jovial tone that sounded more ominous than reassuring, "So glad that you could make it. Things will be starting up soon enough, so find a place and let my daughter explain the rules to you so you won't be too confused during the battle."

"Rules?" Shampoo asked with a much-puzzled expression.

"Thought this was going to be a war," Perfume duly noted.

"We are," Lum cheerfully replied, "But it wouldn't be civilized if we didn't conduct ourselves in a fair and sporting manner."

"Today is Setsuban," King Invader proudly declared, "A very important time of year for both Gods and Oni, and you are privileged to be a part of this year's festivities, so I expect you to fight well, Daughter-in-law, and uphold the honor of the Oni."

"This one...she will do well, Oni-father," Shampoo gulped, but as she turned to view the opposing side the realization that these were the Gods her own people reverenced gave her qualms as to her loyalties and commitments..."

"Setsuban?" Nabiki blinked, "That's a festival here in Japan where traditionally the gods chase out the Oni..."

"Very similar customs exist in our land," Perfume explained, "Only we use a different term. Is possible same sound same because Japanese is based on language of Juraians..."

"Juraians?" Nabiki reacted, "What do you mean? What's the connection?"

"Is something we learn from great-grandmother, who is part Juraian," Perfume answered, "Japanese islands is colony set down by member of Jurai's royal house some twenty-six earth centuries ago through Juraian princess name of Amaterasu, who grandmother of son named Jimmu, who is founder of you royal family line."

"Now wait just a minute!" Nabiki protested, "Are you saying that the royal family are descended from Aliens?" She paused to think about it then added, "Well...that could explain a few things, if our family's royal line was named Windsor..."

"This one...apologize...no mean offend," Perfume nodded, "But is story I tell, so you listen, yes?"

"Go on," Nabiki replied, "What about this battle between you and these so-called Gods who were actually aliens? I take it you felt pretty uncomfortable fighting on the side of the Oni."

"Is so," Perfume nodded, only to slowly grin, "But this one make discovery that take mind away from battle, change everything, only much-much better..."

"Who is that?" Perfume asked with a suddenness that surprised Shampoo, who was studying the lines of the enemy and reckoning that there were some very tough customers that the Gods were fielding on their side of the lines of battle.

"Eh?" Shampoo asked, "Who...?"

And then suddenly Shampoo saw whom it was that her cousin was indicating with her nod, and everything instantly became more comprehensible as her eyes singled out a lone female character among the (mostly) male crowd. Tall, slender and attractive in all the ways that were certain to draw Perfume's interest with short black hair and some weird type of outfit that seemed like a cross between chains and leather.

"Oh, that's Benten," Lum smiled, "She's a very good friend of mine. We've known each other since I was very little."

"Ben-Tan?" Perfume pronounced slowly, and from the way stared she seemed entranced, and Shampoo wondered if her cousin were coming down with sunstroke...or something else entirely.

"Oh," the Amazon softly murmured to herself, "This one should have guessed..."

"Benten is one of the younger generation of Gods," Lum remarked, "She actually quite a few Earth centuries old, but she seems closer to my age, at least on the surface..."

"She is...a goddess all right," Perfume faintly replied, not even blinking when Shampoo snapped her fingers before her cousin's eyes and gave her a look of faint annoyance.

"Benten is actually Kirin's daughter," Lum continued, "The leader of the Lucky Gods gang..."

"But..." Shampoo began to say, "If you are friends...then what happen when you fight?"

"Oh, much the same as when you and Perfume practice together, Darling," Lum smiled, "We do our best and try to win for our side."

"Is...is it permitted within the rules," Perfume began, "For a warrior to take prisoners in this battle?"

"Eh?" Lum asked, "Why? What do you...?"

"Let's get this thing started!" King Invader shouted at that moment.

"About time!" one of the tough-looking Gods shouted back, "You've been making us wait here the whole day, and you're not gonna weasel out of this year's battle, Oni!"

"Yeah," another male God said, "This time we're gonna kill you!"

"Ready-FIGHT!" King Invader cried, and at once both sides rushed towards one another, leaving Perfume and Shampoo to exchange grim looks before drawing their own weapons.

"What are you doing with those, Darling?" Lum asked them.

"Huh?" Shampoo asked, "But..."

"Put them away," Lum said as she started to levitate, "You and Perfume won't need them..."

"But...this is war?" Perfume asked in disbelief, for without her weapons she was at a serious disadvantage in any kind of battle.

"But...Airen?" Shampoo asked, only to gape in surprise as Lum flew towards a towering statue and headed for the left hand scale, coming to rest upon a bowl-  
like platform while the Gods and the Oni were not engaging each other in battle but rather...throwing round ball-shaped objects at their respective bowls...and in the opposite basket was the goddess named Benten, who was urging her people on, even as Lum was calling out to her fellow Oni...

"You're kidding," Nabiki stated blandly, "This so-called war between the Gods and the Oni...?"

"No more than annual festival game they play together," Perfume answered with a sympathetic nod, "No even a war, just two teams compete together."

Nabiki felt like laughing aloud but stifled the impulse as she said, "Go on...and what about this Benten character you had your eye on? Was she really that hot?"

"Aiyaa," Perfume nodded with a catlike smile, "Is very hot, as Perfume discover when we get into thing they call battle..."

Both Amazons stood rooted in place, staring in disbelief as they saw the two sides going at it like it was a game played by children rather than some serious life-or-death struggle. Being warriors from birth they naturally were expected to fight bravely and even die in the battles that their people waged against an enemy...but to their minds this did not seem like anything so daring and brave as it seemed that the two sides were actually...playing and enjoying themselves. It was utterly incomprehensible, but the evidence before them implied that this so-called "War-In-The-Heavens" was actually an annual contest being celebrated through a kind of non-lethal ball-throwing contest.

"What's wrong, Daughter-in-law?" King Invader asked, "Aren't you going to fight? Don't make me look bad before my people...or embarrass Lum, your wife."

"Ah...yes, Oni-Father," Shampoo forced herself to belatedly move forward, deciding rather than trying to figure things out that it would be safer just to do what the others were doing, which was to throw those ball-like things at their targeted basket.

Perfume remained where she was a few seconds more, but then a sly smile crossed her lovely features and she headed towards the Oni side, not to pick up balls for throwing but rather with an entirely different objective forming in her mind as she used her stealth skills to skirt around the Gods and head towards the base of the statue, and from there began to rapidly climb her way up towards the left hand position...

Shampoo, meanwhile, was doing her part to toss the globe-like balls up at the bowl containing Lum, even as her wife shouted encouragement down towards her. It seemed that the objective was to fill one of the bowls up so that it would tilt the scale, weighing one side down while the other was lifted up towards some manner of needle-like object that hovered above both sides in a fairly ominous manner. As both sides seemed fairly evenly matched in the rate at which they managed to score a ball landing in the bowl on their side, it was a pretty even toss up which side would win, the Gods or the Oni.

"Excuse this one," Shampoo said as she managed to score fairly well despite the balls feeling as though they were filled with some liquid substance, which made aiming them difficult (to say nothing of the amount of force required to heft them as far up as the bowls were positioned), "What is the object of this battle?"

"Oh, that's right," the Oni male standing nearest to her remarked, "This is your first time, so you can't be expected to know, eh? Well, you see those needles? Pretty soon one half of the bowl will start to weigh down on one side while the other gets closer to the needle, and when that side makes contact-BOOM! It explodes on contact."

Shampoo almost dropped the ball that she was about to heft and turned an incredulous look upon it instead, "It is...explosive?"

"Sure," the Oni warrior answering her replied, "Can't exactly make a boom if the thing were filled with inert gasses and liquids. It's a binary combination, you see...a slight current or a really hard jostle will break the seal separating the two halves and..."

"AIREN!" Shampoo cried out at Lum, "Get away from the balls! You don't want you go boom up there!"

"What was that, Darling?" Lum cupped one pointy ear and perked up her hearing, "Can't quite make you out over all the noise...too many people shouting-  
WHOOOPS!"

All at once her bowl began to rise sharply up towards the needle, and as Shampoo stared in horror it came near to making contact, just pulling up short at the very last second.

"Hey!" another one of the Oni cried out, "What's she doing up there? I thought she was supposed to be on our side!"

To Shampoo's compounding astonishment she began to make out the reason why Lum's bowl had been tilted so abruptly. Perfume had climbed up into the bowl containing the goddess Benten and was initiating conversation, quite heedless of the fact that her weight had proven almost to be disastrously sufficient for weighing down the bowl and putting Lum in eminent danger.

Unaware of the peril that was posed by her presence, Perfume surprised the goddess by saying, "Excuse this one...you are one named Benten, yes?"

The short-haired brunette reacted with surprise, "What are you doing here? I thought you came with the Oni."

"It is...a long story," Perfume amended as she sized up the half-naked girl before her, fully appreciating her womanly virtues and feeling her own arousal skyrocket, "Forgive this one...she is named Perfume of the Joketsuzoku..."

"The village of Righteous Women?" Benten answered, giving the Amazon a quick and thorough study, "That seems to suit you. What can I do for you, Perfume of the Joketsuzoku? Or do you just plan on standing there looking at me as if I had a third eye or something?"

"Ah..." Perfume faintly recovered from her surprise, "You know this one's language?"

"I know many languages," Benten answered pleasantly enough, "One gift of divinity is to instantly understand the tongues of other people. I also know that you come from the interior of China on the planet Earth, the homeworld of our people..."

"You are from the Earth?" Perfume asked in faint surprise.

"Originally, yes," Benten answered, "But centuries ago we left the homeworld to find a place among the stars...it was getting a little too crowded with all the mortals taking up valuable land throughout the length of the Middle Kingdom. Fortunately we are a very long-lived people and some of us are quite good at what mortals call science, so we built a ship to sail the stars and founded a new world..."

"Perfume-cousin!"

"Eh?" Perfume glanced over to see Shampoo confronting her from the middle-top portion of the colossal statue, "What is it, Shampoo-cousin?"

"What are you doing?" Shampoo demanded hotly, "Your weight is holding down the bowl, while that the other arm is rising, which means my Airen is in danger of exploding!"

"Exploding?" Perfume reacted with surprise, only to pause before saying, "What do you mean...?"

"Oh, these balls are filled with a binary substance that will explode upon contact with the needle," Benten pointed towards the object hovering far above their heads, "That's the point of this game, you see, and the reason why both sides are trying to hard to fill our respective baskets..."

Perfume stared up at the needle, then at Benten, then at once she said, "Forgive this one, but...must she act now!"

And then she surprised both Shampoo and Benten by scooping the latter up into her arms and vaulting from the bowl, causing it to suddenly lurch upwards as the weight on Lum's side drew her bowl downward. One instant later the needle touched the bowl of the Gods and exploded, shaking the air with reverberations and almost deafening Perfume, even in spite of bracing herself against just such an outcome.

Fortunately her training was sufficient to allow her to retain enough self-  
control that she was able to cast a line from a hidden space within her belt and with a grappling hook snagged the body of the statue, breaking her fall as she clung tightly to the much-surprised Benten as they swung out over the astonished faces of the gods, only to drop to a clear space with Perfume breaking their fall with a one-point landing.

Shampoo released the breath that she had been holding without realizing it when she saw Perfume and her new acquaintance were no longer in immanent danger. Then she nearly jumped herself as Lum appeared by her side to say, "Why did your cousin just do that? Don't you know it's against the rules for one side to interfere with the other's basket?"

"Ah...cousin is just impulsive, this one guesses," Shampoo shrugged, silently thanking Perfume for having the presence of mind to act in a way that would spare both parties.

"Why did you do that?" Benten demanded the moment she set foot back on the ground, "Were you deliberately cheating to make us lose this match?"

"No," Perfume hastily replied, seeing the annoyance of the other girl an interpreting this to be the result of an implied slight on the Amazon's part, "This one realized that she was in error...her actions caused potential harm to the Airen of her cousin, so she acted to correct the problem...and to save Benten from the consequences of her own actions."

"What do you mean save me?" Benten scowled, "From what?"

The question surprised Perfume, who immediately answered, "From exploding, yes? That would not be a good thing to happen..."

"Because jumping out of my bowl would have...?" Benten's eyebrows rose, "Oh...I think I see now. You thought I was in danger because of the explosion?"

"Yes?" Perfume answered, thinking the question so silly that it was remarkable that the other girl would even ask it.

"Hey you!" one of the other gods angrily stormed up at Perfume, which distracted and alarmed the already bewildered Enforcer, a short-but-mean-looking fellow with big ears, who snarled, "What's the big idea of cheating like that? You think we're gonna let you get away with helping the Oni win...?"

All at once Benten thrust herself in the space between the big-eared man and Perfume, "It's all right, Dad...I think I understand what happened. This is her first time, you see, and she thought that I was in some kind of actual danger."

"She what?" the little man scowled, "That's totally ridiculous! In danger from what?"

"From this," Benten picked up one of the balls and tossed it at Princess Lum, who casually raised a hand even as Shampoo tensed up while the both of them were drifting down towards the ground, and once the thing encountered Lum's lightning stroke it exploded rather violently...

Only when the smoke cleared once again Lum and Shampoo seemed perfectly fine and were able to land in the space beside the others.

"You see?" Benten replied, "Perfectly harmless. The explosive compound is designed to make a lot of noise and smoke, but there's no actual concussive effect as with a fully kinetic explosive. Besides, a real bomb wouldn't hurt me all that much, I'm tougher than I look, and so is Lum."

"Let me explain everything to you, Benten," Lum began as she indicated first Shampoo and then Perfume, "This is my wife and Darling, Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku...and Perfume is her adopted cousin, the Enforcer of her tribe and a personal close friend of Darling and me. She didn't mean to cause trouble here, she just tends to act from the heart, and sometimes without thinking..."

"No need to apologize or explain things to me, Lum," Benten grinned as she turned back towards Perfume, "You thought you were saving my life just now, and that means I owe you a favor. The fact that I was never in any real danger doesn't diminish the point that you were thinking of my welfare, which is kind of sweet in a mortal Terran. So...what is it I can do for you? Want a wish granted? I can talk to Dad about making it happen..."

"Ah..." Perfume felt her cheeks flush but managed to say, "This one...very sorry that she did not know about the balls..."

"This one wishes somebody had explained it to her before now," Shampoo grumbled, but nonetheless eyed Perfume curiously as she saw her cousin behaving like a young girl just meeting an idol.

"Never mind about the misunderstanding," Benten said, "I still owe you that favor, so name it. I don't like being in somebody else's debt for very long, so..."

"Would...would it be permissible for you to spend time with this one?" Perfume asked, "Just so we can get to know more about each other?"

Benten arched an eyebrow then turned a look towards Lum, "She's one of your friends all right. Well...all right, I see no problem with that, though I must say I am surprised if this is all you wish for. You could have had riches and fame for the asking."

"This one...Perfume...she only wishes to be seen well in your eyes...Goddess," Perfume assured the other girl, who just smiled back as if amused by the Amazon's shyness and hesitation.

"Well, we'll see about that, won't we?" Benten answered, "And please, just call me Benten. I don't stand on ceremony and the last thing I need is fawning servitude, so if you have something to say do so standing upright without your head bowed."

Perfume did just that as she stared as one entranced at the other girl then said, "If that is what you wish...then this one is very pleased to do as you ask...Benten..."

"You horndog," Nabiki smirked, "Looks like everything female is fair game with you, but I'm kind of surprised that this Benten character seems to have taken you in stride..."

"Oh, we become...very good friends on first meeting," Perfume assured the middle Tendo sister, "Benten seemed as curious about this one as Perfume was with Benten, but first date did not end with us in bed, as with Kurama. Not happen until second time we meet, which was several days after we return back from world of Oni..."

"What is the matter, Kachu?" Silk asked as she caught the cross look in the eyes of her only daughter.

"I just had the strangest feeling, Mother," the Devil Hunter remarked as she reached for her Ch'i-Chi and stared out of the nearest window of their house, "Something very odd is in the air, and I intend to see what it might portend for our people and village."

"Something odd you say?" Silk gave a slightly distracted look then said, "Odd indeed...but it doesn't feel like a demon. I'm not sure what it is, but...it doesn't appear to be hostile...though I'm equally unsure if I would classify it as a friendly sensation..."

"All the more reason that I must determine its origins," the Devil Hunter remarked, already headed for the door with a purposeful stride that implied that there was trouble in the offing...

Meanwhile, back on the streets of Joketsuzoku...

"Honestly, cousin to my Darling," Lum remarked, "You must do something to curb these impulses of yours or they could one day wind up getting you into trouble..."

"This one knows this, Princess," Perfume said wistfully, "And she is...sorry for the way she acted during your match with the Gods, but..." she sighed.

"Cousin Perfume saw a girl she liked and went for it," Shampoo sighed, "It would not be so bad if she did not also turn out to be a goddess. You really can pick them, Cousin to this one..."

"Look who is talking," Perfume grumbled, only to pause and glance hastily towards the sky, assuming a guarded posture of readiness though she did not choose to draw upon her axes.

"What is it?" Shampoo asked, sensitive to the more refined instincts of her hyper-sensitive cousin.

"This one does not know..." Perfume began to say when a swirling vortex appeared in the air directly over their heads, and all at once a light appeared at the center of the funnel...and then something came through the eye, moving rapidly from one point to the other like a firefly on fire, only to settle down in the air near to their position as the trio turned to gape in surprise (or rather the Amazons did, while Lum just seemed mildly surprised at the manifestation).

"Benten?" Lum asked as the rider of the strange cycle-like device slowly descended, "What in the name of the Earth are you doing here on Earth of all places?"

"I was feeling bored waiting around in heaven and thought I'd kill some time paying you a visit," the dark haired girl remarked, giving Shampoo a nod before turning her focus towards Perfume, "My compliments to your wife and Perfume here, but I was thinking that we had a pretty good time the other day and I thought maybe you might like to show me around...that is if you can spare the time?"

"Ah...ah...ah..." Perfume stuttered, only to get nudged forward by Shampoo, to which Perfume glared back at her as though to promise later restitution. She then turned and found herself directly before Benten, who was giving her a friendly look that seemed to read the Enforcer like a cheap manga.

"Nice to see you too," Benten said before indicating her vehicle, "Ever take a ride on one of these before? They're very relaxing."

"Ah...is it safe?" Perfume wondered.

"Depends on what your idea of safe is," Benten winked, "Come on, climb on in back of me and I'll show you how to ride this."

Timidly, displaying a reluctance very unusual in an Amazon, Perfume accepted the offer as if it were a challenge and got on the seat behind Benten, reflexively putting her hands on the hips of the other girl (and feeling altogether anxious at the nearness of such close contact).

"Hang on tightly," Benten urged, then all at once she lifted into the air on her cycle and hit the acceleration, causing Perfume to yelp and assume a tighter grip, leaning against the slender backside of the goddess as the two of them soared through the air, leaving behind only what felt like Perfume's stomach...

"Wow," Nabiki said, "Sounds more like a Biker chick than some goddess who lives on another planet."

"Not know what mean by 'Biker Chick,'" Perfume mused, "But sound like it describe Benten."

"So, what happened next?" Nabiki asked, "Did you go on another date, and this time did you get lucky?"

Perfume slyly smiled, "Is yes to both questions...but first Benten introduce Perfume to her friends in gang they form, all daughters of famous gods or goddesses, and all riding bikes that fly through air as they appear in sky over village."

"An all-girl gang of biker goddesses?" Nabiki sniffed, "Next you'll tell me you and this Kachu girl got into a row about your new girlfriend."

"You is jumping ahead to next part," Perfume noted, then smiled, "But Lore Master usual know ending to story before anyone else."

"There's that word again," Nabiki said in annoyance, "What the heck is a Lore Master, and why do you keep implying that I might be one?"

"Is too much to tell at one time," Perfume mused, "And this very late for rest of story. Maybe tell you what happen next later, when Perfume next have chance to talk with Nabiki."

The middle Tendo sister made a rude sound at that, "You think you can get me worked up like this and then just leave? I wanna know what happens now, not sometime later when you'll probably ambush me in the showers, or some perverted scheme like that."

"Hmmmm," Perfume mused before reaching out to caress the cheek of Nabiki, "Maybe you is right...is no fair talk now then leave when you is feeling this excited."

"Huh?" Nabiki blinked, "That's not what I..."

All at once the Amazon moved closer to her and murmured, "Has Nabiki decide maybe she want to make nice-nice with Perfume? If no, then this one can check with Nabiki later..."

"Hey...what are you...?" Nabiki started to say when soft lips caresses her own, which caught her by surprise even as she automatically and reflexively responded to the kiss, the first with another girl and one that sent her head to swimming.

Perfume parted lips from the kiss and said, "Nabiki tell Perfume to go now...or Perfume stay until morning."

"Ah..." Nabiki was too confused to say anything else, but her hesitation spoke volumes, and all at once Perfume reacted to the kiss by taking a firm grip on the edges of the other girl's nightshirt...and all at once the Amazon tore the material asunder.

"Hey!" Nabiki protested, only to gasp as strong hands moved to caress her body, playing with nerves and getting the middle Tendo sister wonderfully excited.

"Perfume think you say yes," the Amazon murmured softly, "No mind if this one do...this?"

Nabiki gasped, automatically arching her back and craning her neck so that her face was turned towards the ceiling of her room.

"This one thought so," Perfume grinned like a Cheshire cat and then moved her face closer to the other girl's body, and all at once she began to kiss Nabiki again, moving down with little kisses planted on cheek, neck and shoulder while her hands toyed with Nabiki's chest, pinching her nipples and eliciting a gasp from the other girl that was as much surprise as excitement.

"You see?" Perfume murmured with a hint of lustful malice, "You no feel pain same way as this one...in you pinching teats is pleasurable when aroused, no? This one know you like because you breasts becoming stiff with arousal..."

"Yes," Nabiki gasped suddenly.

"How is that again?" Perfume asked as she nuzzled the other girl's earlobe.

"Yes...do me," Nabiki replied with a note that hinted at total surrender.

"Is music to this one's ear," Perfume chuckled softly, and then she set to work with the other girl and gave Nabiki a ride that she would be feeling well into the morning...

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Casual Amazon Flings: shadowmane

More on Benten and Kachu next time, and then on to the tournament of suitors with a "Dark Horse" leading a "Wild" one...and soon we will know how Ranma got so "lucky" in, "Through a Wild Horse Darkly," or, "Suitor Wars: The Rise of the Age of Polyester!" Be there!

X 


	13. Chapter 13

LSPurple13

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT!  
CONTAINS SCENES OF A SOMEWHAT

Chapter 13

Lum Gets Sum (Part One)

(Special thanks to DB Sommers for concepts, ideas and characters who make an appearance within these next two chapters...)

Nerima, Japan-The Present:

"Well, where have you been all morning?" Akane asked as she saw a sleepy Nabiki dragging herself towards the breakfast table.

"Sorry," Nabiki yawned, "Overslept...didn't get nearly as much sleep as I'd meant to and all that...forgot it was a school morning."

"Oh my," said Kasumi as she set down a tray loaded full of breakfast foods, "I was wondering why you were so late using the furo this morning, Imoutochan. I was about to come up to see if you were still asleep in your room, but I was so busy helping Shampoo-san and Ranma-kun in the kitchen that I almost forgot to see if you were ready."

"Ah...right," Nabiki blinked her eyes then said, "Who did you say was in the kitchen with you again, Sis?""

"You heard right," Akane snorted, "The pervert and one of his concubines, as if that Hentai didn't have enough to do keeping us up all night with her stories..."

"Now Akane," Kasumi chided, "I think it's wonderful that Ranma-kun felt responsible enough to help us out in the kitchen. Very few men feel comfortable about laboring with women, but even though he...I mean she...is currently a girl now..."

"Oh," Nabiki said, belatedly recalling the events from the previous evening (the parts which did not feature her as a starring player, of course), "That's right...we still have houseguests. How are they...?"

"Good morning," said a cheerful Lum as she entered the room from the kitchen, clad in a "barely decent" tiger-stripped nightie that left a little too much anatomy showing, especially through the gauze-like fabric, "Darling and our husband helped prepare everything this morning, so I hope the food is up to your satisfaction."

Nabiki blinked again then felt her cheeks flushing a bit as she hastily sat down, attempting to rub some of the sleep out of her eyes while concealing the fact that she was visibly aroused at the sight of this near-naked alien princess. Instead she caught a look from Akane that was as much a glare as a curious study, and the middle Tendo sister wondered (hardly for the first time) whether or not her younger sister might protest far too much when tossing about the word, "Hentai."

"Good morning everyone," Soun Tendo-their father-announced as he came into the room clad in his usual olive-green martial arts Gi (and Nabiki privately wondered if her dad had any other type of wardrobe hanging in his closet...a subject into which she intended to investigate later), "I trust you all slept well last night? At least...Saotome and I didn't hear anything amis...no strange noises to rouse the interest and all of that..."

"Why, Daddy?" Nabiki casually remarked, "What were you expecting to happen by leaving us all in the same room together?"

"Aheh...well...that is..." Soun unaccountably stammered, only to hastily amend, "Saotome...you were about to tell us more of your own adventures in China. So far we've only heard about how the girls came to know one another, but..."

"One thing at a time, Tendo-kun," the burly Genma (restored to human form) remarked as he sat down at the table and prepared to dig in, "But first...a martial artist must keep up his strength, and living on the road teaches one to appreciate fine cooking, like this excellent fare prepared by your oldest daughter."

"Why, thank you, Saotome-san," Kasumi brightened, only to turn as two others entered the room bearing more food for the table.

"The way you talk, Pop," the redhead known as Ranma acidly growled, "You'd think you were always close to starving instead of mooching off the hard work that me and Shampoo put into filling your fat belly."

"Mind your manners, Boy," Genma accented the word as he glared at his nominal "daughter," then added, "Just because your Shampoo is an excellent chef is no reason to get uppity or spoiled. After all, not too long ago your cooking skills weren't anything to brag about either."

"That's because-unlike you-I do pay attention when somebody offers to teach me lessons about useful stuff like cooking," Ranma-chan snapped, "And once the old woman showed me that it could be a lot like martial arts, it was a snap to learn the basics."

"Oh yeah?" Akane asked with a raised eyebrow, "And just why are you a girl right now? I thought you'd have changed back to your other self by now..."

"Hey, it's too embarrassing doing stuff like this as a guy," Ranma-chan reacted, "Amazons expect their men to do all the work around the house, but that don't mean I gotta conform to their standards..."

"Airen always so stuffy about Manly things," a silk-clad Shampoo pleasantly chided as she set her tray of food down and began dishing out the ramen in bowls to the others sitting at the table (and in Genma's case she used a bigger bowl, and hastily snatched her fingers back rather than risk losing them as the older man chowed down upon what she offered) and then continued, "Even after months great-grandmother train him he still think being woman is no as noble as be man, yes?"

"That's true enough," Lum cheerfully remarked as she nudged the redhead with an elbow, then affectionately ran a finger through Ranma-chan's forelocks, "But we don't mind indulging you your pride, our darling Husband, even if you do look cute wearing an apron."

"You guys..." Ranma-chan said with a slight flush of crimson about her cheeks, now even more thoroughly embarrassed.

"How very thoughtful of you, Ranma-kun to be willing to assist in the making of this fine meal," Kasumi said pleasantly as she finished chewing her ramen noodles then waited to clear her mouth before saying once again, "It's very good, you and Shampoo-san are to be complimented."

"I'll say," Nabiki remarked as she savored the aroma of her bowl between sampling bite-fulls of noodles, then slyly glanced at the exotic women at the table and added, "How did you motivate him-um...her-to learn to become such a great chef?"

"Oh, is simple really," Shampoo gave the redhead a wry look before answering, "Great-grandmother pose as challenge, tell Airen he learn to be good cook or he no be worthy of two brides take care of."

"That's one of his charming little qualities, you see," Lum murmured as a side-  
note to Nabiki as though confiding in a cherished secret, "Ranma-husband can learn to do anything if it has 'Martial Arts' attached to the label, and he'll learn it or do it too...if you pose it to him as a challenge."

"Hey!" Ranma-chan protested.

"Oh really?" Nabiki remarked, privately adding to herself, (I'll have to make a note of that for later usage...).

"Now then," Shampoo began as half the food began to vanish from the table (most of it swallowed up by Genma in spite of the best efforts of Ranma, Lum and Shampoo to fend off his attempts at stealing from their plates), "Where leave off just now? Was telling you sisters story about match between Gods and Oni that take place on other planet while you still sleepy in bed. Do you want retell story?"

"Ah...maybe later," Nabiki replied, "Just go on where you guys left off and I'll catch up a bit later. So...you fought with gods on some other planet, right? Only it turned out to be quite different from what you were expecting..."

"How do you know this?" Lum asked in surprise.

"Ah...good guess?" Nabiki lamely responded.

"Hmph," Shampoo frowned prettily (and even scowling she could seem quite cute to Nabiki, especially since she tended to remind the middle Tendo sister of a certain nocturnal visitor of her more recent acquaintance), "Maybe should speak to great-grandmother when she here. Tell elder Lotion that you have talent maybe be Lore Master."

"There's that word again," Akane sniffed, "One of these days you are going to have to explain what the heck that means, and why you think it applies to Nabiki."

"The Amazons have many different casts and vocations set down by tradition," Lum explained, "The most common being that of the Warrior and Worker Casts, but the vocation of Lore Master is one that only a very few people possess the basic talents to master. It includes the ability to learn and preserve the ancient Lore of the Amazons, but even more it is about attuning one's mind to perceive what is hidden and to learn the true shape of the world, and through this learning to harness the fundamental energy currents of nature."

"Sounds like some kind of a magician," Nabiki noted, but then belatedly remembered, "Only...you said they differ from Mages, like this Siren character who has the hots for your Matriarch."

"Is so," Shampoo nodded sagely, "But this one think is better begin story where left off, after match with Gods and Oni go sour because of actions by this one and this one's cousin."

"That's right," Lum smiled almost fondly, "Dad was kind of miffed about the way things turned out, but we managed to smooth things over with the Gods, and then Lord Kirin and his closest kin offered us to share in a mutual banquet since neither side could agree on which side was the actual victor...

"So it was all a big misunderstanding, no big loss then," said Lord Kirin in a jovial tone of voice, "We'll get our own back at next year's Setsuban festival, only this time we'll be ready for any cheating you Oni may try pulling."

"What cheating?" King Invader protested, "If you wimpy Gods can't handle my daughter-in-law and her family, then that's your problem. But don't get your hopes up too soon, we haven't even begun to show you who's the tougher bunch in this sector of the cosmos!"

Shampoo listened to the two leaders bicker then gave Lum a studied look before whispering, "They sound almost like Elders...but are they bitter enemies or friends? This one cannot tell just by listening..."

"Sometimes I doubt even they know for sure," Lum murmured back, "But Dad seems to enjoy these outings, so mom and me pretty much let them indulge themselves without getting into the middle of their spats."

"At least it seems to keep them happy when they shout and beat their chests like that," the goddess named Benten said before turning a sly look towards her own companion, "It may sound as if they're about to come to blows and all of that, but Dad and King Invader have been going at it for years without either one of them getting serious about it."

"Aiyaa," Perfume agreed, still seeming to be quite amazed at being so close to a pretty girl who was more than divine by her own estimation.

Shampoo noted how her cousin was openly fawning at yet another Outsider girl and just heaved a faint sigh at the desperation clearly evident in Perfume's expression. Instead she turned her focus upon the woman sitting beside the towering Invader. Lum's mother...Shampoo's "Mother-in-law," was very different from the younger people in that she seemed quietly demure and yet also mysteriously formidable when it came to matters directly affecting her family. Now there was an outsider female who was worthy of the title of Elder (though no Elder of her acquaintance would have been so content to sit deferentially while her husband commanded all of the attention).

Her own attention momentarily distracted, she was surprised upon hearing her name being spoken and found that the one speaking to her was none other than Benten.

"It's unusual that Lum should be so taken by a human, even one with Juraian ancestry," the younger goddess remarked, "But then again, Lum has always been partial to exotic good looks, and from the way you acted back during the match it is plain enough that you have strength of character to go with your beauty. But then again, I am somewhat biased..." and she turned a fond smile towards Lum, one that Shampoo found oddly irritating (in spite of the earlier praise) for some reason.

"Not so unusual...if you know my Darling," Lum affectionately boasted, giving Shampoo a look that made the Amazon feel...strange inside for some peculiar reason, "She is loyal, brave and quite strong for a human, and I know that she will make me an excellent wife because she always does what is right in the end. We do have one annoying problem, though, in that we are expected to take a man for our mutual husband, and because the rules of her people are very strict upon such matters, he must be a man who is strong enough to defeat the both of us in battle."

"Oh?" Benton asked, even as Lum's father looked on with a certain degree of interest, "Why so?"

"It is...tradition," Perfume answered on her cousin's behalf, "Amazons seek strong husbands to father strong children, and it has always been our way for as long as anyone, even Elders, remember."

"A strong husband you say?" King Invader remarked, looking speculatively at his daughter, "And you agree with that, Lum? Is that what you want in a husband?"

"No Father," Lum replied with a cross look in his direction, "I don't require any husband at this time, thank you, but the law of my Darling's people is explicit, which is why the Elders of her tribe are organizing a tournament to decide who is the strongest and most worthy to be our husband, to be held by the end of the current solar month, which is another eighteen solar days from now."

"But the fact remains that you consent to having a husband if he defeats you and your wife?" Benton remarked, "How very interesting, and so unlike the Lum that I well remember. I never would have taken you for one who was into serious commitments..."

"Times change, Benton," Lum replied, "We're not the children we were when we were both so much younger."

"No, I suppose we're not," Benton sighed wistfully, giving Lum an endearing look before adding, "But still we did have some fun times in the old days, palling around and getting into trouble together, and when we had something to celebrate...well..." she grinned before adding, "Remember that time on your birthday some seasons back when we...well..." she left the thought go unfinished, but from the expression she was wearing it was obvious what she was implying was quite personal and mutual to judge from the way that Lum smiled back with a tinge of regret in her own fond expression.

All at once the sound of chopsticks snapping in Shampoo's hand brought attention around back in her direction, and the look upon her lovely face was a scowl of hostility leveled towards a much-surprised Benton.

"Aiyaa?" Perfume's voice spoke into the crispness of the moment, glancing from one party sitting at the dinner table to the other, and carefully measuring the tone of each expression, most particularly that of her eating companion and her cousin.

"Darling?" Lum asked, surprised at the strong sense of a battle aura that Shampoo was starting to evidence.

Benton recovered from her own surprise and then surprised else everyone by smiling, then chuckling aloud, "Oh my...looks like I've unintentionally upset your wife by that last comment. I'm sorry about that, Shampoo, I didn't mean to make you feel jealous."

"Jealous?" Shampoo paused to consider the word, and then her anger drained away as she suddenly caught on to the implications, then murmured to herself a very faint, "aiyaa..."

"Darling?" Lum asked as she turned to regard her companion, and then a smile bright enough to light an entire morning crossed her lovely features, and without another moment's pause she threw her arms around Shampoo and cried, "I'm so happy!"

Shampoo tensed up, half expecting to be shocked by her wife's enthusiasm, but-  
much to her own surprise-no such high voltage hijinx happened. Instead she found herself being warmly embraced by the Oni girl, held in arms that were strong and curiously feminine at one and the same moment.

Perfume looked on with a twinge of envy mingled with sympathy for her cousin, but then she leaned closer to her own companion and said, "Aiyaa...what if Princess Lum becomes too-too happy and winds up shocking this one's cousin?"

"That is a problem with her, I'll admit," Benton softly confessed, but then she leaned closer to whisper into Perfume's ear, "But if you know enough about Oni, then you'll know that there's a way to temporarily neutralize their powers. It's in the horns, you see, and if you tie them together with a specially prepared string, such as I could provide for the occasion..."

"Is so?" Perfume murmured back, then slowly smiled as she thought to herself, (How very...interesting...this one will remember that one for later...)

"Well," Lord Kirin remarked as he studied the two women sitting across from him then half-regarded the hulking giant beside him before adding, "It's nice to see young people getting along like that. Reminds me a bit of the old days what with my sister and the way she carried on, what with one thing and another..."

"Don't I know it," King Invader said with gruff humor, eyeing Shampoo speculatively before adding, "But if Lum is happy then that's all a father could ask for. Well, maybe that and some grandkids..."

"That shouldn't be too much trouble for Lum," Benton remarked as she cupped her hands behind her head, "Sooner or later she'll find a way to have children, even if there's no other guy involved besides this cutie."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo murmured faintly, her mind going blank as she briefly flashed back to the mysterious device that Lum had used a week ago to give Perfume a temporary sex change.

"Benton," Lum turned to regard her friend, "Don't be putting ideas like that in my Darling's head. She's shy enough as it is without you trying to scare her before we've had a chance to fully realize our marriage."

"Eh?" Benton sat upright and started incredulously at her longtime friend, "Are you telling me that you've been married to her for a couple of weeks now and you've yet to even bed her?"

"I told you, Darling is shy," Lum responded, but then she smiled at Shampoo as she cuddled up with her and said, "But we intend to do something about that this very night, Darling and me...isn't that right, Darling?"

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo replied, her expression comical as she contemplated the implications of that statement, even as her cousin looked on with a sympathetic (if envious) expression...

"So, what happened next?" Akane asked, "Did you finally get around to doing something perverted?"

"Akane," Kasumi chided, "It's not nice to accuse someone of being a pervert, especially since Lum-san and Shampoo-san were already in a committed arrangement...although I will admit that it is somewhat unusual, being that they both are women."

"Why so unusual?" Shampoo asked before turning to Lum and saying, "Airen want tell Tendo girls about how you try make nice with this one, only things no go as intended?"

"I was just getting to that part, Darling," Lum reassured her wife before regarding the Tendo clan and resuming, "It was after we slipped away from the dinner table that I convinced Darling to come away with me as I showed her my family's palace, then contrived to guide her to my own private quarters, where I intended to show her some of my...etchings..." she snickered in a meaningful manner as she glanced towards Shampoo, who just smiled back at her in an equally significant manner.

"Yeah, so did you finally do it or not?" Nabiki asked while barely suppressing a yawn at what to her seemed like a protracted soap opera in the making.

"Well," Lum eyed Shampoo slyly as the latter seemed to take a passing interest in the ceiling, "Not quite then...but not for lack of effort on my own part..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo murmured aloud as her companion escorted her into a wide and spacious high-vaulted chamber that was ornately-yet-tastefully furnished, "What is this place, Airen?"

"You like it?" Lum asked, glancing around while obliquely keeping one eye upon her comely companion, "This is my room, the place where I stay when I'm back here on our homeworld. This is the room where I grew up, the place I call home where I keep all of my most valuable possessions. I thought that, spending the last few weeks as a guest in your house, that it was long since time that I showed you where I live, Darling."

"It is so big," Shampoo marveled, "Like a palace of an emperor out of one of great-grandmother's stories..."

"It is a palace, Silly," Lum nudged her with a bump of their hips, "Only I live here, not some frumpy old emperor. And look over there...that's my bed. Would you care to try it?"

Several conflicting thoughts and impressions occurred to Shampoo right there and then, the first being that the very ostentatiousness of the room itself spoke volumes of how much Lum had been putting aside in her quest to remain on Earth with her "Darling." The second thought being how blatantly obvious her wife was being by making such a suggestive comment in the form of inviting Shampoo to share a bed together...and the third thought being how tempting and inviting that bed looked after the activities of the day itself. In truth Shampoo had never slept in a real bed before. Always in the past a roll or a pallet had been good enough with her, sometimes a blanket under the stars when she was out hunting, though just as often she might choose to sleep perched on a branch in a tree or some other precarious hiding place, keeping one eye alert to potential threats and dangers. The idea of a bed composed of a mattress piled high atop a platform was a novelty and a luxury that she could scarcely pass up as curiosity got the better of her and she found herself gravitating to Lum's "generous" offer.

"Ah...perhaps," Shampoo said tentatively, only to give a mild yelp of surprise as Lum took her by the arm and dragged her over towards the bed, not forcefully but with an unquestioning insistence.

"Come on, Darling, I know you want to try it," Lum insisted, urging Shampoo to sit down upon the silk-sheet covered mattress, and once she did Shampoo gave out a mild sound of vague surprise, for as soft as she had imagined the thing to be what she actually experienced was closer to sitting upon a cloud, supporting her without much sense of her weight being pressed against something solid. As Lum sat down beside her she found the both of them were effectively floating without the least sense of gravity, as though held aloft in a weightless condition.

"You see, Darling?" Lum asked as she snuggled up beside Shampoo, their shoulders pressed together as Lum leaned close enough for the heat of her face to radiate against Shampoo's cheek, "There's nothing to it...and wait until you try actually resting upon my bed...you'll swear that you are soaring through the heavens."

That was far from the only thing that was soaring, for Shampoo became acutely aware of the nearness of the other girl, even as she felt her heartbeat racing, her breath catching in her throat as she dared to turn only her eyes to regard the Oni princess, caught between fear and expectation of something...very strange that was about to happen.

"I think I know you well enough to guess what you are thinking, Darling," Lum murmured in a breathy voice that tickled the hairs along Shampoo's blushing cheeks.

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo softly murmured, wanting very much to know what her own thoughts were about since they appeared to be scrambled from the moment Lum had sat down beside her.

"You are wondering how I could be raised in a palace surrounded by wealth and luxury, yet still be satisfied in being with you on Earth with your humble home and quaint little village? Well, to be completely honest with you, it's not so great a sacrifice as you might imagine. Yes, I have almost everything I could ever want at my beck and call, but what good is it to me when I never really find satisfaction in all of my possessions? Being with you has taught me to appreciate simple things, the humble upbringing that you've lived but which was denied to me, the joy of friends who see me more as an equal than a princess."

"Is so?" Shampoo asked, strangely moved and fascinated by the girl who was still so much a mystery to her, an alien in almost every sense, and yet tied to her in ways that Shampoo was even then only just starting to discover.

"It is so," Lum reassured her wife, "The people of your village may be rude but for the most part they are honest, and while not everyone is a perfect neighbor, for the most part you've welcome me into your village and made me a part of your tribe, given me a second home to call my own, and you can never really know how much that means to me. I've always wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, and with your people, the Joketsuzoku...I feel as much alive there as I've ever felt on a hundred other alien worlds that I've visited. I know you don't yet understand me, but believe me when I say that I appreciate you and am so happy that you've made me a part of your culture."

"Airen...?" Shampoo asked, unable to say anything more coherent as she found herself staring at Lum with a new appreciation for the beauty and spirit that she now manifested.

"Darling," Lum purred softly as she saw the look Shampoo gave her, then all at once she seemed unable to contain herself any further and turned to embrace Shampoo, pressing the purple haired Amazon back against the weightless mattress and straddling her like a pouncing predator.

Shampoo went numb as she stared up in dismay at the gorgeous girl now hovering over her, but when Lum's hands started to move the Amazon felt her body begin to melt and her breath became ragged once again as Lum began to undo the buttons to her cheosang, making Shampoo very much aware of the intent of her amorous princess.

"I can't wait any longer...this is torture...I must have you!" Lum insisted as she all but ripped the Amazon's shirt open, baring her wife's torso to full view as she took a brief moment to admire her bosom before lowering her head and burying her face within the ample mounds and the "valley" they created. Shampoo gasped in dismay as entirely new sensations began to assault her mind and body, but father than attempt to fend off Lum's ardor she instead lay back and allowed things to proceed apace, her mind utterly transfixed by the passion of the green haired girl's uninhibited ardor.

For several moments longer no other sound could be heard throughout the chamber save for the Oni's lips and tongue at work, the sound of her breathing through her perky nose (since her mouth was otherwise busy) and the alternating gasps and groans that Shampoo uttered as her wife ravished her with sweet intensity, paying special attention to little areas and places that Shampoo did not normally associate with sex, yet which did much to set her body on fire the longer that Lum's devotion continued.

Indeed, it was not long before the Oni satisfied her lust for the upper area of her wife's sweet body, then with one hand she began to strip off Shampoo's pants so that she could slide a hand between the soft valley of the purple haired girl's thighs, encountering an equally purple bush that tempted her to play there for a while, skillful fingers finding their way to tease and torment Shampoo anew while the Amazon just arched her back and moaned in disbelief at how wonderful it felt to be so handled. This was even better than the last several times when Lum had attempted something like this with Shampoo's body, only now it was evident that Lum intended to go all the way with Shampoo and would not stop for anything until she had obtained the full measure of their mutual satisfaction.

Indeed, things seemed to be proceeding a pace with a certain inevitability about them, when all at once-and to their mutual surprise-a voice intruded on their private affair as a man wearing a semi-military uniform (as such passed for in Oni society) burst into the room and said, "Princess...your highness! I was sent to inform you that your father..."

ZAAAAKKK!

Like that the man was literally struck by lightning, going one minute from conscious and upright to flying backwards at great velocity with his uniform and body singed and the smell of ozone marking his rapid departure from the chamber. Lum continued to stare viciously at the place where the man had been standing a mere moment ago, then in a low-voice snarl she said, "I swear...the next guy who interrupts me like that while I'm with Darling...Darling? Darling...are you all right?"

Shampoo just remained where she was in a state of rigid muscle contraction, eyes staring wide at the ceiling while wisps of smoke curled up from her prone form, her mind filled with but a single thought of how her mother had been absolutely right in describing what an orgasm felt like...only she did not include the details about being literally electrified and smelling the distinctive aroma of crisp-fried bacon in her own nostrils...

"Bet that was a real mood killer," Nabiki said with a half-lidded expression.

"You could be saying that," Shampoo agreed with a nod, "It take this one two whole hours just get funny smile off of face."

"Another perfect evening ruined," Lum said sadly, "It seemed that-no matter where we'd go-the fates just kept conspiring against Darling and me, and I don't mind telling you that it was more than a little frustrating."

"Serves you both right," Akane smirked, "Thinking you could do something like that without consequences."

"Man, what is it with you anyway?" Ranma asked the youngest Tendo girl as he came wandering back into the room after using the privy, "Can't you see how hard it was on both Lum-chan and Sham-chan? They were honestly trying to make things work out between them, but all they got was interference from one damn source or another."

"Ranma is right, Akane," Kasumi agreed, "You really should try and be less judgmental about the ways of other people."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Akane asked defensively, "Give them both my seal of approval?"

"You could try being nicer for a change," Ranma sniffed, "Even I wasn't that bad when I got myself roped into this three-way marriage."

"Enough with the teasing already," Nabiki said with a yawn, "We know you eventually got it on together, so why don't you just cut to the chase and tell us how it finally did happen."

"Well...if you must know," Lum shared a wry look with her comely companion, "The thing that finally brought us past the threshold was caused by Benton when she paid us a visit to our village a few days later, only what really set thing off were some other girls who were intent on spoiling things between Darling and me, enemies of my Darling who thought to use me against her..."

As Shampoo and Lum stood watching as Benton took off on her hover-bike with a somewhat dubious Perfume clinging to the goddess for dear life, another set of eyes looked on with grim amusement, human eyes yet possessed of a hostility that went beyond normal reason.

Her name was Velcro and she was a very unhappy denizen of the Joketsuzoku. A warrior of middle rank who had studied and trained hard all of her life to be everything that her elders could make her, she nonetheless was painfully aware of the fact that her own combat skills paled to insignificance when compared with those of Shampoo, a fact for which she was highly resentful. Knowing that-  
-no matter how hard you worked at something, there would always be someone better-tormented her with a jealousy that surpassed all normal reason, and in a society where merit was judged on your ability to fight was like a thorn in her side that could neither be removed nor relieved and was with her almost constantly, and would be so for as long as Shampoo remained a potent rival.

But now opportunity was rearing its golden head and Velcro fully intended to seize upon the moment as such a one would not likely come again, at least not for a time that was yet to be reckoned.

She turned to regard her small circle of close companions, fellow warriors who trained together and were bound by kinship ties as well as friendship, and all of whom came from houses where the name of the Matriarch, Cologne, was not spoken with much favor. The looked back with questioning regard as they caught the smile upon Velcro's features, for not a one among them was as clever nor as cunning in the subtle arts of duplicity, a fact which made her their natural pack leader, even if she was hardly the strongest fighter among them.

There was Velvet, her cousin of sorts, who shared her resentment (if not in full measure of Velcro's own venom) of Shampoo's favored status within their tribe, and the cousins Foam and Soap, who were equally resentful of their primary rival in the coming annual championship games. The latter pair, of course, were often at odds with one another on nearly every other subject imaginable, but held together under Velcro's firm leadership when their wrath was directed towards the Matriarch's heir apparent. Last in their not-so-merry little group was Tablet, by far the most annoying of the bunch, a capable warrior but possessed of numerous personality flaws that made her less than popular with other young girls their own age, yet an ideal candidate for Velcro's own purposes since she was easily manipulated and would make an excellent fall-girl when the time for such was needed.

It was Tablet, with her grating, off-key voice who dared ask of their nominal leader, "What have you got in mind that's so important, Vel? I was busy filling out a new prescription at the Healer's place when I got your summons."

"And we were just about to get down to deciding which of us was going to date a certain guy we both had our eyes on," Soap glared at Foam, whose own gaze would have whetted a dull knife as the two of them seemed ready to come to blows for some peculiar reason.

"I will tell you what I have in mind," Velcro replied with a nasty lilt in her voice and features, "Revenge against our rival. The moment is finally at hand where we can put that arrogant Shampoo in her place once and for all, to say nothing of some long overdue justice."

"Justice?" Soap asked, "You mean for what she did to you during last year's tournament?"

"That and a hundred other little humiliations that she has inflicted upon all of us at one time or another," Velcro answered, "We all know what she was like before her marriage to the Outlander princess, how time and again she has ground our dreams into the dirt and made us look bad before the eyes of our elders..."

"To say nothing about stealing the eye of just about every available young man in our village," Foam soaked sullenly, conveniently ignoring the fact that the only man of the Joketsuzoku who professed undying love for the purple haired warrior was Mousse himself, who tended to drive other men away from Shampoo as a matter of territorial imperative, leaving little chance that one or more could ever develop into a serious rival.

Velvet scowled and grumbled aloud, "That's true enough. Remember how Pane used to go on about what a great catch that Shampoo would be if he could only muster up the courage to challenge her for a date?"

"You mean before Mousse broke both of his legs and dislocated his shoulder?" Soap pointed out as she and Foam both glared in the purple-haired girl's direction.

"That damned Shampoo," Tablet growled, "She ruins it for the rest of us because every other good looking man who gets near her winds up getting beat up by her nearsighted thug of a boyfriend."

"Yes, the nerve of her flaunting herself that way," Soap concurred, "Because of her the rest of us can hardly find good boyfriends."

"Maybe a boyfriend isn't really what she wanted all along," Velcro snickered a bit in amusement, "For a fact we know the Enforcer is inclined towards other warriors...so maybe the same thing holds true for her cousin?"

"I thought they weren't blood related," Tablet noted with evident confusion.

"Never mind that," Velcro snapped, "The point is...the Enforcer is away chasing foreign tail, and that leaves the field wide open for us to exploit while she is...busy."

"How do you mean that?" Velvet asked in evident confusion.

"Never mind the details," Velcro chuckled softly, "I have a plan...one that should work out to our full and complete advantage..."

"It figures," yawned Nabiki, "The villains in these stories always tend to laugh at their own plots..."

"Nabiki," Akane growled, "Don't spoil it for the rest of us, at least wait until we hear the ending."

"What were they planning to do with you and Lum-san, Shampoo-san?" Kasumi asked, more thoroughly enthralled.

"No good, if you must know," Shampoo glanced down before adding sullenly, "In a way it was this one's fault for being what she was before she meet Airen. Used to be very competitive, often taunt rivals and put down girls she defeat in battle. This one no think of other's feelings when she do this, but now that she looks back she sees how she has many times given other warriors reasons no to like her."

"That doesn't justify what they were intending to do with me, Darling," Lum said with a prickly sense of acute displeasure, "And just because your cousin, our nominal bodyguard and protector, was off flashing the mole upon her ass at my friend Benton..."

"Yeah, it is kinda cute at that," Nabiki noted with a far-off, dreamy expression...

"What was that?" Ranma blinked.

"Uh...nothing," Nabiki sobered up abruptly as if only just realizing that she had been speaking her thoughts aloud.

"You sure you're fully awake, Nabiki?" Akane asked with a dubious expression.

"Of course I am," Nabiki turned a benevolent smile and forced her eyes to widen so that she gave her sister a patently false "Kawaii" expression, "Why would you think otherwise of me, Sis?"

Akane recoiled from the look of her middle sister, "Yikes...scary! Don't ever do that again, please..."

"Please do continue with your story," Kasumi asked, "What of Perfume-san during all of this? Did she find out about what these other girls were planning?"

"Not at first," Lum replied with a mildly sardonic expression, "Let's just say that Benton was keeping her busy and leave it at that..."

"Of course things about to take very strange turn in story," Shampoo resumed once again, "And it all begin when someone new enter story, and that where this one really figure out that Gods are having too-too much fun with this one and her Airen..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Happy Birthday to Me: shadowmane

I'll be turning 45 in another day (Feb. 4, 2003) but I want you all to enjoy the moment as I prepare for round two of "Lum Gets Sum," where we find out once and for all what exactly Shampoo felt at this time about her alien "Airen," and why crossing the path of these two star-crossed lovers was a very unhealthy prospect! Be here next time for: "Swoon Lake," or "Random Hearts Aflutter-CPR Style!." Be there.

X 


	14. Chapter 14

LSPurple14

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT! CONTAINS SCENES OF A SOMEWHAT EXPLICIT NATURE. AVOID IF YOU ARE OFFENDED AT THE THOUGHT OF TWO GORGEOUS BABES GOING AT IT WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM AND EFFECT,  
ESPECIALLY WITH FIREWORKS THAT ACCOMPANY THEIR FULFILLMENT.  
YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED.

(Again thanks to DB Sommers, Nicole Manders,  
and Wade Tritschler for the creation of a few supporting characters who make an appearance in this series...)

Chapter Fourteen.

Lum Gets Sum (Part Two)

Bayankallah Mountain Range,  
Qing Hi Province, Rural China;  
Village of the Joketsuzoku

Perfume lay back and took it in like an old pro as Benton introduced her to the art of the "Strap-On" vibrator, the Amazon Enforcer being naked and face-up upon the latter's flying bike with legs spread wide and crotch open to full penetration. It was her first time doing it this way, after all, and Perfume's eyes were wide open as she felt a thrill at being dominated by her latest sexual conquest.

The Goddess was enjoying the eagerness and receptiveness of the brown-haired warrior as she gently thrust with her hips to project more of the artificial cock that she was wearing into the hungry crotch that devoured it by the centimeter. Benton grinned as she saw the look of wonder and amazement in the other girl turn to astonishment as Perfume arched her back and gasped as she was fully penetrated, the whole length of the nine-inch thing cramming into her despite the frank disbelief of the Enforcer that she could fit such a rod inside her without being torn asunder. Astonishment promptly turned to dismay and glee as Benton switched the vibratory aspect on and felt the familiar hum as it transferred yet new sensations into the other girl's most intimate of recesses. Perfume literally cried out her amazement at how good it felt to be thus stimulated, and that only increased Benton's own eagerness to take things to yet another level.

"Oh, you like it, do you?" Benton cooed as she worked her hips to ease the vibrator in against the enforcer's hyper-sensitive crotch, her own hands sliding from Perfume's hips to grasp those bountiful breasts of the other girl that fairly begged to be so fondled.

Perfume could only exclaim affirmation through a gentle moan that rose from her very being. The delightful torments being visited upon her body made her swoon with frank amazement that such positive feelings could exist to be discovered. The feel of Benton's hands squeezing her bosom and toying with her nipples was an additional added bonus as there was obvious skill to the Goddess's efforts, as if playing with another girl this way were familiar territory, and a subject in which she excelled with much enthusiasm.

"I thought as much," Benton chuckled, "So nice to see I was right about you. A lot of Earth girls tend to be a bit shy about doing this on a second date, but I can see you have no such restraints about sharing yourself with me, so let's just move on to the next stage and I'll give you something to really talk about in the girls' lockers..."

Perfume did not exactly know what a "girl's locker" was, but it sounded like someplace she'd very much like visiting to judge from the way her present lover was causing her such sweet sensations. Having her loins be filled by an artificial member (very much like a male penis, but with a beautiful girl attached, which made it infinitely more tolerable than had it been a man trying to pump her with his seed) was giving her such a thrill that she could almost ignore the fact that they were still hovering far above the ground and amid a passing cloudbank, drifting along while the bike helped the flying part out by automatic "cruise control" pilot.

Spread out as she was in a completely open state, draped over a machine whose function she barely understood, her divine lover straddling her and looking down with tender affection as she worked her hips to gently drive the rod in and out of the Amazon's tightening snatch, they both were literally on cloud nine of ecstasy (the more so as Benton assured her that the dildo was "double-ended") and so were quite oblivious to events taking place upon the ground as neither one had a mind for anything other than screwing their partner over good and proper...

Unfortunately for the Princess Lum and her recently pledged wife, Shampoo, those events were taking a dark and sinister turn for the worse as enemies plotted their fate, taking full advantage of the absence of their nominal defender. Completely unaware that this was the case, however, Lum was presently consoling her "Darling" by assuring Shampoo that she had absolutely nothing to worry about when it came to her adopted cousin, insisting, in her words, that her friend Benton had purely "honorable" intentions.

"After all, Darling," Lum remarked as they walked side-by-side together past the rows of houses in the middle of the Amazon village, "It's not like she wants to do any harm to Perfume...she just wants to have sex with her until they're both quite thoroughly exhausted."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured softly, trying to imagine what her cousin and the goddess from outer space were up to and failing rather badly at conjuring up a suitable image.

"That cousin of yours is sure fickle when it comes to choosing friends," remarked the diminutive Jariten as he hovered in the air at the side of the strolling pair of lovely ladies, "One day it's Oyuki, the next she's hanging out with that Tengu woman, then she takes up with the daughter of Prince Kirin, whose tougher than most guys the way I hear it...and what's a Diesel Dyke anyway, Lum?"

"Ten," Lum sounded both shocked and offended, "Where did you ever hear that word used around Benton?"

"A couple months back when your dad said something like that when he didn't know I was hearing," Jariten said with a puzzled expression, "He said a lot of other things that I didn't understand at the time, but he seemed to think that Benton was one of the reasons why you wouldn't agree to marry any of the guys he was picking out for you..."

"Oh he did, did he?" Lum asked archly, "Well...dad and me are going to have to have a few words on that subject...but it hardly matters now that I'm with you, Darling, and dad even approves of our union."

Lum impulsively took Shampoo by the hand as she said this, causing the purple haired Amazon to raise her eyebrows at the gesture, though she made no effort to free her hand from the soft grip of her green haired companion.

"Well, anyway," Jariten continued as if oblivious to the exchanges of the two older women, "It seems pretty irresponsible of your cousin to just take off like that when she's supposed to be looking out for the both of you...not that there's that much to do around here since all everybody ever seems to do is train to fight each other...and what's the point if you never go to war against your neighbors or anything like that?"

"It is not about training for battle," Shampoo reflexively said in defense of her own culture, "It is about honing the body and sharpening the mind, about preserving our traditions and passing them along to each new successive generation."

"Sounds like something your great-grandmother would say," Lum said with an admiring glance at her comely companion, "She really does stress the importance of training...she's even offered to teach me a few useful things since I'm now a part of your family and am entitled to such lessons."

"So what kind of training are we talking about here?" Jariten asked, "Something to enhance your physical powers, or maybe make use for your lightning?"

"I don't know, Ten," Lum answered, "It's very hard to judge with these Amazon training techniques. They're quite formidable, and each is tailored to the talents and abilities of the warrior in training, and all of the Amazons we have encountered so far are very gifted in the mastery of their skills and...what in the world?"

Just then a figure came storming past them with an angry expression upon her lovely features, a young girl with long blonde hair set in a pair of odango-like ponytails who was grumbling aloud, "How dare she take from me my streamers? That Velcro is going to go too far one day and then I will have my retribution-AWP!"

The blonde warrior, in her haste to exact her promised vengeance, misjudged the level of the road slightly as she moved to elbow past Shampoo and Lum, and all at once she tripped and fell face-first onto the road, sprawling out in an ungainly heap with her fanny projecting upward as she moaned softly to herself, "Ow...that hurt..."

"You were saying?" Jariten asked dryly of his cousin.

"Are you all right?" Lum asked of the fallen stranger.

"Oh sure...never better," the blonde Amazon complained as she sat upright and felt the bruises on her face before wincing, "Ancestors take whoever designed these roads...I have complained to the elders time and again that they ought to have them leveled so honest people do not trip over them all of the time, but does anyone take the time to listen...?"

"Sash," Shampoo said by way of addressing the blonde by name, "What were you doing just now? You almost ran into this one and her Airen."

"Sorry about that, Shampoo, but I was in a hurry," Sash replied as she got back to her feet then dusted off her clothing, "Someone stole my streamers just now, and I am very certain it was Velcro. You know how she picks on me whenever I am away and unable to deal her justice..."

"This one knows of the feud between your clans," Shampoo replied, "But why would she take from you your streamers?"

"Because she knows I cannot fight effectively without them," Sash replied, briefly touching her metal headband, "The only weapon I can use at a range is this and a throwing disk I got as a present from my cousin in Japan...and I would wager she plans on ambushing me with that gang of four losers who hang with her when they ought to be in training."

"Well...be more careful next time with where you go and where you put your belongings," Shampoo advised, "It does no good to invite misfortune through a lack of caution..."

"I know how to look after myself, Shampoo," Sash assured the other girl, "Now if you will excuse me, I need to find Velcro..."

And promptly saying this she turned about and tripped over the hem of her own pantsuit, to once more wind up sprawling in the dirt, only this time she seemed but semi-conscious as she lay there.

"Oh yeah...very formidable," Jariten commented with a rude expression.

"She...has problems with her balance," Shampoo said almost apologetically for her fellow Amazon, "In battle she is quite formidable, but when not engaged in a fight, or in training..." she sighed, deciding that was as far as she could go without offering Sash a grave insult, the kind that might inspire yet more oaths of "retribution."

"You mean she can be a dangerous foe when crossed?" Lum inquired.

"Only dangerous if she's on your side," someone else answered, and to their collective surprise they found a cloaked figure standing there glancing down at the blonde laying before her feet as though contemplating whether or not to step upon the body.

She was a hooded figure, yet clearly feminine to judge by her voice and what of her features were left showing in the sunlight. She was not very tall...in fact, she barely came up to nose-level for Lum and Shampoo, yet there was something about her...some presence indefinable, that gave her bearing stature far in excess of her physical dimensions.

"Who?" Shampoo asked in surprise.

"Shame on you, Xian-Pu," the figure replied, reaching up with pale hands to lift back the hood of her cloak, exposing rather attractive features that were nonetheless devoid of an excess of color and pigmentation. Her ruby eyes regarded them with some unearthly quality that made others feel nervous, yet her tone was jibing, mildly sarcastic as she continued, "Has it been so long that you have forgotten this one? I had thought that I was difficult not to remember."

"Frost?" Shampoo exclaimed, belatedly recognizing the girl, though it had indeed been some time since last she had seen the albino, for she had been away from Joketsuzoku for some time as a Mage apprentice to her own great-grandmother, Siren the Archmage.

"Frost?" Lum asked in curiosity.

The white-haired, pale-skinned woman turned to level her ruby eyes upon the green haired Oni princess, "And you must be Shampoo's new Airen, the one I have been hearing so much about of late. I did a scrying spell some few days ago and found your union to be unusually blessed among the heavens."

"Really?" Lum brightened.

"My scrying never lies," Frost replied, turning back to the purple haired warrior and resuming, "Listen, Shampoo, there is a reason why I came in search of you just now. I did a second reading and got a vague warning of some impending crisis that's going to be upon you this very day, and my readings tell me that you are about to make an important decision that will affect the rest of your life, so...be on guard for trouble, and look closely to your Airen."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked, catching the curious look that Lum was turning her way.

"Things are not always what they seem within this world," Frost said as if to the purple haired Amazon's unspoken question, "And you should learn to think as much with your heart in such situations as your mind. When you put all your doubts aside the truth becomes plain to your understanding. Now, if you will excuse me...bright sunlight pains my eyes something awful."

With that pronouncement said the mysterious albino lifted up her hood and turned about, leaving the trio more puzzled than before, though Lum seemed to recover quickly and with her usual resilient enthusiasm turned to Shampoo and declared, "Darling, did you hear what she said? Our union is going to be a blessed one...that means we have the favor of the heavens. It could also mean children! And wouldn't that be nice?"

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo exclaimed as Lum impulsively hugged her, and for once the Amazon would have welcomed being shocked since it would have distracted her from having to think about the logical implications of her Airen's last statement.

"I'm a little more worried about that vague warning that Frosty girl was telling us about," Jariten noted as he hovered close nearby without paying much attention to his cousin's antics, "What do you suppose she meant by that? And what did she mean when she referred to it as an 'impending crisis?'"

"Who knows, Ten," Lum replied as though her world did not include such passing trifles, cozying up to her beloved Airen as she said in a distracted voice, "I'm sure whatever it is we'll face it together as a team...isn't that right, Darling?"

Shampoo considered another "Aiyaa" for her reply, but found it quite unnecessary as the next moment Sash recovered her wits (or what passed for them anyway) and muttered aloud, "Aiyaa...what hit me...?"

"The planet?" Jariten helpfully answered.

"Do not be silly," Sash insisted, "I am sure it was all a plot by that dratted Velcro to take me unawares. She is tricky that one, be on your guard around her and watch out for her so-called friends. They may not be as much trouble as she is, but they tend to follow her lead when it comes to mischief."

"This one will remember," Shampoo said with words that she would shortly regret uttering, "But this one thinks she and others are no great threat to this one. Better if you be careful, and no just because you have grudge against Velcro."

"Huh?" Sash replied with a puzzled expression, "What do you mean? Whoops!"

She had started to turn around when she got caught on her own hemline and went sprawling on the ground once again, leaving Shampoo and her Oni companions to stare in dismay at the clumsiness of the Amazon with curling rabbit-like twin ponytails.

"I see what you mean, Darling," Lum observed rather dryly.

"She's definitely more of a menace than any Amazon I've seen so far," Jariten agreed completely.

Shampoo was not in the habit of forming a sweat drop, but under the circumstances she made the odd exception.

Nerima, Japan-The Present

"Sure are a lot of weirdoes in this village of yours," Akane remarked.

"Akane-chan," Kasumi softly reprimanded her youngest sister.

"Oh, I don't know," Nabiki remarked, "Compared with some of the people we know, these Amazons sound almost quaint."

"Yeah, well...they may sound like a weird bunch, but they're like family to me now," Ranma assured, "All except for a few cases...like this Velcro for example, she was a real piece of work, the way I hear tell this story."

"You're telling us, Husband?" Lum snorted, folding her arms over her chest and glaring off into the garden, "The way she tricked me while Darling was distracted, all to lure Darling into that ambush..."

"Let this one tell that part of the story, Airen," Shampoo urged, "It all begin when Benton's friends show up to cause trouble in our village, which is about time when cousin Perfume is enjoying nice-nice moment with biker-goddess..."

Perfume was nearing her climax when she heard a rumbling sound in the heavens, and as distracted as she was with Benton pounding her hard from the rear she could still feel the vibrations signifying that something was about to happen, a sense that Benton shared in spite of the fact that she herself was enjoying the moment and about to share a climax with her all-too-willing earthly companion.

The rumbling grew louder even as the twined pair crested over the edge of a mutual orgasm, which same was only intensified by the heavy vibrations that traveled through bone, muscle and sinew and added depth to the effects of the double-ended vibrator which they were sharing. Their cries were drowned out by the sound of high-pitched throbbing engines, very similar to the ones created by the hover-bike that they were sharing, even as a wave of successive shadows passed right over their position, adding to the sense of objects passing directly overhead and at great speed, which same was all the attention that could be spared for the next few crucial seconds, during which time Perfume felt her consciousness briefly pass through a numb white state before reorienting once again with all of her senses growing sharp with the return of normal respiration.

Benton had collapsed upon the Amazon's back even as Perfume lay sprawled across the alien device, sucking in wind as Benton had ridden her good and hard to that last conclusion, and with a certainty she would be sore between the legs for the next several hours, at least. With that thought in mind the Amazon Enforcer slowly regained possession of her wits and opened one eye to make out the vague shapes that she sensed were surrounding them both, and by turns came to the realization that there were several strangely women sitting astride hover-bikes similar in design to the one belonging to Benton, and that all six of these strangers were smiling in a knowing way that suggested that they were greatly amused at what they were witnessing for some odd reason.

And then her heightened senses informed her of why this was so, for each of these curious females had an aura identical to Benton's, meaning a very strong internal source of Chi, the kind which Perfume now identified as a common trait to all of the so-called Gods who were Benton's otherworldly people.

It took Benton herself several more seconds to become aware of this same factor, and then she lifted herself off of Perfume and looked around before saying, "Guys? What are you doing here?"

"We'd ask the same thing of you, Benton," one of the divine beauties replied, "Only the answer looks pretty obvious, and small wonder you were so eager to visit Earth this bright and cheery morning."

There were numerous giggles and snickers in accompaniment to that observation, then Perfume dared risk a softly murmured inquiry that came in the form of an, "Aiyaa?"

"Oh, sorry," Benton apologized to her before waving a hand around, "These are my friends and sister goddesses, and I guess they came here to look me up, not that any of them seem to mind intruding on my personal business."

The latter part was spoken as a low growl with Benton glaring at the new arrivals, a most unsubtle hint that was duly ignored by her contemporaries as the lead of the six strangers gave her name to begin proper introductions.

"Daitokuten's daughter, Kuro," said a curly red haired girl with a light blue cap atop her head.

"Ebisu's daughter, Meguro," announced a girl with dark hair worked into curly braids and who also wore an ochre colored cap.

"Bishamonten's daughter, Shala," declared a brown haired beauty whose cap was yellow.

"Fukurokujin's daughter, Roku," a capless girl with free-flowing auburn hair revealed.

"Jurojin's daughter, Kotabuki," boasted a bald-headed girl wearing a low-cut white outfit.

"Hotei's daughter, Teil," the dark haired girl whose hair was styled in a peculiar coif said simply as she completed the set of exotically charming females.

"Tail?" Perfume mispronounced (since the association was still fresh in her mind due to her recent exertions), taking in the set with a keen eye towards appraising their charming assets.

"Oh wow," the girl named Kuro remarked as her eyes took in Perfume's well-toned naked body, "Are those for real...or are they the work of some enchantment?"

"They look big enough to be worth plucking," the one named Meguro observed with obvious appreciation.

"Ripe enough too," Shala agreed with a leer, "Wherever did you find this one, Benton...and why haven't you felt like sharing with your bosom companions?"

"Don't you recognize her?" Roku remarked in a somewhat more jaded manner, "That's one of the outlander females who took part in the match the other day...the one who went after Benton despite the fact that she came with the Oni."

"Doesn't look like any Oni I know," Kutabuki observed matter-of-factly.

"All the better," Teil's eyes gleamed with speculation, "And if it's my tail you're after, then you're going to have to ask nicely."

"Aiyaa?" Perfume remarked, surprised at the easy, open and accepting tone with which these goddesses were flirting in her direction.

"Back off, guys," Benton softly growled, "I saw her first, and if you want a piece you're going to have to take a number."

"Now, is that anyway to talk to your best friends, Benton?" Kuro chided, "And wherever did you find her since she's clearly not an Oni."

"Her name is Perfume," Benton said with a proprietary hand laid upon Perfume's left shoulder while hooking a thumb with her other hand gesturing over her own right shoulder, "And she comes from a village not too far from here named Joketsuzoku..."

"Really?" Meguro asked.

"Are there any more like her in that village?" Shala wondered.

"A few," Benton shrugged, "But I really didn't stick around long enough to take a census or survey."

"Sounds like this place might be worth checking out," Roku speculated.

"What a great idea," Shala remarked, "And here I thought this day would be boring."

"Yes," Teil agreed, "Another day cruising the mall looking for things to do...but if we're lucky this could prove to be worth a party raid, eh Cousins?"

The other goddesses all agreed and revved up their engines in response to the challenge.

"Hey, wait a minute..." Benton started to protest, only to watch as her fellow goddesses took off on their hover-bikes, orienting in the direction of the Amazon village, "Oh hell..."

"What do they mean to do?" Perfume asked as she craned her neck while attempting to trace the movements of the foreign beauties.

"Knowing that bunch like I do?" Benton replied, "Go to town in a big way...and I sure hope your people don't mind having their daughters get snatched up in broad daylight...or their sons, for that matter."

Perfume turned her head as far as it would go as she tried to glance back at Benton, "You mean...they will challenge this one's Amazon sisters in search of dates?"

"That's one way of putting it," Benton replied while revving up her own engine, "Much as I hate to say this, you'd better put your clothes back on because I mean to burn Nitrogen going after that lot before they cause too much disruption."

Perfume understood at once and glanced around for her discarded pantsuit, fetching it from the nearby bush atop which it had rested and hastily pulling it on even as Benton lifted the hover-bike into the air and turned them around back towards Joketsuzoku...

"What is it with all these perverts you keep running into?" Akane wondered aloud, "Are you saying even these goddesses are into having sex with other women?"

"Why should that seem so unusual to you?" Lum asked in obvious confusion, "You earthlings can be so strange at times, as if there were something to be ashamed about enjoying your own bodies."

"Hey, it seemed strange to me too at first, the way you two get along and all that," Ranma shrugged, "But after a while...well, it starts to seem almost normal, especially hanging around that Perfume and the way she goes after almost anything female..."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Nabiki said with an ironic expression.

"What was that, Imoutochan?" Kasumi inquired.

"Uh...nothing," Nabiki replied a bit too hastily, "Go on with your story, especially the bit about this panty raid that your goddess friends staged on the Amazon village."

"It was more than just a raid," Shampoo assured them, "To us it seemed more like an invasion, especially when Airen and this one look up in sky and see hover-bikers attacking..."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked as she turned her head at the sound of an approaching hover-bike, only to look on in dismay as she found it was someone other than Benton who was steering their way, and that she had several more companions.

"What?" Lum gasped, "Benton's gang, the Divas? What are they doing here?"

"At a guess?" Jariten hastily answered as the little levitating babe took hasty evasive action, "I'd say they're INCOMING!"

No sooner had those words been uttered then six hurtling figures made their presence known to the citizens of the Joketsuzoku, whizzing past so swiftly that they were hardly more than a blur to the eyes of many, yet clearly felt for the wind kicked up in their passing as Shampoo herself discerned their slender forms and placed them immediately as being of the same cast as the goddess Benton.

Around and about the village the six hover-bike bestriding junior divinities flew, taking in stock those local citizens who were scampering out of the way and sizing them up at a glance to single out the ones who seemed most worthy of attention.

"Damnation...just look at this place!" the goddess named Kuro marveled.

"A virtual smorgasbord of delights," Meguro agreed as she eyed several attractive figures in particular, then caught sight of one very special pair and said, "Hey, isn't that Lum over there, standing next to that purple haired cutie?"

"Hey, that's the girl who came with her to the games the other day," Shala marveled, "Wasn't she some kind of girlfriend that Lum had taken up with or something?"

"I think she declared her to be her wife," Roku mused as they circled around the Oni Princess and her Airen, "That Lum always did have an eye for the cute ones."

"Seems a shame, wasting such beauty on the likes of an Oni," Kotabuki remarked in an off-handed manner.

"Isn't it though?" Teil grinned, "We ought to do something about it, don't you agree, Cousins?"

Some grins were exchanged and a hasty resolution decided upon, and then two of the goddesses promptly put their plan into action, diving down in a long swoop to flank the Amazon and Oni with a quick fly-by, all the better to provide distraction so that the one named Shala could approach undetected, and then before she knew it Shampoo felt an arm go around her waist and all at once she was yanked from Lum's side with such force that the wind was momentarily driven from her lungs, leaving her helpless to resist as she was carried off into the lofty heavens.

"DARLING!" Lum cried out in belated realization of what had just occurred, and then she too took to the air with great haste, intending to pursue the fleeing Shala, only to run smack into the path of two other goddesses who cut her off before her flight was fully committed.

"Uh-uh-ah!" chided Roku.

"No fair you spoiling our fun this time, Oni," Kotabuki agreed.

"You've been hogging the limelight long enough for our tastes," Teil noted as she triggered a device upon her bike and shot a net that ensnared Lum before she had time to brace herself, then all at once she plummeted back towards the earth, to land very rudely on her pert derriere while the goddesses went laughingly on their way in pursuit of other mischief.

"Lum...are you all right?" Jariten asked as he hovered over his struggling cousin while Lum fought to free herself from the netting.

"Get me out of this thing, Ten!" Lum declared with great heat, "I have to get loose so I can rescue my darling!"

"How am I supposed to do that?" Jariten asked, "I'm just a little kid, I..."

"One side, Ten!" Benton called out as she vaulted off her own hover-bike, producing a sword from seeming no where and slicing downward to part the netting without harming Lum in the process.

The Oni princess was quick to free herself from captivity at that point, but rather than appreciate the gesture she instead rounded upon her longtime friend and snarled, "Benton, what is the meaning of this? Why did you sick your goons on me, and why have them kidnap my Darling?"

"Hey!" Benton put away her sword and raised both hands in a warding manner, "I'm not responsible for this, Lum! My girls did this on my own, and I'm terribly sorry about all this, but..."

Several cries were suddenly raised from all around them, and then as Benton, Lum and Jariten turned to see their sources they found several more citizens of the Joketsuzoku were taking impromptu sky trips courtesy of the hover-bike bestriding goddesses, both male and females suddenly finding themselves airborne.

Including one in particular whose long blonde streamers looked like rabbit ears flapping in the breeze.

"Unhand me!" they could hear her weakly protesting, "The justice of the heavens..." and the rest was lost to distance.

"Aiyaa," remarked Perfume as she stood up from the rear of Benton's own descending hover-bike surveying the plight of her fellow Nyanchiczu.

"Oh bugger," Benton complained with a wince, "If dad finds out about this..."

"Why are you just standing here letting them get away with this, Benton?" Lum snapped in her direction, "Do something! You're supposed to be their leader!"

"Easier said than done with that lot," Benton grimaced, "I'll have to go and talk them down before they do something we're all going to regret later. You stay here and I'll go fetch your wife..."

"I'm coming with you!" Lum insisted.

"That wouldn't be a good idea and you know it, Lum," Benton assured her, "Sure we goddesses and you Oni have a nominal truce of sorts, but there's enough bad blood between our peoples that you showing up with me is bound to cause problems. My cousins won't hurt your Airen, and when I catch up with them I fully intend to give them hell over this, so just wait here and let me reassert control over this situation and I'll have everything resolved before you really know it."

"But...!" Lum protested.

"Lum," Benton looked the Oni princess in the eye and laid a reassuring hand upon her shoulder, "You know me...have I ever failed to fulfill a promise to you? You know I still care enough about you that I'd never want to see you hurt, so believe me when I tell you that I mean what I say about bringing your wife back to you."

"But..." Lum said with less force in her tone than before.

"Please?" Benton asked more persuasively, putting all of her emotions into her expression as she held Lum's gaze and added, "Trust me like you used to when we were playmates. I know what we had will never be again, but I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to assure your happiness, so please...just wait here. It won't be long, I promise."

The energy seemed to go out of Lum as she endured Benton's soft entreaty for several more heartbeats, then at last she glanced down in token surrender and said, "Very well...I will trust you, Benton."

The goddess smiled at that, and impulsively leaned forward to kiss Lum on her forehead, "That's my girl. Now just be patient with me for a bit longer and I'll be back before you know it. Bye."

With that declaration stated, the goddess turned back to her hover-bike, even as Perfume slipped off of its side and touched her feet to terra firma, then with a leap Benton mounted her mechanical steed and gunned the engine, giving Perfume a quick flashing smile before adding, "Look after Lum and see she stays put until I get back. With any lucky I'll have your cousin back to you in a Jiff!"

With that Benton gunned the engine took like a rocket, leaving Perfume behind to stare in wonder and amazement before turning back to Lum and saying, "You are all right...Princess?"

"I'm fine," Lum sighed, though her tone clearly stated otherwise, "I just...feel so helpless doing nothing! Benton means well, but those cousins of hers..." she made an incoherent snarl and balled her fists as though intending to strike at something.

"Your Airen is strong," Perfume tried to reassure the Oni princess, "Those outsiders will not have their way with her, and if they try they will find out just how formidable this one's cousin can be when cornered."

"I suppose you're right, Perfume," Lum sighed once again, only to grit her teeth as she added, "But I keep picturing them doing things with Darling...things they have no business doing with my wife! They have always been like that, those goddesses...so high and mighty, so certain that they have the right to do whatever they want...!"

Perfume felt conflicted as she heard those words and felt the agony of the Oni princess, torn with a desire to offer comfort and support to Lum and yet restrained by the knowledge that she belonged to another, and no matter how hard Shampoo might try to deny it, Perfume knew for a certainty that her cousin's feelings for Lum were starting to reciprocate the love the princess clearly felt towards Perfume's cousin.

Knowing that she was on dangerous ground the longer she spent time alone with the green haired beauty, Perfume excused herself with a casual nod and said, "Forgive this one, she must report these events to the Elders. Great-grandmother will know what to do about these...um...raiders..."

"Yes, of course," Lum nodded tiredly, "You have your other duties to fulfill, and with several of your townspeople being kidnapped like that someone is going to have to explain things to grandmother and the rest of the Elders."

Perfume hesitated to take her leave as she caught the sadness in Lum's tone, and so she asked, "What troubles you, Princess? This one senses that it is more than concern for this one's cousin..."

"No, you're right about that," Lum replied, giving Perfume a frank nod before glancing away, "It is all about what is between me and my Darling, and...I am starting to worry that she may not like me as much as I want her to. I know I've hurt her several times without intending...and maybe I do get a bit carried away with my lightning...but still..."

Perfume understood the pain that Lum was projecting, feeling some measure of the emotional torment within her own breast, yet still managed to say without interruption, "This one's cousin loves you very much, Princess."

"Eh?" Lum looked at the Enforcer with confusion.

"This one can tell," Perfume assured the green haired beauty, "Though Shampoo may not know it her self, she has come to accept you as a part of her life and will one day admit as much to you in terms that will leave you in no doubt of her intentions."

"You think so?" Lum asked in wonder, then clasped her hands together and grinned broadly, "Oh, I hope you're right about that, Perfume, truly I do! I want very much for Darling to love me as I feel the same way about her..."

Perfume took her leave of the green-haired Oni princess, little suspecting in doing so that she was leaving Lum wide open to the predatory intentions of a quintet of hostile players.

"Now is our chance," Velcro smiled, "Everyone ready to play their part?"

"As ready as we can hope to be," said Velvet, "But are you sure that this is wise, Vel? If the Elders find out what we're about to do..."

"You want to get back at Shampoo or not?" Foam snapped at her.

"She's right," Soap agreed, "This is the best chance we'll ever have to put that arrogant Shampoo in her place."

"No time for backing out now," Velcro decided as she started moving forward, "It is in all the way once we commit ourselves to this endeavor."

"Right," Velvet reluctantly nodded, and so the five conspirators moved out to execute their planned retaliation...

Lum was unaware of these exchanges taking place almost literally behind her back, but Jariten was in a less distracted state when he saw the Amazon approaching them and called his cousin's attention to this fact with an uneasy murmur, "Uh oh...don't look now, Lum, but I think we've got new problems."

"Hmm?" Lum turned around and saw a warrior whom she vaguely recognized from someplace in the background to many of their more recent troubles and said, "Can I help you?"

"Princess," Velcro began by adopting the formal speech patterns much favored by Shampoo and Perfume, "The elders wish to speak with you on a matter of some urgency concerning what you know about these raiders."

"Oh," Lum started to relax, adopting a more contrite expression than was typical for her normally haughty manner, "You mean the Divas? That's Benton's gang, and they took my Darling with them! Benton's promised that she'll get her back, but I worry that Darling won't be able to defend herself against all of them, and from the way that lot carries on..." Lum found herself unable to continue as she balled her fists, imagining all sorts of unspeakable depravity being conducted with her wife beyond Lum's knowing, approval or active participation.

Velcro had to fight to hide the smile that similar such images called up, but she dismissed the scenario as unlikely since the more probable outcome was that these high-tech foreigners were about to learn that they had bitten off a great deal more than could be chewed, let alone swallowed. Instead she directed the princess to follow her lead, waving a hand towards a certain narrow street and said, "This way, we will save time and reach the council within minutes."

"Yes, of course," Lum replied, not bothering to add that she could fly there on her own power in a matter of minutes, but the dilemma concerning her wife was leaving her in too depressed a state to feel much exuberance for normal levitation.

Jariten was more on edge since his instincts were warning him that something was not kosher concerning this particular Amazon warrior, and so in a cautious tone he hovered near to Lum's ear and said, "I don't like this, Lum...why send this lady instead of the Enforcer?"

"Perfume just left our company a moment ago and obviously has not had time enough to reach the side of grandmother," Lum easily replied, "Don't worry so much, Ten...this is now our village too, remember?"

"Yeah," Jariten replied as they started to round a corner, "But still..." and that was when the net went around his tiny body and he suddenly found himself weighted down to the earth beyond his means of levitation.

Lum's own warrior instincts came to the fore as she snapped out of her depressed state in time to appreciate her danger, but not before she felt the looping coils of some sort of ribbon-like streamers wrapping around her body, pinning her arms to her sides and arresting further movement.

She tried to break free but found the bands were as strong as steel for all their apparent silkiness, but when she attempted to use her lightning to bolster her efforts she discovered to her dismay that the bands were actually lined with metal, which absorbed her efforts and conveyed them to a metal rod that was sticking into the Earth, thus grounding her energies and reducing her efforts to a big effective nothing.

"Now, Cousin!" Velcro snapped.

Lum started to turn towards her betrayer when a shadowy figure detached itself from concealment and flew towards her like an ethereal shadow. Lum had a vague impression of a nearly transparent figure floating past her like a mist, only then something assaulted her senses and caused her mind to reel as if she had breathed deeply of something narcotic, and then she collapsed to the ground, fully unconscious, to sleep the sleep of the clueless while her assailants reveled in their moment of triumph.

"It worked," Soap declared, almost sounding surprised upon the subject.

"Smooth as a silk screen," Foam agreed as she held up the struggling Jariten, who was beating his tiny fists impotently against the gauze-like netting that currently held him.

Velvet materialized over her nominal victim and said, "I guess I was right about her metabolism being similar to our own. I almost didn't expect that brew to be this effective."

"Who cares as long as it worked," Tablet said while bending down to check for a pulse, "She's out all right, and I doubt she'll recover within the hour. She's strong but no Amazon, and she clearly lacks for Elder training."

"Gather her up and be sure to tie her tightly," Velcro ordered, "We have to get away before the Enforcer picks up on our scent. Fortunately there is only one witness to worry about, and he is going no where at the moment."

"The heck you say, lady!" Jariten snapped, and promptly spat fire, intending to use his breath to burn his way loose from the netting.

Much to his dismay, however, the fire was contained within the confined space that he was occupying, so instead of incinerating his net he found himself being roasted by his own primary weapon.

"As I said," Velcro smiled, "You are not going anywhere at the moment, little Hot-Breath."

"Fire retardant netting," Foam smiled, "Specially made to let air pass but nothing else to get through these finely woven fibers."

"Gak..." Jariten exclaimed, puffing out a breath of smoke and seeming more than a bit charred around his edges.

Soap wove a cord between her hands then aimed it for a roof tile and hooked it there, then with Foam's help attached the netting to the other end so that the little Oni was left dangling in the shadows while Velcro bent down and lifted the unconscious Lum before slinging her over one shoulder to carry her in the manner of a sack of loose potatoes.

"And when you recover and help finds you," Velcro resumed, "You may tell Shampoo that we will be waiting for her by the rocks near Thunderfalls cavern. She is to come alone and face us with no support from the Enforcer...and do not involve the Elders in any way or we may grow desperate enough to take drastic measures...and if she values her Airen's sweet hide she will do nothing to provoke us."

"Let's go, Vel," Velvet murmured uneasily, "The longer we wait..."

"Not to worry," Tablet declared as she set an object down on the ground and lit one end as though it were an incense candle, then she straightened up and declared, "That will eliminate any smell that Perfume might use to identify us. They won't know which of us is responsible for the kidnapping, and if they look for clues later all they'll find is Sash's incriminating streamers."

"Didn't she get carried away along with those others?" Soap wondered.

"So she has a good alibi, so what?" Foam shrugged, snickering to herself as she added, "From what I could see of those outlanders, I'd say she and Shampoo have a lot more to worry about besides dealing with false accusations..."

"And where were you while all of this was happening?" Nabiki asked of Shampoo in the present.

"Probably out doing perverted stuff," Akane muttered, only to react to the looks turned towards her with a defensive, "What?"

"Man, you really got a hang-up on the word pervert," Ranma shook his head in low dismay at the younger girl's persistence.

"Please go on with your story, Shampoo-san," Kasumi urged, "How did you get away from those other goddesses, and did you rescue Lum-san from those bad women?"

"Obviously so or this one's story end very badly," Shampoo replied, with a nod, "Is fortunate, though, that space-born goddesses no Amazons, even though they very powerful...this one was very, very angry..."

Shampoo had only just begun to recover her wind when she became conscious of a sense of peculiar urgency that gripped her heart for some inexplicable reason. Without knowing why she felt as if her Airen were in some sort of mortal peril, which added strength to her desire to escape from her present circumstances.

As it was she had been conscious of flying through the air while laying prone across the back end of the same model of Outlander contraption that she had seen Benton operate before, the same one that had carried the goddess off with Perfume as a passenger, yet whose basic design was very much similar to that of a motorcycle, such as the one her father rode in his off-hours when his duties as village handyman called for him to travel farther than a day's walk from Joketsuzoku.

Indeed, Shampoo's fondest memories of her father revolved around the time she spent with him when he was operating on his favorite machine, and she recalled the many trips he would take her on when she was very little, before beginning her intense training sessions with her great-grandmother. Every now and then, when Cologne permitted Shampoo to spend time with her father and mother, she would alternate between lessons in her mother's Healing skills with time spent studying how to repair and operate the motorcycle, and before too long she started testing her legs astride the bike (in spite of her great-grandmother's rather stern objections). Shampoo had been an avid student of her father's automechanics and could take the machine apart and put it together again with her eyes blindfolded, so she was uncommonly familiar with such devices for one who had spent nearly her entire life in a low-tech country village.

So it was less disconcerting for her than it might be for her Amazon sisters to find herself being carried aloft on an aerial version of a motorcycle, a fact that allowed her to control her initial panic about finding herself so high above the ground with the wind whipping past her face with a disconcerting ferocity. This gave her the ability to concentrate upon the operator of the vehicle, and-more specifically-to take notice of the way in which the goddess was working the controls, which did indeed seem to be patterned after a motorcycle's likeness. Once she felt confident enough to be operating on familiar ground she rallied herself to cease playing passive observer and straightened out behind the goddess named Shala and struck without warning to disable the woman, attacking certain nerves that-on a human-would induce paralysis and unconsciousness within an instant...yet which seemed to take several seconds longer than normal before she felt them to be effective.

Once the goddess slumped in her seat, however, Shampoo wasted no time lunging past her assailant to grip the controls before the hover-bike could veer from its present course. She then aimed the thing into a steep power dive that would allow her to descend at a rapid course before the other goddesses could be any the wiser of what had happened.

Controlling the dive was difficult, especially considering the weight of the body in front of her, yet Shampoo managed to pull out only a few hundred meters from the ground, and no sooner had she done this when a tall tree veered up into her path, threatening to bring an abrupt end to her travels. With lightning reflexes at her disposal, however, Shampoo contrived to dump her unwanted passenger over the side (and noted with satisfaction how Shala wound up entangled among the branches), which greatly lightened her load and allowed her to pull up more abruptly as she took the thing back into the sky, aiming for the five distant figures she saw flying in a rude type of formation.

The other goddesses continued on, blissfully unaware of what had just befallen their companion (and their attention largely focused upon their own struggling captives), so they failed to sense the predator slowly creeping up on them from below as Shampoo slowly glided up beneath them, using some low-hanging clouds to provide needed cover.

Roku, for one, was unaware of the impending danger as her own captive was proving more than a bit of a handful, so she complained, "Careful, yellow-hair...you want us both to crash into your planet?"

"Unhand me, you interloper!" Sash protested against the arm the gripped her tightly around her middle, leaving her arms and legs to dangle over empty space, "In the name of the Moon and justice, I demand that you release me!"

"Suit yourself," Roku smiled, and promptly released her prisoner, waiting for the expected yelp before angling her hover-bike down to stage an emergency interception.

Shampoo saw her fellow Amazon's dire situation as Sash's screams filled the air, yet she also saw that Roku's intentions were less than homicidal, and judging that the goddess intended a rescue, Shampoo quickly dismissed her and took advantage of her absence to focus her efforts upon the others.

Those worthies were sharing a private bit of amusement at the illustrative lesson that had just been dealt to their own captives, and-sure enough-the remaining Amazons were properly chastened and ceased their struggles under the certain knowledge that they were dependant on their captors to prevent them from experiencing a similar such downfall.

One of those Amazons in question-the sole male representative among the group-whose name was Sling, took stock of the situation that he and his fellow Amazons currently found themselves in and took a moment to really study the woman who had snatched him up without warning. She was fair to look upon, but he was more than accustomed to such beauty and did not find her appearance by itself all that exceptional...yet he could sense within her a rather potent amount of chi and suspected that she might be a dangerous person when crossed, and considering how high up he was (and his lack of bik4ing skills to match those of Shampoo), he decided that discretion 7would make for the better part of wisdom.

At least for the moment, but the minute he got some solid ground beneath his feet he intended to raise some stern objections to the treatment he had so far been receiving. After all, despite his name, he was a farmer, not a warrior, and thus not subject to challenge matches by outsider females, and the last thing he needed was to have his daily routines be interrupted when he had gone to barter for some things his mother needed, and no doubt she would be missing him terribly if he did not return in time...and the last thing anyone wanted to see was his mother when she was angry.

Meanwhile Sash's rude descent was hastily arrested when a slender arm snatched her back out of the sky once again, and then Roku gunned the engine of her machine to pull out of the steep dive that she had taken, gripping her captive tightly as she fought the pull of gravity and inertia in order to right them both and get some comfortable altitude back beneath her them.

Sash was too stunned by her abrupt rescue to think coherent thoughts for over a minute, but her gratitude was short lived since Roku had been the cause of her near-fatal encounter with the ground, and so she glared at her captor and said, "That was not very nice..."

"Sorry," Roku replied, surprising the Amazon as the last thing she had expected to hear was an apology, even casually given, "But you did ask me to release you."

"When we are on the ground," Sash said stiffly, kicking her own heels for illustration.

"Fair enough," Roku conceded, "Then why don't we land now and you can 'punish' me, if that's the way you really want it..."

Intending to catch up with the rest of her gang much later, Roku descended towards a promising looking meadow, and so failed to glance upwards in order to make out the slight shadow tailing her fellow Divas as the latter were not themselves yet aware of their impending peril, but shortly were to discover the hard way...

Shampoo was discovering how different it was from riding a motorcycle to piloting these strange sky-born hover-bikes. For one thing it took a different feel to command the artificial steed between her legs, as well as an expanded awareness of three dimensions rather than the two of conventional land travel. The controls were different enough from what she was familiar so that she had to take a moment to get re-acquainted with their functions, yet once she had the basics down the rest became much easier, and she started to get a hang over the device even as she started to close the distance between herself and her four main remaining objectives.

One advantage in her corner was her knowledge of the land and the significant surface features that would give her a tactical advantage in this mountainous terrain that she called her homeland, and-sure enough-a bend between two peaks loomed up like a virtual invitation for her next course of action...

For the warrior named Ho-Ni the experience of clinging to her kidnapper while sitting astride of some demon nightmare device that was flying past jagged rock and the tops of very tall trees at an incredibly fast velocity was a terrifying experience, one that well exceeded her skill level. She was a mid-level adept of intermediate ranking of a family that had honor but not much distinction, and at no point in her training had her elders ever prepared her for such a moment. In point of fact nothing in her young life had given her the background for coping with such an utterly bizarre situation.

In fact she was recounting the number of techniques that she had mastered, going over them one-by-one in her mind and trying to figure out if there were some weapon in her arsenal that could cope with being kidnapped by flying madwomen. Unfortunately her Jo-stick weapons mastery and unarmed combat skills did not cover such a contingency, and as such she felt paralyzed by the certain knowledge that she could fall off her captor's strange mount if not for the good graces of the outsider female who had kidnapped her in the first place.

For Meguro, on the other hand, the redheaded Chinese girl was a bountiful prize to claim for her own amusement...not that she was intending the girl harm, other than to indulge in some harmless amusement, but when a captive as pretty, well-endowed and athletic as this came across her path...well, the young goddess could only hope for a little tribute to be paid for her attention. Getting the girl in the right mood would take some effort on her part, but Meguro felt confident that she could win her over for an afternoon's diversion.

In fact, so intent was she on thinking up a good angle to win the charms of her reluctant companion that Meguro failed to sense the danger that was creeping up on her with relentless persistence, or that Shampoo's growing familiarity with the strange mode of aerial transport would allow her to strike without warning at precisely the right time to take the goddess unaware as Shampoo snatched Honey out of her seat before the other girl had time to yelp in dismay. No sooner did her arms leave Meguro's waist, causing the goddess to turn her head around to see what had happened, then Shampoo kicked forward with her free leg and dislodged the dark haired girl from her mount, sending Meguro tumbling into the side of the peak that they had been passing, her hover-bike itself continuing on without her as its mistress went careening down the side of the mountain, buffeted and battered all the way from one rocky outcrop to another.

Honey felt her heart pounding in her mouth as she found herself astride a different hover-bike with a familiar mane of purple hair flowing in her face, partially obscuring her vision. She almost panicked in her excited state but for the familiar scent of a fellow warrior triggering her belated instincts, causing her to recognize Shampoo instead of thrash in a blind attempt to escape, which might well have ended in mutual disaster. Instead she gasped above the rush of the wind, "Sh-Shampoo? But..."

"No time to talk," Shampoo called back at her, "Get ready to land...this one is not stopping."

"What do you mean by...?" Honey began to ask, only to yelp in dismay as Shampoo brought her down to a fairly level patch of ground then pushed her off the hover-bike so that she went landing in a roll, stopping just short of going over the edge of this relatively small area of goat-tended meadow.

Shampoo accelerated forward the moment that she sensed that her fellow warrior was out of danger, but Honey was able to straighten out and stare in amazement at her rescuer, unable to comprehend what had just happened, let alone the fact that it was Shampoo who had rescued her, a girl who would normally look down her nose at a low-ranking fighter hardly worthy of her serious attention. It was almost as if one of the Gods in their heavenly perch had reached down a hand to pluck Honey out of danger, and it was enough to make the redhead seriously question a lot of the things that she had always believed about their young tribal champion, things said by jealous warriors who were used to the proud and haughty Shampoo of the time before her marriage...

Shampoo was not concerned about her reputation as she stole up upon the three remaining bikers, briefly considering Kuro-the girl who had the farmer, Sling, as her prize captive-then deciding that she could wait until Shampoo dealt with the more immediate (and closer proximity) target, Kotabuki, whose own captive was attempting to escape even as Shampoo stole up from behind them. She recognized Dart, a young girl of fifteen summers, who was attempting to locate a means of leaping from the hover-bike to safety and had obviously spotted a group of trees that might suit her purpose, but as she managed to leap free of the bald goddess she instead found Shampoo positioned under her to snatch the girl out of mid-fall even as the goddess above them turned her head and spotted them both, becoming immediately aware that the one astride the hover-bike was not a fellow goddess.

Having no time to be subtle, Shampoo aimed and threw the girl named Dart-almost like her namesake-and saw her land upon the branch that she had spotted without coming to any harm in passing. Even as she did this the purple haired Amazon angled her stolen bike in a steep climb that would carry her on an intercept course with Kotabuki, squaring her shoulders and using her own back as a ram as she shoved the bike with both of her shoulders, ducking her head as her own momentum against its underside sent the hover-bike into a bucking leap that tossed its rider out of her saddle.

The sound of collision alerted the other two goddesses in time for them to prepare for Shampoo's approach even as the Amazon shook off the effects of her mid-air collision. Shampoo saw the one named Teil reaching towards her side as if to draw a weapon and did not spare a moment to see what the nature of attack would be. Instead Shampoo gathered her legs underneath her and used the seat of her stolen bike as a vaulting platform, sending her hurtling across empty space towards the goddess and her own captive before the former had time to recover from surprise at the unexpected maneuver.

Both Teil and her passenger, Rosebud, were knocked backwards as Shampoo's fists collided with the chin of her primary target. All three of them began to tumble, only Shampoo recovered in time to snatch the hover-bike with one hand while reaching out and grabbing her fellow Amazon with the other. Employing a degree of acrobatic strength and skill far surpassing an Olympic-style athlete, she managed to arrest their fall just long enough to aim their landing towards a softer spot than where Teil struck a moment later. It was a rough landing to be certain, and for Rosebud more than a bit jarring, yet they recovered well enough with all body parts intact, and for that favor alone Shampoo felt like thanking her Ancestors. Only the knowledge that one opponent remained, however, kept her from completely relaxing.

Kuro, meanwhile, was dismayed to find herself the sole remaining goddess who still sat astride her hover-bike, but-more to the point-that the one who had attacked them was none other than a mere human, and apparently a native. The sheer effrontery against her kind was enough to make her consider utilizing some of the onboard weapons her hover-bike contained, but even as she began to swoop towards the purple haired upstart with the intent of unleashing a deadly salvo, she felt a hand grip her shoulder tightly and a male voice declare very firmly, "No."

"No?" Kuro asked in surprise.

"That is Shampoo, our tribal champion," Sling explained, "She is doing what honor demands of her, but if you attack her then she will be forced to retaliate, and someone will be either killed or injured."

"That is the point of battle, isn't it?" Kuro replied as she maintained her position, not yet committed on her planned dive-bomb of the purple haired interloper.

"Do not underestimate her," Sling urged, "She is the best warrior of her generation. I am not a warrior myself, and I do not feel the urgency for bloodshed. I would rather this did not end with someone's blood being spilled, not even your own, so...I ask you to let it go for now..."

"But she attacked us," Kuro said, "She has to be punished for her insolence."

"Another time then," Sling insisted, then made an important decision as he squared his shoulders and said, "If you will put this off for now, then I...I will come with you willingly, and I will raise no objections after."

"You what?" Kuro was surprised at the mortal's offer, even more astonished that he made it sound as though he were sacrificing his virtue, a fact that sufficiently intrigued her that she turned her head to half regard him.

"It is the best offer that I can make," he said simply, looking her as much in the eye as he could manage at that angle, "Will you accept it?"

Kuro considered the question, then turned her focus elsewhere and seemed momentarily distracted, then finally she nodded, "All right, we have a bargain. But I expect you to honor your end of it."

"You have my word," Sling replied, adding almost as an afterthought, "Even though it is only the word of a farmer."

"I think you set great store by that all the same," Kuro mused, "Very well...then we will return later and I will confront your champion directly...after we have established a few ground rules..."

To Shampoo's considerable surprise and amazement the last remaining goddess turned her hover-bike around and sped off towards the distant mountains, leaving her behind to wonder why the expected attack had never happened. Her first impulse was to accuse the goddess of cowardice, but that made no sense as Roku clearly had the advantage and could have easily pressed it, which was why Shampoo had been preparing her defenses.

Instead she straightened out even as Rosebud did likewise, hugging one side as though she had been partially winded, then the other girl complained, "Could you have possibly done that more gently, Shampoo...and why did you come to this one's aid? You were under no clan obligations."

Shampoo had to concede that this was a very good question. Why had she intervened on the behalf of her fellow Joketsuzoku? It certainly was not expected for rival warriors of different clans to act in the defense of one another when not called to do so during a season of War Time. But still it had seemed to be the right thing to do at the time, so she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "This one did not like being kidnapped...this one like it even less to see Amazons treated like cabbage."

Rosebud was just attempting to figure that out when yet another figure arrived on the scene, but even as the Amazons tensed up in anticipation of renewed trouble, Benton called out to them, "Are you all right? What in my father's name just happened?"

Shampoo turned to see the dark haired goddess and was amazed to find that Honey and Dart were with her, bunched up on the seat behind the goddess without the sense of urgency that had been there when they were captives. Benton brought her hover-bike down to a soft landing then allowed her passengers to disembark before dismounting herself in order to confront Shampoo on level terrain, and then looked the purple haired warrior up and down thoroughly before addressing her again with even more respect in her tone and expression.

"I don't believe it," Benton remarked, only to smile as she continued, "Lum was right about you...there's more to you than I'd expect...in a mere human."

"This one only do what seem right," Shampoo said defensively, "You have problem with way she do it?"

"Not me," Benton shook her head dismissively, "Truth is I was coming to rescue you, only it looks like you weren't the one who needed rescue."

"She saved us," Dart said aloud as though compelled to state the obvious since it was also quite unexpected.

"Yes, but she could have been a lot more gentle about it," Rosebud winced as she felt along her ribcage.

"We are on the ground again," Honey exclaimed as though her own surprise at what had just occurred were not plainly astounding, "What other miracles do you ask for?"

"I'm so sorry about what happened," Benton said by way of addressing all four Amazons, "My girls got a bit out of control...they're not normally like this, but sometimes...they get a little wild. If they'd given me half a chance to call them off then I would have acted to prevent this."

"Tell this one...where is her cousin?" Shampoo demanded as she eyed the goddess with lingering suspicion.

"Perfume?" Benton smile lopsidedly, "She's good...better than good, in fact, and I left her safe and sound back at your village."

"You do not mind that Shampoo attacked your friends?" Honey asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Benton sniffed, "They got what was coming to them. Besides, we're tougher than we look, and just because you caught them napping doesn't mean you could seriously injure them with just a little fall off the side of a mountain."

Shampoo raised an eyebrow to this, realizing from the casual way it was stated that Benton meant what she was saying, which implied that her people really were much tougher than they had appeared to be as she was fairly certain that anything human would have suffered greatly from some of the landings that she had induced upon the rest of the girl bikers.

Just then a motion caught her attention, even as she felt a prickling along her nape hairs, and then she turned around in time to see Perfume appear in the company of Perfume's grandmother, Siren the Archmage.

"Cousin!" Perfume rushed to her side then said, "You are well? That is good...but...this one has bad news for you. Your Airen has been kidnapped."

"What?" Shampoo and Benton said together, and then the goddess added, "But I'd swear all my people are accounted for...well, sort of..."

"Not your goddess buddies," Siren announced as she nodded towards Benton then gave Shampoo her full attention, "It was Amazons who did the kidnapping...a party of five renegades, to be exact, and we have an eyewitness...but he's in no condition to give a good description."

"Airen?" Shampoo repeated, turning from the mage to her adopted cousin.

"It is true," Perfume replied, "This one was reporting to great-grandmother when five warriors attacked the Princess and took her hostage. They used a foul smelling incense candle to mask their scent, but we think we have some idea of whom they are and where they may be keeping the Princess..."

"Mere suspicion really," Siren elaborated, "Nothing to go on unless we have more proof. The thing is...they want you to appear at Thunder cavern within the hour or they threaten to hurt your Airen, and if it's who I think it is who's behind this..."

"Airen is in danger?" Shampoo said as she felt something cold get knotted within her belly.

"Somebody was sharp enough to capture Lum?" Benton glared, "When I get my hands on them they'll..."

"No," Shampoo was more surprised than anyone else to hear the hard tone of her own voice as she declared, "She is this one's Airen. This one will go and get her back."

"You need this one's help?" Perfume asked.

"No," Shampoo said firmly again, "This one must do alone...what honor demands of this one."

"They demanded that you come alone," Siren warned, "You know it's a trap..."

"Yes," Shampoo said as she balled her fists and felt her blood rising in her veins, "But she is this one's Airen."

"I'd help you even if you say no," Benton declared, "She's my friend too...but...you do what you have to."

"What this one has to do," Shampoo found the words flow forcefully from her lips, "Is find ones who took this one's Airen...and make them sorry they mess with this one's Airen."

Perfume was surprised to hear the flint in Shampoo's tone but she nodded slowly in the affirmative, then said to Siren, "Grandmother...take us to see elders."

"I thought you'd never ask," Siren replied, already making the complex finger and hand motions needed to part the distance between one place and another...and then like that she and her fellow Amazons flowed through the temporal gates and arrived back at Joketsuzoku...

"And?" Akane asked impatiently.

"And what?" Lum asked with a puzzled expression.

"What became of those other two girls, the ones who still had the warrior and the farmer?" Kasumi clarified, clearly as concerned on that point as her youngest sister.

"Gotta agree with you there, Sis," Nabiki added in, "From what you've said so far about these so-called goddesses they sound little better than a bunch of hooligans, not to mention how wimpy they sound getting taken down in such an off-handed manner."

"Oh, they were not down for very long," Shampoo assured them, "Goddesses much, much tougher than how this one has so far described them, but they no relevant to story here since this one's concern was centered on getting back her Airen."

"Their mistake was underestimating Darling," Lum smiled as she fondly regarded her lavender haired wife, "Had Benton's gang been more alert they would not have been taken down so easily...but as Darling has just said they were not immediately as important as freeing me from those renegade Nyanchiczu."

"Of course that left your buddies Sash and Sling in the wringer," Ranma pointed out, "With Roku and Kuno aiming to carry out their planned seductions."

"But of course the guy was just a man and not all that important to you Amazons, right?" Nabiki fathomed.

"Did we give you that impression?" Lum remarked with a sniff, "I can assure you that men are very much important to the Joketsuzoku, especially since they are rarer than the women since many youths tend to flee the country seeking jobs in the big cities of coastal China."

"Men are important to the Nyanchiczu," Shampoo insisted, "How else you think we have husbands and make babies? But this one is getting to what happen to Sash and Sling in due course...is much more important to story to tell how this one get back her Airen and then deal with too-smug goddess bikers."

"I confess that I am amazed to learned that you know to pilot a flying motorcycle, Shampoo-san," Kasumi openly marveled, trying to imagine what it would be like to fly in such a manner.

"Heh, you think Shampoo's just some ignorant hick from the country?" Ranma scoffed, "Her Pop's the village handyman and mechanic. He taught her how to take his motor bike apart and put it together even blindfolded, and don't even get her started trying to explain how the parts work together," he rolled his eyes and made a sound of mild exasperation.

"Wow," Nabiki marveled, "I'd never have taken you for a Motorhead, Shampoo-san. Guess there really is more to you than you get on first impressions."

"There is more to Darling than any of you could possibly suspect," Lum boasted proudly, "I didn't just choose her to be my wife because of her great looks. I knew that she had a brain to go with that heart of gold of hers, and when she came to my rescue...that was when I truly knew that we were meant to be together."

"Not bad for a 'mere' human, huh?" Akane scoffed, "And what's wrong with being human? Or a mortal, or whatever you call us?"

"Simmer down," Ranma urged, turning back to Shampoo and saying, "Mind continuing where you off, Sham-chan? Even I ain't heard all the details about this part of the story."

"Is for...good reason, Airen," Shampoo smiled enigmatically, turning to the others as she added, "Once back in the village this one waste no time consulting with great-grandmother, and then she set out in search of those who kidnap Airen...but this is no to say that she forget all about fellow Amazons who no be rescued..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Consummation of Marriage Ties: shadowmane

What did become of Sash and Sling, and were the "evil" ambitions of the goddesses to be thwarted in a timely manner? Find out the answer to this and the rest in: "XXX-rated" or, "The Slings and Sashes of Outrageous Fortune..." Be there!

X 


	15. Chapter 15

LSPurple15

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT!  
CONTAINS SCENES OF A SOMEWHAT EXPLICIT NATURE. AVOID IF YOU ARE OFFENDED AT THE THOUGHT OF TWO GORGEOUS BABES GOING AT IT WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM AND EFFECT,

(Again thanks to DB Sommers, Nicole Manders, and Wade Tritschler for the creation of a few supporting characters who make an appearance in this series...)

Chapter Fifteen.

Lum Gets Sum (Part Three)

Bayankalah Moutain Range,  
Qing-Hi Province, China-Three Months Back

Roku landed her hover-bike and set it on idle even as her lovely companion (slash captive) vaulted immediately from the seat to take a stance on the ground, assuming a fighting crouch as she turned to confront her nominal captor.

Roku was sufficiently amused by this that as she dismounted herself her attitude was less overtly aggressive as she sized her nominal opponent up with her own hands firmly resting upon her hips with arms akimbo. She nodded towards the blonde Amazon known as Sash and said, "What are you doing?"

"I am preparing to thrash you for your crimes against this one and her people," Sash haughtily replied, "And you had best prepare to receive justice!"

"Justice?" Roku raised an eyebrow over that, "Are you saying that I've done something wrong and need to be punished?"

"Yes!" Sash spat the word and at once launched her attack, going from a crouch to a flying leap with the speed of a striking panther.

Roku had no difficulty side-stepping the attack, however, and even had time enough to admire the slender grace of her opponent's movements as Sash blissfully sailed past her, her landing much less coordinated than her launch since the blonde had not anticipated missing her target, let alone the lack of any resistance to diminish her momentum.

Roku winced a bit as the blonde landed with a solid "THUMP" upon her pert backside, then gave a sympathetic nod as Sash complained bitterly, "Ow...that hurt...!"

"I take it you're still working the bugs out of that maneuver?" Roku asked as the blonde got back to her feet, shrugging off her bruised bottom as she was clearly intent on pressing hard upon the issue.

"So I am still in training, so what?" Sash shot back, "This one still going to kick your behind for what you have done to this one and her people, Outlander!"

"Well then," Roku stretched out her arms as if in invitation, "Go ahead, do your worst."

"Do not worry, I will!" Sash snarled, this time going for a series of rapid-fire punches that were aimed at crippling and/or disabling her foe, but each blow she aimed was dodged with an ease that was quite astonishing. It was as though Sash-who was using the Amaguriken method-was moving in slow motion rather than throwing a hundred kicks and round-houses in the space of only a few seconds.

For Roku it was indeed as though the blonde were moving through semi-solidified molasses, but even given that Sash's moves were easy to predict and avoid she was still mightily impressed by the human girl's resources. For a mere mortal to move like that spoke volumes about the level of her training, and far from being faulted for missing each time, Roku rather silently praised the blonde, reckoning her a surprisingly formidable opponent.

Of course the human did not possess Roku's ability to manipulate the time-field, nor did her strength and speed match that of a goddess (though the difference was actually far less than would have been the case with an ordinary mortal). The flow-lines of force both within and surrounding the girl's body were similarly streamlined in a way that was quite surprising, and Roku found her appreciation of the blonde only increasing rather than diminished by her lack of solid results, which was why she waited her out until the mortal's reserves began to fail, and Sash fell back a pace or two to regain her expended resources.

After panting for several long seconds, however, Sash spoke defiantly and said, "Had enough?"

"Not yet," Roku replied, "But tell me, if you're not too badly winded...what exactly have I done to you to get you this worked up about it?"

"Are you kidding me?" Sash gasped, too badly winded to say more for several more seconds, only to continue with a disbelieving, "You have to even ask?"

"Would I ask it if it were all that obvious to me?" Roku replied.

"You kidnapped us from our village!" Sash spat with as much force as her lack of breath would allow her.

"It was just for a bit of fun," Roku shrugged, "We didn't actually do you any harm, nor were we planning on hurting you. Much."

"What do you mean fun?" Sash gasped as she tried to steady her breathing, "Were you planning on holding us for ransom and demanding concession from our families?"

"Certainly not," Roku sniffed, "What would your people possibly have to offer to us that we can't find on our own world...other than attractive things such as you to offer us some amusement."

"Amusement?" Sash blinked, "What do you mean amusement?"

"Well," Roku half-smiled, "If you want me to spell it out, our intentions were to offer you and your friends to join us in a little party, something to make the evening fun instead of boring."

"A party?" Sash blinked again, only to frown and ask, "What kind of a party? A ceremonial feast in honor of the gods?"

"Something like that," Roku said with a half-serious expression, "Let's just say that it's the sort of party that couldn't be carried out without your participation."

"Well..." Sash said somewhat uneasily, "You could have asked if we wanted to join you."

Roku arched her other eyebrow, "Would you have accepted the offer of a complete stranger?"

"No," Sash replied.

"Well," Roku shrugged, "There you have it."

"Amazons do not accept offers from outsiders until they have proven themselves worthy of being trusted," Sash frowned as she fought to keep her sense of outrage intact in the face of the other girl's surprisingly reasonable-sounding behavior.

"I can be trusted...to a point," Roku assured the blonde with a mildly sardonic expression.

"How could we know this for certain?" Sash wondered aloud, "Your behavior so far does not inspire much trust in me, let alone my fellow Nyanchiczu."

"Would it help if I said that my kind are used to having our way with you mortals?" Roku cocked her head as she examined her nominal opponent, "And that-  
-if anything-my fellow Divas and I have been far more reasonable in our approach than any of our elders?"

"That does not justify anything," Sash insisted, "According to custom you must prove yourself worthy through combat, and only if you can defeat me will I submit to being approached for joining you in this...celebration."

"Oh ho?" Roku smiled in open speculation, "Is that all I need to do? To beat you in a fight in order to date with you?"

"It is tradition," Sash said proudly, "Even Amazons must fight to prove to each other their mettle."

"Well then," Roku grinned broadly as she openly leered at the beautiful girl before her, "Time enough for me to get serious about this."

Before Sash could even blink the goddess suddenly appeared to accelerate before her very eyes, and then something hit the Amazon like a proverbial ton of mud bricks and she went sailing backwards at great speed, only to be snatched out of the air once again by Roku, who cradled her in her arms and smiled down at the astonished blonde, who once again was evidencing much confusion in her expression.

"Does that count?" Roku asked, confident of the answer.

"How...how did you do that?" Sash gasped, finding herself looking up in astonishment at the other girl from a nearly horizontal position.

"Just a little trick I know about manipulating timefields," Roku grinned, enjoying the feeling of the other girl in her arms, to say nothing of the Amazon's astonished, visibly awed expression, "So...do I pass the test, and do I now get to date you?"

Sash frowned then said, "This one has not surrendered yet...nor will she do so since Amazons never surrender."

"Suit yourself," Roku replied and gave the other girl a light toss that sent Sash tumbling backwards, only to recover as the blonde's own natural agility kicked in, allowing her to land lightly on her own two feet rather than winding up once again upon her already bruised buttox.

Sash assumed a defensive posture, now fully alert to how formidable this outsider was, to say nothing of the immanent danger she was in of losing. She had to get serious about fighting with her, which meant calling upon all of her personal training and resources. That meant calling upon her primary weapons training, and as she reached to her sides she prepared for her most devastating attack, her Ribbon Streamer Vortex Offensive, but as she began the maneuver she belatedly recalled one single, significant detail that she had momentarily forgotten.

"My Ribbons!" the Amazon exclaimed in utter dismay, "I forgot...somebody stole them from me!"

"Eh?" Roku asked in mild surprise, "Your ribbons? Someone took them from you? But who?"

"That dratted Velcro, that's who!" Sash fumed in momentary distraction, "This one will punish her for taking my ribbons...but...without them I cannot fight at my full measure of ability...and that means...I cannot hope to defeat you!" she said the latter with a doubly dismayed look in Roku's direction.

"Well now," Roku replied, "Can't have that, now can we? It wouldn't be sporting if you are not able to fight at the full measure of your abilities...it wouldn't be very sporting," she smiled as she brought her hands together and then added, "These ribbons of yours...can you describe them?"

"Eh?" Sash blinked twice before asking, "Why would you want to know?"

"Just humor me," Roku said, "Are they like bright ribbons or streamers that you wear in your hair, or flapping behind you like pennons?"

"They are lined with metal and have razor-sharp edges that I can use to cut my enemies at a distance, if you must know," Sash replied, "Bright blue and yellow, and they respond to my will as an extension of this one's being...Aiyaa?" she blinked in surprise, falling silent as the space between Roku's hands began glowing brightly.

Roku was feeling her way as she visualized the images so bright in the mind of her nominal opponent, reaching out to make contact with the resonant vibrations that corresponded to her life-force, and then her mind touched the objects and summoned them into her hands so that she was able to produce them physically, having drawn them from somewhere else, at which point she opened her eyes and smiled as she examined her unusual finding.

"Are these what you are missing?" she asked as she offered the heavy metal-laced blue-and-gold ribbons that she knew belonged to her very fetching companion.

"How...how did you...?" Sash openly marveled.

"I am not called Roku the Seeker for nothing," the young goddess boasted, "Finding that which is lost is my natural talent, a gift that I was born with and have worked to perfect through long years of diligent study and practice."

Roku held out the ribbons for Sash, who approached cautiously, unable quite to grasp how the auburn haired stranger had summoned her ribbons out of seeming nowhere. When she examined the, however, she found that they were indeed her favorite weapons, so she accepted them back with a curious sense of awe, eyeing the other girl strangely without a sure sense of her position.

"Now you can fight with all of your resources and be at your best," Roku smiled, "Care to try me again? And don't be afraid to hold back because I want to see exactly what you're capable of, mortal."

Sash continued to stare at the outlander, trying to make sense of her generosity since it was very un-Amazonian to equip a foe with their chosen weapons. The rules for such situations were...complicated at best since the act of giving a gift required an obligation of returning a gift in kind, and whether or not the item in question originally belonged to the recipient did not negate the fact that this Roku had just done Sash a great favor in returning that which had been stolen by another. So...weighted against the fact that Roku had also stolen her from her village...it was enough to make Sash's head swim trying to sort out the appropriate response to this unusual situation. She was not even certain if she wanted to further complicate the matter by attacking the one who-technically at least-was both benefactor and victimizer, especially considering how nice and reasonable this stranger was acting towards her.

"Well?" Roku asked a bit impatiently, unable to read this mortal and the curious play of contradictory emotions that were written across her very attractive features.

"Why?" Sash finally spoke the word that was more in her confused mind, "Why do you give this one back her favorite weapons?"

"Because I like you, silly," Roku chuckled with an ease that was both casual and sincere, "And I would like us to be friends afterwards, if it is all right with you, of course. After all, you're very cute, and I think you have a cute way of talking, and when you pose like that it makes you seem...I don't know...kind of saucy."

"Saucy?" Sash was not certain what the word meant, or if the tone employed made it out to be a good or bad thing, but from the way Roku was looking at her it made Sash feel...very odd for some strange reason."

To further add to Sash's confused state of mind the outlander laughed in a girlishly light-hearted manner then said, "I mean I think you're very beautiful, and you have a nice body, very lean and not too curvy for my liking."

Now Sash was totally at a loss at how to respond to this since these were words no one had ever used on her before, not even her mother. Beautiful? Well...among her village her looks were considered a bit on the plain side, and her figure was entirely too slender for the liking of many (though her mother assured her that she would "round out" as she grew older), with narrow hips considered too inappropriate for child-rearing, and breasts that were a bit on the small side, not at all like the generous bosom of her mother, from whose teats Sash had fondly suckled as an infant.

She began to take more serious stock of this outlander, rating her very much on the attractive side with curves that were womanly and features that were agelessly youthful, and Sash could read by her aura that she had a very powerful Chi, one that easily surpassed even that of an Elder, which meant that she was the one holding back by a good far measure. In fact, Sash reckoned, if the outlander were to go all-out with the resources at her own disposal she would make short work of even an Amazon of vastly superior rating, which meant-  
depending on how things worked out-that Sash might either wind up having to give her the Kiss of Death, or else consider doing it Shampoo's way and offering this stranger the Kiss of Marriage.

In the end Sash decided to compromise and offer the stranger a token that would remove at least part of those two obligations. She straightened her shoulders and looked Roku squarely in the eyes, then she took two steps forward while the stranger watched her with curiosity in her own expression. Then-much to the astonishment of the outlander-Sash leaned forward and offered the stranger a kiss upon her forehead, then stepped away and nodded simply, having satisfied honor by giving this Roku the formal kiss of an Amazon sister.

Roku put a hand to her forehead and looked in amazement at the blonde before her, having permitted the gesture without really understanding the significance of what had just been offered. She stared at Sash and spoke aloud, "What was that for?"

"It is honor satisfied," Sash replied as she quickly affixed her ribbons in place then stood at the ready, "You are now recognized an honorary member of this one's village. Now we fight, yes?"

Roku was beginning to suspect that this blonde was full of an infinite wellspring of surprises that she was only just beginning to tap into, but she smiled back at Sash and said, "Don't know why you had to wait for it, but if you're ready, then so am I, Blondie."

"The name is Sash of the House of the Rabbit," Sash replied as she readied her attack, "Warrior of Middle-rank, rated 13th in her junior division."

"The name is Roku the Seeker," Roku replied, "Daughter of Fukurokujin, and very pleased to meet you, Sash of House Rabbit."

With introductions properly made the two of them prepared to initiate battle, little knowing that their own private match was being overshadowed by a much darker conflict taking place many leagues away from that particular mountain...

Tendo House;  
Nerima, Japan-The Present

"What is this?" Nabiki asked, "A side-bar to the main story? I thought you were going to tell us how you rescued Lum-san here from those bullies who kidnapped her."

"Is please to excuse," Shampoo urged, "This one think it necessary tell story about what happen to other villagers who this one no rescue in earlier part of story."

"What I don't get is how-if this Roku character was as tough as you describe-  
-that her buddies didn't give you a harder time when you zonked them."

"The advantage of surprise can do much to overwhelm even a superior advantage in combat skills and basic resources," Lum explained, "Darling caught the other four goddesses with their guard down, but if they had been alert to her intended rescue then they might have given her more trouble."

"It was not a very sporting way to fight with them," Kasumi noted in mild reproval, "Although what they were doing was very wrong to begin with, you didn't give them much of a chance to defend themselves against you."

"That was sort-of the idea, Tendo-san," Ranma noted, "Like it ain't sporting to kick a man when he's down, but can you think of a better time to kick him?"

"That actually makes sense," Nabiki gave the young man sitting opposite from them across the room a rather coy study, "But what I think Oneechan means is that-from the way you described them-it was beginning to sound like these so-called gods were nothing more than a bunch of wimpy aliens who depended on their high-tech gizmos to give them a tactical advantage."

"Yeah," Akane agreed, "I mean...if they really were goddesses, shouldn't they have been, like, impervious to harm by mortal weapons, or something like that?"

"Shows how much you know about goddesses like my friend Benton," Lum sniffed, "Yes, they are powerful and immortal, but they can bleed and die just like anyone else if you use the right methods. Each one of them has a different specialty, a talent they excel at, and when it comes to such things as physical strength and general toughness, they definitely have it over ordinary mortals."

"Way I hear it the Gods range in abilities according to age and mastery of their raw talents," Ranma explained, "They start out pretty much ordinary and get stronger as time passes the more they work to improve their skills, just like with us martial artists. They've got an edge in raw potential, but the more they work to master their abilities the stronger they become, and since they don't age like the rest of us they got a lotta time to work on self-  
improvement."

"That makes sense," Nabiki mused, "According to legends the gods of various pantheons and mythologies ranged in ability from mundane to superhuman...and I always did wonder just why that was so since you'd think a god would be both omniscient and omnipotent..."

"Hah!" Lum snorted, "That's just what they'd like you to believe, but gods can bleed and die just like any other kind of life-form. Of course the more evolved they get the more powerful they become, and when they get to the far end of the spectrum...well, they pretty much are as tough as the legends would have you believe. They just don't start out that way...abilities like that they've got to earn through old fashioned training, sweat and labor."

"Does this apply to all gods?" Kasumi wondered, "Do...the Kami fall within the same definition?"

"I wouldn't know myself," Ranma answered, "But the way I hear it you can start out a mortal, do great stuff and earn karmic points, then die and go on to become a revered ancestor and work your way up to a minor protector or patron spirit, depending on what you do in the spirit realm. Of course I'm just goin' by something my own granddad once told me when I was little..."

"Our husband has many stories he likes to tell of revered grandfather who teach much in spite of stupid father influence," Shampoo explained for the benefit of the others, "But this one is forgetting to tell important part of story, how she face down rival Amazons to free Airen, and how this bring this one and her Airen much-much closer together."

"Oh yes," Lum grinned, "That's the part I was hoping we would get to, Darling. Tell them how heroic you were when you went rushing to my rescue, and what that nasty Velcro had planned for me before you showed her the error of her ways."

"Ah...yes," Shampoo seemed to color a bit as she reflected upon the next phase of her story, "Only it no go all that smoothly since it was a trap that they were seeking to use against this one, and in spite of good advice from Perfume-  
cousin and others she at first stumble into it like rank novice warrior, which only made this one all that much more determined..."

Shampoo was scrupulous about observing the precise time and place that had been specified by the kidnappers of her Airen, coming alone without escort and with no visible weapons displayed upon her person. In fact she was armored only in the knowledge that Lum's safety hung in the balance, and to that end she was prepared to make any necessary sacrifice in order to bring her princess home intact and well with the only blood spilled belonging to those who had presumed to take her wife captive. It was a simple enough exchange to be made here, Shampoo's safety for that of her Airen, and if it meant walking boldly into the jaws of a trap, well...

It might well prove to be that the mistake belonged to her unknown opponents since even a caged tiger was still a tigress no matter what you might do to restrain her.

In point of fact Shampoo was feeling more than a bit guilty over the direction that recent events had taken. She was far from the sort of Airen that honor and tradition would have demanded from a warrior of Shampoo's distinguished lineage, and from the start she had been dubiously reluctant to take part in her still-  
too-brief marriage to the alien princess, a fact even Lum had acknowledged of late for all that she had tried to put her best face on the matter. Amazon marriages between two warriors of the same gender were uncommon but still accepted as a part of long-standing tradition and many such marriages of legendary status were yet celebrated in song and story, viewed by some even as of superior romantic importance to male/female relationships since female warriors were (theoretically at least) of equal status (at least when compared to the inequality inherent in male-female marriages). Though one warrior often had superior rank to that of her wife, still the love of two women for one another could be viewed (through the eyes of tradition) as surpassing the mere animal magnetism that women often felt towards men for the sole procreative purpose of making babies.

In truth Shampoo had failed to accept Lum as her equal from the beginning, but-  
-more significantly-she had even feared the Oni princess and had come to dread close contact with her due to Lum's unfortunate tendency to generate high voltage in her ardor. Lum had even frightened Shampoo on the level of their brief moments of sexual intimacy since it had been just as alarming to Shampoo to feel her senses swim during moments of excitement, and the oddly compelling magnetism of Lum's grey-green eyes as she would stare adoringly at the Amazon was itself frightening as it implied a complete loss of self-control and autonomy, as though her freedom had been taken away and replaced with an obligation to reciprocate the same intensity of such ardor.

In all her young life Shampoo had very rarely felt anything to compare with the intensity of emotions that were conjured up every time Lum had attempted to requite the marriage duties of their union. Once, two summers ago, Shampoo had experienced something like these emotions in the company of her childhood friend, Lotion the Younger, only to draw away when it had seemed as though she were about to lose herself in the golden eyes of her pink-haired companion. Instead Lotion had turned her affections towards the more deserving Perfume, who had reciprocated those same feelings without hesitation. For a too-brief summer they had been inseparable companions, Perfume and Lotion, often spoken and named in one breath by other Amazons in casual reference, while Shampoo had observed her two closest friends from the sidelines, wondering what it was that they felt for one another when the two girls would just sit and share an evening together staring up at the stars without a word being exchanged, satisfied just being together.

Then their great-grandmother had sent Lotion away to another village, and Perfume had mourned the loss of her first brief flame of passion. Shampoo had often wondered what it would have been like had she been the one to sit there mooning in sorrow of their parting. She missed Lotion's gentle voice and kindly presence almost as much as her adoptive cousin, but how much more so had she consented to Lotion's unvoiced entreaties? Would she had been as deeply moved as Perfume had been...enough so to risk tempting the disapproval of their Elders by getting naked together and doing...whatever it was that warriors did to make pleasure?

Tormented by thoughts of what might-have-been, Shampoo had not thought to find such desire in her again until the day Lum became a part of her life's destiny, and gradually by turns the Oni had slowly begun to work her magic upon Shampoo's reluctant heart, weaving a spell to ensnare the Amazon in spite of her unspoken reservations until Shampoo one day discovered herself worrying about where Lum was, and even missing her company (where before she might have exulted in isolation).

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured faintly to herself as Lum's features became impressed upon her mind, conjuring images unbidden of their last abortive attempt at consummating their marriage. She really must have had it bad if Lum's peril could affect her to the degree that she would unflinchingly put herself in the path of unknown danger for the sake of her Airen. It cut through all of the mental chatter and silent arguments that she had been tossing about of late to explain why their marriage was "doomed to failure," and now Shampoo knew that she would do anything that the gods called upon her to perform if it meant hearing Lum's voice once again calling out to her with an affectionate, "Darling!"

"This one have her head examined by this one's mother first chance she get," Shampoo softly resolved to herself, even though she rather doubted that her mother had healing potions that could cure her own peculiar affliction.

Thunderfalls cave was a rather scenic place set some leagues distance from the nearest Nyanchiczu village. The view of the falls themselves was quite breathtaking, and the cave was-naturally enough-located behind the falls and served as a sometime refuge for travelers and pilgrims, a perfect hideaway for people who did not want to be immediately seen and who were planning for just this type of mischief. The cave was very deep and ran some distance into the mountain itself with an exit point at the far end that would serve quite well as an escape route, making it an ideal location for the skullduggery of the kind being contemplated, which meant that Shampoo's only hope was a direct assault on the front end of the cave itself since the back end was most likely guarded, which meant going along with whatever schemes her enemies were planning, but in for a leaf in for a bushel as the elders were wont to say on such occasions...

"You know that it's a trap, of course."

Shampoo whirled around to see who had addressed her, at once placing the deep voice as belonging to the hulking brute of a figure whom she found standing there leaning against the bole of a tree and regarding Shampoo with the sort of lazy expression a predator might wear when contemplating its dinner.

"Cabinet?" Shampoo asked, at once on her guard against her fellow Amazon and longtime rival.

The warrior straightened out as she continued to regard Shampoo and said, "But you are going anyway. That is commendable loyalty...but not very smart tactics."

"What do you want with this one?" Shampoo asked warily, then slitted her eyes as she added, "Were you the one who took this one's Airen?"

"Me?" Cabinet replied, "No, hardly. This one is not so base as to rely upon such low-bred tricks in order to obtain her victory in battle. It smacks of cowardice to use deceit to make up for a lack of strength of arms, something that this one has never lacked in."

"So..." Shampoo cautiously remarked, "If you are not part of this conspiracy to take this one's Airen as hostage...what are you doing here, Cabinet?"

The brawny warrior just gave Shampoo a craggy smile and said, "We have never been friends, Shampoo, but you have always fought this one with fairness and honor. This one respects your prowess and hopes to one day defeat you in honest battle, but for now...this one much offended by the actions of those who hope to gain an advantage by using your Airen against you. Such cowardice is unworthy of the Nyanchiczu and deserves to be punished, so...for now at least, you may count this one as your ally."

Shampoo visibly relaxed a bit upon hearing this since the very last thing she wanted to do was to face the hulking Cabinet bare-handed while simultaneously going up against the other Amazons who taken Lum hostage. Knowing how formidable her Airen could be when aroused, it did not speak well of the odds that Shampoo herself was going up against, and for that an ally would certainly be more than welcome.

But still she found herself compelled to say, "This one thanks you for your offer, but she must go alone to meet with those who are threatening her Airen. If they see you with this one then they may do harm to this one's Airen."

"Not to worry," Cabinet said as she casually approached Shampoo with an easy stride as she turned her attention towards the Thunderfalls, "I have a plan for that, which will require your cooperation. You see...a direct assault on their lair is likely to meet with failure, but this one believes that she knows of a way for the two of us to gain entrance to the cave without attracting unfavorable attention."

"Oh?" Shampoo turned around as she saw the direction in which the taller warrior was pointing, seeing only the falls themselves for the next several instants until a massive fist descended on the back of her own skull and sent the Amazon sprawling in the dirt, consciousness immediately fleeing in haste at the unexpected treachery of Cabinet's misdirection...

"Ouch," Nabiki winced in sympathy, "Should have seen that one coming."

"Obviously this one no see it," Shampoo rubbed the back of her head as though remembering the impact, "But should have known it coming."

"That Cabinet sounds like a real brute," Akane remarked before flexing her fists and adding, "But I bet I could take her."

"Might not be as easy as you think, Tendo-san," Ranma with a wince, "I've gone up against Cabinet a time or two myself, and she's no pushover, let me tell you..."

"But how could she betray you when she said that she was against what those kidnappers were planning?" Kasumi wondered.

"Things were not entirely as they might have seemed at the time," Lum smiled obliquely, "In spite of what she did to my Darling, there was a very good reason why Cabinet chose to hit her. It was the only way of the both of them getting into the cave without having to fight all the way, or step into the deadly traps that Velcro had waiting."

"You mean she hit you to keep you out of danger?" Nabiki blinked then said, "Makes a kind of weird sense...but that would mean..."

"She on this one's side all along," Shampoo smiled ironically, "That getting ahead of story, but yes, this one figure out later just why Cabinet hit her when start to come to inside of cave mouth..."

Shampoo's ears were ringing and the sound of something rumbling in the background as she tried to make sense of the rest of her physical senses and the messages her nerve endings were attempting to convey. There was a throbbing at the base of her skull that was rather tell-tale and distinctive, and considering what her last memories were it made sense to find herself slung over a shoulder like a sack of harvested turnips. The shoulder muscles and deltoids were familiar enough when viewed from her immediate angle, and the smell of mineral water in the air confirmed that she was close to the falls, in fact within the cave behind them to judge by the acoustic noises reverberating against the walls around her.

And then the words began to penetrate the thick fog surrounding her mind even as she became aware that her hands were tied together behind her back, and-  
similarly-her ankles also appeared to be bound together. She was obviously a prisoner due to Cabinet's traitorous actions, a fact borne out as she heard another voice addressing them with a wary, "So...you took her by surprise, and she never even suspected?"

"She was far too trusting of me," Cabinet replied, "She believed that this one was no party to your actions and so turned her back at a critical moment. I thought to spare us all some trouble by bringing her to you rather than to risk her avoiding those snares you laid out for her capture."

"I see," the other voice responded, and Shampoo was at once struck with the sense of familiarity as she attempted to place the speaker, wondering where before she had heard that cunning tone as the other girl said, "Not as satisfying as watching her struggle in a net or landing on a bed of punji sticks, but I suppose this outcome is as good as any other."

Another familiar voice said, "What do we do with her now that we have her, Vel?"

"A good question," the one so addressed replied, "What do we do with the proud and arrogant Shampoo now that she has obligingly fallen into our midst? The possibilities do strike me, but I think we can stick to the plan and see to it that we make her visit with us a very short and instructive lesson."

"You mean you want to kill her?" another voice asked, "I thought the idea was to humiliate her. I did not want to be a party to any murder."

"It does seem less than sporting, what with her tied up like that and unable to fight back," a fourth voice ventured, "And you said the plan was to get even with her for past humiliations."

"Get real," cried a fifth, "She could identify us, and do you think the Elders will look lightly upon our actions?"

"Tablet has a point," the second speaker reluctantly noted, "But I don't think we could do that, Vel, and ever hope to find safe haven in our village."

"Getting cold feet already, Cousin?" the first speaker sneered, "You raised no objections about kidnapping her Airen to lure her into an ambush..."

"Yes, but I thought the goal was to pay her back for making us all look bad during the matches, not to kill her outright, especially since she is helpless to defend herself. It would be cowardly and unworthy of our families, and it would bring dishonor to our houses."

"Don't worry yourself about it, Velvet," the first speaker assured, "I have a plan to cover for that, provided that we stay together in this as a group and not come apart at the last moment. You all have trusted me so far, so bear with me for just a little longer..."

"How long?" asked the third.

"Until we all get hauled in by the Enforcer when she gets back from her tryst and are made to sit and be judged by our own Elders?" grumbled the fourth.

"It won't come to that," the first speaker insisted, "Once we conclude our business here we will be able to hold our heads high and state proudly to our elders that we bested the Champion in fair contest. That is why I chose these caverns in the first place, because they are ideal for what I've been planning. Just follow me in here and I'll show you what I have been intending all along."

With that the speaker (who was not within Shampoo's immediate range of vision) led the way into the caverns with the unknown entourage in tow and the hapless Shampoo carried aloft on Cabinet's brawny shoulder. From where her visual range presented the opportunity to make out the identities of her enemies she caught a hint of someone's profile who triggered a memory that helped clarify the issues. A flash of aquamarine colored hair reminded her of one of her recent rivals in the challenge matches from the previous season, and with a start she placed the warrior in question as Velvet, a student of the Shadow Mist school of stealth and entanglement, whom Shampoo had bested with some effort in what proved to be her most difficult match of that evening.

The matter had been decided as much on points as by an eventual knock-out, but Shampoo had felt a grudging respect for the other girl despite the rivalry that was at issue between their two houses. It had never occurred to Shampoo before now that the other girl might bear her a grudge, and Shampoo wondered what might have happened that could have earned such a degree of animosity that Velvet would consent to being a part of this disreputable matter, even going so far as to put Shampoo's Airen in apparent danger.

But with the identify of that one conspirator she was able to fathom out who the rest of her opponents were, beginning with their leader, who quite obviously was Velvet's more disreputable cousin, Velcro. That unworthy scoundrel was just the sort of person who would pull something like this off out of spite and general malice, a cunning enemy who preferred trickery and misdirection as her chosen weapons and who generally won her battles by threat and intimidation rather than strength of arms or skill at battle.

Of course what puzzled Shampoo there was that the one who had humiliated Velcro upon the challenge log was none other than Ambergris, Shampoo's former friend and sometime rival. Amber was by far the smartest Amazon of their overall generation and had seen right through Velcro's attempted subterfuge to win her match fairly with a resounding knock-out. By rights it should have been Ambergris with whom Velcro had a problem, leaving Shampoo to wonder at why she was being targeted for retribution. What could she have done to get thus on Velcro's bad side that she would go to such unusual lengths and risk so much to have both Shampoo and Lum at her mercy?

Of course from there the rest of the gang was easy to identify, especially since one of them had been named, the warriors who tended to hang out with the cousins and who shared Velcro's anti-social disposition. Tablet's voice would have marked her anyway as it had the sort of grating quality that could get on your nerves ten seconds after she started speaking while Soap and Foam hardly ever went anywhere without the other being present. As much at the latter two might quarrel over everything they were as inseparable as blood kin, a curious paradox that had often puzzled Shampoo as much as she had wondered what made them follow the likes of Velcro, who hardly seemed the type to inspire loyalty in others.

As these thoughts ran through her jumbled mind, however, she became aware of an abrupt change in their surroundings and found the air had dropped in humidity somewhat while increasing its metallic flavor. She sniffed the air a couple of times and wondered what had died there since there was some faintly acrid smell of decomposition mingled in with other scents of an even more general nature. Not for the first time she wished that her senses were as acute as those of Perfume, who would have been able to identify everything with a single sniff, while Shampoo had to guess at the identify of several conflicting types of aroma. On the whole the general impression she got was ominous, made all the more so when she heard Velcro speak again as though making a presentation.

"Behold," the leader of this outlaw gang said dramatically, "The entrance to the Labyrinth, an ancient secret of our Amazon ancestors long forgotten to time, yet which I unearthed some months ago after being led here by a dusty scroll in my family's possession."

"The Labyrinth?" Shampoo heard Cabinet rumble, "That's just an old legend, isn't it? No one has heard of such a place in countless generations."

"For good reason," Velcro replied, "For its existence was tied in with ancient rites that long ago fell out of practice among the Amazons yet which are believed to date back to our Scythian ancestors. It was here that Amazon elders once gathered to enact a ritual that involved a symbolic journey to the underworld in order to obtain enlightenment. The passage is twisted and has many false turns and hidden snares for the unwary, but I know the way in and out to the center of the maze, which is the place where I am keeping our other guest nice and comfy."

"You mean the Labyrinth is real?" Tablet audibly swallowed, "I...I just assumed it was a story our elders told to frighten us as children."

"But...wasn't this place supposed to be the home of some sort of hideous monster that prowled its stygian depths in search of...supper?" Soap timidly offered.

"Meaning young girls who did not listen to their elders?" Foam quailed a bit in faint-hearted realization.

"That was the other maze," Velcro snapped, "The one on some island called Crete, or something like that. The monster's been dead for centuries now, and since the Elders sealed up the entrance no one has gone in and out of it before I unsealed the passage. Besides, I've been through here dozens of times without encountering any monster, so it's perfectly safe...at least if you ignore the deadly traps that I've been installing lately."

"I see," Cabinet remarked, "And your intention is to drop Shampoo off somewhere in the maze and have her fight her way to the center in order to find her Airen?"

"Not only that," Velcro replied, obviously relishing the sense of power that this situation was giving her, "But we are going to add to the sense of danger by taking positions within the maze where we can wait in ambush and then surprise her as she happens by us. It will be a sporting affair that will give us each a chance to excel at what we each do best, and that will satisfy our honor while giving her a chance to win freedom for her Airen...provided she can make it to the center in one piece, that is," and to that she ominously chuckled.

"But how will she find her way if she's as blind in there as the rest of us, Vel?" Velvet asked, "I am not too sure if I can see how this could redeem our honor..."

"Too late to think of backing out now, Cousin," Velcro informed them, "Now, if you will follow us, Cabinet, I will show you where we will begin the ordeal for our dear Shampoo..."

"Actually, I have a better suggestion," Cabinet began, right before her fist connected with the side of Tablet's head, sending that warrior down before she had time enough to register the head-ache it would be causing her much, much later.

As bad as Tablet had it, however, her problems paled to insignificance when compared to that Velcro faced as Cabinet's foot connected with the small of her back and sent the leader of these warriors careening against the wall that she had been facing after foolishly turning her back upon the hulking warrior woman. The blow momentarily paralyzed the renegade and gave Cabinet time to spin around and send Soap and Foam spinning backwards from a combination roundhouse.

This left only Velvet of the original conspirators still standing, but she proved more alert and resilient that her colleagues as she easily avoided Cabinet's attempt to take her down, using her Windwalking skills to move out of reach of the larger warrior. Also too, of the others, only Tablet was truly down for the count since all Amazons were generally tough by nature, and Cabinet's attacks had been too quick and hastily timed to be fully effective. Despite her impressive strength and the power behind her kicks Foam and Soap were quick to regain their footing and bearings, while Velcro was only moments away from joining them in recovering full combat status.

But during this time Shampoo had been testing the strength of her bindings and discovered that the ropes were only lightly tied, allowing her to slip her hands free in order to develop enough leverage to break those ropes binding her arms, allowing her to slip off of Cabinet's shoulder as the larger warrior made no attempt to deter her. Once she hit the ground with both hands she rolled to a crouching position, breaking the ropes binding her feet with a casual swipe of her fingers.

Unfortunately for the unwitting pair of Soap and Foam, their nominal victim chose to right herself right between the both of them, and considering her state of mind Shampoo was not inclined to go easy with either of her fellow warriors, delivering two very precisely aimed blows that were guaranteed to hurt a lot in the single second it took before losing consciousness. The odds thus reduced, Shampoo and Cabinet then turned to regard their only remaining competition, the cousins duo who were regarding them back with hostile glares that were filled with accusation.

"You betrayed us?" Velvet asked, her own expression a mingled look of hurt, rage and confusion.

"I was never with you to begin with," Cabinet responded, "This one played along with your scheme in order to find out where you were holding the Princess, but now that you have revealed this we will be turning the both of you over for judgement by the Elders."

"Just like that?" Velcro sneered, "A clever deception, and one I never saw coming...and I am not one to place my trust easily in those around me. But aren't you forgetting about the labyrinth and all the traps that I have set in place to ensnare trespassers such as you?"

"Not at all," Cabinet replied, planting fist-to-palm as she smiled in a most unwelcome manner, "And I am certain you will be willing to tell us all that we need to know in order to find the Princess."

"That assumes that you can defeat the both of us," Velvet declared as she struck a defensive pose and stood at the ready, "But even in tournament you could barely hold your own against us individually..."

"But facing us together, and on familiar turf, is a very different matter," Velcro said as she produced her own weapons, a pair of wicked-bladed hand-  
scythes.

"But why do you do this?" Shampoo asked, "For what reason did you take this one's Airen? Why do you hate this one so much that you would risk the wrath of both the Elders and this one's Airen's people, the Oni?"

"Because Velcro is a twisted soul full of hate and resentment towards anyone who is better than herself," Cabinet replied, "But you, Velvet, are a different sort entirely. Why then do you follow the lead of your cousin when you know that what she is doing is dishonorable and cowardly? To say nothing of bringing great shame upon your mother?"

"My mother?" Velvet paused in surprise, frowning slightly as she regarded the taller warrior.

"What about her?" Velcro sniffed, "My own mother abandoned me when I was little. We're better off without having our families dictate the rules of our existence."

"Does she speak for you as well, Velvet?" Shampoo asked, "We were never friends, but this one never thought you an enemy until now...so why do the bidding of your cousin, who is friends to no one?"

"Do not let her drag you down the way she's done to these others," Cabinet sneered contemptuously at their fallen former allies, "Can you not see how Velcro is using you to exact her own twisted vengeance? She will use and discard you in the end as sure as she intends to scapegoat somebody from the crimes that she has committed. Back away from her now before matters become truly irreversible, and the Elders are forced to send the both of you into exile."

"I..." Velvet hesitated.

"Don't listen to them, Cousin!" Velcro snapped, "I am the only real friend that you have, so who would you believe, these two or me?"

"Yes, who do you find more believable?" Cabinet asked, giving the turquoise haired warrior a knowing look that conveyed much subtle meaning, "After all, you are close enough to her to know what she is capable of, and to judge if her word has any value."

Velvet seemed to be thinking this over as the moment drew out, prompting Velcro to sneer, "Traitor! You would side with them over me? Then you deserve no better than they get!"

And with that the ringleader of the renegade band turned and made a dash towards a section of wall near to the entrance of the labyrinth, moving her hand to touch a hidden lever...only to have it freeze there as a double-bladed ax impacted with the wall only inches away from the wrist bone.

"Move it and lose it," said Perfume as she stepped out from concealment, brandishing the mate to the ax that she had just hurled as she regarded Velcro with undisguised loathing, "You are to be judged by the will of the Elders, but give this one an excuse and they will be conducting your trial by s ance!"

"Cousin?" Shampoo reacted, "But...this one thought she told you to stay out of this! You could have risked this one's Airen."

"This one thought you would need her help and was following you all the time from concealment," Perfume informed her, "This one saw how Cabinet overcame you and wanted to intervene, but word from great-grandmother told this one that it better to follow and learn what she was up to."

"I had a feeling you might," Cabinet nodded, turning back to the wavering renegades before adding, "Now that Perfume is here we won't need the both of you conscious to show us the way into the maze, so...last chance to surrender before we do this the hard way."

Velvet seemed more than hesitant as she considered the increasingly unfavorable odds, then turned to Velcro and said, "I see no way to win, Vel, and neither one of us can take on the Enforcer."

"To hell with you then," Velcro snapped, moving away from the wall very slowly while holding her weapons at the ready, "You stay and answer to the Elders, but I am the only one who knows where all the hidden passages are, and..."

"You can take a nap," a voice said from directly behind her as Benton stepped up from one of those hidden exits and wrapped her chain around the astonished Velcro, finishing the other woman off with a blow to the back of her head that send the renegade into a virtual coma.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo said in amazement, "How did you...?"

"Well, I am a goddess after all," Benton smiled back, "And like I said before, Lum's as much my friend as she's now your wife, and besides...my uncle made this really cool location finder that helped me scope out the lay of these tunnels," she held up a curious black box with one hand and pushed a button that caused a holographic image of a 3D transparent map to take form in the air above it.

"Score one for Outlanders and their devices," Cabinet nodded, "And what about you, Velvet?"

"I..." Velvet stared at her fallen cousin then relaxed her stance and said, "I will cooperate...in the name of the Elders."

"Smart move," Benton assured her before adding, "Come along, Shampoo, I'll show you the way to find Lum so the both of you can get reunited."

"This one will lead the way," Perfume said before giving Shampoo a sympathetic nod as she headed towards the opening to the maze.

"You heard your cousin, Shampoo," Cabinet agreed as she gave the other girl a "gentle" pat on the shoulder that threatened to dislocate a shoulder, "Let's go find your Airen."

Shampoo nodded in agreement, already staggering forward, only to pause before glaring up at the larger girl, "You struck this one from behind...why should this one trust you?"

"It was for your own good and you know it," Cabinet replied, "I had to get you in past their guard without risking serious injury to us both...and like I told you before, I hated the dishonorable way in which these others tried to use your Airen against you."

"And you took no enjoyment at all out of knocking this one out?" Shampoo continued to harbor suspicions.

"I didn't say that," Cabinet replied with a straight face, "But the next time I do so it will be in an honorable fight facing you directly."

"You mean you think you do so," Shampoo corrected, but nonetheless let the matter drop as she had more pressing issues in mind, such as following Perfume and Benton.

Minutes later they arrived at a pit in the exact center of the chamber, and there dangling over the pit was a helpless Lum, who seemed half-drugged and barely aware that they were present. Shampoo took one look at the condition of her wife and felt a cold knot of rage form in her belly, turning to the silent Velvet and growing, "You..."

"I didn't do that to her," Velvet hastily assured them, only to sigh and reach for her belt knife, "But I will cut her down and deliver her safely to you as part of my parole for my involvement in these matters."

"No, wait!" cried a recovered Velcro, who was presently tied up and slung over Cabinet's shoulder in the same manner as Shampoo earlier within the hour, but too late as it so happened as her cousin's feet had already left the ground as Velvet used her Windwalking talents to rise above the floor, drifting over towards the pit where the helpless Lum was dangling over a pitfall.

But no sooner had the turquoise haired warrior approached the semi-conscious alien Princess when-quite unexpected-she encountered a barrier that flared up in Velvet's face, repelling her backwards as she lost her concentration and started to fall into the pit full of spikes that lined the bottom, and had it not been for the quick wits of an alert Benton her landing would have been most unfortunately painful.

Fortunately the young goddess had time enough to whip out her chain and wrap one end of it around Velvet's waist, snagging the human girl out of the air before she could fall to her doom. Another flick of her wrist and Benton deposited the girl safely upon the cave floor next to where she and the others were standing, but now the group was properly cautioned to the dangerous situation, which prompted Cabinet to snarl as she squeezed the other girl slung out over her shoulder.

"What did you do to the Princess?" the burly warrior demanded.

"Nuh-nothing!" Velcro hastily grunted, "But she is guarded by a powerful ornament that is suspended directly above her...an heirloom of my family that keeps out the unwary...!"

"You what?" Shampoo snapped, going from stunned to outraged, glancing from Velcro to the faint gleam of a crystal-and-metal object dangling above Lum's head on the chain from which the alien girl was presently suspended.

"She is right," Perfume confirmed, "This one did not notice it until now, but there is a faint pattern of energy that is disturbing the currents of the air...the flow of forces surrounding Princess Lum are warding her against close contact from outsiders."

"Now you tell me this?" Velvet groaned from where Benton had knelt to help her recover.

"But there must be a way of getting closer to Lum in spite of this barrier," Benton frowned, "If I had my scanners properly calibrated I'd be able to determine the frequency and how it might be countered."

"How is it to be countered?" Cabinet demanded of her prisoner, applying ever more pressure as she added, "Speak now...while you still have a spine that is unbroken."

"It...it's said in the legends of my family...that only one who is closely connected with the person who is wearing or-in this instance-under the protection of the heirloom," Velcro grunted, "Linked hearts and spirits as one...or something like that...ah! That's all I know! You're breaking me...!"

"It would serve you right if I did," Cabinet growled before she relented, "But it's more mercy than you deserve, and certainly more than you will receive from the Counsel."

"Two hearts linked as one," Perfume repeated, turning to Shampoo, "Do you think your ties to the Princess are as strong as that, Cousin? Knowing the way of family heirlooms, the wording is precise because it was created with a single purpose and cannot be fooled by half measures."

"This is true," Cabinet agreed, "If there is any doubt or hesitation in your heart, or the connection you share with the Princess is less certain in your mind, then the heirloom will not permit you to approach her."

"This one understands this," Shampoo slowly nodded, "But still...she is this one's Airen, and this one will not permit her Airen to suffer."

"But how can you get to her when you have to cross that pit of spikes to do so?" Benton wondered, "You can't fly like Lum can, and I'm not powerful enough to levitate you over there or overcome that barrier around her."

"You cannot do these things?" Perfume asked of her recent lover.

"I'm not that kind of goddess," Benton shrugged, "My people are into enhanced mental tricks and super-advanced science, but actual magic is in the province of a few of our elders..."

"Then what good is being a goddess?" Cabinet openly wondered.

"It has it's advantages," Benton shrugged, "A long life and perfect health for one, and other abilities that I inherited from my father, with time enough to explore and develop those talents...but I'm still just learning my way and I'm no where near the equal of my father, aunts or uncles."

"Fascinating," Velvet shrugged while getting back to her feet, "But what I just felt was like being hit by one of my Aunt's Chi-bolts, and that is not a fate I would wish on an enemy. Her lightning strikes are as potent as being hit with your hammer, Cabinet."

"Lightning strikes?" Shampoo asked with raised eyebrows.

"Sounds rather like your Airen's favorite attack move, Cousin," Perfume duly noted.

"Lum always was a live wire," Benton remarked with a wistful regard, frowning slightly as she considered her childhood friend's current status, "But I don't see how this could benefit us...what?" she gasped as Shampoo suddenly surprised them all by leaping out over the pit, rising up high into the air like a springing cat high above where Lum herself dangled, only to grasp a point in the chain far above where the pendant itself was positioned.

"What is she doing?" Velvet asked in surprise, "And how can she touch the chain where I could not?"

"The energy sphere surrounding Lum must extend only so far in all directions," Benton observed, "She must have realized that by getting above the barrier's reach, using the chain itself to get closer to Lum without falling."

"I never thought of that," Cabinet remarked as she also fathomed what her fellow warrior was up to, "But can she survive contact with the barrier itself from that position?"

"Looks like we're about to find out," Velvet remarked as she and the others studied the unfolding drama before them as Shampoo clung to the chain and positioned herself directly above her Airen.

For Shampoo it was a moment to test the limits of her resolve, realizing that failure at this point would mean more than bringing disgrace upon her family name and personal honor. For her it was a trial of truth to measure her own emotions and the depth of her commitment to her Airen. In spite of all that had kept her apart from Lum she had never been asked to consult her actual feelings and whether or not she truly accepted Lum as her wife and beloved.

In all her time spent with Lum she had merely gone along with what others had wanted of her in this matter. Her commitments had been compulsory, not voluntary, and had she been given the choice about entering into this relationship she doubtless would have balked at many phases, not least for the trouble that being married to Lum had so far caused her, complicating her life and her relationship with her fellow Amazons and even her cousin. Surely she would have wished to be freed from her commitments had the option been offered to her, and were it not for the fact that Amazon marriages were supposedly insoluble there were many a time in the near past when she would have fervently wished to disentangle herself from her obligations to her Airen.

But Lum had never truly given her cause for such resentment. If anything she had sought only to be the perfect wife for Shampoo, honoring the bonds of Amazon culture and going so far as to compromise herself for Shampoo's sake. As hard as it was for her Amazon pride to admit it had been Shampoo who had acted selfishly and in defiance of Amazon law and custom. Instead of accepting her marriage as lawful and sanctioned she had avoided her duties and thus brought dishonor upon her clan and household.

"What this one knows she loves," Shampoo murmured softly to herself, "And what this one does not know she will learn to love...it is the Amazon way, and this one must do her duty."

Easy words to recite, but not so easy to put in practice, and what she was about to do was way more than risky, but for Lum's sake it had to be attempted...nay, more than merely attempted, she had to succeed or else Lum would pay the price for any resistance or half-measures. And so Shampoo resolved to ease her mind and let go of all constraints upon her emotions, allowing herself to feel all the rage, pain, envy and resentment that she had kept bottled up inside for so long, loosening the grip on both positive and negative emotions while allowing them to bubble up to the surface like foam on a stream, carried on by the tide that swept them away to distant places. What was left was the raw feeling of warmth that had struggled within her whenever Lum had held her hand or caressed some part of Shampoo's anatomy, and the budding sense of deep emotional and physical attraction that had started to swell up within Shampoo the longer the time she spent in the presence of the Oni.

Lum's image appeared in a collage of flashing mental images and recent memories, so many that Shampoo herself was quite amazed to realize that she had been paying her Airen that much covert attention, catching herself at odd moments when she paused to admire the green haired princess and take note of some positive quality that drew the Amazon's favor, much of it subconscious and long buried beneath those other feelings of constraint and resentment brought about by their marriage. A gentle smile, a kind gesture, a considerate act, a laugh that brought lightness to her being and made Shampoo aware of things other than being caged within a relationship that had not started out of her choosing. She contrasted that with the more immediate image of Lum dangling helplessly over the pit, and suddenly it was very easy to understand why Shampoo was taking such risks to her own personal health and safety. It was more than simple duty, it was a deeply felt compulsion.

Only when the certainty in her mind was crystal did Shampoo feel prepared to take the next fateful step in her rescue, leasing back on her grip of the chain to allow her to descend towards the invisible sphere that she could sense surrounding her Princess, a ball of swelling Amazon energies that held the promise of much pain for the unwary.

Letting go in more than just one sense, Shampoo released her grip and fell down directly onto the energy globe, which flared to life with a suddenness that took the observers by surprise, electrifying the air with nascent power as it caught Shampoo within its grip and subjected her to its fury giving the Amazon a taste of searing voltage. As mentally braced as she had been for the shock of it, Shampoo still cried out in pain though she endured the trauma and managed to reach out to grip the chain before the spell could fully repel her.

Her cries were so intense that Lum was jolted out of her semi-unconsciousness, looking up with dismay to find her Airen clinging by one hand to the chain only two meters above her dangling position. The crackling energies of the pendant directly above Lum's head were subjecting Shampoo to a hideous jolt that seemed to be leached from Lum's own flagging resources, yet still her wife held out, ignoring the pain, refusing to be defeated.

"Darling?" Lum gasped, her voice downed out by the crackling discharge of roiling static, but then more loudly the Oni princess cried out, "Darling!"

Shampoo seemed to hear Lum's voice in spite of the way her body was dancing off of the energy globe, and suddenly her eyes opened wide and gleamed with a power never known to her before. It was as if something came alive that had been dormant within her, a force beyond reckoning that surged to the fore in reaction to the pain her body was enduring. Shampoo cried out just then and stabbed her free hand forward against the energy globe, sensing the pattern of force and counterforce as her fingers parted through the globe and aimed directly for the pendant. With one hand she snatched the object away and contained its awesome might within a fist that was backed by the power of her Chi, and like that the spell was broken, and the resistance against her efforts vanished as if it had evaporated.

Shampoo was stunned to find herself falling freely as her body ceased to be subjected to any torment. Unfortunately the unexpected change of her condition caused her to loosen her grip upon the chain, and all at once she started to black out as the energies within her died back down to mere smoldering embers. As it stood this put her in ironically greater peril than she had been a moment before since the pit of spikes yet waited to receive her, and had it not been for Lum sensing the peril of her Airen it might well have spelled the doom of the young warrior.

But quick as thought Lum arched her back and wrapped her legs around to catch Shampoo as she fell within the reach of her embrace. Thus halted in her descent, Shampoo found herself grip within a warm and comfortable harbor as powerful thighs held her fast like the embrace of a lover.

"Darling," Lum said with deep affection, "You saved me..."

"Aiyaa," Perfume murmured, having tensed herself with belated thoughts of rescuing her cousin.

"Well," Cabinet remarked, "That certainly was an unconventional way to save the heroine, but I guess it will do for now. Come on, let's get those two down from there before anything else can happen."

"As you wish," Velvet nodded, sufficiently moved so as to be fully cooperative.

"Now I see why Lum's so smitten with that one," Benton easily chuckled, "And here I thought it was the other two things she was after."

Lum affectionately stuck out her tongue at her long-time friend while Velcro smoldered with a different set of emotions, the only one present who was not so inclined to cheer the victory of Love over spite, though she wisely held her own counsel...at least for the moment...

"And that's the way in which you two became so close together?" Kasumi asked of their purple haired houseguest.

"Hai," Shampoo noted as Lum placed an affectionate hand upon her lap, "After this, this one knows her way with her Airen, and thus accepts their marriage as valid. It was a moment of discovery for both this one and her Airen...to learn that she is important to this one, and that she would do anything for her Airen, even risk a pain many times worse than her lightning."

"I would never have asked it of you if I'd been given a choice about it, Darling," Lum confided, "But I always knew you would come through for me, and I never doubted that you would love me given time enough to know how much I love you."

"But what happened to those conspirators?" Nabiki asked, "Did they get the ax, or did you lock them up and throw away the key?"

"Amazons don't have a penal system like we do in Japan, Tendo-san," Ranma explained, "Ain't got the resources to go locking people up, and they only use the death penalty in very rare cases."

"So what did they do?" Akane asked, "I can't believe you'd let them go after what they did to you guys..."

"Oh, they didn't get off lightly," Lum smiled, "The Elders took everything into consideration, including Velvet's cooperation, and decided to strip them of warrior status for the next three seasons, reducing them to common laborers who must work in the fields providing food for the village...all except Velcro, the ringleader of this mischief."

"Elders strip her of title, rank and citizenship," Shampoo explained without humor, "Her name is no longer spoken of in clan, and even close kin are forbidden to recognize her as other than one who betray them."

"Effectively she's little better than a slave right now," Ranma elaborated, "Even men have better status than that with the Joketsuzoku. Not that she learned much of the error of her ways and all that since she did manage to cause us some trouble later, but that time she escaped into exile and is currently living life as an outlaw in distant places."

"But doesn't that mean that she's still out there ready to cause you guys trouble?" Nabiki asked, "Only now she's got an even stronger reason to hate you?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo slowly nodded, "Is very like she one day will seek to cause this one and her Airen trouble, but will deal with in time when need arises."

"No sense wasting sleep over enemies who will try and do you mischief," Lum shrugged, "Otherwise you'd never get any sleep at all, and besides, that would be doing Velcro far more credit than she deserves."

"Maybe so, Lum-chan," Ranma replied, "But it ain't smart to take somebody's need for revenge for granted. Learned that lesson the hard way when Ryoga showed up in the village."

"Ryoga?" Kasumi replied, "Who is that? Another potential suitor?"

"Hardly," Shampoo sniffed, "Not for this one and her Airen anyway, but we get to story of stupid pig boy much later. Now is time to tell how this one finally make time with her Airen once we back on ground and no longer in danger..."

"Darling," Lum said happily as she and Shampoo clung to one another, still too weak to stand but content to be in each other's presence, "That was very brave of you but very reckless. Surely some other way could have been found to rescue me without endangering your health?"

Shampoo just smiled at her wife and felt the warmth flowing between them, taking the time to study Lum's features and committing them to memory as though she had never before realized how beautiful the Oni was, and how nice she smelled, even covered in sweat as she was from their mutual ordeal.

"When you two feel up to it we had better head back for the village and report back to the Elders," Cabinet informed them, "And take these prisoners back for judgement so that they can answer for what they have done against you and your Airen."

Perfume turned a curious look towards the hulking warrior and said, "You did not come here by accident...you are here at great-grandmother's instruction?"

"Took you long enough to figure that one out, Enforcer," Cabinet said gruffly, "The Matriarch approached me and asked me to accompany Shampoo, which is no reflection against you since there was that other trouble brewing about in our village. Your Elder thought it best if someone impartial, not known to have any ties in this matter one way or the other, should accompany Shampoo here into the den of her enemies to act on her behalf. I was to pretend to be in sympathy with these conspirators in order to get close enough to find the Princess, and as you can see the plan worked out for the better, not that Velcro here or her colleagues can appreciate the irony of our positions."

"Irony?" Benton repeated, "You mean because they thought you would join them in their treachery against Lum and her wife?"

"That and the fact that they know how much I have resented both Shampoo and the Matriarch's family," Cabinet replied, "In the past I have shared their frustrations, but of late I have seen a change in Shampoo that is much for the better...and it may even be possible that she will grow into becoming a warrior of legend. This one would like to see her have the chance of becoming that person, and to judge from the risks she took to rescue you, Princess, I would say that she has already taken the first step in the right direction."

"And of course the fact that you gain the favor of the Counsel and an obligation from the Matriarch...and that you rise up two levels in warrior rank at our expense doesn't hurt matters any?" Velcro snarled in smoldering resentment.

"Of course," the burly Cabinet replied, "But that goes without saying."

"She was willing to risk her life to save her Airen," Velvet said aloud, having been silent in awe until now, watching the lovers holding close to one another as she softly murmured to herself, "I never would have imagined Shampoo capable of such...honor..."

"Well then," Benton smiled as she regarded the pair still embraced upon the floor together, "Looks like you two will have a lot of catching up to do when we get back to your place. Ever think about renting out a motel room, or do you plan on doing it right here out in the open?"

"Hmmm?" Shampoo asked, sufficiently stirred to glance from Lum up at the biker-  
goddess.

"Is still problem for Cousin, though," Perfume noted, "When Airen get excited she still shock Cousin."

"Not to worry," Benton smiled as she made a show of reaching into the cleft between her breasts and extracting a short red string from the gulf within her halter, "I've kept this as a momento for old times sake, but it should serve you just as well as it did me when Lum and I...well...were a lot closer."

Lum took one look at the string and got round-eyed, "Benton, you wouldn't dare!"

"Haven't we known each out long enough that you know better than to challenge me directly, Lum?" Benton grinned, and then before the green-haired Oni could stop her she rapidly tied the string to each of Lum's horns so that they were effectively connected together, at which point Benton stepped back and said, "There...problem neutralized, at least for the moment."

Shampoo stared at the red string and saw how Lum was feebly attempting to untie the thing, but for some reason was unable, "What did you do to this one's Airen?"

"It's a magical string," Benton winked, "Can't be removed except by the one who put it there, but while it's on Lum's horns her lightning power and flight are temporarily cancelled out. I've used it in the past to insure that I didn't wind up lighting up a whole city after we made out, and while she's wearing it she'll be effectively harmless and safe to handle."

"Harmless?" Lum snarled, "Do you know what it feels like having my powers cut off like this, Benton? How would you like it if I chained you up with orichalcum shackles?"

"Let's not discuss the kinky details of our past relationship, Lum," Benton idly smiled while cupping her hands behind her head and adopting a nonchalant posture, "Especially since I don't want to make that wife of yours any more jealous than she is, eh Shampoo?"

"Eh?" Lum blinked, turning towards her purple haired wife-who was now wearing the most peculiar expression-and saying, "Darling?"

Very slowly a wry grin formed upon Shampoo's lips, and her regard of Lum was strangely predatory as she got up off the other girl's lap and all at once stood up to scoop the Oni off of the floor and sling Lum over her shoulder in much the same manner as Cabinet had used with Velcro...but with very different intentions.

"Darling?" Lum asked, both surprised and mildly alarmed at this unexpected display of aggressive behavior in her beloved.

"Is please to excuse this one," Shampoo apologized to the others without losing the hungry leer that caused her lovely features to appear somehow both menacing and feral, "Is long since time this one pay her proper respects to her Airen. Will catch up with you later...much, much later."

"Sure thing," Benton winked, "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do with her...whatever that is."

"Whatever you wouldn't...?" Lum sputtered, only to gasp as she was borne away like the proverbial sack of vegetables by her Airen, "Darling?"

"I thought those two might work it out...eventually," Cabinet smiled, "Come along...they'll probably be here for the rest of the day if I read matters rightly, and we still have to make our report to the Elders."

Perfume gave a last wistful glance towards the tunnel through which Shampoo and Lum had just vanished then sighed, "Maybe this one stay close by in case they get lost in Maze and need help finding way out...?"

"Oh no you don't," Benton snagged the Amazon Enforcer by her collar, "You and me have unfinished business to sort through, remember? And besides...I don't think those two would mind getting lost here for a while, just as long as it's with each other."

"I think I am going to be ill," Velcro herself muttered, though when others glanced her way the bound and helpless renegade wisely chose to glance elsewhere...

"All's well that works out in the end, huh?" Nabiki remarked.

"I love happy endings," Kasumi smiled in a dreamy-albeit still rather clueless-wistful manner.

"Oh yes, I quite agree," Lum grinned enthusiastically, "And my rear end was very happy when Darling got through requiting our marriage, though I managed to give back as good as I was given."

"This one no complaining," Shampoo smiled, a smile that definitely reminded one of a cat that had gorged on the canary.

"So, do you still have that magic string with you?" Akane asked, then balked when she saw the glances that were turned in her direction, prompting her to say a defensive, "What?"

"Let's just say we keep it around for special occasions and drop the subject, huh?" Ranma urged, "Of course it ain't really the ending to this particular story since once everybody got back into town they had to sort out that business with Benton's gang and the guys they had tried to kidnap."

"Tried in many cases, husband," Lum corrected, "Succeeded in a few, at least as I remember the matter..."

"What happen to you?" Benton asked in stunned amazement as she saw the pair who came staggering back into the village, arm-in-arm, with mutually happy and contented expressions.

"Aiyaa," Perfume murmured faintly, her nostrils informing her in advance just what sort of activity had been preoccupying the curious mismatched pair of Sash and Roku.

"We sorted things out between us and came to a happy resolution," Roku replied, affectionately hugging her blonde haired companion, "A little friendly sparring match, after which we agreed that Sash here would 'punish' me for my transactions...AFTER I was through earning her righteous wrath, and all that sort of business."

"Oh yes," Sash grinned merrily, "This one much need be punished after she take liberty with this one and her Amazon sisters. Punishment go on for long, long time until Roku say she sorry, after which this one let her punish Sash back with plenty of interest."

"Punishment?" Cabinet sniffed, "Sounds more like rewarding yourselves for very naughty behavior to me."

"Well, at least someone was having a good time out there," Benton shrugged before turning a glare towards the rest of her fellow goddess gang members, "Unlike the rest of you clowns...and what in heaven's name were you thinking? This isn't just some town out in the boonies where you can carry on like a bunch of hooligan! These are Lum's adopted people, and because of your actions..."

"Hey, we were just trying to have a little fun!" Sharil protested, "We never meant to hurt anybody..."

"Yes, we were just trying to kill boredom for an evening," Shala insisted, "Just like you were doing when we found you, Benton."

"There's a different between picking someone up for a date and kidnapping them in broad daylight, you Ninnies!" Benton snapped, "You could have tried stopping to ask if anyone wanted to go out with you, but no! You had to go swooping down on them like a pack of rabid Mongols! Even the Oni have more sense than that!"

"Hey!" protested Jariten as he glared resentfully towards the dark-haired goddess gang leader.

"And where in Daikokuten's name is Kuro?" Benton whirled around as she glared at her fellow goddesses in attendance, "If the rest of you are here, then where...?"

Perfume suddenly cocked an ear towards the sky and said, "This one think maybe she on way here...she hears the sound of a sky-bike approaching."

"Speak of the goddess and she will appear, eh?" Cabinet said in amusement, turning in time to see the rapidly approaching speck in the sky with two riders mounted, one of them male and the other clearly female.

They waited outside the Matriarch's hut until the sky-bike settled in for a landing, and then both riders dismounted with Kuro in the lead taking notice of the curious looks being turned her way, to which she asked, "Is something the matter?"

"Where. Were. You?" Benton asked, pronouncing each word precisely with an implied degree of disapproval in both tone and expression.

Kuro began to open her mouth to reply, clearly surprised at the forcefulness of tone in her fellow goddess, but before she could answer the young man named Sling stepped forward and said, "Please excuse this one, not rudeness is intended, but I must apologize for my conduct to my elders as I was honoring a promise to appease the goddess from her wrath against our village."

"Indeed," Kuro purred as she siddled up alongside her male companion, brazenly rubbing one leg up and down against his own while resting her chin against his shoulder, "And much appeased am I at that...only I wouldn't exactly say that I was wrathful to begin with..."

The other goddesses glared resentfully towards their sister, all save Roku-who still had Sash all but attached to her hip-and Benton, who covered her eyes and murmured softly, "This is all I need...I am never going to be able to explain this to Dad and the others..."

"I don't see what we have to explain?" Meguro complained bitterly, "Aside from you three, the rest of us didn't get anything to show for our lumps but a few bumps and bruises, and a couple of our bikes are really totaled."

"Yeah," Teil agreed, "We came here to get some action, but not the kind that includes a repair bill..."

"Serves you right for coming in here and disrupting our lives," said the young girl named Dart, who glared daggers at Kotobuki, her former captor.

"What were you thinking coming in here to take us by force without properly challenging us to battle?" Rosebud seconded while favoring Teil with an accusatory stare.

"Challenging you?" Meguro blinked, "Is that all we had to do to win a date?"

"Trust me on this," Roku grinned as she hugged Sash, "Challenging an Amazon is the best way to date one."

"So, if you wanted to try it again," Honey said, "Next time issue formal challenge, and do it on the log, as befits tradition." She paused a moment to notice the stares that were being turned her way and said, "What?"

"Challenge you, huh?" Meguro slowly smiled, "Yeah, I think I could do that..."

"Later," Benton urged while running her fingers through her short curly hair, "Right now I've gotta think up a good excuse to tell Dad and my uncles so the lot of us don't wind up grounded for the next century or two..."

A rumbling in the sky above their heads brought a sharp look from all seven goddesses, to which Benton could only add in a fatalistic voice, "Of course...good timing was never my strong suit..."

A swirl in the clouds that formed above the village brought the attention of the Elders, who filed out from the Matriarch's hut to observe how the phenomenon heralded a parting of the heavens, and through these vapors poured a gleaming light that filled the center of the village like brightest day, followed promptly by the appearance of a descending space ship the size of a large fortress, a sight so singularly stunning to behold that all Amazon stopped whatever it was that they were doing to gape in amazement at the third visitation from an alien race that they had collectively experienced within the span of a two month time frame.

And then a voice booming down from above, "KIDS...YOU HAD BETTER HAVE A DAMNED GOOD EXPLANATION FOR WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE ON EARTH WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION!"

"Uh-oh," Kotabuki winced, "Busted..."

"Wait a minute," Nabiki objected, "If none of you three were here at the time when this happened, then how can you know so many of the details?"

"Perfume told us when we got back to the village later that night," Lum explained, "She was rather disappointed that she and Benton couldn't pick up where they left off, but it was hardly the last time those two would see each other, so it worked out for the better in the end."

"Okay then," Akane said, turning towards Ranma, "Now that we've got through that part, is this where you finally show up and get hitched to these two?"

"Uh...kinda," Ranma said, "But it was a couple weeks later when the tournament started."

"Is so," Shampoo confirmed, "And it begin when first of many would-be suitors arrive, beginning with Lum-friend name Ran, when it appear to this one as if she and Lum-Airen would be in for a great deal of trouble..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Problematic Suitors: shadowmane

Now that Lum and Shampoo are finally together is it all hearts and flowers from this moment on, or are there yet a few wrinkles to work out of their marriage? And how did Ranma wind up becoming their husband...and what has the mysterious Ran have to do with these incidents surrounding the tournament that will select him for their mate? Find out when we resume this saga in the next fateful installment, "Ran Away Suitors," or "If the Suitor Fits, Wear Him out!" Be there!

X 


	16. Chapter 16

LSPurple16

Lum Sum Purple

By Jim Robert Bader

(Featuring the characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi)

WARNING-LEMON-LIME ALERT!  
CONTAINS SCENES OF A SOMEWHAT EXPLICIT NATURE. AVOID IF YOU ARE OFFENDED AT THE THOUGHT OF TWO GORGEOUS BABES GOING AT IT WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM AND EFFECT,  
ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE MEN CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE!  
YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED . . .

(Once again thanks to DB Sommers, Nicole Manders,  
and Wade Tritschler for the creation of a few supporting characters who make an appearance in this series, and thanks-as always-to my friends and collaborators who provide me with inspiration, including TH Tiger and Trella, the latter of whom has generously provided me with reference materials-IE: Lum Tapes-  
to further advance the cause of this series...)

Chapter Sixteen.

Perverse Exchanges

Nerima, Japan-The Present:

"What's the matter with you, Boy? Are you giving up all ready."

"Wait up, old man!" panted the youth who held his sides and drew deep gulps of air into his aching lungs, "You're too fast...I need more time to catch up with you..."

"Excuses, excuses, excuses," Happosai snorted derisively at his newest apprentice, "Are you going to just stand there, bitching and moaning, when the prize is right in front of you just waiting to be grabbed? I thought you had more backbone..."

"Hey!" Moroboshi Ataru protested, straightening up and glaring at his new Sensei.

"The shame of it all," the wizened old pervert derided, "And here I thought you wanted people to stop picking on you and making slights at your manhood, calling you a weak and callow youth when we both know that you are a promising young man with prospects...but NOT if you grovel in defeat over a little thing like being winded!"

"Easy for you to say," Ataru grumbled, only to ball his fists as renewed resolve flowed through him, "No...you are right, Sensei...I won't allow myself to be defeated! I am a man...with a man's needs, and I will prove that I am a man by completing your training to ascend to the next level!"

"That's my boy!" Happosai grinned, "Now go to it!"

"Hai!" Ataru agreed, steeling himself once again as he prepared to charge forward, then at once he leaped and gripped the top of the fence, pulling himself over it in one clean motion. Once upon the wall he stared across the yard at the coveted prize that he was after and murmured softly to himself, "I can do this...I have the will! I do not fear death or retribution...I will achieve victory or die in the trying!"

That stated firmly the young man vaulted from the wall and began to sprint across the yard, crossing the distance of twenty paces in the span of a mere six seconds before bunching his legs and leaping high into the air, his hand stretched out to grasp the tantalizing prize and yank it free from the line where it had been held up by clothespins.

His feet hit the ground and Ataru felt a thrill of triumph surge right through him, and with a yelp of victory he clenched his prize and waved it proudly in the air crying out, "I DID IT!"

"That's my boy!" Happosai crowed, "You've done it! Now you'd better make haste before the lady of the house catches you in the act..."

"Ataru-kun?" a feminine voice asked from the second story window of the house whose yard the pair were standing in the middle of, "Is that you? What are you doing in my back yard?"

"Shinobu-chan?" Ataru blanched, promptly hiding the incriminating bra in his hand behind his back.

A young girl with shoulder-length brown hair stared down at the young man and said, "What have you got there in your hand? What are you up to now? And why are you with that old Gnome from the other day?"

"Er..." Ataru began to perspire, and without thinking of it he used the object in his hand to mop the sweat off his brow, only to freeze in dismay as he belatedly realized that he was busted.

"MY BRA!?" Shinobu cried in outrage, "ATARU, HOW COULD YOU?"

"But Shinobu-chan," Ataru pleaded with his fianc e, "This is all about training..."

"Don't bother waiting around to make explanations, Boy," Happosai urged, "Use the special maneuver I taught you and make haste before she nails you."

"Ah...yes, good thinking, Master," Ataru agreed as he saw his girlfriend reaching for her never-far-from-hand wooden mallet, preparing to vault from the window to deliver righteous retribution to his noggin, so without further adieu he turned and fled from the scene as fast as he was able.

"DIIIIEEEE!" Shinobu cried, already descending from above, but before she could reach her intended target something latched itself to her chest, causing her to balk as she hit the ground and stumbled.

"YOWSA!"

"Get off of me!" Shinobu cried as she dropped her mallet and sought to dislodge the old man from his grip upon her bosom.

"RUN, MY BOY!" Happosai called out from between Shinobu's 'pillows,' "I'll run interference!"

"Master..." Ataru was so touched by his Sensei's valiant efforts at distracting his fianc e while he made a quick escape that it was not until he was already two blocks away that it belatedly occurred to him to question whether or not the ancient pervert might have "ulterior motives."

Before he had time to stop and consider returning to seek to learn if his suspicions were accurate a cry in the air above his head of, "SWEEEEEEEEETO!" informed him that his Master was already on his way. So Ataru calmly waited until the old man fell to the ground with a light bounce of his steps, as though the ancient fellow were made out of rubber, and then Happosai straightened up and smiled at him in obvious approval.

"Master," Ataru began, "Did you just...?"

"A spirited girl," Happosai responded, "I can see why you like her, though it's not in the nature of any man to bind himself to just one woman."

"How well I know this," Ataru sighed, deciding to let the matter drop rather than ask if his Shinobu had in any way been mistreated, "So, Master...now that I've passed the test, what next do you have in mind for me?"

"Something worthy of an ambitious youth such as yourself, my Boy," Happosai replied, "But I warn you, it is dangerous work and has many risks that would daunt a lesser man who lacks devotion to the cause that you have undertaken. Are you interested?"

"Is it another lingerie attack, Master?" Ataru asked eagerly, "Perhaps even-dare I say it?-Miss Sakura?"

"A challenging woman indeed," Happosai agreed, "And because of her formidable skills as a priestess and school nurse she will not be easily taken. If you wish to sniff the scent of heaven, Boy, you will have to be both quick and agile."

"I will not disappoint you, Sensei!" Ataru declared with great enthusiasm, "Her bra and panties are as good as in my hands!"

"Good lad," Happosai cheered, "But first I need to teach you a few lessons that could help you with your speed, and then-if you pass this test-I may give you the ultimate challenge for those of initiate level."

"You mean?" Ataru's eyes got wide, his hopes growing by the second.

"I do indeed," Happosai nodded, "The girl's locker room of your high school...but only if you prove to me that you can survive the trials that will prepare you."

"I will do anything you ask, Master!" Ataru vowed, "To achieve these ends I will walk through fire, swim through broken glass, ascend the tallest mountain...!" he paused and thought a moment, "Survive?"

"We'll get to those in good time," Happosai promised, "But we'll start out with something basic, a trip to the beach to scan some bikini clad goddesses whose tops need removing."

Ataru almost fainted with delirious anticipation, imagining the bounty he was about to reap (and not reckoning the chase that would shortly follow with vengeful women-and their boyfriends-intent on his destruction...all to improve his running speed so that he would be up to the task of facing the formidable Miss Sakura).

Happosai was almost beside himself with delight upon seeing the drool upon the lips of his new apprentice. How ideal a candidate for the Anything Goes School...this boy had untapped potential and motivation to spare, the perfect disciple for Happosai's teaching, so much more suitable than those two pathetic excuses he had to suffer with before, or even his more recent disappointment, the youngest daughter of Tendo Soun and-to date-Happosai's greatest disappointment.

(Just you wait, my dear), Happosai softly cackled to himself, (Give me a couple of weeks to train this boy and then you'll see what a real student can do, not a spoiled ingrate who doesn't appreciate the sacrifices of her own Great-grandfather...).

But first the boy needed to be whipped into shape, to make up for a lifetime of neglect of his own body. A bit of conditioning through trial and ordeal would either toughen him up...or kill him. Either way he would be more than he was, a fact that Ataru himself desperately desired, to become as one with his own inner pervert.

In truth Happosai liked this young Ataru and had a great deal of sympathy and affection for what the boy had gone through all his life. Slight of build and not all that attractive to women, hated and despised by others, rejected even by his own parents, he could practically be Happosai's own lost youth personified, a young man whom the fates had toyed with rather cruelly and who needed a break, for someone to see him for what he was and to reach down deep to show him his own potential.

But first to business at hand, namely the cultivating of the boy's natural inclinations to appreciate the finer things in life, and so he led the way, chuckling a merry tune as he and his young apprentice headed towards the beach and the many exotic beauties waiting there to be discovered...

Bayankalah Mountain Range, China;  
Joketsuzoku, a village of the Nyanchiczu Nation;  
Three Months Past.

Shampoo stared in stark disbelief at the line of men who were swarming into their village. Even knowing that the government men had set this up in accordance with the proclamation of the Tribal Elders she still had difficulty accepting the reality that was before her, the would-be suitors come to challenge her. It was enough to make her seriously regret her own resolve to be a part of this disaster in the making, the more so as some of the men she saw lined up to face her did not appear to be the sort you would invite home to introduce to your mother.

"Is it too late for Shampoo to join her Airen on some other planet?" Perfume asked of their great grandmother, "Maybe men on other worlds make better husbands?"

"We've been over this before, girls," Siren replied before the Matriarch could answer, "And we want your husband to be from earth, preferably from China though we can hardly be all that particular where it concerns the fate of the planet."

"Fate of the planet?" Shampoo repeated, wondering if it were worth it as she regarded some of the not-so-savory prospects on display before her.

"Darling," Lum said as she touched Shampoo's arm-earning a warm smile rather than the flinch that would have come before she and her Airen had gotten closer through their recent adventures, "You do not have to carry such a burden upon your shoulders, my Dad would hardly expect you to pick some mindless brute to be our husband..."

"Oh no?" Jariten asked, "Then how come I see some Oni in that line, Rei being one in particular who stands out."

"Rei?" Lum jolted with alarm, "What is he doing here?"

"Obviously he wishes to renew his challenge for your mutual hand, Princess," Siren replied, "Though technically he should be disqualified, having lost before in his earlier challenge."

"We should have been more specific on which candidates were to be excluded," Silk remarked as she glanced at Comb beside her, "Your daughter will be hard pressed to face so many in one day, even if they can only challenge her one at a time. We ought to have allowed her more time to recover between matches."

"Agreed," Cologne remarked, "But Shampoo cannot afford to show weakness before the tribe, and there are so many candidates that we could hardly lodge them all, let alone space out matches for all of them over the course of the many days or weeks it would take to favor each challenge."

"Yet with so many prospects surely a few will be worthy while the vast majority will make for short and conclusive dismissal," Comb turned to her daughter, "I know it is a lot to lay at your feet, daughter, but do your best and don't show these rabble any mercy. If they think themselves worthy to be the groom of an Amazon then let them prove their boast or else hit the high road and never further darken our doorstep."

"Easy, wife," Hairbrush urged, "Shampoo is nervous enough about having to fight so many in one day, there is no reason to add to her excitement."

"Excitement?" Shampoo asked blankly.

"For what comes after the match if you get defeated, of course," Siren smiled, "And you have to admit the thought of that is bound to get your fighting spirit up, eh what?"

To this Shampoo did not verbally respond, but her eyes got round enough that any words she might have said would have been totally redundant.

"Don't worry, Darling," Lum assured her, "Even if they do defeat you they still have to get through me before they can intrude upon our bedroom."

Shampoo knew that she ought to be reassured at the words her Airen was using to reassure her, but instead she found herself suffering a slight bout of pity for their would-be suitors.

There were fighters from all over the span of Asia, and from distant shores much farther than anyplace that Shampoo had ever been or could imagine. There were big men, skinny men, men who looked as if they had climbed out from under rocks, tall men, sissy men, even guys with stripes and spots...in other words the most wretched panoply of masculine scum and villainy mingled in with a few more promising candidates, a hundred and more in all and forming a line from the center of town to the wall and quite a bit beyond the village's outskirts. Some looked hard, mean and formidable, a few actually quite dangerous and deadly, while the rest were definite time wasters. There were so many of such an unsavory character that two rows of Amazon warriors had been turned out to attempt to keep them all in line...while those among the line of suitors who did seem the most promising had drawn more than a passing interest from those single women among the Joketsuzoku, of which there were a great many.

For Shampoo's part she regarded the impending line of challenge matches with no little amount of dread and apprehension. Even if she could take them on one or two at a time it would take several days to wear down the odds, and in doing so she would expend so much energy that even Mousse could take her down without question. Resting between matches would help but as her great-grandmother had just pointed out doing so would show weakness, to say nothing of extending the time of the matches into a full week, which was one ordeal that she was definitely NOT looking forward to by any stretch of the imagination.

"Do you want me to soften them up for you, Cousin?" Perfume murmured from beside her shoulder.

"Great-granddaughter," Cologne rumbled ominously.

"No want, no worries," Silk remarked, turning her head towards the side, "And speaking of which, here comes my own Elder, up and about after spending the whole morning in bed..."

"Against my own better advice I should add," Comb murmured at her best friend's side, turning a cross look towards the ancient Lotion and saying, "I prescribed plenty and rest and fluids after you caught that bout of flu, Elder..."

"Don't treat me like you do your own Elder," the wizened Lotion replied as she hobbled along, leaning heavily upon her staff, "I'm ancient but not dead yet, and I have yet enough time upon this world to pass along my skills to yet another young and promising apprentice."

"Grandmother?" Silk arched an eyebrow and eyed the old woman with a slightly miffed expression.

"It's nothing about you, my child," Lotion waved a dismissive hand before adding, "It is just that I had a vision recently of...someone else out there, another potential candidate whose face I could almost see in the vision I had while I was in restorative meditation this very morning."

"Another potential Lore Master?" Siren arched her eyebrows, glancing at the line of would-be suitors with a questioning expression.

"Not among this lot," Lotion replied, gazing off towards nothing in particular and frowning slightly, "But somewhere...out there. When the time is right she will present herself to me, but until then we have another more immediate concern to attend."

"Are you certain you should be concerning yourself with raising another pupil in the state that you have been recently?" Cologne inquired, displaying rare concern for her own former apprentice.

"You need not worry about me, not at the present, Matriarch," Lotion replied, turning to regard Shampoo before saying, "Well now, young War Master, having contented yourself with the company of your wife, are you ready now to choose yourself a husband?"

"Elder?" Shampoo asked, reckoning the unusual pallor of the old woman was indeed something with which to be concerned, but knowing better than to press the issue with the formidable Lotion, so instead she turned to regard her line of challengers and murmured faintly, "Aiyaa..."

"I know that this is necessary for our future happiness, Elder," Lum spoke up in concern, "But is it fair for Darling to take on so many in one day?"

"Yeah," Jariten piped in, giving the line a worried glance before adding, "Even the greatest warriors among the Oni would think twice about this kind of marathon fighting..."

"Oh, this lot?" Lotion said dismissively, "I know how to winnow out the odds a bit, so with your indulgence, Matriarch..."

"You have an idea," Cologne replied, "Then you have my attention."

Lotion turned towards the line of fighters then resolutely drew herself to her full-if not-so-imposing-height, her manner belied by the gravity of her expression as she deepened her tone and called out, "Attention Warriors...we regret to inform you that-due to the high number of turnout for this occasion-we can only select twenty of the mightiest candidates among you, so unless you are fit enough to match the exacting standards of an Amazon husband, we would kindly request that you go home and come back on some other occasion!"

There was a brief pause as the many suitors mulled about and exchanged looks before one of them spoke up and said, "Go home? Are you kidding me? I came all the way from Shanghai just to get a crack at proving my manhood!"

"Yeah, me too!" another burly man declared, "I ain't going back until I get my satisfaction! Let the rest of these losers take a hike...you want a real man for that cutie, then I'm the man you're after!"

"Screw you, Asshole!" a third candidate snarled in derision, "You hit the road, or I'll be the one doing the hitting!"

"You and what militia, Dickweed?" a fourth declared, and then without further preamble a spirited fight broke out with punches and kicks being exchanged in fast and furious order.

Immediately following this formal declaration of hostilities the rest of the throng got into the spirit of the thing, and as the rows of onlooking Amazons stared in astonishment a full scale battle ensued in which many a man and potential suitor did his level best to cut down on the ranks of the competition.

"What in the name of the Goddess?" Comb exclaimed on behalf of her fellow Amazons and the Elders.

"HULK SMASH!" one combatant cried out over the din of battle, followed by the word, "FRAY!" on the lips of yet another would-be suitor.

"I see what you had in mind," Siren remarked, "Fiendishly clever."

"That's why it's never a good idea to take grandmother for granted," Silk noted in a slightly appalled tone of voice.

"I have a feeling my services are going to be much in demand for the rest of the day," Comb noted frankly, "Though if it spares Shampoo the ordeal of having to deal with so many weaklings..."

"Oh, come on, be honest," Silk smiled, "Are you telling me you don't enjoy watching a good Cock-fight?"

"Aiyaa?" Perfume turned a questioning look towards the younger of the two Lore Masters, clearly not picking up immediately on the reference.

"Oh my," Lum remarked as she saw one familiar figure dominating the scene, "That really is Rei! I thought I made it plain to him that our engagement is long ended!"

"Looks like he's not the only one who's slow to pick up on the hint," Jariten mused, nodding towards two other familiar figures among the fighters.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo's eyes widened, "Mousse?"

"And Lord Stinky-Face with him," Siren remarked as they caught a flash of blue fire between the fingers of a pink-haired man wearing flamboyantly colorful armor.

"But..." Perfume hesitated, "This one thought he already have Amazon bride...what does he need for with another?"

"Obviously that is something which he is going to have to take up with his own Airen," Lotion turned to the others and added slyly, "I think you will find that the ranks of the candidates will be greatly thinned out in another few moments, which ought to present Shampoo with a suitable list of the strongest among them with whom she can settle accounts."

"But will one of them truly prove strong enough to be a worthy husband for our daughter?" Hairbrush openly wondered.

"Difficult to say," the ancient Lore Master replied with a somewhat distracted expression, "I sense that the one who will wed her is drawing nearer to this place, but I cannot say for certain whether he is here already or has yet to make his arrival."

"Aiyaa?" Shampoo asked with a curious glance towards the Elder, then returned her attention back towards the fighters, attempting to judge them on more levels than merely their fighting potential, but so far from what she could see very few of them appealed to her on more than just a visceral level.

In point of fact even the handsome ones just seemed to her to be little more than opponents, and to be certain a few would have caught her eye on any other occasion, but not in light of recent developments, most particularly her deepening relationship with her current Airen. That was for her the determining factor after all, that whatever man she allowed to defeat her would become both her husband and that of Lum, who deserved something much, much better. She felt that she knew enough about Lum's tastes and nature to suspect that a merely handsome man would hold little real appeal to her, or even if he were a great fighter since Rei was both handsome and formidable in battle. From understanding Lum's tastes Shampoo discovered that she understood her own needs even better, for she could have easily had Mousse had all she wanted was a strong and handsome fighter.

It was character that mattered to the both of them...perhaps not a sterling ideal or perfect man by any ordinary measure, but someone who could appeal to them in ways very different from what Amazons were wont to prefer. At present Shampoo did not truly understand what qualities she would desire in a man, but she was certain that she would know them when she met her future husband. Perhaps a man such as her father was what she needed...not necessarily strong or all that handsome, but with character that could be measured in the quiet dignity in which he commanded their household without demanding anything, never overly stepping beyond his place as an adopted Amazon male yet still quite capable of reigning in even a strong willed individual like her mother.

And then there was Lum's father...and there all analogies were put to rest since Shampoo could definitely not see herself going in for the hulking, brooding sort, not even under duress or compulsion.

Of course the number of promising candidates was dropping rapidly, and in mere minutes only a score remained standing amid the rubble and the ruins of the battle. Those few looked around as if seeking out fresh targets and were just beginning to orient upon one another when Lotion called out, "That is quite enough...we have our candidates for the coming battle. Thank you very much, all still standing move to the right while the rest...well, we'll do what we can for the survivors."

"Why don't we allow our younger warriors to sort those out, as I am sure we'll have no shortage of volunteers," Siren noted with a sly glance towards the ranks of their warrior escort, "The ones who need help can be brought to Comb's house for tending by our Healer."

"Gee, thanks," Comb said sarcastically, but nonetheless sighed, "Come along, husband...let us go fetch the twins, we are going to need all the help that we can scrounge to tend to these wounded."

"But I doubt we'll lack for volunteers there either, Wife," Hairbrush noted with dry humor, seeing how many of the young and single Amazons were looking favorably upon the defeated, especially those handsome men who had showed great promise during the battle...

"Well then," Cologne turned to Shampoo and said, "Best ready yourself for your turn at the battle, Child. It seems that the strongest candidates will now line up to be tested."

"Good thing some of those look as if they're on their second wind," Jariten observed rather wryly, "Be a real bitch if they were fresh since you have to take them all on one right after another."

"Ten!" Lum looked shocked, "Where did you learn that kind of language?"

"That's what Uncle Shin was saying just the other day," Jariten said somewhat defensively, "It's not like I just made that up..."

Perfume gave the little hovering infant a sour glance before turning a sympathetic nod towards her cousin, "You okay for this, Shampoo?"

"No," Shampoo said truthfully, "But this one is ready."

"I know you'll do your best, Darling," Lum said brightly, "But I'll be cheering for you, and you know I'll do my best if any of them should beat you."

Shampoo nodded assent to that then turned to the challenge log and steeled her resolve to get on with the action, then vaulted onto one end and stood at the ready, flexing her wrists as she drew upon her Bonbori and prepared herself to meet the first challenge.

A tall and brawny man wearing Western clothes stepped forward to the head of the line, a fellow with a handsome face and short-cropped hair who nonetheless acted totally at ease as though he were little more than a tourist, but Shampoo was not deceived by mere appearance. She took note of the careful way in which he walked, his almost silent tread and other tell-tale signs that hinted at a skilled warrior who felt at ease in his surroundings. He also moved in such a way as to imply the weight of a hidden metal object beneath his jacket, so Shampoo stood ready on her end of the log and waited for him to mount upon the opposite side, prepared to meet this first challenge even if the man intended to resort to the use of forbidden, non-traditional weapons.

But instead-to the surprise of many-the man paused and looked at her quizzically, then turned to the row of judging Elders and addressed himself without invitation or preamble.

"There must be some mistake here," he said directly, "I came here on a case looking for information on the whereabouts of a client. I didn't come here to take part in some martial arts demonstration."

"This is not a demonstration," the Elder named Be Dea said sternly, "You are here to take part in a contest that will decide the fate of the young warrior, who is your sole opponent."

"The idea is you defeat her in combat and you get to marry her, young Sir," the Elder Pasticcio helpfully pointed out, "That means she becomes your wife, to honor and regard you as her lawfully represented husband."

"Of course you'd have to defeat her other Airen first in order for that to be official," Elder Cream added slyly.

"Wife?" the big man reacted with a start, "Are you serious? I'm too young to get married!"

"Are you certain that this is your final answer?" Be Dea asked, "After all, a great deal of prestige and influence comes along with the bargain, as does enough financial resources to set you up comfortably for life. Does that catch your interest?"

The big man paused to consider the point then asked, "How much support are we talking about here?"

"More than you could imagine," Elder Pasticcio said with a confident smirk.

"I dunno about that," the big man said, "I can imagine a whole lot..."

"And what name do you go by, young man?" Cologne asked, speaking up at last for her own curiosity in the matter.

"Saeba Ryo," the big man replied, "But some just call me City Hunter. Don't ask me why since I don't hunt for cities, just the people who live in them..."

"Well then, Saeba-san," Siren spoke up, giving the man a sly look as she came to stand beside him, flaunting her own not-too-inconsiderably charms before his eyes and watching carefully as he tried to peer down through the scenic view that her halter top presented, "Perhaps you should at least consider trying your luck with our Shampoo. You do like women, do you not?"

Cologne's eyes narrowed sharply and she seemed to be glaring daggers at the blonde Archmage, though she was quick to conceal her disapproval before anyone besides Perfume had time to notice.

"Um...well, sure, Ma'am," the big man stuttered as his eyes remained glued to Siren's chest, "Who doesn't?"

"Now see here!" a pink-haired man rudely shouldered his way towards the front of the line, "If this foolish boor has no interest in challenging the Princess Shampoo, then allow one who has the proper breeding the honor of claiming the first challenge."

"Princess Shampoo?" the man named Ryo asked as he turned a glance towards the purple haired warrior as though only just noticing then and there how well-stacked she was, even better built than the ageless Siren.

Shampoo just gave a nervous wince and wondered what royal titles had to do with her current station. Unfortunately for her state of mind the Elder Cream was quick to provide an answer.

"Shampoo is married to the Princess Lum of the Oni Empire," Cream explained, "By extension that makes her a defacto Princess."

"We haven't really had an official Princess for a good many generations," Pasticcio explained, "Not since our last warrior Queen perished some eight hundred years ago, but it is known that Shampoo is descended from the royal line, so it stands to reason that she is entitled to be awarded the office of our Princess."

"Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured faintly, which translated-in this case-to her declaring, "As if the rest of our tribe hasn't cause enough to resent this one..."

"A Princess, huh?" Ryo rubbed his square-jawed chin, "Well, I suppose it would be rude to decline the challenge of a lady..."

"Now see here-!" the pink haired Count Seryo began to declare when-all of a sudden-he heard a voice that caused his manner to turn from one of arrogance into stark panic.

"Airen...what are you doing in that line of suitors?" a dusky-skinned blonde Amazon demanded, "You have me to keep you warm at nights...is that not enough?"

"Gah-she's caught up with me again!" Seryo cried and at once set off at a run, followed in hot pursuit by an outraged Miho-Chi.

Ryo just arched an eyebrow, shrugged his shoulders, then turned back to the log and advanced to the side that was clearly indicated was his portion. Climbing onto the log his considerable weight caused it to sway slightly as he stood to his full height and regarded Shampoo with the same relaxed confidence that always seemed to attend him.

"What are the rules?" he asked, hands still hidden in his pockets.

"You must defeat her by driving her off the log or else knocking her out," Be Dea explained, "Any means you use to achieve this end is allowed, including potential lethal force, though the goal is to marry her, not bury her as a corpse."

"Sounds simple enough," Ryo pulled his hands out of his pockets, "Don't think I'll need to use a gun on you, Missy, just as long as you keep those balls of yours where I can see them."

"Hmph," Shampoo scowled and stood at the ready, marking the man's style as a form of fisticuffs similar to Shaolin Boxing, but obviously of a more Western-style system.

"Begin!" Cologne declared, then waited for the action to get started.

Shampoo's first impulse would have been to attack the man to provoke his response in order to study his methods, but she held her back as she sensed a shifting of his weight that heralded an offensive of his own, so she waited to see what he would try and was not much disappointed.

To her considerable surprise the man moved with a speed that belied his hulking mass, and with greater control over his power than even she had suspected him capable of mounting as his fist got through her guard and came within an inch of connecting with her shoulder. Only by dropping down to her own knees and striking forward with her left Bonbori was she able to ward off the attack, and yet though her weapon connected solidly with the man's exposed stomach all this managed to do was to drive him off by a couple of meters. To her considerable surprise he absorbed the blow and seemed no worse than mildly winded, straightening out at once and resuming a fighters position.

"Did you see that?" Pasticcio asked of her fellow Elders.

"He took it in the gut as though he has been struck by a small child," Cream noted, "Such resilience is most admirable..."

"Yeah, and you could probably crack acorns on his Pecker," Siren pointed out with a nod towards Ryo's crotch level.

"Trust you to keep your mind in the gutter," Cologne muttered to herself darkly, again at a tone that only Perfume's keen hearing could make out.

"Try harder, Darling!" Lum cried out, "Don't let him take you!"

Shampoo firmed her own stance and readied her Chi as Ryo sized her up and came at her again with the same speed and power as before, batting her bonbori aside and this time managing to connect with a blow that glanced off the side of her head and caused her to see sparks, even as she automatically struck back with an elbow to his chest...a blow that was blunted by some metallic object hidden beneath his jacket. He was barely nudged back this time and came on with another fist that was aimed on finishing the encounter. Shampoo saw it coming and rapidly turned her body at the very last possible second, this time using her Bonbori to catch the man squarely on the chin with enough force to snap his head back.

Unfortunately for her he managed to roll with the blow and came up in a fighting crouch on his end of the log, rubbing his chin and seemed no more than mildly stunned by her counter-offensive, though he looked upon her with wary respect in both his tone and manner.

"You're pretty good," he said, "Guess I should stop treating you like a normal woman and get serious about this."

"What are you made of?" Shampoo asked in frank amazement, surprised that anyone could take a blow like that from her bonbori and still remain standing.

"Heck, I get hit worse than that by Kaori-chan," he said as he reached into his jacket and pulled out his hidden weapon, which proved to be some manner of Western-style revolver, oversized and menacing in a way that seemed to fit his entire frame most appropriately, though he was careful to keep it pointed skyward rather than in her direction.

"What, are you planning on shooting her now?" Siren asked from the sidelines, "That's not very sporting."

"I make it a point never to shoot a lady if it can be helped," Ryo replied, "But unless she puts those balls of hers aside this wouldn't exactly be a fair match between us, now would it?"

Shampoo decided not to waste further time on words and instead launched herself towards her opponent, but even as fast as she could move she did not match the speed of his trigger finger. Two quick shots later and the handles of her bonbori were splintered, sending the balls sailing high into the air while a now-weaponless Shampoo continued forward, unable to halt her forward momentum.

Ryo was quicker than expected once again and managed to snag Shampoo by the leg when she attempted to turn her momentum into an impromptu flying kick. All at once she found herself grabbed up into his burly arms as he hastily immobilized her, pinning her arms and applying pressure so that her legs were too far spread-out to provide the leverage that she needed.

"Got you now," Ryo declared as Shampoo struggled against his attempts to pin her, "Now be a nice little missy and say Uncle."

The man's hot breath on her face made Shampoo quail, for though she had not sensed menace or ill-intentions in the man his hands were nonetheless finding their way to some rather sensitive portions of her anatomy, nominally with the intent of preventing her working her way out of his grasp. She continued seeking to counter his considerable strength and was just beginning to find purchase when-all of a sudden-the man stiffened, his grasp on her going limp without immediate explanation.

To Shampoo's considerable surprise the man began to lean his weight against her while his arms fell slack to his sides, and then she was able to turn her head to find out why he had ceased trying to hold her and got round-eyed in dismay, seeing one of her bonbori resting squarely on top of his head while his face was lost to some rather cross-eyed, goofy expression.

With no further preamble the man named Ryo fell off the log and landed square upon his back, his eyes spinning in his head as though a large "TILT" sign could be read there, and without question the fight had gone completely out of him, leaving Shampoo the obvious victor.

"Well, that one he never saw coming," Siren said with a smirk, "Next!"

Several warriors stepped forward without needing to be prompted and collected the unconscious Ryo, no doubt to see if he needed some "hands-on" personal attention.

Meanwhile the next challengers began to advance towards the Challenge log, a curious pair of very buff looking fellows who wore near identical gis but of entirely contrasting colors...a dark haired Asian lad in a white gi with contrasting red headband and a blond haired man in a red gi, both looking like experienced street fighters but lacking a certain worldliness that distinguished many of the other fighters.

The dark haired man spoke first with a cautious, "Did we just hear right, that this contest is about determining who that girl would marry?"

"Whoah, talk about incentives," the blond seconded, "But what if the guy who challenges here isn't ready to get married? Could we at least try dating first?"

"Young Sirs," Be Dea said sternly, "Are you telling us that you entered this contest without knowing anything about its purpose and primary objective?"

"Well..." the dark haired young man said reluctantly while running his fingers through his unkempt mane of hair, "The truth is that my buddy and I are really just interested in studying different Martial Arts systems, and you Amazons are said to be some of the toughest fighters in all of Asia."

"Yeah," the blond agreed, "I'm Ken and this is Ryu, and we're really on something of a pilgrimage to toughen ourselves up so we can show a certain Air Force guy a thing or two about fighting, but nobody ever told us this was supposed to be a marriage contest."

"You two..." a disgusted female voice interceded, then all at once a well-built girl with brown hair done up in a fancy doo stepped forward and confronted the elders with an apologetic, "I'm sorry, I led these clowns here on the assumption that they were going to behave themselves and not get into any more trouble. Trust them both to jump feet-first into something without hearing all the details, but if you'll just kindly allow us to withdraw their names from the fight roster..."

"Are you willing to give up the prize this soon?" Siren asked of the reluctant Ken and Ryu, eyeing the brown haired girl with a certain lilt of approval that got Cologne to scowl hard enough to bore holes in the blonde Archmage's back, "You boys seem more the type to me who never turn away from a challenge...or don't they have balls where you both grew up?"

"Hey!" Ryu protested.

"It's not a matter of having balls or not," Ken insisted, "We're just interested in fighting...not that the idea of marrying a cutie like that gives either one of us a problem, eh Buddy?"

"Huh?" Ryu blinked, then-catching the eye of his friend-he turned to give Shampoo another cursory study before saying, "Well...yeah, she's definitely cute enough, and who wouldn't be tempted? But are you saying that she's actually prepared to marry a guy who beats her up? That's kind of..."

"Barbaric!" the brown haired girl protested, "I thought that kind of thinking went out of style eons ago. I thought you called yourselves Amazons for a reason..."

"Not that old myth again," Elder Cream said with mild exasperation, "For the hundred millionth time, we do NOT cut off our breasts to improve our archery. The very idea is ludicrous! You'd lose too much muscle tissue, and it's not particularly aesthetic."

"That fool Herodotus has much to answer for," Elder Pasticcio agreed, "And if he were not twenty-five centuries dead and buried we'd exhume him from the afterlife just to inform him of what we think of that travelogue he wrote about his visit to our nation."

"Huh?" Ryu asked.

"What are you ladies talking about?" Ken questioned with a thoroughly clueless expression.

"Never mind," Cologne gave her fellow elders a rather pointed look before turning to address herself to the outlander girl and her Post-Feminist inclinations, "And for your information, young lady, it is the tradition among our people for warriors to seek strong husbands in order to father strong babies. We welcome the inclusion of new blood by testing strong men for their...matrimonial qualifications. If they measure up, and they succeed in defeating their opponent, then that warrior-in this case my own great-granddaughter-declares that man to be her lawfully pledged husband. To do otherwise would be to break with four thousand years of Amazon tradition."

"Which brings great honor to both the warrior and her family," Be Dea added, "While-similarly-to reject her petition would bring great shame and dishonor on both the warrior and her house, so think well upon your next words here as either way you will be confronting Shampoo on the field of battle."

"What?" Ryu asked, "Can't we just, like, withdraw from the match?"

"Unfortunately you have already issued your challenge just by entering the match," Siren pointed out, "So like it or not you are committed to facing her, either on the challenge log or afterwards when she comes to confront you to avenge her wounded honor."

"But that's not fair!" Ken protested.

"Yeah," the brown haired girl insisted, "In some places they'd even call that entrapment!"

"Then perhaps you would like to take their place?" Cologne asked of her.

"Huh?" the outlander girl blinked, "Take their place? Are you crazy?"

"Opinions vary," Siren eyed Cologne slightly, earning a withering look in return before the blonde Archmage resumed, "Since you are friends with these boys, and you obviously care about what happens to them, there is a provision in the law that would allow you to take their place and stand in good stead for the both of them in answering the challenge of this contest. Of course, if you win, there might be further complications, but your friends would definitely be off the hook, though it would then be up to Shampoo to decide whether or not to take you in their place as her Airen."

"Hah?" the brown haired girl blinked, turning an appalled look Shampoo's way, "Are you saying that I'd have to marry her? What kind of stupid law is that?"

"Darling's laws are not stupid!" Lum protested, leaping to the side of the outlander girl and confronting her with eyes blazing in righteous indignation, "And it's not just her you'd face, it's me you'd have to get through!"

And with that simple declaration Lum unleashed one of her patented lightning bolts that caught all three outlanders in its electrified spread, sending Ken and Ryu sailing backwards while their Chinese-born companion went rigid as a lamp post with hairs standing on end, uncurling from the set of buns that framed her otherwise porcelain features.

Shampoo blinked as the sight registered belatedly on her optic nerves, and then she watched as a girl named Chun-Li collapsed like a nerveless puppet at the feet of the green haired Oni princess, and a faint wince of sympathy washed through the Amazon in spite of her own cultural pride coming to the surface, having been outraged at hearing her traditions labeled as "stupid."

"I think it is safe to say that those three have been effectively disqualified from the match," Be Dea said candidly, then turned to the other potential suitors and said, "Next!"

"Uh...hi, my name's Higashi Joe," yet another oddly dressed martial artist declared while stepping forward, "And I'd really rather not get crispy fried by rejecting such an attractive girl and her rather shocking...um...companion."

"Very well then," Cologne said gravely, "Mount the challenge log and face Shampoo. We do assume, from your style of dress, that you are a Kickboxer?"

"All-star champion five years running," the youth named Higashi Joe replied in a faintly boastful manner, "But look...is it really necessary for me to marry the girl if I win? I mean...can't we get to know each other first so we can find out if it would work out between us or not?"

"Young fellow," Cream remarked, "You are stalling."

"And besides," Siren added with a sly leer, "You can't refuse at this point without hurting Shampoo's feelings...and don't you also want to feast upon the consolation prize if you lose?"

"Consolation prize?" Joe arched an eyebrow.

"Indeed," Siren nodded towards a nearby table that was heaped to the point of straining full of food, enough to feed a considerable army as the blonde Archmage added, "The entire village has gathered that in order to hold a feast in honor of the victor, but if you put in a good show and lose anyway you'll still be entitled to select your pick from the banquet, and to eat as much of it as your appetite needs sating."

Joe's eyes went as round as saucers and his stomach immediately made its own opinion known, so he turned back with a grin and said, "Now you're talking," and vaulted onto the opposite end of the challenge log before turning to Shampoo and saying, "Now, I'll try not to be too hard on you, young lady, but since I'm world champion I think it's fair to say who's gonna win this battle."

"Hmph," Shampoo sniffed, her warrior pride pricked by the man's unintentional condescension, but as she sized up his posture and read his key strengths she instinctively shifted her weight and balance in order to meet his likely avenues of attack, taking careful note of the heavy bandages he wore on both arms and legs, implying that he was used to punishment and could dish it out with great fervor.

One minute later Joe was flat on his back and seeing stars circling through the bright clouds in the heavens, the faint noise of bird calls ringing in his ears as he said in a daze, "What...just happened?"

"Simple," Cologne replied to the fallen fellow, "You lost."

"It might have gone better for you if you hadn't been holding back so much of your strength and speed in the first few moments," Siren suggested, "You left Shampoo too many openings, and she exploited them ruthlessly. Had you been a bit more on your guard she might even have had to work for victory rather than toss you ass over teakettle."

Shampoo made a point of crackling her knuckles, having very much enjoyed that little brawl as it had allowed her to work the kinks out of her body. Satisfied that the man named Joe would not immediately be rising up to renew his challenge she instead turned her gaze towards the remaining sixteen fighters and said, "Next!"

Before anyone had a chance to "volunteer," however, a wind kicked up that caused everyone to raise their arms in order to ward dust away from their faces. A swirling tornado-like effect appeared and then three figures dropped down from the heavens, alighting in good order several meters away from the challenge log, the lead of the trio eyeing Shampoo with a grim and totally determined expression.

"So we meet again, Amazon," he declared, "Only this time I will not be refused my petition."

Shampoo simply gaped in disbelief at this late arrival, too stunned by this turn of events to even so much as utter an "Aiyaa" of faint protest.

"Prince Herb," Cologne said levelly, "Do you mean to enter this contest...even though you have come late and skipped the preliminary matches?"

"Bah!" the heir to the Musk Dynasty scoffed, "Such trials are a pitiful waste of time and energy and are quite beneath me, old woman. I will not contend against the likes of such rabble when my aim is to force the hand of this Shampoo, that she be allowed to unite our two nations by the bonds of matrimony."

"Hey, wait a minute!" one of the other suitors declared in outrage, "No cutting in line! Just who the hell do you think you're...?"

Prince Herb did not even bother to turn his head as he let his left hand speak for him, pointing at the outraged fighter and engulfing him in a powerful Chi blast that sent him flying.

"Do any others dare dispute my right?" Herb demanded, one hand glowing with power as he gave the rest of the contestants a withering glance that as much as declared them openly to be "peasants."

But to the surprise of nearly all present a voice rose up and declared, "I dispute this. If you insist on challenging Shampoo then you will have to face me first."

Even Herb seemed to pale abruptly as the indomitable figure in a ceremonial green dress came into full view, standing purposeful and resolute with her trademark Ch'i-Chi in her hands, her reddish-brown eyes fixed and level upon Herb without a trace of fear in her expression.

"You?" Herb's voice arched an octave but he stead himself enough to say, "But this contest is to challenge the right of the Amazon and her Princess wife..."

"Just so, you still have a quarrel with me that needs resolving," Kachu the Devil Slayer replied, "Our battle was never properly concluded, and until one of us is the victor I cannot allow you to challenge any of my Amazon sisters. You must defeat me first, then go on to face Shampoo and her Airen."

One of Herb's two companions turned to the Prince and said, "Is that right, Boss? You never said anything about having to beat up three girls in order to marry them..."

"Can Mint and me have one if you don't want them?" the more husky of Herb's two companions asked, "You said we'd both get to look at some titties."

"Of course that one looks kind of mean, don't you think, Lime?" the young man named Mint asked, "Of course, from the look of her, I'd say she's got a pretty nice set of..."

"Enough!" Herb declared rather dramatically, turning about with a swirling of his cape, "I withdraw my petition for now. We will settle this on another occasion..."

"We will settle this now!" Kachu declared with an angry determination, moving forward to close the distance between herself and the arrogant Musk prince, "You cannot dishonor me and walk away from this...I will have my satisfaction!"

"No...I mean...that is not how it will be, Woman," Herb rather hastily insisted, quickening his pace and forcing his companions to do likewise.

"Don't you 'Woman' me, you...you Prince you!" Kachu declared heatedly as she continued to pursue the now rapidly retreating Musk Prince, "And look at me when I'm uttering a challenge!"

"I do not deign to look upon you," Herb called back over his shoulder, his feet now all but running to escape the pursuing Devil Hunter, "And if you insist on pressing the matter, then I will be forced to deal with you directly!"

"Do your worst, that is what I expect of you!" Kachu cried as her voice began to fade off into the distance as she gave chase to the Musk Prince as though he were a wild boar who needed gutting, and soon they were all four beyond the walls of the village, heading rapidly in the general north-east direction of the Musk stronghold, yet with no clear sense of which side would emerge the victor.

Shampoo just blinked while Lum seemed supremely puzzled, leaving it to Jariten to make the observation, "Sheesh...he sure changed his mind in a hurry...not that I can blame him."

"Who do you suppose will win if Kachu managed to catch up with the fellow?" Cream asked of her fellow Elders.

"Who knows?" Pasticcio shrugged, "The only question in my mind is who to root for, but either Prince Herb gets married or we have to find ourselves a brand new Devil Hunter."

"Well," Siren mused, "That was certainly anti-climactic."

"Maybe so, Elder," Cabinet said aloud from where she was standing, "But...that larger boy was rather cute. I wonder if he already has a girlfriend?"

Several eyes turned askance towards the hulking Cabinet, then resolutely turned away as if refusing to process this new information.

"Now who is next?" Shampoo asked, raising her empty hands (since her bonbori were gone and she really had not prepared with a cache of weapons such as Mousse would have provided).

"Well," Perfume offered from the sideline, "There are fifteen candidates left, Cousin...but if you want to retain the prize for this match, then perhaps someone should do something about those two newcomers who have just wandered into our village and are in the process of eating the secondary Prize for this contest."

"Eh?" Shampoo turned askance towards the banquet table and immediately double-took for there before her was a redheaded girl and a giant panda sitting down to gorge themselves upon the gathered spoils from their village's early spring crop as though they had not eaten for quite a while and had no concept of proper manners.

"What are they doing?" Lum protested, then said, "Wait here, Darling, and I will deal with these interlopers."

"But..." Shampoo was about to say that it was her duty as Champion of their village to punish these strange thieves for their greedy presumption, but then it belatedly occurred to her that her idea of chastisement would be far more merciful than what Lum was planning.

Sure enough a single lightning bolt was all it took to get the full attention of the pair in question, but to Shampoo's considerable amazement the girl and her panda not only avoided the attack but took up new positions and continued eating, the panda perched on one foot at the end of one table, the redheaded girl with the pig-tail still chewing on a melon while balanced upon the remains of the bench that Lum had just partially disintegrated.

"How dare you eat the food that belongs to my Darling?" Lum asked the pair in wifely outrage.

"Airen," Shampoo called out, sensing that she had best intervene before her wife started throwing bigger lightning bolts to dispatch these nimble interlopers, "First ask who these strangers are, then you may zap them, but it is this one's duty as Champion to defend the honor of our village."

"You do not need to trouble yourself with these two, Darling," Lum called back, "Save your strength for the next challenger, I will punish these intruders."

"That should be the task for this one," Perfume noted in passing, unslinging both of her axes and preparing to use them.

Shampoo decided that she had better step forward before the entire matter descended into bloodshed and instead vaulted from the challenge log, catching up with a pair of bonbori maces that were tossed to her by a helpful Cologne in passing.

"Now then," Shampoo brandished her weapons at the redhead, "Call off your animal or else this one will be forced to expel you...and believe this one, you would not prefer the alternatives from either this one's Cousin or her Airen."

The redhead just looked at her as if he did not understand a single word that she was saying, so Shampoo tried again, annoyed that the panda was still munching away, "Can you not call that beast off? Or do you lack all concept of proper manners?"

Lum turned to the girl and said, "Darling asks why you let your panda run around wild where he can eat her Prize food. Doesn't your animal know any manners?"

To Shampoo's further surprise the girl said something back in a foreign language, obviously able to understand Lum better than she could Shampoo, though by her casual tone she seemed to be indicating a lack of control over the panda, even a certain contempt of the animal's behavior.

Fortunately this was where Cologne chose to intercede on the matter, speaking fluently in the girl's strangely barbaric language and eliciting a response as the girl jumped in alarm, quite taken by surprise at this sudden appearance by an Elder. Then the Matriarch gave instructions to Perfume that were obeyed with great alacrity, and all at once her cousin produced a set of hot tea kettles from seeming no where, even as Lum spoke the words, "True forms?" which added a new element to the discussion that caused Shampoo's eyebrows to automatically climb closer to her hairline.

One moment later a nagging suspicion was confirmed as Perfume dumped the contents of those kettles upon the girl and her panda...and all at once they were a girl and a panda no more, both altering in size and appearance in a striking way that brought a gasp of surprise from her lips as she riveted her attention upon the more interesting member of the twosome.

He was about her age and surprisingly quite handsome, and resilient to a fault to judge by the way he rapidly recovered from exposure to the hot water. Without even realizing it she gave a startled cry of, "AIYAA!" as the transformation left her next to breathless, an inexplicable thrill running down her spine and tickling her fancy as she had been unaffected by any other challenger until this moment."

Nor was she alone in her reaction since Lum herself averred, "You said it, Darling..." then, on a more hopeful note, "Do you think that he might be the one at last?"

Shampoo was only just considering this herself when her great-grandmother began exchanging words with the transformed boy (who quite obviously shared in common with Lum the status of a recent Jusenkyo "victim"), and in good order seemed to convey the message as the boy spoke confidently and even appeared to boast about his prowess as a fighter. This thought was confirmed as Lum spoke once again in a manner that was comprehensible to both Lum and this stranger, "Are you certain of this? Darling is the greatest warrior in all of China. She even bested me in a game of Tag..."

Perfume added something to this, obviously better gifted with languages as she knew the coastal tongue of Cantonese, to which Shampoo was only semi-literate. However it did sound to her ear as though the brown haired Enforcer were saying, "On the third try," as if diminishing Shampoo's accomplishment by that statement.

Shampoo felt a prickling of pride cross her spine as the boy accepted the challenge and agreed to meet her on the challenge log itself. She was determined to see what this stranger was made of and not allow herself to be persuaded to lower her guard simply because the very sight of him excited her on some strangely elemental level. She vaulted back to her perch and waited for the boy to do the same on his end, then stood her ground with her newly regained bonbori and faced against him, waiting for her Elders to command the beginning of battle.

"Hey, what gives here?" one of the other contestants protested, "What's this shrimp doing cutting into line? Let him wait his turn like the rest of us!"

"Patience everyone," Cologne called out to them, "This matter must be settled honorably before we can resume with the rest of the contest."

The boy did not seem all that alarmed as he confronted Shampoo, standing casually as if unafraid and not even assuming a defensive posture. He indicated himself and seemed to speak his name by emphasizing the strangely foreign words, "Saotome Ranma," then he indicated with a hand gesture a desire to know her name, which Shampoo decided was only right and proper.

"This one is Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku," she declared as she assumed a fighting posture, adjusting herself to the weight of the unfamiliar maces and noticing how their balance was different from her regular weapons, and compensating for this with her balance."

Then Elder Be Dea declared the match official and Shampoo immediately rushed forward, intending to see what this boy was made of and to conclude the match quickly if it turned out that he was nothing more than another poser.

To her considerable surprise her first thrust encountered air, the boy bending backwards so suddenly that it almost seemed as though his spine were made out of rubble. Shampoo was caught off-guard with that lunge as the boy straightened out once again, forcing her to make a second attack in order to shift her weight rather than give him an opening to counter-attack...and that proved to be a fatal error.

The boy obviously judged the opening from below as his foot rose up and struck Shampoo in the stomach, catching her completely by surprise as she was suddenly lifted off the log and sent tumbling backwards by the combined effect of both the kick and her loss of balance. She landed with a thump upon the ground and just remained there for several instants, staring at the sky in disbelief, unable to comprehend how she could have been taken in so completely and defeated with such an apparent lack of effort.

"Darling?" Lum cried in dismay as she launched herself into the air and came to Shampoo's side in yer another instant, "Darling...are you all right?"

The stranger named Ranma landed next to her and said, "Hey, I didn't hit you that hard, did I? I was trying to be gentle there since I don't hit girls and..." then suddenly his words became incomprehensible to Shampoo was Lum rose up in wrath and turned to confront her wife's seeming tormentor.

"You hurt my darling!" Lum cried with hands already crackling with the glow of her lightning.

"Whoah!" Ranma said round-eyed, and all at once he dodged to the side just as Lum leg go with a blast that seared the air and sent up an alarming smell of Ozone.

Shampoo blinked her eyes, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. Not only did the boy dodge the attack but he recovered in time to dodge another and another as Lum sent blast after blast of lightning in his direction, then all at once he seemed to disappear completely, causing Lum to hesitate and look around in dismay...

All except in the one direction that she ought to have been looking as Shampoo saw the boy arching high into the air and coming down with both feet aimed for the top of Lum's head, driving her down into the dirt with his weight as he caught the Oni princess completely unawares, even momentarily rendering Lum unconscious.

"Man, what the hell was that?" the strange boy said as his words once more became comprehensible to Shampoo's hearing, "You see what she was throwing at me there, Pop? Pop?"

The balding man with the kerchief around his head and who was wearing glasses said something that Shampoo did not catch, but from his tone appeared to be wary and respectful since several Amazons were pointing sharp objects in his direction, some under his chin, thereby explaining is oddly respectful disposition.

"Oooh...what hit me...?" Lum groaned as she spat dirt

Before Shampoo could turn her thoughts to Lum and how her Airen might be faring she was surprised to hear her mother's voice rising up in a tone of complete outrage...but to her furthering amazement said wrath was not directed at the boy who had defeated both Shampoo and her Airen but rather towards the balding man as though he were known to her and not so fondly remembered.

"What is he, her ex-boyfriend or something?" Jariten asked as the little alien hovered close to where Lum was presently lying.

"Hah?" the young man named Ranma asked as he turned to regard the hovering infant, "What are you, the tooth fairy or something?"

Jariten glared at the pigtailed stranger and said, "Don't talk so tough, hotshot, because-in case you didn't know it yet-you've just bitten off a lot more than I think you're gonna be able to chew since you just beat up on my cousin and her wife...which-by the rules of this place, makes you officially their husband."

"Say what?" the boy named Ranma blinked, then turned to regard Shampoo as the Amazon slowly began to pick herself up off the ground, even as Lum was managing to finally sit upright.

As Shampoo fought to regain her footing she wondered exactly what sort of emotions she ought to be feeling right there and then. Anger at being defeated? Disgust at the ease in which the boy had just beaten both her and Lum single-handed? Respect that he was talented enough to do so and still sound less than smug about it...or something else that might explain the curious thrill that was exciting her very being right there and then, for all at once she felt right with the world as though she had spent her whole life waiting for this very moment. As she turned to fully regard him she saw the wonder in his eyes, eyes as strangely innocent as she had been on the day when first she had encountered Lum, and that made what she had to do next all that much easier to set in motion.

Smiling in a way that seemed to further the boy's confusion she crossed the few steps that separated them and reached out to caress his arms, feeling an almost electric thrill as she felt the manly strength of his very being. He might be clueless and quite innocent of the world in which he was about to become embroiled, but there was no doubting that he was a man of rare courage...a good man to judge by the clear look of his blue eyes. And so Shampoo leaned forward until their faces were together and gave the first kiss on a man's lips that she had ever shared, encountering no resistance as the boy quite clearly was unprepared to receive this...

Which prompted Shampoo to add a bit of tongue to her efforts, a trick learned from Lum herself to great effect judging by the automatic reaction of the boy's reeling senses.

When she pulled back stunned surprise was what she encountered, but Shampoo permitted her new husband his moment of disorientation (fully aware of what that condition was like) and said the ritual words that would make the kiss official, "Woda Airen...Wo ai ni...Airen."

"Darling?" Lum asked in stunned confusion.

Shampoo turned back to her wife and smiled, "It is all right, Airen...he has defeated us both, and this one judges him worthy to be our mutual husband."

Lum seemed only partially relieved to hear that and said, "Well...if you agree to take him, Darling, then I obviously have no objections, but..."

"Then it's official," Siren said as she came up to pat them all upon their shoulders, "And what a lovely coupling you three make...a real managerie of twa-ah, I mean...talents, and may I be the first one to congratulate you, young Sir, and wish you the best as a worthy Amazon husband?"

"Hah?" Ranma exclaimed in faint dismay, "Husband...?"

"Well, that makes it official then," Be Dea sniffed, then turned and called out, "Attention everyone...we have a winner! The match has been decided in favor of this young man, so thank you all for participating and feel free to share from the concession table. I think the panda left enough for everyone, but just in case we'll call out more reserves that we were holding for seconds..."

"Over?" somebody declared heatedly, "You mean just like that?"

"Yeah!" a man cried angrily, "Who does this shrimp think he is waltzing in here from out of no where and taking away the babe that we honest men were about to fight for? It's an outrage, I tell you!"

"Yeah!" a third man thundered, "Let's see how he fares against a real man...in fact, we'll all take him and show him a thing or two about manners!"

"Uh oh," Jariten murmured, "Don't look now, guys...but I think there's gonna be trouble..."

Shampoo felt surprisingly ready for dealing with this new wrinkle in a day that had already been full of surprises, stepping around her newly declared husband and assuming a defensive stance as Lum immediately flanked her, then the Amazon declared, "Do not worry, Husband...this one and her Airen will protect you against these upstarts."

"Hah?" Ranma blinked, but nonetheless recovered in time to meet the onrushing charge of the horde of outraged suitors...

Tendo Household;  
Nerima, Japan-the Present.

"Yeah?" Nabiki asked with more enthusiasm than she had meant to convey, "And then?"

"What a bunch of sore losers," Akane scowled, "They remind me of that bunch of idiots I used to have to contend with every morning."

"What did happen then, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked, "Did you and your wives have to fight your way through those upset contenders?"

"Ah, they were nothing special," Ranma boasted, "One or two of 'em were trouble, but me and the girls managed well enough. Which reminds me, when's lunch gonna be ready?"

"In a bit, Husband," Shampoo called out from the kitchen, "But do not skimp on details, the fight was a much more difficult affair than you are describing."

"Yes," Lum agreed as she came back into the room bearing a tray full of rice-balls, "And one in particular was the most annoying of all, but we'll get to him in a minute since I'm sure everyone is as hungry as we are from telling this story."

"Oho?" Nabiki asked, turning a glance from Lum towards Ranma, "Something tells me there's a lot more to this than you just walking up to the plate and hitting a double."

"Ah...well," Ranma ran his fingers through the hairs at the name of his pigtail, "Kinda...and yeah, I guess there's more to that fight than I'm telling, but it's what happened after the dust settled that got things going in motion. That's when Lum's friend, Ran, first showed up, and that just started things out in a whole different direction of trouble."

"It wasn't all Ran's fault, Husband," Lum insisted, "And much of it was a complete misunderstanding, but then again, I suppose the real fault lies with Rei and his inability to see how Ran was feeling. If he would have only taken the hint right there and then..."

"Even after the rest of us had to hold him down and beat him senseless with a very large stick," Ranma tersely added.

"Yes, well, Rei was always a bit slow like that," Lum conceded, "But with Ran...well...I suppose it goes back to our shared childhood, a time when we were as close as sisters, even closer in some ways than Benton and me..."

"You mean you also slept with her?" Akane asked, riveting upon that subject like a beacon.

"Um...well, sometimes, yes," Lum shrugged, "But we were just children exploring things out, trying out new things, experimenting with a bit of light bondage, just some ropes and candles and a few condiments and...um...never mind. But what I mean to say is that it was before I settled down to enjoy my marriage with my husband and Darling."

Shampoo made a curiously rude noise right then which caused Kasumi to start and say, "What was that, Shampoo-san?"

Lum sighed, "Darling and Ran...well, perhaps I should begin this chapter at the moment of their first meeting..."

Continued.

Comments/Criticisms/Cafeteria of Love on the Menu: shadowmane

What did happen when Shampoo and Ran met, and how did this involve her budding relationship with both Lum and Ranma? To find out the details of this and other mysteries, stay tuned for the next exciting installment: "Do Ran, Do Ran?" or, "If Love is a Battlefield, Where Do I Surrender?" Be there!

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